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widowerman

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About widowerman

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    Single Male
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    Northern New Jersey
  1. How about “pity sex”? Anyone ever do it just because it seemed necessary?
  2. Well, I say this much, I really must have hit a nerve. Personally, I want to thank each and everyone for the total support of this study. The data keeps pouring in and we are discovering some truths about what is out there. Good dialog, keep it up. And thank you, each and everyone of you! Widowerman
  3. That is an interesting point you bring up. Now I have a follow up; since you admit what most if not all of us have been thinking anyway, how do any of you folks handle a situation where you are the object of desire and the person who wants to hook up briefly with you cannot because he or she has rules with their partner? I know this is that drama thing mentioned on other forums. However, I believe it does fit in here. I personally have been told that I am off limits because of my status on multiple occasions by women. They want to have sex with me, or even to talk to me just in general, however, they live by and obey their rules with their partners. This translates into that jealousy factor. Now, on many occasions I will have a partner that I do couple up with when we go to some parties. And even there, if she, my partner is not attractive enough for the male, we get turned down. As the party moves on, I will then be approached by the female who we were attracted to and she will admit she would have sex with me in a heartbeat, if only her male partner had something in it for him. So, Ken and Barbie are alive and well in swingland USA. Now that is a phenomenon I find interesting for swingers. I do observe the rules, of others. I, on the other hand, have no rules. Do any of you have rules on swinging? Would you prevent your partner from having a good time because there is nothing for you to gain? I will allow my partner to have sex with whomever she wants. It is her right as well as her desire. Does that make me uncomfortable with her activities? No. This is swinging to me. On a personal note, my lady friend with benefits hides the fact that she has had on occasions, had sex. I ask her in a general direct way and she comes out in a round about way that she has had sex when I was not around. Duh, this does not bother me in the least. I do not have drama queen moments. Her, on the other hand, will rear her head in the awful green monster of jealousy if I told her that I found a women attractive enough to have sex with. She is insecure, while I feel very secure. It is all about the eye candy appeal. I can pass myself off as eye candy when need be. I hit the treadmill, the weight bench; even try to read up on current events to have my own opinions. I just do not like the jealousy factor baggage that comes along on too many occasions. That is not what swinging is about, to me anyway. I think I see that crack of lighting well in advance of it striking me on the criticism trail. So be it. BTW, Chicup, I like your style and your concern on being eye candy for the ladies. That is what this is all about, and that is exactly what is on this very site for multiple advertisements. Not many will admit to it, but sex is about bragging rights on the hot number that was bagged. Just look at the pop up ads right here. Do you see “normal” folks having sex or do you see Ken and Barbie, and Barbie’s friend, Stacy, having sex? I still stand by my views; sex is 90% visual. p.s. Please pardon the unintentional pun.
  4. But you do see it first. Just like, I asked. First, it is a visual clue and then it is the talking. I still say, it is just like high school. By the way, a general question to the public; have you ever turned someone down because they were just not “your type”? And then hook up with someone else at the same meeting, whether it is a party or club almost right in front of the person you turned down?
  5. As for men are more visual then women, see my last post. As for doing anyone, I have been to a few parties and I just shake my head. I have to admit, almost all of the men will seek out the most “attractive” woman to have sex with. And when they can’t fit in, they go to second best, and then third and then, so forth and so on down the line. I personally cannot do it. I just watch human nature unfold in front of me, and take anthropology notes. Hey, it’s just like high school all over again! Now all we need is Disney to make it a musical. Accept my apologies in advance, for I know I am a lighting rod to criticism. I just needed to know some real truths out there.
