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JacobSky

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About JacobSky

  • Rank
    Swingers Board Addict
  • Birthday 01/07/1980

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Single Male
  • Location
    Beaver, OK
  • Swinging Experience
    MFM threesomes at couples homes.

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  1. All of the other members have presented excellent points to you about marriage and swinging. I'm not experienced with being in a marriage, but I do have some knowledge about sexual addiction, so I'll share my opinion with you on that. First, if there is an area of your sexlife where sexual addiction may be present, I'd point to the pornography. Not because it's porn, or immoral, but because you have begun to prefer solo sex over sex with a partner, especially your wife. While masturbation is healthy, sharing sexual experiences and relationships with real people holds a larger priority in a balanced sex life. I believe that pornography can numb a person to sex with their partner. How you may ask, well usually this numbing is not about "other women", but about the actual sex acts performed. You build up a tolerance to vanilla sex, and need more kink to get you aroused. So if you were to explore kinky porn with your partner, and grow in this with her, balance may be achieved. You could both build a desire for a similiar type of sexual satisfaction. Yet, if you form sexual interest that she is not into, and you feel alone in your new fetishes, it will be hard for the sex with her to be as satisfying. You will get your sexual kicks and experience euphoria with the porn, and not with her. I have been there, and I have seen this situation reversed by pulling away from the porn and introducing softer, yet adventurous sex acts into "making love" to my partner. The satisfaction of making love, and doing a few new things, lit a small fire again in my sex life in a healthy way. What was healthy about it? I was sharing it with a partner. Having a sex life that is "alone" is unbalanced, and not the masturbation per se. The porn and maturbation are just your methods. Still, if you don't show sings of the "addiction cycle" you're not a sex addict. Your sex life may be out of balance, or unhealthy and not nurturing, but you have to experience addiction cycles to be a sex addict. The cycle, according to Dr. Patrick Carnes P.h.d. , is: Preoccupation Ritualization Acting Out then Shame, or Down Time...........the addict feels a sense of "hopelesness", makes promises to quit "this time". My information comes from reading Dr. Carnes' book, among a few others. Dr. Carnes is the number 1 leading expert in this field, and if anyone doesn't believe me, just google him. I have been to counselling. I have been to a Sex Addicts Annonymous meeting, which is a different twelve step group, with the same basic beliefs. I don't believe that over the phone meetings will work as well as visiting a group in person, but the numbers are good for when a sex addict is experiencing an extreeme low point and a strong sense of hopelessness. So, your inability to have a nurturing sexual relationship with a real woman is a symptom of sexual addiction at this time, as long with a "preference" for porn over real sex. Therefore, just being non-monogamous doesn't make someone a sex addict. I deep look at the whole picture of one's sex life must be taken into perspective.
  2. I was a bit suprised to see quite a few couples on SLS in my area.
  3. I can give you an opinion from the flip side of the coin. I am a single male that met with couples from AFF. I met with 3 couples over a time span of four years. The first couple that I met with told me about some of the emails that they received. Supposedly, some messages were so badly written, that finding a male that could write in complete sentences was a plus. The second couple told me about having a couple of guys back out at the last minute. They also met with one guy that claimed to be someone else, but he could no longer hide his secret in person. The last couple didn't tell me about any difficulties with meeting people, but they did not have pics on their ad. That may have reduced the amount of guys that messaged them. The 1st, and 3rd couple that I met with contacted me first. Well, I know of three couples that met with a single guy from AFF, and were successful. Although, their searches did run across fakes and dreamers. I would consider AFF again in the future, but I must admit that SLS looks great.
  4. My family knows. Only my brothers know that I'm still interested and involved here. On one hand, it aleviates a shame of holding a secret, but on the other hand, they have been against my choice. I practically got chewed out the other night by one of my brothers. He swears that I will never find a good wife, or "true love" by being in this lifestyle and looking at porn. My mom and dad are conservative protestant Christians, and so "were" my brothers and I. They have not been living religiously, but still have our initial beliefs. They don't claim to be perfect though. So my brother told me that he doesn't care about this regarding my "religious beliefs", but that I'm going to die young, or grow old all alone. I was quite shook up by it this. I started to write a thread about my situation, but I canceled it. I like being open, but I do wish that my family didn't know, or even better if I'm "wishing", I wish that they'd support me. I don't tell my new vanilla friends, but I did in college. Most of my lifelong friends from my home state know that I have been into swinging. Some of them think that I quit, I guess, or some of them just don't care (I don't see them often anymore). The closest friends like me just the same, but the "not so close" friends that heard about it through a girl that I dated, do judge me a bit. I have felt some shame at times. I still deal with this once in a while, but it is mixed in with religious issues, and my desire for a LTR with a woman that is very open-minded. Telling others can help and hurt you, but I'd still tell those that I trust if I had to do it all again.
