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sexcupid

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sexcupid last won the day on April 13 2011

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About sexcupid

  • Rank
    Lifestyle Mentor
  • Birthday 09/25/1978

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    couple/f
  • Location
    San Antonio
  • Interests
    Music, reading, going to the gym, outdoor activities (lake, beach, ect), dabbling in nudism
  • Occupation
    student

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    sexcupid

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  1. Back checking what is out here.

  2. To address the question in your title...yes, it does seem that you are being a bit sensitive over the decline of your offer to give the guy a BJ...as others have mentioned, getting turned down is part and parcel of this gig. One angle that hasn't been addressed in re: the host calling to inquire about your SF friend. I do sense some hurt feelings over the greater interest in your friend. However, look at how you presented yourself at the party: as a couple, not a truly single female. The party host may have had greater interest in your friend (again, win some lose some...just because you are a single female doesn't automatically mean you are going to have your pick of guys at a party) but he also was doing what I perceive to be the gentlemanly thing by contacting the male you were with. However you want to spin it, you are presenting yourself at a lifestyle party as a couple and most people will probably treat you as such.
  3. Wallswing...can you tell me where you live because the vast majority of the guys we've met here have below average size. You are what I would like to call "lucky" Seriously though, while there are some things we can change about ourselves...weight, hair color, eye color (to an extent with colored contacts)...some things just can't be and no matter how much you wish your cock was thicker, what are you willing to do to change it? Surgery could be an option, but realistically I would think the complications from that would far outweigh any benefit. Also, look around the forum...having erection issues during swing activities is not uncommon. It will get better with time. Perhaps the pre-occupation with the size of the other guy and the resulting feelings of inferiority are becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. I mean I frequently feel like I have brought the best toy to the playground (my hubby), but my discontent with some playmates has little to do with the size of their dicks (even though my 'preference' is at least 6x6 and up) and more with their inability to see beyond their dick and realize that there are plenty of other parts of them that are still working (mouth, tongue, fingers).
  4. After 2 kids, breastfeeding, weight gain the girls are up to a 44DDD. Even when I was holding steady with a 34B they were not as perky as I would have liked them (that would have been around age 19-20). However it seems like most reduction/lift procedures come with a lovely anchor shaped scar, whereas implants can be had for a tiny incision in the arm pit or belly button. To get the lift/perk I would totally get implants. Even as a B cup, I never really desired much bigger boobs (maybe just a C cup)...but as my sister so eloquently put it, the boob fairy visited during pregnancy and I have been 'blessed' ever since. with size, no perk alas lol
  5. How to put this...what was your (and her) attitudes going into counseling? Its like why placebo medications 'work'...you have to buy in/believe in the product sometimes to get effect. Counseling is only 1 hour a week...the real work happens outside the counseling session. If you aren't willing to work on things outside of that one hour, how would you expect benefit from it? Counseling is like medication...there is no 'magic pill' that you take once or twice and voila! Life is perfect. Its like being told you have stroke level blood pressure and you take the meds a few times and then wonder why you still had a stroke. Also, keep in mind the situation right now is different than in was a few years ago. To put it more bluntly, if your marriage ended today...would you feel like you did everything possible to keep that from happening? Another point I'm going to make that no one seems to have hit on...y'all are in your late 40s, nearly 50. Would it be scary to you to lose your marriage at this age? Starting over again is intimidating at 30...I really can't imagine that intimidation goes away the old we get (and probably increases on some level because we now don't have that youthful-ish body or looks to offer a potential mate). Bottom line is you as a couple should put the brakes on any swinging related activities. Stop trying to rationalize what a shitty FMF experience you had (because if you peek around here, you will find that maintaining a hard on is a difficulty for many men the first and more times in a playtime situation and God knows many of our playtime experiences have been less than great) and that your wife only did that to some how coerce you into doing a MFM. Many men fantasize about having another woman join them and your wife may have felt she was giving you that experience, regardless of the fact that it didn't play out like a porno. If its something you feel like you really do want to do...then start small, like going to the bar and just flirting with other people. Set some boundaries on it (like no kissing or hugging, but other fleeting touches may be okay) and have regroup times to where its basically not one of you sitting there brooding over your drink while the other goes and flirts up a storm. But realistically, you need to work on yourself before I think even that would be possible without causing a major blow up. Examine some of the black and white thinking you also seem to have. I mean...its like a woman can either be a 'wife' or a 'whore'...with no in between.
