The good and the bad in swinging and how to end it when needed

[Compersor]

Swinging for us (always mfm) is certainly a mixed bag. On the one hand there are the blissful encounters with our very small number of trusted male friends. How I love spooning my dear wife when she passionately kisses and fondles one of her boyfriends or when she rides him to a wet conclusion,being herself in the throes of orgasmic ecstasy, and how I love the intimate afterglow of our lovemaking, when she is happily nestled in the arms of her lover and lovingly fondles my one-incher, as she humorously refers to it when the deed is done.
But then there is also the occasional painful experience, when we have to tell an otherwise nice guy that we cannot continue with him. This happened to us recently. We had been with him twice. He is very decent, well-mannered, has (as far we know) the right attitude towards the lifestyle, but his penis is simply too big for my delicate wife and he just won't cum. And my wife certainly enjoys the first ten minutes or so with him; but there is just no end to it. Instead of taking matters in his own hands, so to speak, he just keeps pounding away with that blockbuster of a dick of his and my wife ends up all sore. So how do you break it to the guy? Do you tell him the truth, i.e. that his style of lovemaking does not suit the little lady, and we have have to break off our relationship with him or do we ask him to make the necessary changes? The latter probably wouldn't improve matters much, since he would then feel inhibited. Alternatively do we tell him a (white) lie, for instance, that we have decided to get out of the lifestyle? How do you guys view this?

[4Beauty]

If he was too big the first time why did you guys go back again for the second ? He needs to be told up front. :rollseyes

[curiousagain]

Honesty is the best policy. It may be the most difficult at first, but it is best. Just do it kindly, not with accusations and complaints. Just be matter of fact about it.

[Spoomonkey]

Dito

Curious is right. Although, really, no excuse is neccessary. If you do feel the need to explain, just let him know how you are feeling. The problem is, he will probably offer to "change his ways" so to speak, so you may end up dealing with more than just the "we have decided to go in another direction" e-mail.

Spoomonkey

[Vespertine]

I'd tell him the truth.

Come on, what man is going to feel badly being told that his cock is "too big".

[fun_pairTX]

You can get out gracefully by being honest. The only known cure for the condition is a lathe.

[northindycpl]

I am not sure what the problem is actually- Is the poblem he is too big for your wife, or is it that he pumps her furiously trying to reach orgasm himself?

If the problems is the later, I would have expected your communication level with this guy to be one that will alllow you to easily discuss the situation with him, and come up with a resolution. If the problem is the former- there isn't anything you can do about it, other than giving him my number

In either case, you have to discuss it with him in a matter of fact sense. Honesty is the best policy.

(I would still like to know exactly what the problem is though)

[Compersor]

Originally Posted by northindycpl

(I would still like to know exactly what the problem is though)

He is too big and and at the same time he takes far too long to reach orgasm.

[Compersor]

Originally Posted by fun_pairTX

The only known cure for the condition is a lathe.

...Or a pencil sharpener?

[JnCC]

If you have to dump this guy, what better way to do it then to tell him his dick is too big for her?

After you've told him, tell everybody. More people are looking for big dicks than small ones. I'm sure that as the word gets around, his dance card will fill up, while you and your wife fade into his rearview mirror fairly quickly.

It's kind of like that song from Mary Poppins...

A Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most delightful way

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by Compersor

He is too big and and at the same time he takes far too long to reach orgasm.

Ok, so even if he changed his thrustings... he is too big for your wife? That is a problem.... You need to just say, thanks but no thanks!

Personally... I am a woman who likes to know she's been f**cked, the next day.
Mr. Indy can make me a little tender down there. It is all part of the afterglow in my opinion.

I still think the best thing to do is to just tell the guy he's been causing the Mrs. some pain because he so enormous. What guy would take offense to that?

[good times]

I have to go against the flow here and say that I wouldn't give him a specific reason. I have been on both ends of hearing or giving specific reasons and in fact was once even told I was too big, which just gave me a complex for a while, instead of having the effect you all assume it would (it was a bummer to drop trough and have a women say "no way your to big, but I think it would be much worse if she said it after we had already had sex and I would probably immediately assume she was lying to make me feel better). In our experience every time specifics have been mentioned it just made someone feel bad. And while most people will want to know why you don't want to play any more, I now think it is better to just say "we just don't feel compatible" or something than getting into specifics. Even though he will still be wondering why you dumped him at least he won't develop a complex about his anatomy that may cause him performance problems in the future.

By the way, I think it is just as bad for someone who knows he is bigger than average to be told he is too big as it is for someone who knows he is a little small to be told he is too small. I've seen both happen and the look on the guy’s faces turning red with embarassment was the same.

[curiousagain]

I am going to stick to my original statement and say be honest. You say your wife enjoys the first ten minutes with him. That sounds very fixable. She can stimulate him in many ways until such time as there is no way he can last more than ten minutes once intercourse begins.

I use to think that the longer you lasted the better. And, I still believe it is sometimes. But I had a very honest, caring woman sit me down and explain that no matter how good it feels nobody likes to ride forever and in fact she would occasionally like to feel like she had made me lose control and not be able to last very long. So, I have tried to be more flexible in the length of time spent in intercourse. Just go with the flow, man!!!

Is there a position that he receives the most stimulation and can last the shortest time??? Some positions I can go literally forever without an orgasm, and some, if I want, don't last very long at all. So, I see this as not necessarily requiring you to quit playing with him, just make some adjustments. I bet you the rent money he will be willing to make those adjustments if you sit down and speak honestly and kindly with him.

[FLRooster]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

I'd tell him the truth.

Come on, what man is going to feel badly being told that his cock is "too big".

Yep, true...as criticisms go that's got to be one of the easiest to live with...

[robnbarb]

Going on the honesty boat here. I see no downside to just telling him the truth.