  5. Good point reed&diana. Mr. Alura's ealier reply on this thread explained how I feel on this issue. So does Nimbis43's reply. He points out that he feels condoms provide a false sense of security. I will use them though if the couple requests it. I'd rather see tests though, as I love to perform oral on a woman, and condoms don't block herpes either. I prefer to get to know the couple and stay tested.
  6. He sure is a lucky hubby I'm telling ya'.......some of you guys got it made......your wife asks for it more than you do, like rebelnangel etc......wow
  7. I moved about a year ago, and havn't made new swinging friends, and I havn't been meeting with anyone. So, I didn't vote, but while not having any children, 2-3 times a month would be the most frequent that I'd like, and atleast once a month for the least frequent. Later in life, if children are in the equation, atleast once a month would be nice.
  8. Oh, no offense taken lovinher. Being able to see the perspectives that others have about sex is one of my favorite things about this forum, and there are so many different perspectives here.
  9. avid, it would seem to me that couple that are open to swinging with single males and couples would be most likely to be open to swinging with you as a threesome. Couples that are not open to single males, due to relationship insecurity reasons, would be least likely to swing with a triad for fear that one of the males might be emotionally attracted to the wife of the other couple. Did that make any sense?
  10. Being a single male that has been in mfm threesomes with a couple, maybe I can share one more perspective. First off, having sex with a man's wife while he watches or joins in with pleasuring her is very exciting. Yes, the purely physical side of it is a major part of the satisfaction, but not all of it for me. I get much of my satisfaction in a mfm threesome for playing an important role in a woman's fantasy. You see, I have always gotten really turned on by women's fantasies and the stories of their fulfillment. I've noticed in many (but not all) swingers ads that they are looking to have similiar fantasies fulfilled. The well endowed single male, the elusive bi female, the younger male, the orgie, the gang bang, and the friendly party couple are the most common fantasy roles that I've seen over many years of reading. The only one that I fit in at this time is the younger male role. I don't know what I'll do once I'm no longer in my twenties, but I hope to be married and be the husband getting to watch by then. Actually, my biggest fantasies involve me watching a woman that I love have sex with a well endowed male or with another woman. So now, intead I enjoy fitting into the mfm experiences. I will admit, I have some new hot erotic ideas that I've yet to fulfill in mfm threesomes with me being the single guy. At first, it was a fantasy just to be in a threesome, now I want to try various positions, places, ideas, etc.... Just as an aside, since I've mentioned swingers seeking fantasy fulfillment, I've noticed that newer couples seek fantasy fulfillment more than couples that have been swinging for a longer period of time. Experienced couples are more likely to seek singles or couples that they can be friends with outside of the bedroom as well. It makes sense that newer couples seek ideal fantasy lovers at the begginings. I think that the experienced couples still keep an eye out for rare experiences, but experienced couples usually look more at the person "as a whole person" than newer couples. So, there's more to enjoying a mfm, even for the single male, than just having sex with a wife. At least in my case there is more to it. Oh, about the "stunt dick" title. I wouldn't get upset over being referred to as that, but I'd hope to mean more to the couple than that. I'd like to be seen as a friend.
  11. Well, I take that as a compliment, thanks. I do tend to think "out-side of the box" at times. To be honest with you, just reading your description above was a bit of a thrill for me. Feel free to share what some might call "too much information" around me anytime that you'd like. Some ideas that are overlooked by some may catch the eye of others.
  12. This may sound a little odd, but I would "cum again, probably hands free" if a woman queefed and cum sputtered out at the same time.
  13. You lucky fellow. You had a partner that "begged you to fist her any day", wow. I have fisted a girl once, and it was amazing, but my absolute WILDEST fantasy would be to watch one woman fist another woman. Girl/Girl fisting blows me away. Second to this, I'd like to watch a very well endowed skilled male with a wife. Third, I'd like to fist a hot wife. Fourth, I'd like to do a vaginal DP. Fifth, I'd like to do a regular DP. Sixth, to see one woman toss another woman's salad. Seventh, to get sloppy seconds. There's many many more where that came from...
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