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Raven74

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About Raven74

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  • Birthday 07/03/1974

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  1. Interesting point of views but for us...I am sure I can fully speak on the behalf of us since this would be my first time posting without my wife sitting here next to me... For us this would have nothing to do with love except for our love of each other. We aren't looking for another relationship with someone or to fill any type of void, our sex life is great, our love life is great and our relationship isn't looking to be fixed. We are simply a couple who has some wild ideas and fantasies that we believe could be fun to explore. I do believe what Alura stated in that when you truly love someone you don't want to go anywhere and that comment also relates so much for me with the comment about being able to separate the emotions when swinging. Though we haven't yet done anything, I believe that I have to learn that those emotions can be separated and that swinging would only be something FUN rather than anything else. My wife has so much more experience than me and seems to have no problem with doing that and with that I can understand how separating the two could be my biggest challenge. Without the support she has shown me I would never even consider any of this...she is so excited about exploring this but on the other hand has been reassuring in the fact that she is fine doing anything within my comfort zone even if we never actually end up swinging. AWESOME WIFE Now my turn is figuring out how to deal with my own emotions, how to ease into this using baby steps so that I can learn how to deal with my emotions and how/where to actually start. Also learning how to relax more wouldn't hurt We have talked about checking out a house party but I'm unsure if my limitations would fit in there and going somewhere where I don't know anyone and the environment would be a lot more intimate seems kinda scary. I'm just learning how to communicate my desires with my wife and I don't know how well I would be at this with other people or with other people in the setting. Then there is the MFM or FMF...I've read how this could leave someone with the feelings of being left out and that isn't what we are looking for. As for couples...everyone seems to be so far past where I am and I don't know if they would be willing to work with someone as new as myself. Plus another noob couple doesn't seem like they would fit since they are also very new to everything. No one wants any type of drama! So how slow is slow..is sex with your own partner is the same room as another couple to soft and unrealistic for us and others or should I be trying to set my limitations further? I know that the only way to truly know how I will feel and to know any experience is to go try it but I don't want that to be to much for my emotions or end up taking one for the team cause I don't know how to communicate properly during the course. lol, if this was my job it would be soooo easy...I'm always confident, making decisions on the fly and enforcing rules and policies without hesitation. Sorry for rambling on but our experiences and communication has done so much for us so far and this board has been such a great tool!! NO, not that kind of tool
  2. You guys are really awesome for sharing your experiences and your feelings relating to the lifestyle. We couldn't tell you how much we appreciate it and I couldn't start to say how much I appreciate it...this has helped put me on the right path to better communication with my wife and learn that this can be a normal feeling as long as it isn't overwhelming and you learn about it and where it may stem from. Also learning how to keep it in check. We have since backed off a little to communicate more and for me to really work toward opening up with my wife and us getting on the path we want to be on. We would still like to attend the club again but this time will be a ton more talk both way before hand, just before hand, while we are there and all the time after. I believe that I can say that we both have taken what we have been through so far as something to learn from. My wife has changed our SLS to just exhibitionist for now and we plan to make some simple rules for ourselves and just keep it slow. Our one main rule now it simply to not bother chatting or dealing with anyone unless we are both present. I believe that one of my problems stems from her greater amount of experience in the lifestyle and my own experience being absolutely nonexistent ...for that matter...very conservative and only a few partners ever. We also have had a few issues in the past that I really need to move on from but all in all I love my wife more than anything and I know she loves me just as much Thanks again for all the feedback - I'm sure one of us will be posting again soon
  3. So what is the best way to deal with this when you encounter it or that may just be something I have to figure out. We both get along with everyone but her choices wouldn't always be the choices I would make in a person...we have talked about this for two days now and know that we will be taking it slow and communicating much more prior to anything and after anything!
