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Paphian

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About Paphian

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    Single Male
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  1. I think you'll find that this is because the majority of swingers' thrills are social in nature, not solitary, self-oriented thrills. Primarily, people who swing do so to participate with others. What you suggest gratifies only yourself. Even the one, more positive response you did get indicates that particular couple enjoys it in the context of part of a broader social interaction. I'm not even gonna get into the idea of consent, which your suggestion also bypasses. That should be obvious with a bit of thought.
  2. From this guy's standpoint, it's more about her pleasure than mine or his. If it's something that the lady likes, or wants to try, that's enough incentive for me. I'm not squeamish about male-male proximity, just not interested in male-male sex. It depends a lot on the builds of the people involved and where one is when you attempt it. If everyone involved is of fairly average build, then, IMHO, one of the ways that works well: 1. Have guy "one" lie on his back 2. The lucky lady mounts guy "one" in the "cow-girl" position (kneeling astride "one", facing him) 3. Lady leans far over, now essentially lying on "one". 4. Guy "two" (kneeling or standing depending on where this takes place) approaches the joined pair, entering the woman "doggy-style". There's lots of other possibilities, depending on the ingenuity of the people involved, whether you're attempting it in bed, on a couch, in a hot tub or pool... Heck, sometimes half the fun is in trying.
  3. Yikes. Great! Twice. You had the strength to bail out of a situation that was not for you, and a pre-arranged signal so hubby knew what to do. I'm impressed, as I know from friends that are also recovering just how difficult that is. Assholes. Doesn't matter what their reasons were. What mattered is that your reasons were the right ones for you. Reading this, I'd bet you could walk away from a similar situation in the future, although I sure hope you don't have to. Good for you! It takes a strong woman (who sounds like she's blessed with a supportive husband) to stick to her guns. As mentioned above, I'm betting you could walk away again. Of course! In swinging, "no means no" and the reason doesn't have to be something directly related to sex or attraction. Not wanting to be around drug users is just as valid a reason. I expect it happens as often as it happens in any other aspect of life outside of swinging. I don't happen to believe that drug use is any more common in the lifestyle than it is in other aspects of life--that's what's true from my experience. The best way to deal with them is the way that's right (and safe) for you. I won't knowingly be involved with drug use either, so I would make the same choice you did. Others might not. One advantage of clubs (at least any that I've attended) is that absolutely no drugs are tolerated. So while there's no assurance that people don't arrive that are already using, at least you're more assured that drugs won't be present. I wish I could tell ya, "It won't happen again." But we both know that no one can assure you of that. What you can do is make "No drug users!" a part of any profile you may have... and remember to ask about that when talking with new people. If you get any answer you're not comfortable with, then you can politely decline to meet, which should be much easier than the situation you found yourself in. I'd think that pre-screening like that should help cut the chance of it happening again to next to zero.
  4. Always great to hear that things worked out!
  5. Then why does your profile say "Married Male"?
  6. Maybe you two oughta read up--together--on the "squeeze technique". It's been used for years to try and help men learn to last longer. It and other methods are detailed here.
  7. Nope. And nowhere did I imply it was. Not at all the point. You're setting up straw men here and knocking them down. Fun maybe, but doesn't answer anything. Kissing isn't forbidden in swinging, either, last I heard. Well, duh. Tell us anything we don't already know. That's precisely why match.com being "mostly full of vanilla folks" was my comment. From what I have seen there, vanishingly few women make any reference at all to anything that would indicate they might be "lifestyle friendly". And you base this conjecture on what, other than sheer number of subscribers and a liberal dose of wishful thinking?
  8. Which of course is mostly full of vanilla folks.
  9. Yes. I've known at least two: an ex and the female of a couple I used to hook up with specifically for this purpose. Size doesn't matter... Seriously, if you remember that a newborn's head fits through there and things return to normal just fine, two cocks are not a big deal. Alternate strokes, for one. Fill one twice as well, for another. For the rest, you'd have to ask a woman who has done it, because I surely don't know.
  10. Here's a study, Spoo (abstract here, from a U of Georgia study, full article not available that I could find in a web search): https://content.apa.org/record/1996-00463-014 The device used to measure reactions is a phalloplesthymograph--a device that measures penile tumescence. There was another more recent article about this that I read (and forwarded to a couple of friends) in the past few weeks. Unfortunately, it isn't one of the emails still in my outbox as it had the link which I can't find at the moment.
  11. Not only is this correct in my experience as well, VegasLee, but I can say from personal experience (I've been both staff and patron) that at all the clubs I've ever been to not only would the kind of behavior described by JnCC not be tolerated, it would be a toss-up whether the management or the other patrons got the asshole out the door faster. By contrast, I've seen (and intervened to stop) some pretty degrading behavior perpetrated by patrons of vanilla clubs that not only went by without action by the managment... it was actively encouraged. All without a stitch of clothing being shed. I agree that Red might want to rethink her idea, but only because of her inexperience in things sexual. Starting one's sexual life by swinging is like high-diving into the deep end of the pool before you've learned to swim.
  12. You're right about this study, BiloxiCouple. Read the report on it on the web myself recently (or heard it on the radio, or both, who knows?). It confirmed the hypothesis that those men who have a strong negative reaction to homosexuals appear to be reacting out of fear/denial of their own urges, as you mentioned. That study gave me a pretty good laugh, as it's something that most of the gay friends I've had over the years have always alleged. -------------------- I thought Kinsey was a pretty good film. It seemed to me that they needn't have spent as much time on his bisexuality as they did (it struck me as being thrown in more for shock value than being really relevant to the story). The film did do a pretty decent job in showing just how ignorant of (and even hostile to) the normality of many aspects of sexuality that people were, and in just how difficult it was for Kinsey to get taken seriously as a researcher and get and keep funding. I can remember that even when I was a teenager (in the late 60s/early 70s) his books were still considered to be groundbreaking research and nearly the only thing available (if you could even get hold of a copy) that presented sexuality in a non-judgmental fashion. All of us who're out in "alternative sexuality" land--swingers, gays, lesbians, BDSM, whatever--owe Kinsey a huge debt.
  13. Hiya Just1gurl. This is California. Maybe half a dozen folks. I used to participate on a polyamory board (similar to this one) also.
  14. In answer to your question: "It depends." That's certainly not a desired outcome of swinging, but things do happen. Let's not forget there's a husband involved also, who is likely to have much to say about the situation. Most couples of my acquaintance would stop seeing a man who fell in love with the woman in the couple. Most people involved in polyamory (that I've met) have become involved with it as a deliberate choice, not accidentally as an outgrowth of swinging.
  15. I'm not surprised about the so-called "natural enhancers". They've got absolutely no tested efficacy of any kind, and disclaimers out the wazoo saying they're "not for treatment". Nothing more than exceedingly expensive herb/vitamin combos, from what I've been able to find out. 21st century snake oil. I'm amazed you actually got your money back, since the whole deal is a scam in the first place.
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