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SoulmatesNky

Registered
  • Content Count

    36
  • Joined

Community Reputation

15 Good

About SoulmatesNky

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 01/01/1972

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Kentucky
  • Interests
    Restoration of Victorian Home, Reading, and fun
  • Occupation
    Accountant
  • Swinging Experience
    2 years

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    soulmates_n_ky
  • Favorite Club(s)
    Club 201, TSC
  1. Well, I guess I will go against the concensus here. We have played at our house with our kids there. Although we take the precautions to make sure that it is well past the kid's bedtime and we are behind locked doors. For us, we have always used a locked door for privacy during intimacy (nothing can ruin a mood then when a child walks in ) and our kids are aware that if our door is locked we are not to be disturbed. We have made it plain to them that there are times that we need to be alone. Although the oldest knows we are probably just "in there kissing." We believe it is healthy for a child to realize that we as parents are intimate and have a loving relationship. Now, we expressly advertise to other couples that we CAN NOT entertain at our house. But if we really trust a couple then we might invite them over for dinner and 'cards' into the late night. We also have a very large two story victorian home with the upstair separated from downstairs by a door. We have 3 bedrooms upstairs and one guest bedroom downstairs with an outside entrance. So our house and the young age of our children is conducive to these activities. We play with our current couple at our house and just recently quit because the other couple was becoming uncomfortable with the idea. We are very disappointed but understand. This will naturally limit our play time with this wonderful couple because we just don't have the financial means to share hotel room costs, club expense, and all-night babysitting costs very often, so naturally, we will not be able to play with them very often here on out. As a matter of fact, we have had about 5 vanilla outings with them in the last three months and only had one night that would have worked for play but for my wife's monthly. :rollseyes A party? We would never throw a swing party.... eee-gads.... with our children home and really would never throw a party at our home in the first place. There is just too many ways to effect the kids doing that (and not just on the party night... but on the general reputation of our household). Our children deserve to be proud of their parents.... not to have to defend them. We also would not engage in playing with another couple at THEIR home with their kids home UNLESS we have respect for them as parents and feel that adequate precautions will be taken. Now all that being said.... very soon our oldest child will just get too old for us to be swinging there at all. There are times I feel we have gotten into swinging too early, we should have waited ten years Surrender
  2. I agree with Pepper. Eventually, Ms. Soul and I would want to progress farther because it is part of the enjoyment for us. For the most part, we have always been a full swap couple, so only have limited experience in this situation. We have had soft-swap encounters and really enjoyed them and would gladly repeat if we found a couple that we clicked with. But I know that as the fun progressed and the attraction grew... the encounters would become more and more about what we did not do. This is not saying that we would disrespect the boundaries and control ourselves, but we both would probably find it frustrating over the long haul since full swap is what we typically do. We had a swinging couple that we hung out with which would be case in point. The lady of the couple was totally kewl, but the guy wasn't our cup of tea. They were local so we would hang out a lot. But they kept wanting more even though I quite clearly verbalized that we were not interested in anything more than just hanging out... they eventually got frustrated and withdrew. It wasn't easy for us either... we constantly felt their 'pull' towards coupling. Now we will use soft-swap activities with couples we do not know very well, but the chemistry is right. We do so mostly because we like to stroke the fire, check them out sexually for a good fit, and delay until we are more comfortable around them.
  3. Well, got PM'd and even chatted briefly Friday. Was nice enough although a bit pointed in his inquiries of my wife's likes and dislikes. Said he didn't have a profile on any contact site for our review because of his very public image (imagine that, public image="I'll take half") (redflag), but decidedly never mentioned being married.... was a lawyer... happens to be in my town once a month (redflag)... I am making this post to assure him that he has been blocked and refused. I also want to recount something for his consideration. We got decieved some time ago by a 'single' man. We still to this day look back sadly upon the encounter, regretting our inexperience and especially our eagerness that lead to our rashness. This single must have relaxed because the next day he made a comment about being discreet..... WHAT?!?! We felt as if we were partly responsible for his sin. We knew that it was his responsibililty, however, it didn't release us from feeling guilty for not spending more time delving deeper into the individual. On a off note: We have not spent much time looking for singles because couples have always been out interest. However, here of late we have decided to open up for a regular male playmate for my lady. I have already decided, if we ever do find a good guy, we will be part of his resume. A reference that other swingers can contact to verify himself. Does this sound wierd... sure wish we had some way to verify these singles. I have always been very learn of singles, after all, what are they outed for... especially single men... "What, you were looking for sex where?" facelick VERSUS "What, you took others home to your marital bed?"
  4. You know... we tend to use the terms with each other when descibing others but not much when talking others. As a side note: We often use the term lover in describing sexual style. The sexual styles of various extremes from lover to fucker. My wife and I have responded to both sexual styles with equal enthusiasm. I really enjoy the partner who likes it slow and easy, alot of caressing and kissing, but contrary, really enjoy the lady who wants to go all out and try to wake the neighbors!!! Example, we had a couple for a while that the gentleman really liked to 'make love'... he never said that, but that is how his sexual style was and my wife ate it up (and him up too!!!) Not surprisingly, his wife wanted all out fucking! Soulmates
  5. Update: We have definitely jumped off the exclusivity wagon. We went to our first swing party on invite from an old couple of ours.... well, good ol' times won out. We definitely will never go that route again. Our regular couple who we were exclusive with has dropped off the face of the earth due to their own issues. We figure that when and if they ever want to get together again we will make it clear that we are not following and have not followed this constraint. As of now, when we speak or chat, it is none of their business. If they wish to re-hook up we will tell them and see if it is a deal-breaker for them. Soulmates
