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socolais

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socolais last won the day on April 9 2020

socolais had the most liked content!

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About socolais

  • Rank
    nothin special
  • Birthday 07/02/1956

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    M. Male - half of a novice swinging couple
  • Location
    Dallas
  • Interests
    woodworking, machining, fishing
  • Swinging Experience
    Just a few fun encounters

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    Bruce_Melissa

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  1. New members with pics generally get lots of initial contacts, call it the fresh meat effect. I think it is easy for them to get confused and send a response intended for a different profile. If they're doing it right, they're most likely swamped in discovery mode and intoxicated by the recently boosted libido. I suggest, let it ride and contact them later if there's still an interest. I don't offer corrections or improvements to other folks I don't know, it rarely comes across as genuinely helpful.
  2. Glad yall had a wonderful experience, cougars are an interesting species. I wonder about the story from the perspective of the other husband.
  3. socolais

    Special K

    Karezza offers an opportunity to counteract the effects of sexual habituation (the gradual loss of that honeymoon feeling). Swinging also has a reputation for busting habituation (novel sex partners invoke a dose of New Relationship Energy). It was the effect on habituation that got us interested in Karezza because we had slowed down in our sex party activities and felt the onset of habituation. So, yes, our observation is that Karezza works. We think the effect also compliments swinging in a very fun way. I also think experienced swingers have a head start in practicing Karezza because of exposure to the periodic impulses of NRE.
  4. socolais

    Special K

    I would be skeptical of any formal Karezza training, but I guess somebody out there conducts organized workshops. A couple hours following Google will be enough to understand the basics sufficient to make a decision to pursue it or not. I believe full understanding can't be had until it is experienced - too many subtle nuances that may be unique to individuals. I encourage everyone with the curiosity to give it a try. The worst case is that you loose a month's worth of orgasms. The up side is new skills in the bedroom. It takes a commitment from both spouses to really give it a fair evaluation.
  5. socolais