  6. I have also been following along with your different threads and as more pieces of the puzzle come to light, things are beginning to make more sense. You and your wife both have insecurities...many it seems based in/about her weight. Her's probably stemming from being overweight, having an inattentive husband, as well as the life stressors that she experienced (first being a caregiver at such a young age and then 2 marriages borne of pregnancies as well as a period of struggling as a single parent). I'm sure that over the years she has picked up on your...I don't know, disdain? Now, she's lost a bunch of weight, the children are either grown or damn near, and she feels like cutting loose and having a bit of fun. Add to the life changes that come with grown children, the fact that men (and maybe women) are now noticing her in ways they never did before, it probably is quite the ego boost. Your's may be along the lines of now that she's "hot" and other men are noticing her, you may not be her only option. There probably IS someone out there that would treat her better, be a better sex partner, or just be more than what you have been for her the last 17 years (since honestly it comes across that you married her out of a sense of obligation, not that marriage was something in the pipeline for the two of you and the pregnancy accelerated already existing plans). The attentions of others are probably driving some of your insecurity as well because you aren't used to dealing with a wife that has confidence. It may be beneficial for you both to seek counseling services...individually and as a couple, because it seems that you both could use the time during this readjustment. Also just a side note re: drinking....my sister had gastric bypass about 2 years ago and it takes next to nothing as far as quantity for her to get beyond tipsy and to drunk since the surgery. Usually 1 glass of wine will get her toasty...if she drinks more than that, she is pretty sloshed.
  7. I think its about time and place as so many things are. If you were specifically in a room for couples/groups that want to be watched, then I think it would be an appropriate activity. Especially since you were invited into the room, you could have asked if they minded if you masturbated while watching the action. To me it doesn't make sense if you are in a 'voyeur' room and then get bent because people are watching/reacting to what they are seeing. The difference would be if you weren't invited. Maybe we just have run into an odd group of swingers that overall are oddly courteous? Even in group rooms where people wander in and out (1 club and house parties) seems like the people that aren't playing actually stay clothed and just watch. One of the clubs we've been to (and from posters here I gather this is how many of them are), there was an attendant in the play area and single males had to be escorted into the play area by a couple, they could not just wander in to watch the action.
  8. Ok..stop giving Ohioans (or natives that have moved away as the cast may be)...you have been referred to check out actual websites where you can place/look for ads... AFF, Craigslist, Swingerzone Central, SLS, there are a ton of places to find a potential playmate....heck the corner bar would get you better results than repeatedly posting for a hung guy in a discussion forum. We discuss, dissect, etc in the forums...go post an ad and happy hunting
  9. I agree with previous posters, let him know that you have spent time thinking about the topic. Ask him to also make a list of pros/cons about the activity and designate a time to sit down and begin to have a conversation about it. Important for both of you...what would you want the episode to look like? Where do you factor into his desire to have sex with other women? Does he want a hall pass/permission to play with others? Where does that leave you? Would he be okay if you want to also have sex with other men? In other words "in a perfect world...how do you/he envision the inclusion of others into your sex life". Now the world is not perfect and some negotiation is to be expected. He basically rocked your world and perception of your marriage with the revelation that he wants to have sex with others...its understandable that you would be resentful/angry/scared. Perhaps some perspective for him would be to ask how he might feel if you were the one to approach him about your 'need' to have sex with other men besides him. The fact is some people are more comfortable taking small steps, and if you are one of those people...that's totally fine. Do you feel you could trust him enough to take it slow? Or be able to say to him "you know, can we start by just *insert action*" Whatever the action is (kissing, having an arm around their shoulders, playing with breasts, or oral). Perhaps one question that should be asked is why he has this obsession? There are lots of couples out there that only ever have sex with their spouse or have limited experience before marriage and are pretty content with their life...maybe trying to understand the why behind the want could be helpful. Good luck!
  10. While we have yet to be at a party where the action gets started by 9pm. We did get tired of going to events where seriously the playtime was still not started by 1 am or later. So we joked with the hosts that we were going to get things started no later than 1130p. That gave us time to get to the party around 930 or 10 and still have 'social time' before play time. And we had a countdown going "1 more hour! 10 more min!" etc. It got people asking what the seemingly random countdown was for. That was so successful that we ended up bumping the start time earlier. Basically I think at some (most?) parties, no one wants to be the first to toss the clothes and kick things off so to speak. So we would start with each other and within 5 or 10 minutes people would trickle into the play area. For a number of reasons, usually my sweetie's work schedule, we hardly ever arrive 'early' at a party...but we certainly can't wait until 2am for things to get started.
