How to say good-bye?

[b_and_sc]

We've been into this for almost a year now and so far it's been great!! Except for playing at Hedo though, we've only been with one other couple and it's starting to feel like we're 'married' to them. If I'm chatting with them and take more than a few seconds to respond, they get upset and start questioning if I'm 'dating' anyone else. So far we haven't been, but we think it may be time to move on...or at least expand our play list.

How do you say you want to date other people without hurting their feelings?? I'm not saying I don't want to be with them again, but I need some variety...and I'm afraid if I say just that, they'll be hurt and may not expand their horizons either (this is based on knowing them pretty well). I think we could stay friends and still play on occasion, but I think they are very comfortable with the way things are right now


bSurrender

[EternallySingle]

I have read over and over and over again on this board how couples are afraid of getting involved with single men because the man might get too attached to them and not want them to see other people or always try to meet with them when its convenient for him. In that situation everyone says they tell the guy to get lost because he's being too clingy or controlling or making them uncomfortable.

My question is how is this different? Everyone has to be on the same sheet of music in order to enjoy themselves, especially in swinging. If you are looking to be with other couples and this couple is offended, tell them you are looking to meet other people and you want them to remain friends. If they can't accept that, you have to either decide to play by their rules and not complain, or tell them you have to go your own way. Plain and simple. No use trying to please someone at the expense of your own pleasure if they are not your significant other. Compromise only goes so far.

As far as them being impatient because it takes more than a few seconds to respond when chatting, they are just being unrealistic. If I didn't type 60+ words a minute, I would NEVER be able to finish one of my posts before the compuer timed out and disconnected.

[Brit_Pair]

Originally posted by EternallySingle
If you are looking to be with other couples and this couple is offended, tell them you are looking to meet other people and you want them to remain friends. If they can't accept that, you have to either decide to play by their rules and not complain, or tell them you have to go your own way. Plain and simple. No use trying to please someone at the expense of your own pleasure if they are not your significant other. Compromise only goes so far.

Dito Sound advice.

You're obviously hankering after new horizons. Unless you're prepared to sacrifice that desire, you're going to have to risk offending this couple.

How do you tell them? Just be honest; explain what it is you want, that you'd like to expand your play list. Tell them that it's nothing to do with them, and everything to do with you. If they're the sort of people you'll want to stay in contact with (and continue to play with on occasion), they'll respect your position, even if they are disappointed that your relationship will no longer be on a mutually exclusive footing. However, if they stamp their feet and give you a hard time, then perhaps it would not be such a great loss to cut ties with them completely.

[TNT]

The one piece of advice that I give to everyone new that I talk to is...Always remember it is about the two of you and it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

I really don’t see where it is this other couples business what the hell you two do unless when you started the play relationship you all agreed that you would be totally monogamous with each other. If this is not the case, what’s the problem? Yes, I understand you don’t want to hurt their feelings, but what about yourselves? It’s your life you have to live, not theirs, and I don’t believe in allowing anyone to run my life for me.

During a chat session if they ask if you are “dating” anyone else, simply state that no you aren’t dating anyone (including them) but we are chatting with other couples and have plans on meeting them sometime soon. If they can’t deal with this, that’s their problem not yours.

A prime case where communication is so important. When starting a play relationship you really have to let the other people know exactly what you are looking for, i.e...friends with benefits, one night playmates, long term playmates, a monogamous type of play relationship or someone you can get together with whenever time allows for both parties.

If you did state in the beginning that you were wanting a monogamous relationship and now you are having second thoughts then you have to speak up and call it quits; isn’t that what people do in a normal dating relationship?

Basically, you are NOT married to this couple and your life is not theirs to control. All you can really do is as ES and Prit_Pair said is be honest about what you want. They will either deal with it or not.

Teresa

[Alura]

Originally posted by b_and_sc
We've been into this for almost a year now and so far it's been great!! Except for playing at Hedo though, we've only been with one other couple and it's starting to feel like we're 'married' to them.


bSurrender

We had a similar problem. Once you get used to a couple it becomes, as Mrs. Alura put it, "Just like ol' married folks."

