Separate rooms. . .why not?

[Avantgarden38]

Seems the majority of couples swinging do not practice separate room sex with their swing partners (49% last count).

Let's play devil's advocate and ask those couples. . ."Why not"?

Is it a comfort issue, a trust issue, are you not familiar enough with your swing partners. . .or even your partner?

When we first started swinging we practiced the same room only rule. As we became comfortable with our swing partners and same room we decided to give separate room a try. It has been a great experience for us and we incorporate it into our swinging activity. Same room is fun as well, but it's a shame to not consider separate room , at least with the right people.

We are hoping this thread will inspire some creative communication within the "same room only crowd". Give our quote a read. . . .

[HotCoupleGnS]

As many of these couples have said, we practice this way becasuse we enjoy watching each other enjoy themselves. We got into this together, b/c we talked about it & the idea of watching me with another guys, the idea of me watching him with another girl, and the idea of watching me with another girl turned us on. The key word here was "watching." While we respect other people's decision to do what they like, we ask others to repect ours. I am not really seeing why this same room thing has tuned into such a big deal!
Why are you wanting to inspire talk between the "same room only" crowd? If this is our decision why would you want us to change it? I can only speak for ourselves, but I am sure it is the same with every other couple that feels this way, we have talked about separte rooms. That just doesn't do it for us. So their would be no right couple.
If we were to meet you guys & you didn't like our decision to only play in the same room, then it wasn't meant to happen. If you wanted to play with us, you would have to accomadate to us.

[Miss_Piggy]

I think hotcouple has a point with the reason behind getting into this. Some people want same room cause they are in it for the watching aspect and they like the fact taht this is something they have embarked upon together. Separate rooms feels a little to separate for an activity that was meant to be together.
Others have different reasons. Part of our motivation is that we wanted to gain a bit more experience as we had previously only been with each other. With that in mind we could really see reason against separate rooms for us.
It just boils down to an individual decision. You are your own master and you create the rules according to your own needs/wants/desires.

[GirlieZ]

Originally Posted by Avantgarden38

When we first started swinging we practiced the same room only rule. As we became comfortable with our swing partners and same room we decided to give separate room a try. It has been a great experience for us and we incorporate it into our swinging activity. Same room is fun as well, but it's a shame to not consider separate room , at least with the right people.

We are hoping this thread will inspire some creative communication within the "same room only crowd". Give our quote a read. . . .

It seems to me that the same room only crowd is the majority....

I don't think its a trust issue...and I don't think that it is a comfort issue. Still it is being suggested that people who swing in the same room aren't as trusting or as comfortable doing this...which is absolutely not true.

I swing same room because I connect with my Man while doing it. I love watching him with another woman and he loves to watch me do whatever I do I do...whether it be with a man or a woman. That is our reason, no insecurities, no uneasiness, lots of love and trust here.

I'd like to hear some arguments from the people who swing in separate rooms. I mean after all...if you think that separate rooms are so wonderful...give me some whiz-bang reasons. But then again..if separate rooms are SO wonderful...why aren't more people doing it?

Zgirl

[HotCoupleGnS]

Well put girlez! I was looking for a good way to describe it! It is about connecting. There is nothing like looking into my hubby's eyes while we are both doing our thing! It is so fun to exchange those loving looks to each other that only us 2 know & understand. Also, to be able to mouth to each other, "I love you!"

[Avantgarden38]

Originally Posted by GirlieZ

But then again..if separate rooms are SO wonderful...why aren't more people doing it?

Precisely why we started this thread, to find out why.

Why do we do it? Exploration. Sure we miss watching each other, but there is always the next swing adventure for that. It's fun to connect with someone without all the extra eyes watching you sometimes. You can swing with a person 20 times in a group, but you really don't know what they are like until you play in private. It's also very horny to share details with your spouse when it's over. For us it's all about exploring and being sexual in different ways. This was just one different way.

We don't know how to explain the difference to couples that have only practiced same room. Perhaps it just feels a bit more "comfortable". After all, aren't we mostly familiar with sex as a pair? Would you always want someone to watch you masturbate? Or is it better/different in private? (Not sure if that will help with an understanding).

An inspiration for our thread was our personal experiences. We have separate room swapped with three couples that had never tried it before meeting us. We talked about it and then tried it. They all have since incorporated separate room activities into their swinging (with the right people).

We aren't making judgment here, just proposing a discussion.

[BettyAnnMBSC]

We almost always start same-room only no 1:1 with any new playmate. It's a comfort and safety issue.

After we get to know someone we may do seperate rooms but really prefer same room. It's a matter of "we like to watch each other have fun..."

It's also a matter that we like the third and fourth player interaction. I can have 1:1 with hubby -- me and hubby alone can't do MFM or FMF or MFMF -- those require same-room by their nature.

