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jovichick

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  • Content Count

    7
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15 Good

About jovichick

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 01/25/1972

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    couple
  • Location
    st. charles IL
  1. Snapps, Well I am here to report that I am still in love with my husband, and actually feel more intense about our relationship when I realize how lucky I am to be able to have the sexual experience with my boy toy. We have our ups and downs, as most people do. But, know my husband is my rock, and have no need to seek that elsewhere. My boy toy serves as an escape from being 39, a mom, etc...
  2. Thanks for the reply. We check in with each often, at least 2-3 times per week. Psychdr and I agree that we probably don't fit the conventional ( ha that is kind of funny) definition of swinging. More of an open marriage. However, we definitely want to have a shared experience and I am sure that has many levels. Again we came to this site looking for some directions. All of the posts have stirred conversation and allowed us to set new limits/rules. Still exploring, but we enjoy the late talks and great sex.
  3. Not a status quo, just trying to figure out what is next. We are both gun shy about being with a couple in the same room. The goal is to find my husband a playmate. We both like the idea of watching and then us being together. I (the wife) move slowly. We decided to let things take a natural course. We definitely enjoy the conversation and getting all hot bothered and having great sex.
  4. Dear Snapps, This is the wife of psychdr. I have been thinking of how to respond to you. I didn't want to come off as defensive, but I am sure some of this will appear that way. One positive thing I can say about your post is that it did make for ongoing conversation, questions, and review of the rules. I can assure you my husband does not have a self-esteem issue. It is my belief that in order to engage in an alternative life style, one would have to have good self-esteem in themselves and confidence in their marriage. I guess I need to go back to the beginning. My husband joined this forum because it was there and seemed like a good place to start. The I idea of us having an "open marriage" started 7 years ago. I was very nervous about the idea. However, through many conversation, my husband felt brave enough to share his fantasy of me being with another man. So we had fun with the internet, and verbal scenarios during sex, and then finally I felt confident enough to try it. Even with that we took baby steps. As for my co-worker, we probably see each at work maybe twice a week. We text occasionally, but usually about work. The times we hook up has become less, we go through spurts. The one comment you made that was disturbing to me was being the possession to him and my husband. That is an archaic mind set. I belong to me. This experience is totally about fulfilling a desire outside the box. I have brought home video, audio, and hot stories to share. He (co-worker) has stayed committed to the rules, never asked me to break them or do anything behind my husbands back. He does not ask for anything outside the scope of the arrangement. We may not fit neatly into the swinging box, but I am not sure why that matters. Anyone on this board is living outside the conventional system of marriage. Not sure how you can sit in judgment of us, when you are doing the same thing. Here is where I get defensive. How dare you accuse me of playing my husband for a fool... Doing things behind his back. You are blatantly calling me a liar. Pardon me, but you have no idea who I am. I am 100% committed to my husband. Yes there have been speed bumps, but it would be hard to imagine that anyone engage in this wouldn't. I feel those speed bumps only enhance our relationship because it forces conversations. As far as what my husband gets out of this.. Well, he already answered that. I try to incorporate him as much as possible. We continue to look for a playmate for my husband, however this has been difficult. I We look forward to the next step whatever that may be. I am completely satisfied with my husband sexually. He gives the best oral ever, as well as great intercourse. Being with my husband is totally different, we have been together for 15 years so there is a commitment there and a connection that no one can replace. You again are accusing me without knowing me. I could go on, but I feel I said my piece. I wish you the best of luck in repairing your marriage. As a family therapist, people usually stray because there is something the other feels is absent or lacking.
  5. Sorry for no updates, just super busy. We are doing well. Psydoc has had an encounter, which was very exciting for me; it was a one time hook-up. My husband and I have had many late night talks, worked through some bumps - nothing major - just leads to more honesty and closeness I still have the boy toy whom I see once a week. So far it has been a great time. The boy toy continues to be respectful of all the rules. No lines have been crossed. Feelings are in check. I feel very in control of the situation. Looking forward to the next step.
  6. This is experience has been so liberating and has allowed me to work through some issue, enjoy some great sex, and feel more connected to my husband. I am excited to see what the future holds.
