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MasterHack2007

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About MasterHack2007

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  • Birthday 10/12/1988

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    Couple
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    Texas

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  1. I feel after the initial two lies were disproved and she finally admitted to cheating that everything that she was willing to admit to was admitted she has maintained the same story since. What makes me think she is still hiding is her protecting his identity. During our fight when I explained the importance of me needing to talk to him, needing that closure, needing to prove to myself she was being honest she said he wasn't a part of it and we didn't need to drag him into it. That hurt. It feels that her priority is protecting him, even when I'm telling her I'm on the brink of a total emotional melt down she didn't want to bring him into this to save me and, in turn, our relationship. Our fight last night was very different. My anger and rage from finding out yet another lie while I was grasping at straws, anything to bring me back from the brink was horrible worse than initial fight because to me it was if she lied during me killing myself emotionally trying to rebuild that it would never stop. Her response was equally as puzzling. It was the first time I saw no remorse, only anger from her. I don't know how to interpret that. Is it an actual truth that she is mad for being accused and someone else lying that is destroying her want to rebuild or is it anger of not being able to continue hiding it that my attempts to prove her story is actually unraveling her story and she doesn't care to continue pretending to be hurt over it? I feel without being able to prove she is being honest about the snapchat, I can't ever trust her again because it was a lie while trying to regain trust. I know I can't heal by just trying to forgive and forget I tried. It only made me feel worse. If there's no proving she is being honest to restore some faith and hope for us in my mind, the only other way I see is time apart. Maybe I won't be constantly reminded of the hurt and can heal. Once I am able to move past it, we can try talking again and see if there's a chance of starting over then. I was miserable trying to work it out. It only made it worse trying to prove her trustworthiness to heal. Now I'm miserable and alone in our house with her at a friend's. Right now it feels no matter what I do I'm going to continue being depressed and only spiraling deeper into misery.
  2. Well I have to say I didn't listen. I ignored probably every mental health professional type advise and I bottled it up and tried to move on as if it never happened. It festered, and my feelings only got worse because she seemed perfectly happy and perfectly fine, like it never happened. While I was dying inside. The night before last I decided to search her phone for the second time because I couldn't stop myself. I found a snapchat I missed the first time, because I didn't think to look through all her apps. It turned out she had one faceless friend with of course no chat history (I think that's by design of the app I'm not familiar with it other than I understand it to be a sexting picture app). I confronted her about it. All the while the feelings I had been suppressing suddenly seemed to amplify by a million. She said it was an old common acquaintance from school. So I facebook messaged him asking if he had ever spoken to my on the app and if the screen name belonged to him. While awaiting a response my emotions got the better of me. I could not control them any longer and voiced all my suspicions and demanded information so I could contact or track down the person she cheated with. That way I could confirm her story and hopefully calm my emotional distress. I know even I find it ridiculous to think he won't cover for her, or that I was so distressed I trusted a complete strangers word more than my wifes At this point I just needed anything to grasp at to bring me back from my depression. She ignored my request completely and didn't even try to tell me again she didn't know anything about him other than his first name (even though she admits to following him to his house for the indiscretion). Well our mutual acquaintance finally messaged me back saying he had never spoken to her on there and he didn't have snapchat. I blew up. I completely lost it. I showed her the message and confronted her. After a heated argument I told her to pack her shit and get out that I didn't care if she had to sleep in her truck. All the while her sticking to saying it was him and swearing on anything you can think of she was telling the truth and all I could tell her is prove it (I feel I have given my definitive proof she lied yet again). I don't know what to make of any of it since the SN has no relation to the first name she gave me for the guy she cheated with. I'm not sure if it's now multiple guys. I don't know about or if the name she gave me was a cover to prevent me from finding the real guy. The only thing I am sure of is I still feel completely helpless and betrayed in it all. After this final lie I think the hatred may have completely stomped out the love. Yet I still feel I've made the worst mistake of my life. I'm about 95% sure our relationship is beyond salvage after this fight. If she can't prove he is lying about having an innocent conversation with an old friend I am certain I will never trust her again (straw and camels and all). If she can I still can't trust the rest of her story because it seems she is hiding the one person that could confirm her story (or spill the whole pot of beans). I have no ill will toward the other man he was deceived as well according to her story (she said she told him she had permission as long as she told me about it before or after which based on multiple lies I conclude she had no intention of ever doing). Even if it's a long term affair I only blame her. She's the one that betrayed me he was just getting a hot piece of ass. I'm just an emotional wreck stuck between depression and self loathing, and then unimaginable anger (not violent like just extreme rage). I only have one real friend, and he knows the entire scope of our relationship, but doesn't understand any of it. I can't talk to my family about it because I feel the open aspect of our relationship does play a role in this since the act itself isn't the issue but the compounded lies. I'm alone in this and completely and utterly destroyed emotionally. I don't know how to explain to our son what is going on. I don't know how to move forward myself. I stayed and suppressed it even though everything in my mind and gut feeling said she was still hiding something because I thought miserable with her was better than miserable alone. I'm a wreck I'll stop the post for now.
