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  1. #1
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    Question Meet up and then it doesn't click...

    So, we have been swinging now for little over a year. We have met some wonderful people. But, how does one meet with a couple and find that we don't click with and politely say "no it didn't work for us." I am sure we have all would like a response of some sort. Right? We have met a couple that immediately wanted to know if we would meet again to play and when. Generally speaking, we meet with people for food or a visit to the strip club and then go our separate ways. The Mr. and I then talk about what happened on the "date" our pros and cons so to speak. Is it true that most people in the LS are fine when they are told "No thanks, we are just not interested" and not take it personal?

  2. #2
    Active Member bigdandlola12's Avatar
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    Default Re: Meet up and then it doesn't click...

    I think so, BigD and I met a couple on SLS and went for drinks at applebees. It wasn't a horrible time but we didn't click. So we said our byes and that was it. It did feel weird, but not everyone is gonna wanna hook up. You cant take it personally!

  3. #3
    Swingers Board Addict km34's Avatar
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    Default Re: Meet up and then it doesn't click...

    I think whether or not they will "take it personal" is irrelevant. The fact is that you're not feeling it. You can either completely ignore all contact from them until they get the hint or bite the bullet and tell them no thanks. Generally the second route is acceptable even if not necessarily what people want to here whereas the first one can cause some issues if you ever happen to run into them in the future.

    It's not your fault if they get offended or upset at being turned down. Like bigd said, it's part of the lifestyle since you can't expect to want to have sex with everyone you meet. Just be polite, and no one will blame you. If they do, they aren't worth your time anyway.

  4. #4
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Meet up and then it doesn't click...

    Most people will take it fine, the ones that don't ... well it's just one more good reason why you won't be playing with them. A simple "we talked about it and we don't really feel we are a good match" should be just fine. If they harass you for the "why" just ignore them at that point.

    For what it's worth, you may want to cut things off at just dinner (if you know by the end of dinner that things are going to happen). The more time you spend with someone, especially in a sexual environment, the more likely you are to give off cues that would make them think you are interested, when you might not be.
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  5. #5
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    Default Re: Meet up and then it doesn't click...

    Ah thank you for your posts. We were able to be straight with the couple and have all gone our ways. No hard feelings that we know of.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Meet up and then it doesn't click...

    I know that there have been many a discussion on the board about responding or not.

    Every one keeps talking about all the communication and honesty that is supposed to be part of this LS
    yet we have threads like this and constant comments on other threads about profiles on how you "have to read between the lines"

    We JUST don't get it! If you're a grown up on this board and not pic collecting or hoping to cheat on your wife you've received far more
    important and devestating rejections in real life then a "hey thanks for writing but you just don't turn us on"

    We HATE that silence thing, I mean we get it, you're busy and writing rejections seems like a waist of your precious time, but really
    thanks but no thanks takes 10 seconds to type.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Meet up and then it doesn't click...

    Quote Originally Posted by corynlaine View Post
    I know that there have been many a discussion on the board about responding or not.

    Every one keeps talking about all the communication and honesty that is supposed to be part of this LS
    yet we have threads like this and constant comments on other threads about profiles on how you "have to read between the lines"

    We JUST don't get it! If you're a grown up on this board and not pic collecting or hoping to cheat on your wife you've received far more
    important and devestating rejections in real life then a "hey thanks for writing but you just don't turn us on"

    We HATE that silence thing, I mean we get it, you're busy and writing rejections seems like a waist of your precious time, but really
    thanks but no thanks takes 10 seconds to type.
    Touche'

  8. #8
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by corynlaine View Post
    I know that there have been many a discussion on the board about responding or not.

    Every one keeps talking about all the communication and honesty that is supposed to be part of this LS
    yet we have threads like this and constant comments on other threads about profiles on how you "have to read between the lines"

    We JUST don't get it! If you're a grown up on this board and not pic collecting or hoping to cheat on your wife you've received far more
    important and devestating rejections in real life then a "hey thanks for writing but you just don't turn us on"

    We HATE that silence thing, I mean we get it, you're busy and writing rejections seems like a waist of your precious time, but really
    thanks but no thanks takes 10 seconds to type.
    Sadly, not everyone in lifestyle believes in the importance of communication or follow through. And, those who are here are only a small fraction of those you will encounter in the swinging world. The keyword in your comment is SUPPOSED. Communication and honesty should be key components of swinging for everyone but that is not always going to be the case. Nor, is everyone who swings what I would consider a grownup, regardless of their age.
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  9. #9
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    Default Re: Meet up and then it doesn't click...

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie View Post
    Sadly, not everyone in lifestyle believes in the importance of communication or follow through. And, those who are here are only a small fraction of those you will encounter in the swinging world. The keyword in your comment is SUPPOSED. Communication and honesty should be key components of swinging for everyone but that is not always going to be the case. Nor, is everyone who swings what I would consider a grownup, regardless of their age.
    All it takes is one bad reaction to a rejection email you sent to make someone gun-shy about sending anything.

  10. #10
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Meet up and then it doesn't click...

    Quote Originally Posted by slevin View Post
    All it takes is one bad reaction to a rejection email you sent to make someone gun-shy about sending anything.
    So true. I went through a spell for a few years where I wouldn't send anything for that very reason. Even with a "thanks but not interested" basic email I got lambasted once for rejecting a single guy (when that was what we were looking for at the time - this was over 10 years ago). What I should have realized at the time was that his reaction was just confirming my choice not to include him rather than taking it personally.
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  11. #11
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    Default Re: Meet up and then it doesn't click...

    I agree with kim34, this is a lifestyle that comes with automatic rules and 1 of those rules is that ur not going to vibe with everyone u meet, plain & simple. Standards, chemistry, kinks, attraction - they all matter and set the ground-work leading toward a successful swing experience. Doesnt always work out this way but u hav to hav some kind of model for ur expectations. The whole purpose of a meet & greet is to test the possibilities of a future hook-up (nothing is guaranteed). Its just like going to a job interview: being CONSIDERED for a position doesnt necessarilly mean that u hav the job. And if ur not what the company is looking for u dont get mad, u move on & apply somewhere els. lol.

  12. #12
    Here to Stay LiveLoveHaveFun's Avatar
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    Default Re: Meet up and then it doesn't click...

    We always indicate that we like to take things slow and get to know the people. This way, there's no expectation for anything to happen right away. Additionally, we're open about the fact that there must be a mutual attraction and we've never had any problems. If everyone clicks right away then it's exciting and we have fun. If we're not clicking then we just enjoy the couple and the night out.

    Alicia
    Last edited by LiveLoveHaveFun; 06-20-2012 at 06:43 PM.

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