They want a reason why we passed on their profile

Mich149 · 02-02-2003, 10:48 PM

Recently a couple sent us an e-mail asking us what we thought (first contact). We looked over there profile and the pictures and read there Information, We decide to pass and wrote them a nice message back saying no thank you. They then wrote back asking why. Is this normal should we have responded? We did write back explaining why but I’m not sure this was the best thing to do. We do not want to hurt anybodies feelings.

Gwendolyn · 02-03-2003, 01:21 AM

Tough call. After posting an ad on several swinger sights we have been inundated with replies. Out of 50 people that have replied I would guess there are 2 of them I would consider meeting. Meeting on the internet is a tough environment. Look at your own comfort level in telling people how you really feel. Sometimes it'a best to follow Mom's advice "If you can't say anything nice" and sometimes it's best to say what you really think.

There is one good thing with telling them why. If the problem is fixable they can fix it for better luck with future couples. Don't feel too bad about it. They did ask you why. Usually I try to remember this when asking a question. If I don't want the answer I won't ask the question.

avgcpl4u · 02-03-2003, 02:24 AM

"Sometimes it'a best to follow Mom's advice "If you can't say anything nice" and sometimes it's best to say what you really think".

What Mom advise really was is:

"If you can't say anything nice, then best not say anything at all!"

LOL

**Alura** · 02-03-2003, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mich149
We decide to pass and wrote them a nice message back saying no thank you.

What was the reason you chose to do that?

Alura

rammur · 02-03-2003, 08:40 PM

We always say there was no attraction or chemistry, we are into this for sexual arousal. If there is no chemistry for both of you , there is no arrousal. We simply tell them thankyou but no thanks. Hey some are in this for just plain sex, and good for them, we are very discrete and fussy, but it works for us!!

**Alura** · 02-03-2003, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by rammur
We always say there was no attraction or chemistry, we are into this for sexual arousal. If there is no chemistry for both of you , there is no arrousal. We simply tell them thankyou but no thanks. Hey some are in this for just plain sex, and good for them, we are very discrete and fussy, but it works for us!!

We don't see anything wrong with that explanation. It seems honest and straightforward.

Alura

Additude · 02-04-2003, 10:06 AM

You are not required to give reasons why. If your not attracted, then that's it.

If, as in this case, they respond with why? Then the answer is simply that you are not attracted to them. That's it. It's cool.

Refrain from long explainations as to why this or why that. It only complicates the situation and leaves reason for doubt and rejection.

Just Keep It Simple....

Thanks for writing and your interest in us. We are sorry, but we do not think it will work out for us. Good Luck to you!

Mich149 · 02-04-2003, 04:39 PM

Thanks everybody for the advice, we said just what Rammur said. They wrote back kind of thanking use for the reply. Oh well like you said if you don’t want to hear the answer.

Hopeful they will find somebody else to make them happy.

P.S. No more drinking and typing for me. lol (reseason)

OhioCouple · 02-05-2003, 07:04 AM

Although my husband rarely posts on here, he is the one who responds to all email in the initial phases. He is very good about rejecting a contact in a way that makes everyone feel good.

Generally he will find an attribute of theirs and comment briefly on it and then the turn down is usually attributed to the distance between us. When they happen to live only a few miles away, which doesn't happen often, usually they are seasoned swingers and are a little to racy for us. He finds the right words to let them know that we just aren't to that level yet. The majority of the time we will receive a return response thanking us for our honesty and wishing us the best.

Glad it worked out for you Mich149

Lori

vorphlak · 02-05-2003, 11:26 AM

ok...you said no. end of story. if they ask why; be honest. but if lets say they try to "fix" what you find unfit they may ask "what about now." and you say uuuhhhhh uh uhhhh uh could you hold please....ha then what.

**Alura** · 02-05-2003, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by vorphlak
ok...you said no. end of story. if they ask why; be honest. but if lets say they try to "fix" what you find unfit they may ask "what about now." and you say uuuhhhhh uh uhhhh uh could you hold please....ha then what.

Good question, vorphlak!

First, I don't think we'd send a "Dear John & Mary" email to anyone without at least meeting them first. Well, it COULD happen if their email was particularly gross or insensitive. In that case we don't think we'd owe them much at all. We don't feel it necessary to be courteous to the decidedly uncouth.

As far as their "trying to fix" the problem, it would depend on what the problem was. People can lose weight, quit smoking or drinking, change their hair style, etc., in which case we might reconsider. Of course, these examples would not normally be enough for us to flat reject them.

After being involved in this forum for some time, I think one of the few things that might cause us to reject someone on the basis of an email would be a couple who wanted to have sex without kissing. They have the right to decide that but it would just not fit into our idea of swinging. We'd tell them that.