  7. First let me introduce myself, I am psycdr's wife. I also would like to thank everyone for all of your feedback. It has helped us continue to ask questions and redefine our rules. So as my husband has said before, the idea of us having an open marriage has been a topic of conversation for many years. When he first told me of his fantasy, I was initially shocked and excited at the same time. I knew if I was going to walk through that door it had to be just the right situation and person and then when the time was right I would know it. This is exactly what happened. I know that there are several of you who are concerned about my boy-toy being a co-worker. If I may clarify a few facts; first, we have worked together for almost 2 years, our work environment is such that our paths cross but were are not in a typical office space. There has been flirting back and forth, which I immediately disclosed to my husband. A conversation presented itself that allowed for me to disclose that my husband and I have an open marriage. This obviously intrigued the Boy-Toy and he stepped up the flirting and teasing. I have made it clear to him that we are not to share this with other co-workers, and if I ever feel that he has broken that agreement, our arrangement would end. He has agreed and I have not felt that he has disclosed our relationship to others. I feel that this relationship will run it is natural course and he will eventually want to move on to a more traditional relationship with someone else, or I will want to have a new adventure, and I am not sure if I want more than one boy-toy at any given time. We have no concerns about continuing to work together. We check in with each other regularly about where our feelings are at. However, if there was uncomfortable tension I do have the flexibility to arrange my schedule to minimize our interaction. We have had to work collaboratively since we have been together, and yes there is some intensity, which I love. I feel that none of this has had a negative effect on my work. Again, I have been completely open with my husband about any exchanges between him and me. My boy-toy has asked what does my husband say after we have been together. He appears to be comfortable with the rules. I have also asked if he would be willing to meet my husband; he is obviously nervous about the idea, but said if that is what we wanted he would do it. Before I decided to proceed with the him, my husband and I discussed the boundaries at length. For me I needed to know the person and have some sort of connection and attraction to him. I also like that I have the upper hand in this relationship, I can meet with him and not worry if he is not going to call the next day, because I don't care, there is no baggage with this relationship, no expectations, just pure enjoyment. I made it clear to both males that I needed to take baby steps and sit with each encounter to evaluate my feelings before going further. The first encounter I decided to meet with my boy-toy and we spent most of it discussing the rules, and stressing to him that this was not about my husband not meeting my needs but it was a mutual decision to enhance our marriage. He asked lots of question and clarified the boundaries. I also made sure we were in a semi-private place which would not allow it to go too far physically. The first encounter was strictly kissing. When I returned home the first moment through the door was the most intense; I felt guilty smiling and liking the attention; my husbands reaction was one of kindness, patience and and a little bummed it did not go further. The second time we met in the same place, and again we checked in with each other, and continued to discuss the rules of this arrangement. The second time was easier, and it did go further, but not all of the way, because, again I wanted to take gradual steps. Allowing another man after 15 years to touch me sexually is a big step and I wanted to be sure that I could handle it emotionally. Again, walking through the door and into our bedroom was intense and I was hoping my husband would be pleased with the result of the second encounter, and he was. The third time was the big one, and while in the moment it was great, my new partner was completely respectful, following all the rules, and asking throughout if he was crossing any boundaries. In addition he made no requests of me. He actually got really nervous and needed some extra time before he could perform, for some reason I was pleased with that because I felt he was being real. Afterwards. he was anxious to know what my husbands response would be. I will admit I love the intensity of the whole thing, I have to says this whole experience has opened the lines of communication between my husband and I to a level I didn't know was possible. I love being able to share these experiences with him and explore new adventures to enhance our sex life. I am now very excitedly anxious for my husband to have his own encounter. I am also hoping that this will allow me to work through my own insecurities and eventually true acceptance of myself. I am also excited about the possibility of going to a swingers club with my husband and engaging in some voyeurism (which a personal fav of mine) and then having at it with him at the club. Looking forward to your feedback.
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