  6. When I say visual, I mean as a generalization of everything we see. It could be a fancy car, a woman, a man, and even a work of art. I do not understand your question, “What do you do in the dead of night. Y’know, in the DARK?” Are you asking do I fantasize? I may very well; however, I am a sleep I have no idea. Do I wake up with a hard on? Yes. Not always, I am human. I did find it interesting that you do admit looks are great, a shape is nice and then begin the personality test. However, how can looks alone perceive a personality? You first see someone and then you talk to him or her, if there is some sort of attraction. I am not forming opinions at all. I am more inclined to have this as an honest poll, a question and answer period. So far, I can see that people are genuinely honest that visual impact is a key. Like you stated and in my paraphrased way, we all seem to look at that fast looking sports car, even when it is standing still. We like the sweeping lines and the general toughness the car exhibits. The car could be a lemon, but we all still look at it. And we fantasize. Here is a quick story. I met two women at a motel party a few months ago. They wanted to get back into swinging so they joined in the party. However, when they saw the pickings, saw me, and looked at the pickings once more, they bolted for the door with me in tow. They later admitted that sex is 90% visual. I do not have to draw you picture. I just state facts. And this is where I ask everyone in a open honest way, “Is sex 90% visual?” I am forming the opinion that looks do carry the day. Newbie or otherwise.
  7. That is an interesting theory as well as an insight. This brings out another important theme. Even if you were blind, could you enjoy someone’s touch only? Eventually you are going to let your fingers do the walking and even though you cannot see a face, you can easily make out body features. Will that turn you off if suddenly you discover that this person is differently portioned, aka they have too little body fat or too much body fat? We have all heard of the “darkroom” scenario such as the room is completely dark and full of people. Everyone is touching everyone else and even there you can make out body shapes. Alternatively, you see everyone before the lights go out so you have an idea what is in there with you. You see beautiful people, and not so beautiful people. Would you be turned on or turned off? On the other hand, is sex, just sex?
  8. Yeah, I’m getting like that now also. I am becoming very picky with the women. I mean some should really start hitting the salad bar and treadmill instead of the steak and TV remote. Thanks for the feedback!
  9. OK, I have two serious questions. Is sex 90% visual? As in, the object of your affection has to be great looking, good looking, somewhat good looking, who the hell is looking? Second, question: would you have sex with just about anything that is available? Second question, part B: And if you do, why?
  10. Yeah, I love to cuddle after my swing partner orgasms. It is fun! That is of course she does orgasm. Hey, I try my best! In fact, on real special evenings, her orgasm becomes my calling card. I have had that happen. My swing partner told me it would happen, and it does. Beats doing that nervous 7th grader foot-in-my-disease of stuttering like a nerd to talk to a naked woman! Hell, I was like that with my wife after almost 22 years of marriage! So, to cuddle with a woman who I help have an orgasm. YOU BET! Nothing could be finer! I hold her, she holds me. We hug, we kiss. We make small talk and our bodies are warm together. Just like Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in From Here to Eternity! Now to get that seaweed out of our hair. We made love, we are not in love. There is no shame to in that. Nevertheless, it is exciting. I just always try to say something different to each woman. That is only fair. Sometimes we say nothing; we let our bodies have their own dialog. I am very appreciative of woman, and there is nothing greater than that all too familiar ego boost, the thank you from her. Reminds me of my wife.
  11. It is like any other business and with those liabilities. Then there is the taxman. With most businesses, you have to balance the input with the output. In addition, you cannot have a bar, no liquor. You could make it a co-op. Sell shares only to those who can be swingers. Alternatively, in some cases, just to single women. I am not to sure how it would run with single men joining. However, let us assume that you could charge a flat fee of $600 per year per couple, or $450 per single. I would charge higher for all singles as a precautionary measure. If the single then becomes a couple with someone else outside the co-op, you could use a prorated formula to make up the difference in your fiscal year. Moreover, as any other business, you could have a pay by month fee. Make sure this fee is larger than that $600 per year fee. It gives incentive for the swinger, or client, if you prefer to call them that to be full time. Then of course you have to have days of operation. Saturday’s into Sunday’s is a good example. That seems to be the norm. Of course, my favorite hotel party is very classy. The hostess dreams up themes for their get together. She is in effect, a marketing genius. You get to play and you have a fantasy in place. You pay $70 and they even have food. Another hotel party I have been at charges a little less. However, theirs is not that fancy. You do in effect get what you pay for. Regrettably, for me, due to this lousy economy, I have only been to four last year. I live way out in the woods so playtime for me is far and few in between, for now. Gas prices are a killer! YIKES! However, as I was saying, swinger clubs like any other business or song or book, needs a hook. If you can find that special something, that hook, you are in. You can keep it going and you do not always have to treat it as a business. As the night grows older and your guests are well taken care of, as host and hostess, you can join in the merriment. They always do! So in effect, yes, I would like to own, or more part own a swinger’s club. I would treat it as a socialist co-op. X amount of money goes in; X amount of money goes out to cover expenses. However, organized hotel parties are already like that. Therefore, to have a club as it were, is almost dead. Taking a cue from the two hotel parties I have been at and I say, why bother to run a swinger club. Now if those hotel parties would sell a yearly-reduced subscription I would feel better about it. It is that co-op idea. However, I know why they will not, what happens if partners split up during the year? Who gets the reduced rate? In addition, you now have the potential of the dreaded single man. He puts the universe out of conjoinment. He is now the loose cannon where there is one cannon too many and not enough battlefields. However, at the parties I have been at, I have seen the off-balance wheel alignment first hand. The rouge male hardly ever effects the playtime. As always, there are doers and watchers. Some men like to watch their women have a good time, so the universe is well balanced.