Mr. Alura

Quin · 02-05-2003, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by avgcpl4u
"Sometimes it'a best to follow Mom's advice "If you can't say anything nice" and sometimes it's best to say what you really think".

What Mom advise really was is:

"If you can't say anything nice, then best not say anything at all!"

LOL

I much prefer, "If you can't say anything nice then come sit over here by me!"

Quin
()()

ciscosv · 02-05-2003, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by avgcpl4u
"Sometimes it'a best to follow Mom's advice "If you can't say anything nice" and sometimes it's best to say what you really think".

What Mom advise really was is:

"If you can't say anything nice, then best not say anything at all!"

LOL

I also recall my mom also saying "You're damned if you do and damned if you don't".

Catch 22.

You did the curteous thing Mich149. Atleast you let that couple know that there are some real couples out there.

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02-02-2003, 10:48 PM	#1 (permalink)
Mich149 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 323 Location: Detroit, MI Status: On the Prowl - lol Swing Lifestyle Name:mich149	They want a reason why we passed on their profile Recently a couple sent us an e-mail asking us what we thought (first contact). We looked over there profile and the pictures and read there Information, We decide to pass and wrote them a nice message back saying no thank you. They then wrote back asking why. Is this normal should we have responded? We did write back explaining why but I’m not sure this was the best thing to do. We do not want to hurt anybodies feelings.

02-03-2003, 02:24 AM	#3 (permalink)
avgcpl4u Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 35 Location: Hawaii Status: C	Hi Gwendolyn "Sometimes it'a best to follow Mom's advice "If you can't say anything nice" and sometimes it's best to say what you really think". What Mom advise really was is: "If you can't say anything nice, then best not say anything at all!" LOL

02-03-2003, 08:40 PM	#5 (permalink)
rammur Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 21 Location: Fargo ND Status: Couple	Chemistry We always say there was no attraction or chemistry, we are into this for sexual arousal. If there is no chemistry for both of you , there is no arrousal. We simply tell them thankyou but no thanks. Hey some are in this for just plain sex, and good for them, we are very discrete and fussy, but it works for us!!

02-04-2003, 10:06 AM	#7 (permalink)
Additude Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 623 Location: OBX-NC	You are not required to give reasons why. If your not attracted, then that's it. If, as in this case, they respond with why? Then the answer is simply that you are not attracted to them. That's it. It's cool. Refrain from long explainations as to why this or why that. It only complicates the situation and leaves reason for doubt and rejection. Just Keep It Simple.... Thanks for writing and your interest in us. We are sorry, but we do not think it will work out for us. Good Luck to you!
	__________________ If you want something you have never had before, you must do something you have never done before.

02-03-2003, 01:21 AM	#2 (permalink)
Gwendolyn Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 50 Location: Las Vegas Status: M. Female	Tough call. After posting an ad on several swinger sights we have been inundated with replies. Out of 50 people that have replied I would guess there are 2 of them I would consider meeting. Meeting on the internet is a tough environment. Look at your own comfort level in telling people how you really feel. Sometimes it'a best to follow Mom's advice "If you can't say anything nice" and sometimes it's best to say what you really think. There is one good thing with telling them why. If the problem is fixable they can fix it for better luck with future couples. Don't feel too bad about it. They did ask you why. Usually I try to remember this when asking a question. If I don't want the answer I won't ask the question.

02-04-2003, 04:39 PM	#8 (permalink)
Mich149 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 323 Location: Detroit, MI Status: On the Prowl - lol Swing Lifestyle Name:mich149	Thanks everybody for the advice, we said just what Rammur said. They wrote back kind of thanking use for the reply. Oh well like you said if you don’t want to hear the answer. Hopeful they will find somebody else to make them happy. P.S. No more drinking and typing for me. lol (reseason)

02-05-2003, 07:04 AM	#9 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	Although my husband rarely posts on here, he is the one who responds to all email in the initial phases. He is very good about rejecting a contact in a way that makes everyone feel good. Generally he will find an attribute of theirs and comment briefly on it and then the turn down is usually attributed to the distance between us. When they happen to live only a few miles away, which doesn't happen often, usually they are seasoned swingers and are a little to racy for us. He finds the right words to let them know that we just aren't to that level yet. The majority of the time we will receive a return response thanking us for our honesty and wishing us the best. Glad it worked out for you Mich149 Lori
	__________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

02-05-2003, 11:26 AM	#10 (permalink)
vorphlak Active Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 30 Location: iced bliss Status: couple	ok...you said no. end of story. if they ask why; be honest. but if lets say they try to "fix" what you find unfit they may ask "what about now." and you say uuuhhhhh uh uhhhh uh could you hold please....ha then what.
	__________________ the only way to do is to be.

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