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theboy

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theboy last won the day on January 31 2009

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About theboy

  • Rank
    Active Contributor
  • Birthday 03/06/1979

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    M. Male
  • Location
    Midland, MI

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    theboy_thegirl
  1. Well, it's been a long interesting few months since the last time I visited this thread. I figured that I'd update the thread with the exciting conclusion to the story. As I said above - this last couple we had issues with knew our friends, those that we formed what we had felt was a more meaningful relationship with. Anyway, from the moment that we had issues with this other couple, our previously close friends drifted away. They stopped talking to us, basically, and would frequently cancel on plans with us. We had previously done things with our kids with them as well, since they were friends to our kids as well. They started going to events and such with the other couple, which was fine. Canceled plans kept on happening. It got to a point where we expected them to cancel on us rather than the alternative. It all came to a climax recently, after another cancellation. I had again told the kids that we'd be doing something with them, and had to deal with them again being sad and angry that they couldn't see these people who they thought were their friends. I made a comment on facebook later that I probably shouldn't have. I mentioned that we were having pizza for dinner, like I had thought we would likely have. Yeah, I know. I made a mistake, but I was genuinely frustrated and didn't enjoy dealing with the repeated cancels. So the male half calls my wife and screams at her in the car on her way home from work following this, bringing her to tears. She came in the house completely upset, more than I've seen her in a long time. He spent much of the time calling her things like an 'attention whore' (for not agreeing with the male half of the other couple, I'd guess). He messages me just before she walked in, presumably to yell at me. After I calm her down, I get on the chat where he proceeds to berate me. He calls me a bad parent. He uses the knowledge that he has of our intimate details to try his hardest to hurt me. I apologize for the comment on facebook, but mention that I really felt that things had changed between us. I didn't apologize in the way he wanted, apparently. The next morning I wake up to more comments on my yahoo messenger. I tell him that these feelings just aren't mine, but those of both of us and our kids. We all had felt them pulling away. He tells me I'm a liar, that I made it all up, and then says he will still be my wife's friend but not mine. He tells me that my wife deserves better than me. I block him, being done with the whole thing. He calls her again, and leaves a voicemail. Basically he says that if she agrees with him to call him back, otherwise no call is needed since he won't be our friend any longer. She doesn't call him back. The other night he messages her for 'closure'. He proceeds to continue to blame me for the entire thing. He doesn't really care what the effects of his actions are, basically. I am, for what it's worth, the enemy. It's the same impression I had since the beginning of the troubles with the other couple - it was obvious and apparent that they took sides, and not with us. The clincher? We have been, for the past months, been trying to get pregnant. A thyroid issue had stopped us, but once that was fixed we were off to the races. We're expecting in November. Our previously close friends have also been trying to get pregnant but have not been able to. They've been trying for a lot longer than us, and the prognosis looks very bad. It was nearly immediately after we told them of our good fortune that the blow up occurred. Today we received our assorted things in the mail from them, things we had given or left over at both the couples houses, sent in one box. Why did I write all this? Catharsis, mostly. At this point I'm fairly done with having close swinger friends. The non-swinger friends have been much less volatile. We've already taken a break from swinging because of the baby - this ensures that we won't miss it much during this time. We need to concentrate on each other. I've never had much problems with friends in the past. I don't know why it's so different for swinger people, but it seems to be.
