bbarnsworth

Eric, read what has been said above, and read it again...and again and again and again. I would be exceptionally careful in making sure your wife is really onboard with you playing, and she not. If you don't have absolutely 100% open communication, there might be something brewing here that you know nothing about. Heart to heart communication is key here. Why do you want to play? Is there anything in it for her? Why does she want you to play? How will she feel when you come home after just having had sex with another woman? Or, would she get to watch? There's a lot of details here and I'm just scratching the surface. In 15 years, we have bumped into only a single married couple where the husband played but the wife didn't. The wife of the other couple and I really clicked, but she wasn't playing, only her husband was. My wife wasn't interested because the husband smoked. So, nothing happened. Others above are very correct; single guys are very, very, very common in the lifestyle. You are going to have to put together a fantastic profile on a swinger dating such as swinglifestyle.com. And I do mean FANTASTIC. To date, including the subject line and your three posts so far, you've managed to eek out 23 words. My wife and I do look for single males from time to time. But, if we found a profile with 23 words, we'd think "Ok, he's not really into this and hasn't put any effort forward into creating a great profile. Next!" It's trivially easy to discount single male profiles. Don't make it easy. Have a very complete, very detailed profile. Have great pictures, perhaps professionally done. You don't have to be naked in them (and as Shy_Couple said, do NOT include dick picks!), but you do have to look well groomed and in shape. If you don't get them professionally done, don't take selfies in mirrors with your cat's dirty cat pan behind you. Don't take selfies with empty Budweiser cans sitting on your dresser. Don't take selfies with you unshaven for a day. Etc. Etc. Etc. Be clear about the kind of arrangement you want, what you're up for, what you're comfortable with. Be clear you are married and playing with permission AND CAN PROVE IT. If your wife isn't willing to confirm you are playing with permission, this isn't going to go anywhere.

Haven't been, but I'll be in the area around that time. Unfortunately, I'll be visiting with someone. She's aware of my wife and I being in the lifestyle, but has no interest in it. So, can't say we could join you. Sorry nobody else has responded. Best advice? Try it. Who knows how it will go? Looking at the website, it seems like it's a very nice place!

HHgirl, it can be tricky to line everything up. We have young adults at home too, which can make it chaotic. We don't play at home for this reason. At least, not now. We have at times played at home. One time, my wife's boyfriend came over. He was known to them so it wasn't odd for him to be around. I took the kids out for ice cream. I thought I'd been gone long enough for them to get a reasonable sex session in. But, when we got home I realized they were still in our bedroom. I had to usher the kids to another part of the house. They were young enough at the time that nothing was suspected. My wife had a number of sessions at home with a different boyfriend later. In those cases, the kids were at school and it was during the day, so no worries about them walking in the door. Now, it can happen any time. We have an app on all family phones that display where everyone is. This is partly for safety, but also for ensuring no surprises Though, this is becoming less dependable now. So, we don't play at home and haven't for a while now. What we expected to happen as we got into the lifestyle way back was that my wife would need to go solo to the home of any boyfriends she developed. We always thought this would happen; if she found a guy she really enjoyed having sex with, better to keep him around. Given that, she'd likely be satisfying his sexual needs, so going to his place on a fairly frequent basis was likely going to be the case. And that's how it turned out with boyfriend #1. Boyfriend #2 was a bit far away for that to work out very much.

Well, we all have our dreams, don't we? Who's to say his is any weirder than any of ours? Still, the chances of him getting what he's looking for are about as good as him personally finding WALL-E roaming around Venus. But, there's zero chance if he doesn't try. Two thumbs up for trying.

Society strongly views cheating as a marriage breaker. If discovered, it's quite often the end of the marriage. Yet, ~50% of marriages in America have one or the other (or both!) partners cheating. No small wonder then that so many marriages end in divorce. So, if cheating is a possibility we get VERY worked up about it, looking for clues in the shadows, piecing together bits of disparate 'evidence', and concluding..."Yep, there's cheating going on, I'm just sure of it!" even though there's no smoking gun, per se. There's an old saying; in any sufficiently large scenario/organization, if you believe there's a conspiracy going on, dig hard enough and you will find evidence of it...even if it never existed. For this guy, there could be pieces of evidence that point to cheating going on, yet nothing actually going on. There's no way to be 100% certain without a smoking gun. The problem is the insecurity and jealousy will feed itself and generate problems alllll on its own even without there being cheating going on. If he confronts his wife without a smoking gun, she will be hurt...most especially if she isn't cheating. If he digs hard looking for evidence, she may start to suspect he suspects her of cheating, and if she isn't it too will cause damage to the relationship. There's no easy way through this, short of hiring ($$$) a very discreet private investigator to do the spying for you. Personally, I would not and could not accept a cheating partner. Trust is very, very important to me not from the stand point of my wife having sex with other men (obviously, since we're on this forum) but for the underpinnings of the relationship. It's a key component. I couldn't be in a marriage that didn't have that. I know from experience; I tried staying in a relationship where I cheated and my then long term girlfriend cheated (both roughly about the same time). We tried for ~2 years to make it work. Ultimately, it didn't...in large part because of the cheating, even though it never happened again. It's not the sex, it's the trust. Not all people are the same. Some people are fine not having trust as a pivotal underpinning of a relationship. If this guy is among those, that not knowing for certain about her cheating might be ideal...if he can let go of society's desperate need to act and act NOW to end the marriage because of infidelity. I'm reminded of someone who posted something here many years ago. He came home to his wife fucking a random guy in their bedroom. When he came in, he could hear them going at it. They had not detected his arrival at home. He had a choice; confront his wife and end things or join them. He chose the latter, and they stayed together. For some people that works. For me, it wouldn't, but for some it does. Thus, Numex, no I don't think your advice was bad advice. It offers another perspective, and one that probably up ended his thought process. For all we know he's now turned on by the thought of his wife cheating