  4. We are both on here and have both read all the comments so far as well as communicated back and forth about everything. The comments are really appreciated! To better explain things .... We had both kinda set our little rules before deciding on anything and about a month prior...there was a lack of communication on our part prior to the event..we were both quite nervous We both understand how great kissing is and for that part it was a kiss that brought us both together 11 years ago!! It really wasn't so much the kiss as it was my vibe that I got from the encounter...just made me very uneasy with that particular person and my wife has no issues with kissing from either of us. As far as the tit-for-tat...there is none of that here but that was a really great point that you brought up. To clarify, my wife was the one that encouraged me to kiss the other woman while I was fucking my wife. There was no intended getting back at anyone or drama but we were just enjoying ourselves in the moment and it was a mutual feeling. The kiss prior was not as mutual and my wife was super cool when it was brought up and didn't remember what we had actually discussed fully. Plus a few drinks kinda got in the way since she doesn't drink to much. Also, We aren't ones that air our laundry or consent to drama in the wrong places. If we have issues we find ourselves the appropriate place to discuss whats wrong and move on in a diplomatic manner. We would never involve any person or couple in any type of unneeded drama since we ourselves wouldn't want to be put in that situation. Less words...we aren't the ones you can count on to drag someone into a mess We have also talked to the guy since the event and explained we are new to the lifestyle and we were working out our boundaries... he was very understanding and respectful about everything. He and his wife also invited us to a house party and since they have been in the lifestyle for many years they are willing to help us in the lifestyle if we would like. I hope we were able to clarify everything better...my fingers can never keep up with my brain on the keyboard
  5. We had discussed boundaries and kissing was about the only one we had besides not playing with anyone else at this point. We have both talked about our night in detail as well as everything that went on and she agrees that she may have overstepped her boundaries and we now know more about setting those limitations for ourselves. I reacted quick to my issues and let my wife know how I felt at that time and she did stop anything that bothered me. The feelings were not to the point of ending our night, causing a big scene or creating a bad reaction but I wasn't sure if the feelings were normal or not. I totally left out the nights ending in my post... Though we may have had a little more to drink than expected, the night ended with us going to a room for a party. We had no intent to swap but ended up having sex with each other while she gave head and I made out with a woman that was next to us in bed. That caused no issue and was a huge turn on!!! We had sex that next morning for a couple hours, that afternoon and when we got home a few more times!! We continue to talk about everything, our issues and our likes and dislikes..this is about us and we both know communication is key!
  6. Hey guys, this is my second post to another one but I have some questions. Me and the wife went to our first club the other night and though we had a blast, I had a few feelings that popped up and bothered me. Our night started with a few drinks and we met a bunch of good people and I was a little bothered a couple times when my wife was being touched and turned on by another man but not that bad and was easy to overcome. I was pretty fine with mingling and talking to everyone but at one point I notice there was some very good chemistry between my wife and another man...It made me jealous or feel slightly threatened and I said something to her after they had made out .... which really had bothered me. At the time I had said something to her the other guy had just waled up and was kissing on her and feeling her up...he was stand up because she simple said she had overstepped her boundaries and he left her alone. Very respectful!! My problem is I don't know how to overcome these feelings or even what stirs them up. Is this normal and how do I overcome these feelings. We dont want to full swap right now and really enjoyed the club and showing off in the rooms a few different times through the night but I don't want my feelings getting in the way of us having a good time. We would like to go back to the club and we have both talked about everything that went on but I just don't want to be the one that brings the drama when I hate drama so much Any feedback or help would be awesome!!!!
  7. We really appreciate all the advice ... from everyone!! We will be taking it slow and talking about everything under the sun in the meantime. This may happen one day or may never happen but either way this has help us communicate much better. I do think that we would both love to go check out a club, if anything, just to see what its all about but we do a have a couple fears as what to expect. How do you know what the right club is and we both worry that the area the club would be in...well...we worry that it may be a huge cultural difference. (I wasn't sure how else to put that.) I believe that a club would also help me in a way, become more comfortable with myself. I think it would also be very exciting for the both of us since we both like to watch and being watched would also be exciting. Is it ok for a couple to go to a club and just hang out and watch and do people tend to want to pressure you at a club? Should it cost money or be free? Maybe I should be posting these questions in another area... We both like to chill out and have some drinks and though its not a problem it sometimes tends to be a lot if we are out at a club. Hey after a few drinks it kinda goes down like water We are able to keep a handle on it though It also seems that we would have to establish some rules that we would be both comfortable with before going to a club or doing anything else. I know I wouldn't want to put her in a position that would get her upset or Vice-versa. I also know that doing anything would mean it would be for our enjoyment and not just hers or mine or someone else's. What are good limits or is it just what your comfortable with and what your not? Thanks again for all the advice, help and time!!
