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quietlykinky

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quietlykinky last won the day on December 7 2009

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About quietlykinky

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 03/02/1976

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Montana

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    quietlykinky
  1. Not to hijack your post, but just sharing our experience with this. I have a friend that I've known since high school and he and his girlfriend know that we are swingers. Over the last few months they've been obviously testing the waters with us. I'm a photographer and she's modeled nude for me three times now so they obviously trust us and are comfortable with us. They've also been joking and insinuating lots of very sexual things, directed very clearly at one or both of us, all in good fun. The last time we were all out together my GF over heard part of a conversation where they were deciding whether or not to ask us about swinging. The vibe we're getting is, not only are they curious about swinging but they're interested in playing with us, they're just too shy/nervous to make a move. We find them attractive but we're still conemplating the age-old dilemma of mixing good friends and sex. They're very shy and conservative, at least on the exterior. So we're not pushing it at all, just occasionally opening conversational doors so if they want to talk about it they can. They haven't yet gone there though. I think that's all you can do, try to stay as open and approachable as possible. Although it sounds like you're already there with them so you just need to wait for them to make a clear move about it.
  2. OK, LOOONG response here, sorry about that. Trying to be helpful. ----------------------------------- We asked that question at one point too, "How do we know we are ready?". We recieved a simple one liner email that explained it all for us. You know you're ready when you can talk about it over breakfast, as casually as you talk about your dinner plans. It sounds rather straight forward but there is a lot implied there. You have to have gone through some stages and had a lot of open and honest discussions in order to get that comfortable with it. Perhaps we are not the norm but we discussed it for about 6 months before we decided we were ready move forward with it. If you're still worried about either of you being jealous or becoming emotionally attached to someone else, you're not ready. There are a few things here that concern me and mind you, these are just my opinions and are not meant to be accusatory: How long had you been discussing this with others? Did your wife know you were having these conversations? Swinging is something you do together, as a couple. It's vital that you share every detail with your SO. Between this and the previous quote, it sounds an awful lot like you're way more hot for this than she is. It sounds like it was still only a fantasy for her and in spite of what she might have said, she may not really have been ready to see that fantasy materialize. Maybe it was strictly her fantasy to be with this David and allowing you to fantasize about another women was her way of rationalizing her own fantasy. You really should have talked about this before playing with others. It's the kind of thing that should have come up in conversation when contemplating the ramifications that this could have on your relationship. If it didn't come up then, I don't think you talked about it seriously enough. Merely talking about it as a fantasy, in bed or hypothetically, is not talking about it. That's just fantasizing. If this isn't a red flag, I don't know what is. What exactly does she mean by the word "romantic"? That word has a different meaning for everyone and not everyone has a realistic idea of romance in the long term. Did she make any attempts to revitalize the romance in your relationship before this or did she simply write it off as impossible to resurrect? If the latter is the case, your relationship does have real problems that are only going to be exacerbated by having sex with others. Again, this is not an accusation or even an assessment of your relationship. It's a question. More discussion, lots more. I'm worried that what you're feeling now might just be a temporary high and granted, long term relationships are all about highs and lows. It's just the way it works. But it may not be that, you may have genuinely tapped into something that is just what your relationship needed. Moving on, my answer would be to proceed together. Meet several other couples and get a wider sense of how different people make this lifestyle work for them. If/when you do decide to play, do that together as well and save the separate play for further down the road. For now, experience this as a couple. Excellent! Condoms, even if you're not planning on doing anything and I think that's the best plan however, don't be caught unprepared. We never plan on doing anything on the first date and never have but we always bring condoms just in case. Beyond that, be forth coming about your rules and what kind of play you're looking for. Ask them about their rules and how they like to play. Everyone appreciates frankness and honesty in this lifestyle. Stop right there, that's all you need to know. Feelings are for the two of you only, not for others, and they have a way of creeping back up when things get physical. In my opionion, based off of what you've said here, I don't think you're ready. I don't mean don't swing, I mean don't do it right now. Talk more, ride this high that the two of you are on for a bit longer and keep on talking. Talk, talk, talk.
  3. The trick is to get really worked up, on the verge, ready to blow any second, tell the actress, start the camera rolling, have her yell "Cum for me now!" and then let it loose. A little bit of computer magic later it appears that the guy came on command when actually, he was going to cum anyway. The miracles of the movie business.
  4. I can go either way as well. I have a pretty reliable technique for delaying that allows me to go for an hour or more but there are times that it just happens. The times that I cum quickly, I'm ready to go again in about 15 minutes so it's all good so long as she has something to occupy herself with in the meantime.
  5. It's an awefully small test group with whacky percentages and a whole lot of mights, maybes and coulds. I'm not terribly concerned about this. Had my vasectomy three years ago. One of the best decisions we ever made.
  6. We've done it with a regular strap on and the feeldoe. She loves doing it to me, plus our strap on has the little vibe pouch that works great on her so she's able to come while fucking me with it. It also has a vibe in the dildo that does wonders for me. As a straight male I'm not afraid to admit that I LOVE it.
  7. The only time we would consider bareback is if we were exclusive with another couple. Exclusive as in, neither couple is fucking any one else, which will probably never happen. So for us the risk is just too great. Regarding herpes, I have a friend that I have known since high school, his girlfriend has herpes which she caught from her previous boyfriend. They've been together for years, fuck like rabbits and he is still herpes free. We've had discussions about how they manage it and it's a combination of condoms, medication and her paying very close attention to what's going on down there. Condoms DO help but only if the person with herpes has the facts and is being vigilant about it. However it's true that condoms in and of themselves will do nothing to prevent it from being transmitted.
  8. The only thing we have here that is anything like this is three hours away, in another state, and only has get-togethers once a month or so. God we need to move.
  9. We talked about it for about a year before we decided to actively start looking for people. When we did find people that fit the bill it was probably four or five months before we actually worked up the comfort and the guts to do take the plunge. That was over a year ago. So I'd say that it's been about three years since the idea first hit us.
  10. I'd have to say that this is pretty much it for me. I LOVE seeing her with another man and it makes what I'm doing with his wife all the hotter for me. I'm afraid I can't break it down any simpler than that.
  11. When we first started out we decided to turn to an old fuck-buddy of hers for our first MFM. She trusted him, was comfortable with him and I trusted her judgement. We knew that he very much wanted to have sex with her again but when she brought up the possibility of a hetero three way he suddenly got very uncomfortable and declined. For us, swinging is for both of us to share and enjoy together so we do not play separately at all, not even separate rooms. However I know nothing of your relationship so that view of the lifestyle may not apply at all to you. Regardless, I would suggest that your first experience be an MFM at least, for many reasons. Naturally you want her to live out her fantasy the way she wants it but you can always do that after your first experience together. Heck, an MFM could be a good way to "screen" the guy to see if you are comfortable with him having sex with your wife when you're not around. Again though, it can be difficult to find men that are ok with this. Our initial fantasy was an MFM but it has never happened. After things with the friend didn't come together we tried AFF, yahoo, craigslist and some other things but never did find any one that fit the bill. So we turned to couples instead and have managed to fulfill bits and pieces of her fantasy to have two men and mine to see her with another man. Having the second female there turned out to be an added bonus.
  12. Yup, same here. We always talk about it as soon as we're alone together. If that just doesn't happen, right before bed is always a good time and always private.
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