UncleOops; while cumming fast might be a concern, there's a 180 flip of this that could happen as well. Quite a few men report that their first encounter in swinging resulted in Mr. Happy having a difficult time rising to the occasion. There's a misconception about men that we're all walking hormones, and just the tiniest bit of stimulation (which could be the sexy woman next door bending over in her garden to pluck some weeds) will result in rock hard erections. It just isn't so. I was 41 on her first swinging encounter. I was in good shape, healthy, all good to go. No reason to believe I would have a problem with an erection. I'd never had a problem before. We played with another couple. The woman in question was rather sexy, and of a different body type than my wife which made it all the more exciting; something new! Mentally, I was really into it...like WOW this is awesome! My wife was making delightful sounds as the husband of the other couple was playing with her. Everything good to go, right? Nope. While I did get an erection, I had some difficulty with it. About a month later, we played with the same couple. Zero problems. There's just no way to know how you will react in your first encounter, much less how Mr. Happy will react. He's got a mind of his own and cares not for the thoughts of the brain upstairs. Go into your first encounter with no expectations other than having a good time for the evening. Whatever happens (or doesn't) is good. And don't drink

Trying too hard to make it work is certainly a concern. Consider though; this isn't a romantic relationship per se, even though you might play with them for years. I mean, you might fall in love with them (you and your husband both). But, even with that it's not a standard relationship. You don't have to make everything work well. You don't have to agree on finances, who does what chores, who's doing the errand that needs to be done tonight, etc. One of the pleasures of this lifestyle is that you only have to figure out how to click sexually (if you play with them once or many times) and as friends (if you play with them many times). It's less complex :) Enjoy it for what it is, and don't stress too much about whether it's "perfect"; you'll never find that. It's a bit like an age old definition of a relationship; what their quirks are don't annoy you and vice versa. Everyone has quirks. Except in this case, the set of possible things that could be quirks that might annoy you are less because there are fewer things you have to worry about.

(take with a grain of salt; guy speaking here) I don't think it should set of alarm bells. Everybody has a kink here or there. None of us are 'normal' (whatever the hell that means). If they're clean, I don't see the harm.

What GoldCoCouple said * 1000. Even 10,000. Aww heck make it a million. I'm serious. Having totally open communication is key to successful swinging. It's something you do together. You can't do that without total communication. As GoldCoCouple said, it needs to be without judgement. Be supportive, allow her to explore her fantasies and perhaps help make them come to reality when she is ready. It doesn't sound at all like you are, but you can't talk her into it. You can open doors, let her know you are 100% onboard, but allow her to walk through that mental/emotional door.

I don't have any suggestions other than getting a golf cart and pimping it out with loofahs, pineapples, flamingos, and every other swinger symbol, and drive around in it daily. Extra points if you add pink fringe to the roof.

Aphroditee; would you mind showing us what studies you are referring to?

Those early French explorers hadn't had sex in months probably. Desperate times call for desperate geographic place naming 😄😄

Meh, definitions. Maybe it would make you a cuckold, maybe now. Who cares? :) The point is, are you and your wife both enjoying it? That's the only thing that matters. Maybe you would enjoy it. Only one way to find out ;) That said, I agree baby steps are in order. You noted earlier that the husband in the other couple is offering his wife to you...but his wife doesn't know? This seems highly contradictory. If she doesn't know a thing about any of this, then there are major red flags all over this. Either they are into it as a couple and are open with each other, or they shouldn't be a couple you play with, even if he's just playing for a notional MFM. I enjoy MFMs from time to time as the third, but it's always with full knowledge and consent of my wife.

My wife takes no pleasure (or displeasure) from watching me having sex with other women. It just doesn't do anything for her. She's happy that I'm having a good time and enjoying playing with another woman, but outside of that it doesn't do anything for her. It's not porn for me to watch my wife enjoying sex with another man. The reaction I have to porn is completely different than the reaction I have to my wife wrapped up with another man. Ok yes, I've described it before as getting to watch the best porn movie ever, starring your wife. But, it really isn't.

We didn't target finding a second masseur per se. We both understood that while swapping with couples was likely to happen, or real target early on was MFMs, which would naturally result in massage from myself and the other man at the same time. Over the years, we've had far more MFMs than couples. That's worked great for us; I "suffer" (hardly) from compersion, and absolutely love my wife having sex with other men.