  2. I just read this entire thread. Epic. Reminds me of another forum I post at where a lot of personal advice is often asked, and ignored. Here's what's often posted to summarize it, and always makes me laugh: OP: "Help! HELP! I'm stuck in a well!!!" posters1-4: "Climb! Climb up and take our hands!" OP: "I'm thinking I should dig... should I dig?" poster5: "NO! I was trapped in a well, and digging is a bad idea! Climb out!" posters6-8: "Were lowering ropes! Take hold of a rope!" poster9: "I've even tied a harness to the end of this one!" OP: "I can feel the ropes, but I don't want to hold onto them... should I dig?" poster10: "No! If you dig, you'll hit water, and then you'll be proper fucked. I should know, I almost drowned." OP: "I dug a little bit just now, and I haven't hit water. I'm gonna keep digging..." posters11-18: "No! Climb! Climb out!" OP: "Guys, I'm seriously stuck in this well! Help! HELP!!!" poster19: "I was trapped in a well once. It took me two years, but I managed to build a climbing machine that pulled me to safety out of a well bucket and a pocket watch. I'm dropping the blueprints, extra buckets, and an assortment of pocket watches." poster20: "I've engineered a jet-pack that will rocket you to safety. Stay where you are and we'll lower it down!"" "OP: "Thanks for your help, guys. I'm gonna keep digging. I'll find the Mines of Moria and I'll just walk to the surface." **posters1-20 piss in the well** poster21: "Guys, seriously... stop peeing in the well.""
  3. I saw a picture tonight on swinglifestyle's 'random matches'. It was amazing. There was a black box to the left of the person. There was a black box over his head. So what do we have left? Half of a torso, holding a beer. Well done.
  4. This. Very insightful. These issues (specifically #2 couple for me) have really made me not want to continue for a while. The highs are SO high though, when all is going well.
  5. No, you're absolutely right. I find it hard to draw the line though I guess. Or we have in the past, anyway. We're at 1 for god knows how many we've talked to/interfaced with/had sex with since we started. It's another degree of separation, in between the not-outside-friends at all and what we've been trying to do, apparently. The thing is, we thought we were this last time. Stable marriage... previous experience in swinging.. professional couple... similar (we thought) mindset... then the mask fell off... Thank you all for your help. It's been something I've been pondering these past few days and this has helped me think of other options or ideas...
  6. Didn't it have something to do with swingy the swing?? Yeah, I'm wondering if it might be confirmation bias, a little. I'm looking for peoples problems now having seen so much and finding them, obviously. We've often made this exact statement. We should follow in your footsteps perhaps, with the rest of what you typed. This also ... perhaps turned on a light above my head! This seems wise.
  7. While this is what I'd prefer to do in this situation, they're as I said getting to be friends with the other people we also know. We don't want to put anyone in the middle or make them feel like they have to choose or whatever. Perhaps that's a wrong way to think... Absolutely not. Perhaps in this situation a slow backing away would be the best bet? I'm not going to, ya know, hang out with them. But we also don't want it to be awkward if we both end up in the same place at the same time too, no? Thanks for this. It's kinda easy for me to be cynical given our experiences. I dunno, maybe it's a regional thing? Anyway.. we've met some really good ones too, but I think we need to place less emphasis on being friendly, for sure.
  8. Thanks It seems the more and more we delve into this stuff, the more I'm convinced that the only person that I can trust at all is my wife. So many people seem to have agendas. Maybe our bad experiences have clouded my view of this, but I dunno...
  9. Well, the 10 month thing is a LOT longer than any other couple that we've ever waited to meet. That's a bit different than normal for us, but otherwise... yeah that's a good review of what happened with the last one. We're not so 100% set in our ways that we're not willing to compromise, but alas, we'll never know now. I feel like all this could have been avoided if we didn't see them as friends in the in-between stages. And we certainly wouldn't have to deal with seeing them when we get together with our other friends in the future had we kept them all separate. I guess the silver lining is that they're extremely shy swingers, and as such won't be going to any parties.
  10. I often need a beer or two to start being more social when we go to dances and the like, because I'm by nature a shy person. A beer or two just lubes me up and takes away some of the edge to the shyness. I tell a lot of people that I'm shy afterwards and they're like 'oh, no, you're not shy!' - but I truly am! This new years eve we went to a bar meet-n-greet thing after midnight, and I had not drank anything - I was rather quiet. Now, meetings with a couple that I'm already comfortable with? No booze needed, though sometimes it is fun to have a drink beforehand.