Here's what we did:

We suggested to our friends that our play was getting "like ol' married folks." After the four of us had a good laugh about that, we discussed it and decided to add a third couple to our play.

It didn't work out for unrelated reasons, but looked promising. Y'all might try it. Let us know what y'all decide.

Mr. Alura

[fun_pairTX]

We are already have an exclusive love relationship with each other, we don't need of want a permanent relationship with anyone else. We wouldn't have let it go as far as it has already. You need to rectify the situation somehow, how is up to you.

[b_and_sc]

thanks everyone...

yeah, I totally agree with everything that was written, and really knew it already...I guess I just needed to know I wasn't being unfair, but you're right, we have to be fair to US first and foremost


thanks for the afirmation!!!!!


b

[artboy]

Originally posted by TNT

During a chat session if they ask if you are “dating” anyone else, simply state that no you aren’t dating anyone (including them) but we are chatting with other couples and have plans on meeting them sometime soon. If they can’t deal with this, that’s their problem not yours.

Big time Dito ...very well said!!!

[dcwsgirl]

Originally posted by TNT
[B]Always remember it is about the two of you and it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

I love this statement!

[SluttyWife]

Simple. Don't make it clear from the get-go that you have lots of "intimate" friends! I don't think there's any way around the hurt feelings but an honest heart-to-heart is a must.
I'd phone your friends and tell them that you'd like to meet and have a little talk about your swingstyle (for lack of a better word.)
<pssst...Anyone know how to say this? > and maybe even invite them to parties where they can meet other couples, too. That way no one feels entirely excluded. I think that's what most of the jealousy is about anyway. Kind of like kids in a playground. No one likes being left out...

I'd like to hear how things go, so please tell us all!

Love and licks ;-*

Slutty Wife

[wrnakedru]

I think you realize your first responsibility is to one another - and not this other couple. Perhaps in the beginning all of your were so delighted to find another couple you clicked with, after many false starts, you didn't think about the chance it might change. So now you find yourselves feeling a bit trapped, and wondering how to break free with no hurt feelings.

We agree with the honesty aspect - have a sit down with them and explain you have been wanting to expand your horizons a bit and yet do not want to lose the friendship with them by doing so. Thus the talk, rather than another method. You want the news of your activity to come from you and you hope they will be accepting of it. Indeed, you hope they too will view this as an opportunity to expand their horizons as well. That there are undoubtedly many folks all of you would enjoy the opportunity to know. That there may be chances to meet one anothers new friends as well as continue to get together with one another as theirs is a friendship that will always hold great value to you. And that what you seek is not a rejection of them in any way.

This is a new thought for them, and they may require some time to adjust to it. You may in fact want to suggest to them that they take some time to think about it, and talk to one another. That suggestion may keep them from giving you a "first reaction" they may later wish they could reconsider, and not know how to back down from.

Should they, even after time to consider the prospect, decide they cannot be comfortable with it and still continue the shared times they now have with you - - well, that is unfortunate. But don't allow their decision to make yours for you. That would be nothing short of blackmail and simply isn't the best for anyone.

I would think they would appreciate the consideration of them a talk like this would show, and hopefully all will remain good friends. If not, you should be consoled that you were honest and dealt with them in a forthright manner.

Best of luck to you! Please let us know how things turn out.

[Alura]

Dito , Wrnakedru! I see nothing wrong with a couple taking their experiences off in newer directions. If their friends would like to "come along" and meet other playmates as well, fine. If not, they must go alone.

Hopefully, y'all can "have your cake and eat it, too." We'd give it a shot, anyway.

Maybe the two couples could set a goal of each meeting someone new and sharing the new friendships?

Mr. Alura

[SluttyWife]

Originally posted by Alura

Maybe the two couples could set a goal of each meeting someone new and sharing the new friendships?

Mr. Alura

Very well said! And far less messy. Maybe the four of them could host a party together or something.




Slutty Wife