  6. That is the biggest red flag we have in this!!!! The other couple's lady has jealousy to the idea of me swinging with another!!! I excluded this because it is another issue and would complicate the discussion on exclusiveness. As you can imagine, it is a big red flag for us. Has any one else experienced jealousy, not with your primary other, but with your swinging partner?
  7. The main idea of this thread is to discuss a question that is prevalent to our swinging activities right now. Some background on the issue: About two months ago we entered a relationship with a newbie couple from SN. They knew that although we were not extremely active with others, we did have a history with multiple couples in our past. They accepted this at first, however, they were more interested or comfortable with an exclusive relationship. You know how it goes..... the chemistry Freight Train took its course and this difference fell to the wayside as all of us were sooooo busy ripping each others clothes off. Simply put, we ended up in a exclusive relationship to protect this new relationship. We did not think that this was going to be a problem with us. We had a few successful couples in the past, and it is true that when we have a steady couple, we are not typically tempted to go outside of that circle, but it never has been been THE RULE. I am sure you can guess the rest. As soon as we signed up... everybody.... everybody that we would enjoy playing with started to call. We had a total of four offers in the two months. Four offers is crazy if you knew our history. What are your thoughts on exclusive relationship? Your experience, comments, or thoughts.
  8. We usually keep things on a second date situation... so we cheat by talking alot after we meet people. We do have code words for when we are in the act though... if either of us are in act and use the "Oh, God" then it is a "Help, get 'em off me" and we either retreat or at least swap back. Whatever you decide on, DO NOT whisper to your spouse in front of people. I hate that!!! If you need to talk just go off and do it, don't make me get all paronoid. Soulmates
  9. Well, on the therapist issue... I tend to agree with AdventurousTx about the therapist idea. His actual comment was that it might be a good idea to involve a therapist in getting advice on how to approach the teenage girl. A therapist can prepare you on how to react to the child's inquiries. No one should really slight this idea since it is aquivalent to suggesting getting a trained mechanic to help diagnose a car problem. The reaction of JamieandKeith is very mainstream and understandable. We tend to view therapist and psychiatrists as 'extreme measures' to be used only when mental issues disturb life or only for those people who walk around waving their arms while shouting at an invisible Harry Truman. Our society has a very distorted view of these professions and the idea of approaching one is scary to the average swinger. But that doesn't change the fact that they are the closest we have to professionals in relations to Mental Health and Development. I have a different view of the profession because I personally know 8 therapists and 2 psychiatrists (not including my mother) and therefore do not share the popular view of them. I find them very insightful individuals. There are a lot of free services if money is an issue and you always can choose a professional in another town to help protect identity. Any local crisis line can point the way to a family therapist working for a non-profit organization. I am not discounting the knowledge of parents with their children. However, it takes nothing but the ability to screw to become a parent (look at these 15 year olds having children) just look at the worse of the worse to prove this point... 90% of the 860,000 cases of sexual abuse reported in 2000 were caused by a parent (sad to say that statistic is from memory from my rape crisis advocacy training). The overriding point, this teenage girl needs to understand what is going on. We all had unspoken things with our parents i.e. sexual details that exist but is not spoken about. But this situation is not one I would leave as an unspoken item. My mother knew I masterbated.... she respected my space and except for some well chosen words about the evils of porn in general, she left me alone and indirectly through offhand comments helped me understand that it was normal and not damning. We cannot say this about the current issue relating to the teenage daughter. 1.) her mother is in sexual pictures 2.) The sexuality wasn't with her father 3.) the pictures involved 'lesbianic acts.' She quite likely has been shaken to the core and it could be testing her coping ability. Granted, we do not know how sheltered she is but we can be sure that this situation could really effect her psychosexual development. Bluntly, this is important. If left in a unspoken arena it can fester and cause her damage, or it may do nothing more but make her withdrawal from a mother she doesn't exactly trust or understand anymore. I have been putting this situation to a lot of thought lately since I have three children of my own. Bottom line, I believe you should be preparing yourself to talking with the child in a neutral, comfortable area about this issue. Listening would be the key and really encourage her to ask questions. Good Luck, Soulmates
  10. On the digitalizing idea of the photos... that is a great idea, but I would suggest to take it one step further and use a program to put a password on the files so they can not be opened. A lot of simple programs have this capability, such as Winzip. Winzip will allow you to put a password on any ziped file so that it must be supplied to see the file, but they will be able to see the names of the pics so be careful (I can just see... "erotic-wife with Mary using toy" filename to really get them thinking lol) I do not believe that the typical child will spend the time to 'hack' passwords or find the cracks to get around them. I have also put in a lot of thought of protecting my home PC from inadvertantly revealing me to any other user... especially when my wife allowed a college girl to use ours when nothing was protected!!! I swear this young lady always is smiling at us!!!! e-gads!!!! It really is surprising what you can find out about a person's interests when you have time to play with their computer and know where to look. But to the issue of the 12-year old and the photos. The fact that she handed the photo's to you is an important move. That really took some courage... after all, she could have pretended to not see them, but she didn't. Your embarrassment aside and your desire for avoidance will just allow her young mind to embellish the situation far beyond the reality. Does she even know that her father took the pictures? Is he in them? She could be feeling that she is burdened with a secret against her father! No, because she handed them to you, you need to broach the subject. She basically put it in your court by handing the photos to you, after all, they upset her enough for her to confront you about them and she should not have to live with the burden that has been placed on her. She is likely believing their is infidelity going on and divorce is looming. It really is not her business what you do behind closed doors, however, I really agree with STARLINN above. She needs reassurance that all is o.k. I do not believe you should be blunt and all-telling, since she can not and should not be exposed to the extreme eye-popping sexuality world. So using 'shallow'-truths she needs to be reassured about her mother's sexuality, her parent's marriage, and her future. Good Luck... Soulmates
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