Now, we have done a complete swap twice. By complete swap I mean we went home with each other's spouse - once for a weekend and once for a whole week. That was kinda fun but it wasn't "swinging" it was "swapping". I'd imagine such an arrangement wouldn't work for everyone.

So, for us it's not about trust when we ask for same-room but it's more about what we are looking for in fun. You can't do a DP when one of the guys is in the other room....

[HotCoupleGnS]

Understandable avantgarden38. We aren't going to try it, but understandable. Do you not understand where we are coming from? Even if not, I don't see why you are so intent on trying to "inspire some creative communication within the "same room only crowd?"" Are you trying to get us to change our opinions? As I said I am sure we have all talked about it. We aren't trying to push our opinion on you, so why is it such a big deal?

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by HotCoupleGnS

Understandable avantgarden38. We aren't going to try it, but understandable. Do you not understand where we are coming from? Even if not, I don't see why you are so intent on trying to "inspire some creative communication within the "same room only crowd?"" Are you trying to get us to change our opinions? As I said I am sure we have all talked about it. We aren't trying to push our opinion on you, so why is it such a big deal?

HotCouple, I honestly don't think avantgarden is trying to push an opinion on anyone (as we've seen before), but rather, just simply attempting to find out why others like same room only and as they said, open some dialogue on the subject. Everyone has their opinions and preferences and each and every one of those opinions and preferences are right - for them. But it is interesting to know and understand how others come to their opinions and thoughts.

I'm like you. I don't want someone to try to shove their preferences down my throat when I'm saying, no, no, no...not for me. But I am open to listening to their rationals. Who knows? We might even learn something along the way. - EBF

[SweetNStud]

Dito I don't think anyone is trying to push anything just curious as to the reasoning and thoughts behind people's decisions. I think this is a great topic, since there seems to be so many that will only do same room. We do both, it all depends on the couple, mood, and situation. I agree with Avantgarden38 about separate rooms being different. From experience, it seems that when you are one on one, some people (usually the guys) seem more free or "comfortable" as previously mentioned. Maybe they fear making their other half jealous, or feel that they have to worry about their other half having as good of a time as they are...not sure. Whatever it is, separate rooms usually result in a different kind of sex.

Also just because you play in separate rooms sometimes, does not mean that you and your other half aren't in this together.

~Mrs SnS

[jcbicouple]

We are always same room because this is still an "us" thing. It doesn't matter who we are having sex with, we are still together and enjoying the experience together. When you are in seperate rooms it's a you and them thing and your spouse is not involved in body, and often not involved in thought either. We prefer to keep our sexual experiences an us thing.

[wrnakedru]

I suppose mine is a rather unique perspective on the topic.

Hubby and I are in the same room only group. It was the only way he could conceive of the activity, and was the only way I would consider it.

Ex-hubby and I rarely did same room in our eight years together in the lifestyle, despite the fact he utilized the "we'll always be together" and "this is something we will be doing together" urgings to encourage my agreement Now, when I say "rarely" I am not including the occasions we were involved in threesome activity. Those times, by definition, we were in the same room/same bed.

And once, at a house party when I was "broken" - he was having some performance difficulty and sent his partner to find me so I could assist. Once I had them [him] back up and running I slipped out of the room, closing the door behind me. I actually had hopes that situation might remind him of his initial presentation of "we'll always be together" by illustrating just one of the advantages of it. But that would have required some agreement about partners/attraction etc - and that's another story.

Never the less, I have experienced separate room activity and for me, I only see one advantage. It's a rather large advantage, true. It provides for pace and timing to be just that of the two involved - with pauses where appropriate or needed without it affecting anyone else. Conversation, giggling - more room on the bed to reposition. You get the idea.

I have learned that the same sort of "connection" can occur with a play partner in a same room, same bed set up. [OK, maybe not so much the conversation and giggling part] But for us, it's the best of both worlds. The sexual activity with a partner other than our marriage partner but still a shared activity with each other is what takes us to the pinnacle.

I do recognize it can be difficult enough for two couples to pace their movement and activity to match and/or accommodate one another that it has the potential to impact the quality of what is transpiring one to one. Some feel that it adds a huge and additional dimension to performance pressure for all concerned. It takes the right partners, and the right relationship between all four - beyond and above that which each set of two.

The accomplishment of the goal is the reason we are not quick to move to the activity level with new partners - we know what the payoff can be when things are done with the goal in mind.

I do believe too that same room is a good option for those who may have more frequent encounters with those they may not have done a "slow build" with since it still accommodates the primary relationship. Not to say it is the only way to go - or even necessarily the best way. Just that it is the best way for us - and the only way we play.

WR