  11. I agree with the other posters that agreeing to meet at their house in the middle of podunk no where was probably not the smoothest move (convenience be damned). Meeting them some where else could have given you an easier out, but if you had a good vibe, then adjourn to their home to play. Heck, meeting at a Starbucks or corner bar just to have a chat for a bit before going for playtime. Not saying you have to be BFFs to go play, God knows that's not our MO, but it helps to see if you like them well enough to want them to take their clothes off. But the location was not the biggest red flag for me in this situation...it was the fact that no limits/desires were discussed. This could have eliminated some of the uncomfortable parts of the event. You also asked: You can argue semantics all day...maybe your boyfriend's point of reference is porn face fucking (which is usually rough, slobbery and lots of gagging) compared to a guy who just likes what's happening and doesn't want you to stop so he puts a hand on your head and starts moving in and out to 'help' so to speak (similar to the way most men grab hips when going in from behind, it holds their partner in place). But the fact is, how is the other couple supposed to know that they are doing something out of line if they have no idea what the line is? Are you and your bf in agreement on the boundaries? Although there are lots of times that you may not even know a limitation exists until it has been crossed and you feel uncomfortable. Good luck and glad the SB has been helpful to you
  12. 7015 views as of a few moments ago...I agree that the lack of pictures will have you turning up on fewer searches. While having face pics would be ideal (or at least something more than just t&a shots of the wife) for me...we tend to set out search parameters to only show profiles with pictures.
  13. ...that you are probably a size queen and have been in denial for years about it... I tend to joke with folks that not everything is bigger in Texas...some people obviously didn't get that memo. Partially I think it was my general luck of finding partners when I lived in Ohio that were at least average sized (5-6 inches) and more than a few that tipped over the 8 inch mark. Who knew there were either so many decent sized guys there or maybe I had a better radar for it back then? I guess some of the frustration here has been that I haven't particularly cared for the guys that do not have much girth, length, or stamina. Perhaps it has been the lack of enjoyment in other areas of their performance (like the ones that say they love oral and then treat it like a tootsie pop...3 licks and they think you should be screaming Os) and perhaps I would be less critical of the size thing? I don't know for sure as I have yet to meet a partner (besides my guy) that rocks my socks off. At times I wonder if the guys have the mentality that b/c I'm a big girl that I should be happy/thankful with whatever comes my way...but those are in my more maudlin moments and when my guy is across the playroom banging some chick in the mattress and she's screaming the walls down. Now the frustration comes in actively looking for single males that might meet the criteria...but between SLS and SZC there is a surprising dearth of potential candidates to choose from...once I filtered by 'show profiles with pictures'...it chopped my choices way down. *sigh Anyway...hopefully someone gets a laugh out of this posting
  14. I think what Susan is saying is that she focuses on the partner she is with and anyone else in the room is not first on her radar. Look, I've had at least 2 swing partners that were so wrapped up in what my guy and his wife were up to that I wondered why I was even there at all (except to apparently function as a real live sex doll). There have been multiple threads here about feeling ignored by a spouse while swinging (whether in a threesome or swapping of some sort). Seems like the OP's hubby may just want the real life visual of his wife sucking on a big dick, while she wanks him off as well. Doesn't seem to mention humiliation. Hubby may decide to take care of himself to get a better angle if this event happens, who knows. It seems like the OP is mindful of not wanting her hubby to feel left out, so she may be particularly diligent about making sure she doesn't ignore him. Perhaps if her hubby could explain more to her about why he finds this scenario hot might enlighten the OP and alleviate some of her questions. Hotwife, in the way I have most commonly seen it described, is the wife playing with the full consent of her husband. Usually (but not always) playing alone with her other partner(s) and the husband in the marriage is monogamous with his wife. And now to address the OP...I like being watched...I like feeling like every person in the room is watching me, in particular my guy watching me. Is he always? Um no because our past experiences were in group play areas and there are multiple people in the room and we are usually with separate partners which is not conducive to focusing/watching. Nor would I want one of his partners to feel like I have felt in the previously mentioned situations. The sitting back and watching thing would be better suited to a threesome type situation. Anyway...HTH and good luck
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