sweetandspicy

Thanks, Bob35. I am sure no one is perfect. The point is to acknowledge, atone, and be forgiven. Then move forward. If we were all stoned to death for our indiscretions, hmmm, I wonder how many people would be left to throw stones. To Lovinher. Two weeks ago I felt differently than I do today. Growth was painfully difficult but well worth it. Part of it was feeling the guilt. I needed to do that (feel guilty) before I could grow. To DigginIt. That's just what happened. Oddly though, it was the only profile I read and it was not within my "parameters". I do not remember how I got to it. When I became more familiar with the site, I tried to search for it but to no avail. BTW, my profile has been down for weeks and I have deleted any cookies. I have no desire to return. While things may never be perfect, (are they ever?) we have taken great strides in the last few days. We are both going to work at keeping the momentum going, even if it is in small baby steps.

Ah , the train wreck was years ago:), we got through that, thankfully and we are getting through this. The past two days have been emotional to say the least, but most of it has been good, some of it has been great. Seems we're one for one. Now he doesn't have to hold on to that secret either. One regret I have is not finding this site first. I may have found the strength here I needed not to succumb to...I'm not sure how to describe that intense desire...the female version of blue balls? Yes, honesty is the best policy. It may be difficult, but I know we both feel better now.

I do not have many pics of me, but recently found one from the late 80's. Topless at Cherry Grove walking toward my husband from the water. Nice shot. What was nicer is that for all my years of working out I look the same. Ok, a few wrinkles have set in my face (not too badly), but the body, still the same. No fat, tight. Itty bitty titties but they are still perky as ever! I think this summer I will have my husband retake the shot. It would be interesting to see them side by side. So, maybe she does look same....give or take a wrinkle or two

To JNcc: While it may be true that men are more visual, rest assured that women also like to look at the well taken care of bodies of men. And I am sure for both sexes, no matter how beautiful the body, if there's no personality there is no turn on. As for not posting pictures, I can certainly understand. I work in a place (near home)where I meet hundreds of people a day from surrounding areas. A face shot is definitely out. Even a body shot is out of the question. I once had a friend find a shot of my butt in a string bikini someone had taken at a beach club one year and posted. I was mortified (no one has the right to post another's pic without permission) when he asked if this was my butt. I told him no, but it was. I recognized the bathing suit. No harm done there, but I am not taking any chances. Jobs are hard to find these days. Hubby is not yet ready to take the step of placing an ad, but if we ever do we will put a great amount of thought into the composition of any pics we post. Ultimately, though, my mind needs to be turned on and this will happen with words. There are a lot of sexy people out there that do not have the "ideal" body. Words and actions transcend any physical "flaws". Pictures rarely reveal the real being.

Thanks BBarnsworth. I didn't cheat to fix my marriage, it was strictly to fix me. I'd like you to know that hubby and I have had a few real deep conversations today. I started the "thread" but he has been actively involved in keeping it going. We still have memory issues, but patience perseveres. My goal is to get my husband to want sex again. At this point I know he is not willing to go to a therapist. At least he is open to working this problem out with me. Today we have a bedroom date, after our chores are done. His suggestion. This is real progress and I am a happy woman. As for the clubs, I never expect anything except to meet a few nice people who share similar views about sex. For my husband, I would like to show him (remind him) that there are lots of fun ways to play and the visual stimulus would be a good thing. I will not deny that my ultimate goal is for both of us to be playing with other people. Together. We were really enjoying ourselves and I hope we can again. Until then we will take baby steps (sometimes over and over again). Maybe things will never get back to the way they were. As for leaving, I meant the thread. I think I was looking for the little ass kicking. I will do the right thing. The site I like a lot and will remain and learn. Thanks again!

Pictures and videos to go along with the stories my husband would tell me about his escapades. Sorry for the miscommunication.

I don't know where to begin. 15 years is a long, long time. We talked often about sex during this time. We have discussed our problem with all of his doctor's. We have heard everything from "Let's try a new med" to the worst "It is what it is". The best thing that happened was finding a Naturpath who helped my husband get off the drugs. He is so much better now. His headaches are few and far between. He doesn't pass out as much. We still have big problems with his memory. I don't think we can fix that, just deal with it. Don't ever believe "It is what it is" Don't give up. If you love someone you never give up. 15 years is a long, long time. I broke. Not him, I do not blame him at all. I know the difference between cheating and swinging. I logged on to this site hoping it would inspire him to look around a little, chat with a few people, stir things up a bit. I enjoyed going to clubs back in the day when I could watch another woman blow him. We both enjoyed ourselves very much. I know what I am doing is wrong. I have been trying to turn my husband on since the first ok from the doctors. I have been patient. I keep the lines of communication open with my husband. I really thought at one time I could go without sex forever. I told him when I felt it was no longer true. I told him (it sounds so crass in black and white, but the whole conversation was more sensitive) I was at a point where I needed the touch of a man. He has tried. We have fooled around 3 times successfully in the last 3 months. Once was hot. Twice I know he was going through the motions to appease me. The other times we tried, well, let's just say things got in the way. But this is truly progress. Like I said, 15 years is a long time, but I never give up. I slipped and fell, now I'll pick myself back up. Before I go, I would greatly and gratefully appreciate suggestions (not viagra, we tried) for us to overcome this or at least push it farther ahead. For now, I am going to try to convince him to go to a club this coming weekend. We have been talking about it for about 2 months. Since the hot sex. Glad he remembers that. Thanks to all!

