What do you say?

scoobyandme · 12-08-2004, 04:50 AM

We are fairly new to this lifestyle having only been with one other couple and attending one house party. We have an ad online and get many messages and after viewing them and looking at their pics we feel we owe the responder an answer even if they aren't our type. How do we tell a couple or single they aren't what we are looking for without hurting their feelings? Does anyone here have a line they use to tell someone they aren't interested? We could be rude and just say whats on our minds but we wouldn't want someone else to do that to us. So anyone?

friskyous · 12-08-2004, 06:13 AM

We are relatively new as well and very new to the internet ad thing and we usually give a thanks for the interest but no thanks reply, we have used the automated reply a few times as well. You are absolutely right in thinking that everyone deserves a reply of some sort. Even a refusal is better than nothing at all because that can make you feel like they didn't think you worthy of a response. I tend to lean on the golden rule, if it were you making first contact .. what response would you prefer?

Pepper & Drew · 12-08-2004, 09:26 AM

We try to always reply, although, we've created our own generic no thanks, instead of using the ready-made one on Swing Lifestyle. We had a couple that we weren't interested in write us, we weren't interested and did the no thanks, then they got all miffed that we didn't write a heartfelt, original email back. In short, it got ugly. So, now we have a no thanks that we wrote.

Pepper

dave110256 · 12-08-2004, 09:44 AM

I agree that you should at least send a message saying :thanks, but no thanks". Please be polite about it also. Treat every response as if it were yours to another couple.

Vespertine · 12-08-2004, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pepper & Drew

We had a couple that we weren't interested in write us, we weren't interested and did the no thanks, then they got all miffed that we didn't write a heartfelt, original email back. In short, it got ugly.
Pepper

That's why I like the ignore feature.

I can't believe someone would be so immature that they'd get upset at a generic 'No thanks' reply.

hotsummers · 12-08-2004, 10:53 AM

I was going to respond to this thread, but then I decided not to.

willygoat1 · 12-08-2004, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vespertine

That's why I like the ignore feature.

I can't believe someone would be so immature that they'd get upset at a generic 'No thanks' reply.

Lets face if they can not accept a 'No Thanks' they probably would not "believe" or understand "No".

I am happy to receive the "No Thanks" and usually thank the sender for their time.

misterbates · 12-08-2004, 04:39 PM

No thanks usually does it for us..no explanation...althoughwe have gottena few replys back asking why??..Duh!!!! do you really want us to tell you????

DBL D · 12-08-2004, 05:08 PM

I guess this is one difference between the club scene and the e-mail/meet privately scene. I suppose if you go to alot of dances chances are that you'll run into some of them. Not that you'd expect a scene but if they get all upset over a "no thank you" then anything could happen. It most likely wouldn't but those that are just e-mailers don't have that concern to worry about.

On the flip side of that, the negative e-mailers have nothing to lose by their behavior. They do appear desparate in some ways.

I'll tell you this. We try to be as polite as possible even when people may press us for answers. Why would you want to have a negative reputation?

Male D

Pepper & Drew · 12-08-2004, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vespertine

That's why I like the ignore feature.

I can't believe someone would be so immature that they'd get upset at a generic 'No thanks' reply.

Oh, no Vespertine, a simple block or ignore wouldn't work with these people and our situation got much more immature than that. We blocked them and they had the nerve to write to the people who'd certified us! They sent them a nasty-gram, and our friends reported to the site administrators. I'm sure that the couple thought we'd certainly reconsider and would want to meet them then.

Geez, we cried over what could have been.

It's really funny now, but not so much at the time.

So, now we have a totally unique message that says "not on your life" in an oh-so-polite way.

AZ Dreaming · 12-09-2004, 11:01 AM

I agree a simple no thanks is the polite thing to do. A couple of times when we have been emailing back and forth with another couple and we got to the exchanging pics part(we don't have pics on our ad) we wrote them back that we really liked their pics and maybe we should meet they never responded back at all!! Kind of a blow to the ego lol. We don't email them again , just say "oh well their loss!"

talltxlady · 12-09-2004, 11:13 AM

We've run into a few folks that just won't take no for an answer either. And that was a true, "no, we're not interested in singles right now, you live to far away" nice email. They keep emailing until we block them.

yesplease · 12-09-2004, 11:23 AM

Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn. -- George Bernard Shaw

yesplease · 12-09-2004, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hotsummers

I was going to respond to this thread, but then I decided not to.

Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn. -- George Bernard Shaw

CB_n_Red · 12-10-2004, 08:29 AM

I recall one single who replied to our "thanks but no thanks" email with a message that said if we change our mind (about singles - we generally go for couples only) we should get back in touch with him. I replied saying that if he got a girlfriend or wife he should get back in touch with us. Strangely enough he didn't reply to that

CB

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12-08-2004, 04:50 AM	#1 (permalink)
scoobyandme Active Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 12 Location: Kansas City Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:scoobyandme	What do you say? We are fairly new to this lifestyle having only been with one other couple and attending one house party. We have an ad online and get many messages and after viewing them and looking at their pics we feel we owe the responder an answer even if they aren't our type. How do we tell a couple or single they aren't what we are looking for without hurting their feelings? Does anyone here have a line they use to tell someone they aren't interested? We could be rude and just say whats on our minds but we wouldn't want someone else to do that to us. So anyone?

12-08-2004, 06:13 AM	#2 (permalink)
friskyous Here to Stay Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 67 Location: NE Georgia Status: married male	Re: What do you say? We are relatively new as well and very new to the internet ad thing and we usually give a thanks for the interest but no thanks reply, we have used the automated reply a few times as well. You are absolutely right in thinking that everyone deserves a reply of some sort. Even a refusal is better than nothing at all because that can make you feel like they didn't think you worthy of a response. I tend to lean on the golden rule, if it were you making first contact .. what response would you prefer?

12-08-2004, 09:26 AM	#3 (permalink)
Pepper & Drew Mmmmm...tasty! Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 1,035 Location: Hurricane Alley Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:alhedonists	Re: What do you say? We try to always reply, although, we've created our own generic no thanks, instead of using the ready-made one on Swing Lifestyle. We had a couple that we weren't interested in write us, we weren't interested and did the no thanks, then they got all miffed that we didn't write a heartfelt, original email back. In short, it got ugly. So, now we have a no thanks that we wrote. Pepper
	__________________ "Swinging is a lot like riding a Harley, ...for those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don't, no explanation is possible." --Mr. Alura

12-08-2004, 09:44 AM	#4 (permalink)
dave110256 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 308 Location: Maine Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:dave110256	Re: What do you say? I agree that you should at least send a message saying :thanks, but no thanks". Please be polite about it also. Treat every response as if it were yours to another couple.

12-08-2004, 10:53 AM	#6 (permalink)
hotsummers Active Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 35 Location: Tennessee	Re: What do you say? I was going to respond to this thread, but then I decided not to.

12-08-2004, 04:39 PM	#8 (permalink)
misterbates Here to Stay Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 87 Location: State of Confusion Status: M/Couple	Re: What do you say? No thanks usually does it for us..no explanation...althoughwe have gottena few replys back asking why??..Duh!!!! do you really want us to tell you????

12-08-2004, 05:08 PM	#9 (permalink)
DBL D Oh...Why not?... Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 2,312 Location: Northern Call-ee-forn-ee-ah Status: Married Couple	Re: What do you say? I guess this is one difference between the club scene and the e-mail/meet privately scene. I suppose if you go to alot of dances chances are that you'll run into some of them. Not that you'd expect a scene but if they get all upset over a "no thank you" then anything could happen. It most likely wouldn't but those that are just e-mailers don't have that concern to worry about. On the flip side of that, the negative e-mailers have nothing to lose by their behavior. They do appear desparate in some ways. I'll tell you this. We try to be as polite as possible even when people may press us for answers. Why would you want to have a negative reputation? Male D
	__________________ "Just nod if you can hear me..." David Gilmour

12-09-2004, 11:01 AM	#11 (permalink)
AZ Dreaming Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 142 Location: Gilbert, Arizona Status: Couple	Re: What do you say? I agree a simple no thanks is the polite thing to do. A couple of times when we have been emailing back and forth with another couple and we got to the exchanging pics part(we don't have pics on our ad) we wrote them back that we really liked their pics and maybe we should meet they never responded back at all!! Kind of a blow to the ego lol. We don't email them again , just say "oh well their loss!"

12-09-2004, 11:13 AM	#12 (permalink)
talltxlady Active Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 28 Location: Houston Status: M. Female	Re: What do you say? We've run into a few folks that just won't take no for an answer either. And that was a true, "no, we're not interested in singles right now, you live to far away" nice email. They keep emailing until we block them.

12-09-2004, 11:23 AM	#13 (permalink)
yesplease Active Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 11 Location: san antonio, tx Status: single female	Re: What do you say? Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn. -- George Bernard Shaw

12-10-2004, 08:29 AM	#15 (permalink)
CB_n_Red Life's too short not to.. Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 616 Location: East Yorkshire, UK Status: Married Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:CB_n_Red	Re: What do you say? I recall one single who replied to our "thanks but no thanks" email with a message that said if we change our mind (about singles - we generally go for couples only) we should get back in touch with him. I replied saying that if he got a girlfriend or wife he should get back in touch with us. Strangely enough he didn't reply to that CB
	__________________ Take all things in moderation....including moderation

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