Mild Body Image Issues

[The Fuse]

Hello All,
Let's say it together....Hooray for the Internet. I love the Internet for so many reasons, and the Swingers Board is the latest. Applause to Julie and her helpers for bringing us this community. Thank you.

A little about my husband and me: We're both engineers, very down-to-earth, both have postgraduate degrees from respected schools, blah blah blah, open-minded but conservative in our own lifestyle, yadda yadda. I could hardly believe my ears when E told me that he would be interested in exploring the lifestyle. I did what a lot of people probably do to broach the subject: I made an offhand reference or a joke, essentially sending up a trial balloon (is this true?). Discussions have progressed. Now we are talking about which club to visit, setting rules, and absorbing the wonderful advice we see on this board.

As the post title indicates, I have a wee problem with body image. I am 5'6" and weigh a little over 160 pounds. I will turn 40 this year, so am not a youngster either. At a size 14, I am afraid that I will not be attractive to the male or female halves of couples that we'd want to be with. (My husband has a good physique.) We don't aspire to the model-gorgeous playmates, but I'm afraid I'll be relegated to the "uglies only" corner, and feeling repulsive like I did in junior high school. Does anyone have experiences to relate that would help me know what to expect?

[HappyPeople]

Once you go to your first club all worries about body image issues should pass... You'll see all kinds of body types having a good time. The people that focus too much on body type end up being the ones sitting alone in the corner.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

As the post title indicates, I have a wee problem with body image. I am 5'6" and weigh a little over 160 pounds. I will turn 40 this year, so am not a youngster either. At a size 14, I am afraid that I will not be attractive to the male or female halves of couples that we'd want to be with. (My husband has a good physique.) We don't aspire to the model-gorgeous playmates, but I'm afraid I'll be relegated to the "uglies only" corner, and feeling repulsive like I did in junior high school. Does anyone have experiences to relate that would help me know what to expect?

At your height and weight you will be in the majority.

If you saw someone like yourself - size 14 - at a club would you ignore her? Would you think of her as someone who belongs in the "uglies only" corner and not approach?

Hopefully you'd be open to approaching people like yourself as well as those unlike yourself in physical appearance. A swing club is a social event as much as a place to find compatible playmates. It can be a great place to make friends.

Be sure you say hello to all physical types, and remember, the only person who can keep you in the corner is yourself.

Welcome to the Board!

LM

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

At your height and weight you will be in the majority.

If you saw someone like yourself - size 14 - at a club would you ignore her? Would you think of her as someone who belongs in the "uglies only" corner and not approach?

Hopefully you'd be open to approaching people like yourself as well as those unlike yourself in physical appearance. A swing club is a social event as much as a place to find compatible playmates. It can be a great place to make friends.

Be sure you say hello to all physical types, and remember, the only person who can keep you in the corner is yourself.

Welcome to the Board!

LM

Thanks for your replies. No, I would not ignore someone my size--in fact, I think I'd like to play with a nice soft rounded woman. The more I think about it, I guess I have been concerned that people will expect more of me than I actually do of them. I think once we meet some people, we will be more relaxed.

[sexypairca]

As with most anything in life, swingers aren't perfect. We come in all shapes, colors and sizes. I do believe that you will be relieved as you begin your journey that this is true.

I had feelings of what you refer to as "mild body image issues" in the begining also. The more I looked around the more comfortable I felt, at the time we had just finished our family and the state that my body had been left in was not part of the life that I had ordered. In my experience, how sexy you feel that is what counts. Either work on becoming more comfortable in your own skin or make changes that will result in what you consider to be a more desirable you. Either way I'm sure that there are plenty of people that would be interested, be yourself and the rest will fall into place.

IMHO
Annette

[Miss_Piggy]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

No, I would not ignore someone my size--in fact, I think I'd like to play with a nice soft rounded woman.

There is no shortage of women who feel exactly the same way. Trust me, I'm one of them.

[tribbles]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

The more I think about it, I guess I have been concerned that people will expect more of me than I actually do of them.