  12. I stand corrected! Certification, funny thought. I misunderstood that wording. I now understand that it means a desirability to screw with them. As in, “do you come with references?” Just like a black book idea. That reminds me of the Ken and Barbie syndrome mixed with the dependability factor. Hey, this swinging is just like a blind date. You can always say no to people who do not fit you expectations. And they can say no to you. My partner and I do not engage in that game of references. If they, the potential playmates don’t like us, highly unlikely, they can say thanks, no thanks. And we never turn down anyone, it is just not right to do so. They are people too! My first experiences with swinging were with my partner and the other couple who just started swinging. They were repeatedly turned down because they were “not the right type”, a.k.a. persons of girth. We still played with them. The wife of the male was very kind hearted. We all had a great time, if I went with the who you had sex with before, I would have missed out a lot. So no certs for us! Hope this is more on topic. It’s been a long day!
  13. I had to unique story of being sort after to “join” the “club” I met my swing partner on a nude beach last summer. Within 15 minutes she told me about her lifestyle. Within 15 minutes I wanted to try it. I was not looking for a bi-sexual female swinger, she fell out of the sky and landed on my face, literally. At the time I was a widower for 7 months. Prior to that I had no sex for 3 ½ years due to my wife’s advanced cancer. The thought of swinging was a distant fantasy that I had researched online for a book I would write for my wife. The main character would be a swinger, but that was to be a minor point of the story. So you can say I did have some advanced book knowledge of swinging without actually hands on. Being worst than a novice I dropped the idea of swinging for my character. The lifestyle had enough damage done to it without my help. But now out of the whole beach of naked people my girl homed in on me. My first experience with a house party was almost disastrous. The two women there did not respond to me, however, my girl and I put on a show for our house hosts. And that got them hot and bothered. My partner really enjoys a great licking and that is one of my strong points. She would later tell me that she knew of those women and they liked the idea of “punishing” a man by not responding. Weird to think of people like this. My second encounter went much better and the woman was very responsive, even complimenting me. My third experience was a little tough on me. I was very shy and there had to be at least 10 other couples at the party. It took me awhile and now when I look back, I won’t be that shy anymore. I enjoy this lifestyle very much. I just love the sex with the women and I enjoy my partner even more. There is nothing more pleasing than having a woman orgasm by moaning loudly, cursing your name, shouting words that would make a longshoreman blush, crush your head between her sexy creamy thighs and then thanking you for it! And that was just with my wife in the good old days that were transported to the very recent past of swinging. Like as if I really did something “special” for these lovelies. Hey, I know I’m a tool, a happy slippery tool with a tongue that likes what it licks and fingers that probe and probe. Damn, I just love sexy women!
