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GoldCoCouple

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GoldCoCouple last won the day on March 22

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About GoldCoCouple

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Northern CA
  • Swinging Experience
    Yes
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    GoldCoCouple

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  1. Instead of suggesting he 'confront her' (which almost always ends up being a bad thing), you made him think of things from a different viewpoint. The suggestion about showing her a bit more affection is never a bad thing as well. I'm sure that he found your advise unusual compared to what he expected or has been hearing from others he has asked (and I'm sure he has asked others), the advice you gave will not lead to things taking a bad turn. Any advice that keeps thing from going to a bad place is usually (IOHO) good advice...
  2. Love, trust, communication...work on having as much as possible of all three as any of one helps grow the other two. To be successful lovers, let alone successful swingers, you need all three in abundance. Only you know that for sure, but easiest way is after the trust has been leveled up, talk to her about fantasies...hers AND yours (start with one of yours that is rather simple and take it from there). It sounds like she MIGHT be warming up, but without the trust, without the communication, you might never know. She needs to KNOW that you aren't going to judge her, aren't going to think less of her, aren't going to love her less (in fact, that you will love her more for her being able to share her deepest thoughts and secrets). Take your time, work on making your relationship as great as it can be, and remember...you have the rest of your lives to find out. Good luck and let us know how things are progressing...
  3. Both Ms. Gold and myself are still hindered with 'ethics clauses' in our employment contracts. Six more weeks and I won't have to worry about that any longer, but we still will have a rather public persona because of our other business and don't want this cat to get out of the bag...
  4. It's amusing how Heinlein wrote sci fi for younger people and also wrote books for adults. He's always been one of my favorite authors, but not everyone enjoys sci fi (I love it). Story of O has also been mentioned and I highly recommend that one as well. Other than that, I spend a great amount of time reading stories on Literotica, especially if you can figure out how to get to their search. They have everything from very short stories to novels there, and they are all free (just try to remember to leave a good rating on the good stories).
  5. I have to agree here...stop now. It sounds like you are doing this because he wants to do it and he wants to do it because he wants to fuck other women. This is not a good plan. We swing because it is something that we both enjoy doing together. We both like watching the other get and receive pleasure. We both like being able to fulfill each others fantasies. We both love that we have this much trust to be able to do this. It sounds like you are doing this JUST because he wants to. He should be ecstatic that you are willing to consider this and, as a result, welcome and HONOR any rules and limits you set. This doesn't sound like he is. In swinging, the women absolutely get to set the rules and if he isn't willing to play by them, you both need to stop playing.
  6. Uhhh, communication...if he didn't want to have a spontaneous play date, then he should have said something when it was suggested. Then things kind of get confusing...he went out and then got back two minutes before she arrived...? Then after she left, he went back to FINISH his baking? Ok, I'm guessing that he needed something for what he was baking so he went and got it, came home, and finished...all understandable, except what would he have done about his baking if you were all going to play? It's all beside the point: If he would have just said that he was busy and could they get together to play at some other time there wouldn't have been a problem.
  7. Anyone that doesn't respond is doing you a favor for whatever reason they didn't respond. Maybe they are not interested, maybe it's someone who is just fantasizing that their partner would do this with them, maybe they are picture collectors, maybe there wasn't a spark and they are looking for a spark (when we meet another couple, that's what we are looking for). Whatever the reason they don't respond, they are saving you time and effort that you can use to find someone else that may be interested. Back when we were starting, we met a couple for dinner and instantly hit it off. Had a great evening talking about sex and everything else to where we ended closing the place down (what, you're closing...we only just got here...3 hours ago). We left looking forward to our next meeting, but they fell off the earth after that. At first, we were disappointed and kept asking what we did wrong, especially since it was such an enjoyable night, but finally came to the conclusion that they just did us a favor and saved us the time and effort we would have spent on them when they weren't interested, or ready, or all on the same page, or whatever the reason was. Finding a four way match is HARD, and nobody said that it wouldn't be. All we know is that when we found a match, it started a fire and all of the disappointment and difficulty was worth it. Just keep going and don't take it personally. And lastly, beware the Ides of March...
  8. This is why we try to make swingers into friends instead of friends into swingers. Most friends aren't ready for the emotions and mental preparedness needed to be swingers so they don't know how to handle it after everything has happened. Most likely, a good talk will help minimize the problem, but she could also take it as a rejection and could end up making her angry. Bottom line, it's just safer, easier, and less risk to turn swingers into friends...