So, anyone who expects more of you than you do of them......well...for us, we put them in the we don't want to play with THEM zone.
It if is stressful, instead of fun, why do this?
Go find a way for this to be fun for you both. That is the whole point IMO

S

[davidnjoy]

First let me say that I already like you. You will find that the quality people in this lifestyle are actually somewhat more interested in personality than they are in straight out physical appearance. I am not saying that physical attraction is not an important component but, as I've experienced, you gotta stimulate the largest sex organ, my brain. The best experiences I have had have been with people who I have gotten to know first. We tend to get to know people a little before playing (but not always). I, somewhat more than my partner, do best if I can establish a little bit of a connection with my play partners prior to playing. I too have body image concerns from the male perspective. I am athletic but with a large belly. In the beginning I had difficulty with this. Thinking that others would not be attracted to me. What a misconception this turned out to be. What my partner finds sexy and attractive in me others found as well...go figure. Sometimes our fear can make us very shortsighted. You are not relegated to the "ugly corner". You will find that "geeks"(my word) are not only welcome but treasured.

D

[HotMoCpl]

I don't believe you have a problem that is bigger then 15 to 20 pounds. My wife is 5' 6 1/2" at 155.....sizes run generally10 to 12. With only a half inch and five pounds difference you can't be that bad off.

Some folks loose extra pounds by counting calories, some by counting cabs. Others talk with they're doctor and come up with a program of diet and exercise. I would suggest the later. And as I tell my granddaughters......

YOU CAN DO IT!! soapbox

[The Fuse]

davidnjoy, HotMoCpl, and everyone else who posted, thanks for your comments! It's obvious that this is a very supportive community full of warm people.

About body issues, I am calming my anxieties. This "conversation" has helped. I find most men attractive, whether they would turn heads on the street or not. I think that as long as I appreciate them, by and large they will feel that and reciprocate. E and I have been exercising every weekday morning for several months, so I should be able to lose some weight by eating better (and less). I'll just do what I can to lose a few pounds before we venture out, and not worry about the rest. There is no point in putting off something we want for no good reason; time is a-wastin'.

-------------------
For every dead and living thing, time runs like a fuse...and the fuse is burning, and the earth is turning. --Jackson Browne

[HappyPeople]

Lose the weight because you want to lose the weight but don't worry about losing it so that people will find you attractive, you sound like you are at an attractive weight already. Granted, I am a woman but I've found that most men tend to agree with my preferences in women.

The bodies of very thin women just aren't as exciting as a woman with a bit more for me. It's a real bitch because I am thinner than what I prefer so I kinda wonder if I would be more fun if I gained more weight but I hate gaining weight so ARRRRGGG!

I believe that weight concerns are just a cross that women have to bear... If you are full, then you worry about it, if you are thin, you worry about it. I don't really believe that there is a weight/height ratio that would actually make most women feel secure.

In my opinion, the ideal woman is a woman that feels good about her body. Nothing is uglier than a woman that aplogizes when she takes off her clothes - she's doing me a huge favor by taking them off, not the other way around. Don't even joke around about your weight because you just might insult the person that is really appreciating every gram of it

[HappyPeople]

BTW, I have to ask... What kind of engineer are you? I could be classified as a Civil and Environmental Engineer and always appreciate meeting geeks of the same kind.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by HappyPeople

BTW, I have to ask... What kind of engineer are you? I could be classified as a Civil and Environmental Engineer and always appreciate meeting geeks of the same kind.

I am a software developer with an engineering background. So not quite the same kind, but definitely a geek and proud of it. I like other geeks too, both male and female, and tend to be friends with them.

[HappyPeople]

I too am a big fan of geeks. Bravo to your geekness, it just makes you that much hotter.

[GroupLove05]

I am 5'3" and over 200lbs. I carry myself very confidently and "think" sexy. I have several female and male patrons lol. Now that I am pregnant I get even more attention. Just let your personality shine through and you will be fine