How to say we are only interested in the wife...

[the 2 of us]

My wife and I are new to this game and are starting to think that it might be fun for a lady to join us. We have been to a few clubs and have a great time just doing our own thing. Most of the people at the clubs we visited are couples and when a single woman does show up she seems to disappear very fast.

How would you communicate, or want to be told that we are only interested in ½ the couple?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by the 2 of us

How would you communicate, or want to be told that we are only interested in ½ the couple?

That is tricky...

For us - no matter how you said it, it would be a compliment to the desired half and nothing more. Since we don't play alone, we'd thank you for the interest, and that is it.

You would have to make sure that the couple you are approaching is into playing seperately.

We tend to assume, because we do not play apart, that couples we meet do not. This has probably caused us to miss a few opportunities, but it is just the way are minds are geared when we walk into a club.

If the club you go to has some sort of "color code" (i.e. red bracelets mean single women or blue cups mean single women) you may make sure that you are appropriately advertising your interests. Then, simply let people who you are talking to know fairly quickly what your interests are.

"We are fairly new and really interested in finding a woman who will play with us."

My guess is, if there is chemistry and the couple is okay with that, they'll keep the conversation going - if they aren't they'll let you know. No harm in asking.

My only caution would be to bring it up early - if you wait too late, you run the risk of really making the other half feel rejected.

I'm not sure how easy it will be to find, since we have never looked for that ourselves, but there is no doubt that you will find people willing to play that way. You're a good looking couple, so if you combine that with honesty and persistence, you'll undoubtedly do very well.

Good luck.

Spoomonkey

[Pepper & Drew]

And that question, my friend, is why the single bi female is so sought after. Many couples want a MFF threesome, but there just aren't as many single women in the lifestyle, or women in couples who would agree to you only playing with the female. As Spoo said, there's no sense in beating around the bush (pardon the pun!) when you meet a couple where you're interested in. I think you'll have a better chance at finding a single female (which is difficult, but not impossible) to join you, but what the hell do I know?

Pepper

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

My only caution would be to bring it up early - if you wait too late, you run the risk of really making the other half feel rejected. Spoomonkey

Dito this past weekend we had an experience where the couple plays seperately and the wife is straight. (Which surprised the hell out of me) Only after several hours of talling to her, and flirting with her, building up (in our minds) that we were well on our way to a MFF, did she announce that she was straight and wanted only Mr. Indy.

I really was a bit dismayed, I gave her every opportunity under the sun to inform us about her likes and even discussed ours with her. If she had brought it up when I first asked, then it would have been a different story.

I would also mention in your ad that you are looking for MFF 3 somes with couples. We have had a few and they worked out well.

One additional thing I would caution you on, atleast from our experience, is if you have a MFF 3-some with a couple, chances are the other couple's husband is going to want reciprocation. Are you comfotable sending your wife over to them?

If not, I say your answer is single women at the club, through ads, or married women that play alone.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by the 2 of us

My wife and I are new to this game and are starting to think that it might be fun for a lady to join us. We have been to a few clubs and have a great time just doing our own thing. Most of the people at the clubs we visited are couples and when a single woman does show up she seems to disappear very fast.

How would you communicate, or want to be told that we are only interested in ½ the couple?

First I wish that couples like you were required to wear a big sign around their necks so we don't waste our limited club time with them

Very rarely you are going to find a couple that play apart at a club but other than that you won't find to many willing to do this. To me the whole scenario screams newbies, insecurity, and potential drama. Its almost a given that new couples start looking first for a single female due to the males insecurity of his wife being with another man. If that is not the reason you are doing this and its just because of the GG play then you can find some couples willing to just have the guys watch.

[Alura]

Probably not.

Mrs. Alura is only mildly "bi-curious." The most she's done with another lady is kissing and petting in the spa. Still, the lady left me with a very hot wife on my hands so, for the future, who knows?

We have some friends who want to do an FMF and we considered it but Mrs. Alura wanted me to be there. The other husband said "No way" would he have another man in the room.

We concluded, "What a self-centered son-of-a-bitch!" and dropped the idea completely. We're still friends, though.

If you place an ad, make sure you say exactly what y'all are looking for. No one will be mis-led and y'all may very well be successful. Our above-mentioned friends have had a lot of married women looking to cheat with a female contact them, so be careful.

Mr. Alura

[NakedInSeattle]

At our club, the bi gals make it known by dancing with other gals or encouraging FMF dancing. Haven't had much trouble picking out which gals will go for that combination for sex as well. Also, I'm surprised how many couples there are where the guy just wants to watch his gal having sex with either gender. I guess you would call that a FMF - M. New category. LOL.

[EmpyreanPleasur]

The only "way" to communicate this is to be direct and honest.

Of course you probably don't want to walk up to a couple and say "Hi...we only do 3somes with women" as you'd look rather silly, but follow the cues of the conversation to find an appropriate time to bring up your interests.

Your scenario is possible and infact, quite common. We've had great success in meeting single females though most of it is online and through ads. In my experience we have not met many women at "couples" clubs who will play separately. Of course there are clubs that invite single women too.

While some people take this as their initial step into the lifestyle and then realize they feel more comfortable expanding their limits, there are plenty of people in the lifestyle who prefer the 3-some scenario but give it up as they don't know how to work at it or are not patient to wait for what they want so that they expand their original limitations.

Your success online depends on your style of approach, your directness and your dedication to getting what you really want.

[the 2 of us]

This is the wife talking now. Thank you to everyone who responded. We learned alot from this post. Being the "newbies" that we are (and yes, Chicup, we are "newbies" but then maybe we didn't have to spell that out in the first sentence) we haven't quite figured out how things work, or exactly what we want yet.