  3. We have spent time together and its as comforting to me now as it is to her to continue forward and try and work on the trust issue... I'm still unsure, I have moments were there's a touching live scene on TV that they talk about trust or devotion that I am fighting back tears wishing we had the perfect relationship that doesn't exist. I think we can work through it even though all my instincts say to run, and my natural personality is I'm hurt hurt them worse...(I've apologized for this initial reaction even if deserved (mutual agreement) it was never productive and juvenile. We are working it out I still want to accuse her and distrust everything she says. I'm not doing that. I am fighting my instinct and logic and working hard to suppress my mistrust and allow our new relationship to prosper.
  4. Things are strange... I can act normal play the role, but it doesn't feel right. She truly is repentant I think and slipping into old roles is a relief to her and maybe a hindrance to forward progress. We have talked at length multiple times and I want to believe what she says, but I can't get that thought that she was protecting either a future or existing relationship by lying that was worth risking out relationship by doing the one thing I always told her was a deal breaker(lying) I never thought It was possible to love someone so much yet at the same time hate them the way I do. I want everything back to normal more than anything in the world. Hell I even wish he hadn't given her the hickie so I never knew she was lying and betraying me. I want to believe she is finally being honest but with the second huge lie compounding the first all I can think is telling me it was a one time thing is the same self preservation type of lie
  5. I could even deal with or believe this probably if she hadn't compounded the lie with a fake story about her turning him down in the parking lot while he tried kissing her and sucking her neck.
  6. I know continuing a swinger relationship at this point is impossible because there is not trust, my main question is can trust actually be rebuilt? Am I wasting my time going off of emotion and the fact I love her despite the betrayal? If we ever get back into swinging my rules for her will obviously be tightened, but that in itself screams the trust will never be equal to what it was. I am just lost and don't know how to go forward. At the moment we are continuing a relationship with the understanding that I can't trust her at all right now I'm still hurt and I don't know how to begin working through that. She is lost because other than being honest from this point forward there's nothing to rebuild trust and I'm not sure that is enough. She claims hiding was due to feeling guilty that she felt she betrayed me even though I have told her forever she had permission as long as she told me directly after or before it didn't matter.
  7. So we have been in the lifestyle for roundabout 5 years or so with no issues. We rarely play with anybody due in part to location (lack of lifestyle opportunities where we live) and because we just don't look that hard to find it. We mostly play together but are allowed to play separately with certain stipulations. For me, I have to have permission beforehand and she must know everything upfront and it must be a one time thing. For her I always told her as long as I knew about it it didn't matter before or after and I don't have a preference if she keeps a "boyfriend" on the side as long as I know about it. Well about a year ago she was forced to go back to work due to money problems. I never really thought anything about her working up to an hour later than her shift at the convenience store, but I always picked on her jokingly that she was just going to see her boyfriend/girlfriend everyday. Then she came home with a hickey. I again jokingly told her she needed to tell him to stop sucking her neck. She lied tried to tell me I left it there days ago when we last had sex (she never allows me to suck her neck due to working in public and not wanting hickeys). I didn't say anything, but made it clear through my actions I knew she was lying. That night and the whole next day as I continued poking and joking about a boyfriend she continued to lie. Finally I couldn't stand it any further. I said something about her having a boyfriend and she denied it. I responded with "Lie to me when you don't come home with a fucking hickey!" forcefully and dropping any playful manner. She continued to deny it. After thirty minutes or so she tried to tell me a customer came onto her in the parking lot and while telling him she wouldn't cheat he left the hickey. Another lie. She eventually came clean, but claims it was a one-time thing. After all the lies and the fact the night in question she got home approximately the same time as usual I can't believe that. I can't believe that she lied over something I have told her for years was fine if she wasn't protecting some sort of relationship. She claims it was out of guilty feelings with it being her first solo excursion. I feel I gave her plenty of chances to come clean even though I was hurt from the initial lie. What are yall's take on the situation? Oh, and to be clear I only consider it cheating due to the lying, in truth the sex doesn't bother me in the least.
  8. We havent told anyone, but my dad found us out. he sent me something for work and came over to talk to me and see if i had got it and when i brought up my email it brought up one from SLS he never said anything about it and neither have I. I think hes too embarrassed to ask or just respecting my privacy. and I havent brought it up to him cause well im not 100% positive he noticed but i dont see how he wouldnt have. and since he probably did see it and hasnt said anything then he accepts it and doesnt treat me or my wife any differently so theres no need to talk about it.