  11. Yeah, I came for the experts While I know a year isn't that long, I feel like we're not quite the newbies trying stuff out for the first time. I also feel like we might have this thing TOTALLY wrong and need correction. School of hard knocks indeed! We spent a good portion of the summer going to all manner of lifestyle events, including some fun camping trips and the like. We called it 'the summer of debauchery' and we enjoyed ourselves greatly. Real life called us back after summer ended, which is good because partying like rockstars all the time - well, I think we're getting too old for that perhaps! Another thing I've noticed, and not necessarily just with the 'bad experience' couples, is that there are a certain amount of marriages of people in the lifestyle that seem to just be going 'poof'. I know of 1 struggling marriage, 1 impending divorce, 1 separation, and so forth just in the past few months. We've stayed away from those (except for the first chameleon like one) pretty well, but... it seems, at least in our neck of the woods, that the lifestyle seems to attract these damaged couples like a bug-zapper in the deep woods. This high probability of failure seems to make them more susceptible to causing issues in our lives. Thanks for the feedback. I hope there'll be more.
  12. Oh no, it wasn't rash or anything. I appreciate all feedback and would rather have it 'given to me straight' than have it laid out all non-confrontationally and such anyway That's rather similar to the one couple that we're very good friends with now. They have, indeed, become part of our lives and we trust them very much. I'm finding that they're the exception, not the rule. One thing of note though, we started out not really pursuing them sexually, nor they us, because we didn't have what we felt at the time to be compatible desires. We talked anyway and found that we had some stuff in common, and so that's where we went from there. We do a LOT of our meeting stuff online, about 90% I'd say. Because of that chatting is a big part of the whole experience, or has been in the past. Do you maintain contact with these people in this manner, or are you guys not really into that either? I'm guessing not. I guess we basically wanted to have our cake and eat it too, as it were. I sit here now after the woman from the third couple tried to contact me today again and wonder.... how am I going to excise this person from my day to day life having introduced them to others we know. And then thinking about how we did it the last two times... (sigh)
  13. As my wife describes, this may be part of the problem we have as well. I think we're just too nice, too accepting, and as such we look past faults. Granted, some of these have been hidden pretty well underneath long term marriages (the controlling guy, the splitting marriage, etc). But I think if we had gotten to know them longer before introducing them to others we know.... but again that goes back to the feeling that we *can* have friends as swingers and swingers as friends. And right now, after this last one, I don't know if it's possible moving forward to be anything but friendly to people at events and such. It's a total change from where we were in perspective.
  14. I'm beginning to think that this sort of setup is the wisest system. Really, the first couple we had a problem with appeared to be stable. Longer marriage, just built a house together, etc etc... Then they took their masks off after we had already got very involved in everything, and showed their true selves. The second couple, well, that was probably my fault. The third, another nice appearing professional couple. Everything's fine, then suddenly we step on a drama-landmine and their masks come off. When you incorporate people into your lives, it becomes difficult to 'oust' them, especially if they've become friends with your friends and so forth. We don't require friendships before/after any play but we had previously been both ok with it and interested in pursuing it with people we felt we could do so with. I'm not so sure that this is going to be the case anymore. I think whenever you get involved with someone, whether in swinging or no, there's the chance that you're going to get involved with some of their drama. How much of this is because of the swinging, and how much is just people being people? Thank you for your feedback.. I hope that I can use this forum to gain some further insight. I don't think of ourselves as 'swinging newbies' anymore, but we're for sure not at the pro level LOL
  15. See, we've always thought that the whole openness of swinging, and really the whole mindset of people that do it, are enjoyable to be around. So we thought (perhaps erroneously) that we could incorporate these people into our everyday lives. We hold so many secrets, and it was good to be able to have some people whom we didn't keep our 'hobby' as we refer to it a secret from.
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