Thank you. I believe you are all right in many ways. Perhaps I thought that my years of fidelity somehow made it OK. And perhaps I was feeling guilty about not feeling guilty. Thank you, Rainbowskye, I am at my wits end. I would go to the ends of the earth for my husband but I am finding some mountains difficult to climb. And to Chicup, like I said about it somehow being OK, you are right. I am looking for a way to rationalize something I would never have considered doing before. I'd also like you to know I was an Atheist until 1987. My husband is Catholic. I bought a bible to prove that there isn't a God. I have read every page, even the begattings. It wasn't long before very strange things began to happen that changed my mind completely. It was a little twist on "Seek and ye shall find". Did he send me a lover? Someday I will tell you how my husband was dropped on my doorstep. To this day I believe he is a godsend, even for all the trials and tribulations we have faced (he has Lupus, too, which has brought on a slew of other problems). So why not a lover? So, clearly, I am bad. Didn't mean to be, I became weak. I know I need to make this right but I don't think I am strong enough to go the rest of my life like this.

I am new to this site but in a short time have found very compassionate people here. My situation is that my husband has a very low sex drive after brain cancer years back. We have been working on improving it and while we have come far, it is not enough for me. I thought it was until about 6 months ago. A stranger came into my store and ignited a fire in me that I could not put out. I never saw him again, but could not control my sex drive. I talked with God for months until, in a weak moment I found Adult Friend Finders. I looked at one profile and did not go back for a month. When I did, I found an invitation for a chat from this man. I truly believe God sent him. What are the odds that the only profile I would read would turn out to be my wonderful lover. I could go on about the other uncanny things we are both into but it would take too long. He gives me things my husband could never. If I talk dirty to my husband he goes flaccid. Hubby prefers sex in the dark under the sheets. My lover, ooh, my lover likes to talk dirty to me. He is 13 years my junior and tells me how I have a great body for a 20 year old even though I am 55 (work out, ladies!). He is shorter than me but I don't mind. Everything he told me before we met was the truth and when I did see him for the first time I walked up to him and planted a very sexy kiss on his very receptive mouth. He turned me on in emails before we met like he already knew me. I do not feel guilty. I really thought I would. But I cannot give up this man (he's divorced) until he finds a woman that can give him what he needs in a spouse. Then I'll let him go. If I'm lucky she'll still let me play with him, but I don't think many marriages that start that way. Am I bad?

I have lived this for nearly 15 years. We had just started to swing when my hubby got brain cancer. To make a long story short, after a very long and dreadful time he is much better now. But one of the side effects is his loss of sex drive. We are working on that and we have come pretty far, but there came a time recently, after being a virtuous wife, where I got totally turned on by a stranger to the point that my knees got weak. I spent many days talking with God and finally told my husband that I loved him but could not go the rest of my life without hot feverish sex. He was not happy. He has been trying and I still love his body and what he can do with his amazing tongue, but, and I would love help with this, please, if anyone can, he has developed a very un-arousing habit of giggling uncontrollable when I approach him. Last night I went to unzip his pants so I could blow him. It got so bad we played scrabble instead. Back to the topic: No, my husband would not want me to have sex without him. I, on the other hand have a different view. I would encourage him and, to be a part of it, I would like him to tell me all about it, after all, good sex starts in the mind. Pictures and videos would be a plus!

Though I wanted kids, it never happened. But my itty bitty titties are as perky at 55 as they were at 30. I never wanted any more than I have and think implants look fake. I'm not into fake in any way. So, no, no, no, never!

Now don't feel sorry for me, but I did not have sex (ok 3x) for nearly 15 years. Though my husband and I had had a great sex life and we dabbled in swinging, medical issues stole my husband's sex drive. I never gave up and things have gotten much better in the last two months. However, to answer the question, I do remember some pitifully base moments where it almost seemed unbearable, but I remained a virtuous wife. And then, about 6 months ago a man walked into my place of business who knocked my socks off. He was not my usual "type" but his smooth voice, sexy smile and eyes, and the mild flirtation set me afire. I had many, many long talks with God. I never saw this man again, but in a weak moment I joined Adult Friend Finder. The first guy I chatted with in emails did not fit my profile. He is 13 years my junior, but I answered him back and I believe he is a gift from God. Our emails get hotter and hotter and it takes about a week before we can't take it anymore and get together. We live about 50 miles apart so I can't say a week is the amount of time. The point I am taking so long to make is: if the stimulus is there, I just have to have it. How often? As long as the stimulus is there Give me some food, a few hours of sleep and we can hop in the shower and start another day!

I'm from NY and they do not allow nudity and sex in clubs. The only one I knew of no longer exists. But any club I go to is always far from home, at least far enough where I won't run into anyone I know, I hope, as I work in a very public place. As far as religion goes, somewhere in the new testament a woman asked Jesus if it was ok to have sex not in the missionary position and Jesus replied that whatever was good for both spouses was Ok with him. A little paraphrasing but you get the message. So, as far as I am concerned, If both spouses are present and willing, there is no adultary, no moral turpitude. Just my opinion

I don't know anyone who is perfect. It's the flaws that make one an individual. I know plenty of women who are overweight and sexy. It's all in how you use it and it starts in the mind. So, be who you want to be, it takes more than one type of person to make the world interesting. How boring it would be otherwise! PS, my brother-in-law broke up with every girlfriend he had when they lost weight and has been happily married to a chunky woman for 25+ years!