I am a little dismayed with the knowledge that we may not find a single woman interested in MFF at a club, and might have to look online for that (I don't know that I'm ready for that "direct" type of contact). But I guess that's why we haven't found the right situation yet. To be honest, the women I find attractive seem a little unapproachable, but I'm also a little hesitant to make the first move.

Now to address Chicup's comments.

Originally Posted by Chicup

First I wish that couples like you were required to wear a big sign around their necks so we don't waste our limited club time with them

Believe me, I wouldn't want to waste your time. I probably wouldn't even want to be in the same club with you, given your attitude. We like to make friends at the club, not be insulted.

Originally Posted by Chicup

To me the whole scenario screams newbies, insecurity, and potential drama. Its almost a given that new couples start looking first for a single female due to the males insecurity of his wife being with another man.

It's interesting that you would automatically assume that the limitation is totally due to the husband. It is actually the wife's disinclination to be with any other man. I just have no interest whatsoever. Part of the reason, I think, is that I haven't seen a man at a club who has attracted me yet. Plus I'm just not interested. So don't jump to conclusions and blame it on the husband's "insecurity." He has no reason to be insecure.

We were both pretty disappointed in your response, Chicup. We are new and looking for some useful information. "Flaming" is so inappropriate.

[xxoticangel]

During the 7 years we have been swinging we have had exactly 2 MFFs. One was with my best friend, spur of the moment, etc. The other was with a married bi fem that only did MFF either with another couple or with her hubby. Their reason for this was because her hubby could not stand the sight of her being with another man. He had no problem knowing about it just didn't want to watch.

We have never found a SBiF online and the ones that visit the clubs seem to be part of the regular clique and have not been interested in hooking up with anyone else.

[Alura]

the two of us wrote:

We were both pretty disappointed in your response, Chicup. We are new and looking for some useful information. "Flaming" is so inappropriate.

Flaming is indeed inappropriate, the two of us, and we try vehemently to keep it off this board. However, I wouldn't call Chicup's remarks "flaming." He's sometimes a bit severe in his opinions and doesn't pull any punches; he tells it like he sees it. That's a good thing.

We're not clubbers; we've tried it twice and didn't like either club.

Most couples who attend clubs do so to meet couples. I can imagine it would be frustrating to spend a lot of time with an interesting couple only to find they had no intention of "swapping," the only reason we'd go to a club to begin with.

Chicup has a point, but only one of many that were expressed. Take it with a grain of salt, add it to what you've learned from other couples, and make your decision on where to proceed from here. Your question was, "Can we have your wife?" Our answer was "Probably not." Chicup's answer amounted to "Hell, No!" There are couples "out there" who are looking for the same thing you are. You'll find them if you persevere, but there are more who are not, and y'all need to accept that.

Thanks for starting an interesting thread. My guess is that the opinions on this subject will be forthcoming for awhile.

Mr. Alura

[EmpyreanPleasur]

I'm sorry but being one of those couples who are considered a "waste of time" I didn't like the way that was worded. It was unnecessary to say it that way.

I've learned to ignore "severe" comments when they are made on here...but I feel it's not the way to address newbies who would get the wrong impression of what people in the lifestyle are like.

We've done full swap so we KNOW what it's like to be on the other side of this situation and we would never say something like "where a big sign so I don't waste my limited time with you". If it's that important, then maybe people should IMMEDIATELY say "Hi, I'm so and so - do you full swap"?

I'm not at a club to put notches on my belt and I have to say that while it's not the majority, a LOT of people at the clubs we go to are not into full swap. The full swappers we know also have no problem spending time with us and being friendly at clubs. We regularly frequent 3 clubs in our area, have been to more, and get invited to house parties - despite being the dreaded 3-some squad.

BTW...MrE is not the least bit insecure, but he can tell you that himself. Like others, it is MY choice not to be with other men cause frankly I just am just not interested in being with another man at this point in my life.

[Alura]

Empyrean Pleasur wrote:

...it is MY choice not to be with other men cause frankly I just am just not interested in being with another man at this point in my life.

Thank you for another valid opinion, Ma'am. You certainly have the right to feel that way and we applaud you for holding firmly to your standards.

Similarily, it's Mrs. Alura's insistance that we not play with single men, which is a rule we've not broken in twenty-five years, even though she'll be quick to admit that her favorite experience was an MFM we had with the husband of our regular play-couple. (His wife was in Europe on business and called us to suggest it; otherwise it would not have happened.)

Mrs. Playcouple asked for "equal time," which turned out to be an FMF with Mrs. Alura and myself while her husband watched. All four enjoyed the experience.

Those experiences taught us that anything is possible with the right two couples because of the many available combinations, not all of which need to be enacted. Honest and complete communication is a must. Nobody should be misled in any way.

By the way, I said that Chicup's opinions are sometimes "severe." I still don't believe his remarks above rise to the level of "flaming." Admittedly, he could have used more tact. I'm sure he does not really believe y'all should wear a sign, just be forthcoming about your limitations. Sometimes I suspect him of being a yankee. (The smiley face denotes jest.)

Mr. Alura

[Alura]

Empyrean Pleasur went on to say:

I've learned to ignore "severe" comments when they are made on here.

And so you should. Hell, we often ignore entire threads that hold no interest for us or if we have little or no experience in the question.

Mr. Alura

[EmpyreanPleasur]

Those experiences taught us that anything is possible with the right two couples because of the many available combinations,

ah...and one of the reasons we live by the mantra: "never say never"!