  9. Second most of the above...doing things together is swinging, doing them without your partner knowing is cheating. Swinging is never cheating and cheating is never swinging. It sounds like you are okay with what has happened in the past, but she needs to know that from now on cheating is no longer allowed. This should be rather easy to do this in a non-confrontational way by letting her know that you now know what happened...and it's okay and that there's nothing to be forgiven or feel sorry about or anything, but in the future, if anything happens again, you need to know before it happens (and probably want to be there as well). Something along the lines of "Hey, it's not a big thing, but in the future, please either include me or let me know something is going to happen...just so you can be involved as well". To be successful swingers, you need love, trust and communication. If you don't have an abundance of all three, problems will eventually arise. Maybe check into hotwives (is hotwiving even a word?) and/or stag and vixen since it sounds like what he was talking about. Good luck and let us know how things progress.
  10. We met several couples before we found a couple that we considered playing with...and, in hind sight, they weren't a great match with us (but other than not being a great match, nothing 'bad' happened). We just kept cautious and kept looking until we found a great match...and yes, it took awhile, but in the end they were worth the wait and the effort. Now that we are starting to look for a new couple, we are still aware that it won't be easy and that we need to stay cautious and careful, but there are great matches out there. The hard part is to stay the course and not to compromise and accept 'close enough' or couples that have obvious red flags. Also, to be ready to walk away if the need be. It just requires time, effort, and a great deal of attention (nobody said that this would be easy...in fact, we always say that it's going to be rather hard). One of the many reasons we don't play on the first date. Even still, we are all imperfect people and we will all make mistakes. The difficult part is to learn from them and not let them happen again (there are SO MANY new mistakes you haven't even begun to make...lol). Of course, there is always the other option...giving up and just not trying. We choose to take the chance, but just try to minimize the risks.
  11. Oldswinger64 hit this one out of the park. I think in your case, almost 100% of the women you know (subset one), who are willing to talk to you about sex and cheating (subset two), may or may not be cheaters. Because you are already opperating from a greatly reduced data set, you cannot draw the conclusion that ALL women are cheater...just the small group of women who are willing to talk to you about it. Statistics can be strange things and it is possible to draw incorrect conclusions from the data... The following comes from discussions me and my sister (a vegetarian) have had in the past. Example: 100% of all convicted murderers have eaten vegetables. Sorry, but this is a hard fact that cannot be disproved as they all have, at some time in their lives, eaten vegetables. So, the conclusion can be made that eating vegetables is what causes convicted murders to kill. Personally, I'm not willing to take that chance so I steer clear of most veggies. Better safe than sorry.
  12. ^^^ Second this ^^^. Sure, there are swingers that started by swinging with friends, but, once again, there is a HUGE risk associated with doing that. On top of the above points, all too often, the friend isn't of the same swinger 'mind frame'. Ms. Gold and her ex started out with swinging with friends...and the friends husband 'fell' madly, obsessively in love with her. If you are okay with the possible risks, then go for it...we feel the risks are just too great so we find other swingers to become friends with (in the end, you still end up with friends that you swing with). As for jealousy: the more you communicate, the more open and honest you are with your partner, the more that they know you are totally committed to them and that you are not interested in finding someone 'better', the less the jealousy becomes. Jealousy is something that is born from a lack of trust and honesty. The greater the love and trust, the less jealousy has to 'feed' on until it just fades away.
  13. We always let the other couple know that the first meeting is just to meet and nothing more (to take the pressure off and to let everyone have the chance to talk and decide if they all want to play). However, if there is a big enough spark, and it is apparent that everyone is on board, we are willing to play...we just don't want anyone to feel obligated or that they should be taking one for the team. In your situation, a second meeting is probably going to be way down the road, so you should decide on a code phrase that tells your partner that you are in (or out) in advance. Some couples are looking for a connection (FWB like) while some are just wanting to play whenever they get together with another couple...connection not needed. Sounds like you are more of the first type and they are more of the second (nothing wrong with either...they are just different types). Keep one thing in mind...all of the texting/phone calls/emails in the world are not as good as spending 5 minutes in person with a couple. You will find out more in that 5 minutes than an eternity of any other communication. Good luck and let us know the outcome...
  14. We've always joked that in order to be a successful swinger, you either needed to have a hot tub or a boat (both serve as icebreakers). Personally, we have a hot tub...the couple we dated (date...they've moved away so it's hard to get together any longer) had a boat so we had both ends covered...
  15. As you go forward, but sure to always ask 'is it okay if I {fill in the blank}' and try to get an acknowledgement from both of them.
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