  8. I think this is going to be a long post so I'll do my best to keep it short.. I believe that if I really wanted to drop it that my wife would but I do believe that it would come up again later. Because I know that she would really like to do this and I am very curious about it. I have been quite insecure and self conscious most of my life and very recently I have decided that I want to enjoy life and live it to the fullest...that means dropping all the old habits and having fun! I know this will be difficult for me at times but I plan to stick to the game and become the best person for myself and my wife. I believe most my problems can be solved with me becoming more comfortable with myself and having that open, honest and trusting relationship. I find it hard to pin point what I think I may be scared of but I do know that my wife being a VERY emotionally attached type of person and a VERY sexual person, that I do worry that she may find a connection with the other person, one that I wouldn't want to exist. I think we both look at this somewhat as if it happens great and if it doesn't its still fun. As for right now we are taking it slow and we decided that being more spontaneous with our sex life would be a great start. She recommended that I could start to get more comfortable with myself and sex by letting her giving me head ( or more ) in front of someone but I do worry about how you know its ok with that person. Do you just ask when its about to happen? Maybe I'm strange... Me and my wife have a GREAT relationship but even though she can be nervous about things, she is VERY open and comfortable with anything sexual. I don't believe that there is anything that she wouldn't do with another person involved and she would hesitate to ask someone if they would like to join in. She has offered to give someone head or have sex with someone and record it for me but I'm really not sure about that one..I get turned on image of it but mad about it happening. I'm not sure why but I think I get mad at the idea of her and someone by themselves and I'm not involved and its more something between my wife and the other person... The other night she tried to give me head while at a friends house while we all had plenty to drink..I didn't let her and mainly because I was scared and I didn't know if it would have been ok with my friend in the room. Do I ask first? As I said out relationship is very good but we have had an issue in the past with her having that emotional connection with someone. The person moved in with us and we would touch and talk about alot in front of that person but I didn't know the connection was there and that connection lead to her doing a few things behind my back. It wasn't intercourse and we are past that now but I do worry about how attached she can become to someone... I also know how cold she can be to get rid of a person! I do have to say that she has been very open about what happened and her feelings but it still kinda gets me mad, I also get very turned on by the fact. She has brought up the idea of a couple different guys but both are friends of hers and one she has a little of that connection with...and is someone she is close to throughout the week. I think that if this was ever to happen it would be best if it was someone we know but then I would like to know that all strings could be cut if it turned out that either one of us wanted it that way. She has also brought up a female but there would have to be some limits to keep her as the focus so that she wouldn't get upset during the play time. Is it strange that a female doesn't seem to offer the same threat as a guy? Like I had said before though...we do have a great relationship! My wife loves attention and is very open sexually but she often has a hard time creating friends and uses her sexual nature to get that attention or find friends, which doesn't work out best since the other person isn't really interested in a friendship to start out with...sometimes she just like to use it to turn guys on. Myself... I could talk my way out of a robbery and probably talk my way into or out of a lot more than that. I am very social and though its more difficult to be social with women, I do see why and I am working my best to defeat my own insecurities and become a ton more self confident. We had both thought of going to a club but I hear that there can be alot of pressure to do something. I guess we are taking it day by day now and I am working my best to overcome my own issues. I hope this wasn't to much of a ramble but I was trying to give you guys as much about us as possible since your feedback has been very open and generous. If you have any suggestions or ideas then please feel free to let us know...
  9. I am very sure I'm with the right person and she has made a couple suggestions but I still have to work out my comfort level with this. I have never had sex in front of a person nor have I watched... not that neither hasn't ever interested me. In our relationship I have always been the social person while my wife isn't as social unless its about sex..I guess shes my sex goddess!! We talked about taking it slow and possibly just having someone watch or video or even get with a couple and just have sex in the same room. I know I have to work on my social skills with other females but I have a great partner that can help. I guess we may try to take it slow but we do go out and when some drinks come into play my wife can go crazy and would do anything...who knows I may just get brave one night and go for it. I do worry about who it would be, how clean they are and where they have been. All the feedback from you guys has been a great help and is appreciated...seems like we cant get enough feedback!
  10. We talked about it more and though she has done this in the past, it was only once. I found that she is just as nervous as me and just as excited with the notion. She is open to do anything but would set any limitations that we would decide on. We haven't specifically spoke about how her our I envision the encounter to play out except for what she would be willing to do.....which is completely open. On another note, our relationship is very strong and we are not talking about this to better our relationship or fix anything broken. I read many times that it can make your relationship stronger and if that was to happen it wouldn't hurt a thing My wife is VERY spontaneous and since she is nervous, she wanted to jump right in it and hurry it along. I don't want to rush this without both of us being on the same page and doing it for each other.
  11. We have been together for about 11 years and married for 5. I have always had my issues and married her because she is my best friend, I love her deeply and she hot as hell in the bedroom! To classify a few reasons. It was recent that I took a real look at my life and myself and seen that I really needed a change and a new outlook on life if I was to make the best of my relationship and life as a whole. Myself and my wife have had our ups and downs but I realize that alot had to do with my own insecurities and now I want to live life to the fullest and have fun in everything I do. That's one of the reasons I'm here, if this will benefit my relationship, give my wife pleasure and act out something I've always been very interested.....then I just need advice and suggestions as to how I should go about things and be comfortable. I trust this makes sense.....but I am very nervous and somewhat scared. Thanks so much for the feedback and warm welcome.
  12. I'm looking for some feedback since I feel lost right now. My wife wants to have me and another guy but I'm lost as to what I should do. My wife has had a very open sex life before me and I have only had 4 other partners. Very recently I started to realize and begin working on my own personal issues of low self confidence and jealousy. My wife has been with two guys in the past and said she wants this for me to help build my confidence and better our relationship. I fantasize about it but I'm quite scared. I was brought up old fashioned and sharing has been a bit of a hard concept to grasp. I trust my wife and know she would do anything for me but I'm kinda lost as to what I should do. I do know that it excites me very much to talk about it with her and go over some of the things we would encounter. I'm sure I'll have more to add later but any feedback would be awesome.
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