  9. It seems that female bisexuality is expected (we have been turned down for my wife not being bi a lot). But at the same time bi males have to hide their sexuality even in this open-minded kind of lifestyle. I say this because I have had many responses for threesomes from guys marked as straight on their profile and email saying they are really bi and would love to be apart of our fun. Whether they are just saying it to get to my wife or hiding their sexuality I have no clue. We also have had a couple we met at a club say they would never play with a couple with a bi male. I personally am very respectful and would never try to play with a guy that wasn't comfortable with it. And a quick search within 50 miles of my area only shows two couple in our age range who even have a bi guy. One with a bi female which I'm kinda afraid to contact (when we are ready to play couples again) for worry they won't want us because my wife isn't bi. So why the stigma against respectful bi guys? I saw a couple of profiles when we went on vacation that they said in their profile the guy was respectful and wouldn't try anything not wanted so obviously guys are afraid to even be naked around a bi guy. Why?
  10. My advice would be go for it and if you like it keep doing it! I never questioned my status as a completely straight male. Then I got to wondering what it was like for my wife when she was sucking my penis. I discovered that it was a huge turn-on to think about it. It took me a long time to admit this to my wife even though we had been doing anal play for awhile. I say that because a lot of "macho" men would say any anal play is for gays. I felt afraid to tell her because I thought it would make me less of a man. After I finally talked to her about it, that's pretty much were our swinging adventure began. We had talked about threesomes before but it was pretty much all talk. After we talked about my fantasies it opened new doors for both of our sexual ecstasy. And of course I was open to anal from another guy because my wife always told me that the real thing was way better than her dildos lol. Anyway I guess what I'm saying is that its a wonderful thing that he feels comfortable to talk to you about these fantasies and if you both want to try it go for it, and even if he doesn't like giving head to a guy it will probably still open all kinds of doors to both of your sexual exploration and in the end you both will be much happier. Marriage is about mutual happiness so if swinging and bisexuality makes you both happy than it fits perfectly in an already wonderful marriage(evident from the communication you share him being comfortable to talk to you about this stuff I'm sure there are tons of guys in the closet because they are afraid there wife would leave them or think less of them(I was one of them at one time).
  11. My wife was totally against the entire idea of swinging when I first mentioned it to her. Now after time and being very open with each other about our needs/wants we are moving toward it. My advice make sure that your wife is totally and completely satisfied with your non-swinging sex life (I'm not saying she isn't) try to open her up to new sexual experiences that don't involve anyone else first. T he second step in my relationship was webcam exhibition believe it or not. Once she became comfortable enough with her own sexuality it was easier for her to consider a MFM threesome. This is important because a woman who has no bisexual tendencies (or with jealousy issues) will be more comfortable with this situation. This is as far as I've gotten but I can tell you it is something that if it is to happen at all it takes time. She will not change her mind overnight. It is all about her comfort levels for some it will never happen and if that's the case you just have to accept her for who she is and be happy with the relationship that you have.
  12. I do tell her pretty much that I think she is kind of uptight about sex. I consider the fact that she seems uncomfortable with normal sex with her husband to the extent that she is unable to enjoy the experience to the fullest as "uptight". The swinger lifestyle and all is beyond normal sexual experiences so that isn't really part of my definition of her being uptight. It is just the normal sexuality that she is unable to enjoy that makes me consider her uptight. And yes, address it to her as her being uptight and having mental roadblocks that stop her from enjoying sex. Its more of "your uptightness inhibits your ability to enjoy our sex life".
  13. I'm perfectly fine with never getting into the lifestyle, just kind of a fantasy. My wife is starting to open up a little but there is a long way to go, and while she may never get all the way there, I will be pleased if she opens up just enough for her to truly enjoy sex between the two of us
  14. I don't want to try and push her into a swinging lifestyle or anything, I would be perfectly happy if she would just open up to me. It's like she is completely ashamed of being sexual. I ask her what her fantasies are and she says she has none, that she doesn't even think about it. I'm interested in swinging but have no problem with it never happening, I just want to try and find a way to open her up so she can truly enjoy sex and figured what better place to find advice then a swingers forum. Since I have started kind of pushing, not hard mind you, just talking to her and trying to get some insight into what the issue truly is, she has started to open up to me some. She has admitted to having thoughts about other men which she has never admitted to me before because she felt as though even finding another man attractive and thinking she would want to have sex with someone else were she not married was like betraying me. She wants to open up, she just has some metal "roadblocks" that inhibit her ability to do so, and communication seems to be helping. But no matter how many time I tell her how sexy she is or how she is (and I mean being completely honest) the best sexual partner I have ever had, she has a major issue with her image and has little or no confidence in herself.
  15. My wife is really uptight about her sexuality to the point where it hinders even are regular sex life. Any suggestions on how to open her up? I am interested in a swinger type lifestyle. She isn't totally opposed to it, like she doesn't straight up tell me no way in hell when I mention a threesome, but she is not emotionally ready for one because of her uptightness. The other night was the first time she was even willing to put on a show for me and masturbate after 2 and a half years of marriage. She is uptight enough that she has a hard time getting wet because she is too worried about how she is whether I'm enjoying myself etc. etc. How do I get her to open up and more sexual?
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