  14. You know I have a story that my partner tells me, “Hey hon, if we’re at a party and some guy is doing me, nothing is stopping you from getting it on with another girl. That’s what this swinging is all about, one upmanship!” She would conclude with, “Besides, me seeing you or knowing you are getting it on with another woman turns me on like no body’s business!” So her saying is, “Fuck like you’ve never fucked before! Just make sure to leave me some.” So if your wife swings when you’re not there, is she cheating or trying to get a rise out of you? She admits she’s been with other men when you’re not there, why would she fess up and give up all the details? As for “so many men”, it seems like a double standard to me. So many men = experience. So many women = lust Personally, I think she is trying to get a rise out of you for two types of sex; 1) revenge sex that you will have with another woman telling your wife how this other woman did this and that, 2) to get you hot enough to want to fuck her brains out. She’s looking for that mind blowing orgasm we are all hoping for. Like it was already stated, you knew she was a swinger, you’ve swung with her. Did you really think she would settle down? Why? She enjoys sex and I’ll assume so do you. And don’t forget to communicate, with each other and with your playmates. Sex is what it is, sex. Love has no definition that can be put into simple words or actions. Of all the strangest emotions love has no boundaries or limits. It can even transcend the grave. It’s the memories of a sunny day or a cold cloudy winter morning. Snuggling together or being worlds apart. And even those terms cannot say anything about love. As for trusting your wife ever again, in what matters are you asking of trust? Trust in not enjoy herself; trust that you may not be her ultimate? That’s life and all of its faults and glories. Without being clichéd about it, this too will all work its self out with realized dreams and surprises along the way. Live your life, get home safe, and above all if we are to fight let’s fight for something meaningful, like the end of war.
  15. I’d do it and my reasons are self centered. First off, I’m not married, hence my handle, so I could not embarrass my wife, like I could anyway. But I would not “perform” for the cameras. I’d answer questions honestly and when I mean honestly I mean no prefabs about constant sex, we all know that is not the case, just like the vanillas in their lives, our sex is sometimes there and at other times a “no play date”. As for it being depicted as evil and bad, and as one nut job said, “It’s in the bible that says it is bad”, I offer war, pestilence, loss of human rights and all the true evils that for some unknown reason are accepted in this world as truly evil in direct contrast of adult sex. I mean boys and girls after your play dates do you form a circle, bring out the plans placing them on the floor with the dynamite and nail bombs and chant, “Death to America” Death to Israel” “Death to the non-Believer” ? Nah, I didn’t think so. So what is evil and wrong about sex and loving I ask again and again and again? And I’m still looking in that holy of holies, in whatever bible you choose about swingers. I see concubines, that guy with a bunch of wives, sex slaves, sex with a maiden because you own her and such, and all of this is sanctioned by some God in those holy of holies. So just exactly where is that condemnation about swinging again in those books of great knowledge? I read about, murder, war, condemning to death for stealing a goat, rape and every evil you can imagine in such a bestseller but not one word about swinging. So like I said, let’s get this record straight once and for all. The only apparent evil about swinging appears to be not enough parties! As for my family “finding” out, what would I care? I mean come on boys and girls, did anyone ever ask you if you had sex with your significant other? I didn’t think so. I don’t think my kids are ever going to ask me what I did with their mother in bed, how I got her to do this, and me doing that, and don’t forget how she really liked this!, it’s just something no one is really comfortable talking about. I don’t ask what they do in their sex lives and I’m sure no one will ask me. I’m just not that open. However, I know a man who swings with his wife and often times this man’s sisters also swing at the same party. No, they don’t swing together, but they could be in the same room getting, how do you kids say it, getting their groove on. Now that is openness! Glasnost in its true meaning. I couldn’t do that! I guess I’m a prude. But then again, I’ve really only being in this lifestyle not even a year yet. My partner has a similar situation that this man I just talked about has. Her son is a swinger, he has a wife who does not swing, a girlfriend the wife knows about who swings – without the wife knowing that part of the story, and her son also has a mistress who swings with him and his girlfriend. The wife is not aware of the mistress. What a guy! So perhaps, sex drive runs in the family. I don’t know, that’s for some anthropologist to study. So yes, I’d participate in a swinger’s documentary, even with my limited experience I’d think I’d have something to bring to the table. As for my self centered motives, I’d figure since I’m a single male who can partner with my “mistress”, it would enhance my reputation and not all you other guys out there, I want to be that What a Guy!. Now if I could only lose those damn 15lbs. That’s my 2 Kopecks for what it’s worth.
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