    Special K

    So, we've been playing the Karezza game for about four months now and have refined a few of our earlier observations. Think of the continuum between sexual satisfaction and sexual frustration much like the number line we all learned in grade school. Frustration, would be the negative numbers and satisfaction the positive. We each have a range of preferred locations along this line. A fulfilling and exciting sexual encounter is likely to put us higher on the scale of satisfaction. Any particular sexual event is quite likely to be more satisfying to one person than another. Frustration events are also likely to be evaluated at different points along the line by each participant. The sad part is, a satisfying event for one person may invoke frustration in another. We each have our own individual "balance point" and are typically motivated to preserve a positive slant in our sexual behavior. When we feel the onset of frustration (or an undesirable backslide in that direction), we are motivated to seek out sexual interaction we expect to be rewarding and satisfying. The real trick is maintaining a healthy positive balance for both partners in the relationship. Karezza has a unique way of satisfying that keeps us closer to our balance point and therefore "needing" more frequent encounters to preserve our positive balance. In our early experiments with Karezza, that balance was fun simply because it kept us "hungry" for the next playtime. A constant state of hunger looses its novelty fairly quickly and the perception of frequent "sexual need" is quite less than satisfying. Practicing pure Karezza is like "edging" on the frustration boundary. The occasional orgasms are ferociously intense and explosively satisfying, but they violate the purity of Karezza and have a negative influence toward the dreaded state of habituation. We're searching for the balance point that keeps us both smiling with orgasmic bliss and enthusiastically wanting the next soulfully satisfying cuddle. Throw the occasional sex party into that mix and we hope for a blue ribbon recipe for the sexual side of happiness. We still like the non-goal oriented aspect of Karezza for routine penetrative cuddles while we acknowledge our need for special orgasms. The negative aspect of the orgasms are balanced by the adventurous sex party. We both feel Karezza has made us better lovers by promoting attention toward simple pleasures and decreasing attention toward orgasms. Our lovemaking is now much more playful and sensual.
  6. That sounds like the perfect party. Consider yourselves lucky!!
  7. Impressive wisdom, life is way too short and much too precious to postpone the enjoyable opportunities.
  8. I guess the grandfather was in a different time zone for a while I know what you mean about not consciously hearing the chimes. We have an old Seth Thomas mantle clock that I enjoy. The hinge on the glass door over the clock face is well worn and it takes a special touch to properly latch closed. I'm the only one who messes with it, so no problem. When I become a spirit, I think I don't want to inhabit some old noisy clock. I think I'd rather take up residence in someone's Hitachi Wand
  9. I like "expecto pudenda". I used "snatch" for the double entendre playing off of "grab ya"
  10. I suppose, it's existence is not dependent on your or my beliefs. What exactly IS "sex magic"? Is sex ALWAYS magic even when we don't intentionally desire any conjuring? Every civilization has a complex set of rules that limit individual sexual behavior. Violators are labeled as deviants and they suffer social disapproval. The limitations serve to restrict the exploration and practice of sex magic. I think "sex" is a conduit of strong cosmic energy and this energy CAN be intentionally manipulated through skillful channeling. I also believe we can benefit from this energy flow without fully understanding all the nuances of directing this energy traffic. The corollary of course is that we can also suffer undesirable consequences as a result of it's unfortunate misdirection - all without the requirement for knowing or even believing. Let's assume "sex magic" is real - and by that, I mean it is possible to observe PREDICTABLE RESULTS for which we have no other reasonable explanation. We perceive a cause and effect relationship between specific sexual activity and "curious results". Let's also assume almost any participant(s) can invoke low levels of this magic by following a "recipe" (ritual) without a requirement for specific mystical training or unique personal characteristics. Let's explore "swinging sex" from this perspective. The predictable curious result is a special closeness within the marital relationship (it may be difficult to put into words, but we all recognize it in ourselves and others) - a love spell we cast upon ourselves collectively. The ritual is a simple drama free sex party of mature experienced swinger couples. No need to recite magic spells, charm a circle or summon elementals for protection. No one gets hurt, abused or disrespected. Everyone enthusiastically participates of their own volition and is satisfied at the conclusion of the ritual. The interesting feature of this simple magic is that it is all internal to the participants. We're not casting love spells on innocent bystanders (psionic rape) nor divining next week's lottery numbers (predatory greed). The swingers party ritual is simple and there are many variants on the theme which are likely to produce similar results and as we all know, there are other variants where people get their feelings hurt that tend to invoke some undesirable results or reduce the magnitude of the desirable results. The spell normally has a reasonable durability and the need for it to be refreshed will vary among the participants. What more could you want from some simple low level magic that doesn't require years of special preparation or consume special magic components? I believe Karezza is another magic sexual ritual, but that's another chapter.....
  11. I see you have a healthy curiosity and you're a good communicator - they will serve you well in your new adventures. When my wife and I were first contemplating the possibility of swinging, we were unsure about how close to normal swingers could possibly be. We were concerned we would run into too many sex perverts and destroy all the goodness we had built into our relationship. Our fears were quickly squelched when we met face to face with several couples (experienced swingers near our age). After a few phone conversations and email streams, we found a beginner friendly, private house party and had an exciting time just talking and observing. Lots of stomach butterflies, and a quick understanding of how "normal" and respectful swingers can be. I'm not saying this idea would work for everyone, but it worked very well for us. There is lots of good information in the old threads on this board.
  12. Welcome to the board, I hope you find the information you're looking for. You didn't mention how long you two have been married, and that's not really a big determinant. It generally works out to be a good rule of thumb that a couple needs time to learn each other deeply before they are ready for swinging. Remember that "honeymoon feeling"? Do both of you want it back? When you get it back and can communicate well with each other, THEN swinging CAN help enhance that feeling and help keep it around for as long as you want it. If you feel swinging is not right for you, there are other ways that can help. Either way, it requires determination and effort. Good luck with your new adventure
  13. socolais

    Fixation

    I think that's one of the common traps of swinging, we've found ourselves in a similar situation. The playtime is so good and so much fun that something inside us wants to do it again and again. Then one day we notice that we're getting too close to them for our emotional comfort. I think most experienced swingers will appreciate the situation you've found yourselves in and understand your need for new variety. Don't sweat the small stuff, this is an indication of advancement as respectful swingers.
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