Seperate Room vs Same Room... what and why?

[r_poseidon]

I saw an older poll about this, and yes, I have used the search thingy. But this isn't a poll, I would like it to be a centralized discussion.
Which do you prefer? Same or separate room? And why? If you do same only, would you ever do separate? Why or why not?
I read in some random intro to swinging book, that if you are not comfortable with separate room, you should not even be involved in this. I personally find that very flawed. We have never done separate, and not sure if we ever will. For one, 50% of the excitement for me is having MZ right next to be being pounded away! The other bit is that even though I may feel that I know the other guy... unless we have been around them for years, something bad could happen. I guess that what I'm trying to say is that while I enjoy MZ being treated like a whore, and yes, she likes being treated that way as well, I don't want to risk somebody going overboard. Those are just my two reasons.
I admit, if the absolute PERFECT couple came along, I may be open to it. (MZ doesn't really care, yes, I am the one saying that we are staying same room). But I am somewhat afraid that I would not be able to open up 100%. Not sure on that one though.
When I was thinking about this, it sounded so much better in my head, now I feel as if I have forgotten things and worded this whole post poorly. So forgive me!

[getnit2gethr]

My wife and I have never tried a seperate room swap. I would have no problems with it as long as she didn't either. I'd even prefer it since I have been known to get a little performance anxiety in front of other men sometimes. There just isn't a good reason why I wouldn't do it. I disregard the possibility of something bad happening because we will presumably feel somewhat comfortable with a couple before we attempt a seperate room swap. Yea they could still turn out to be psycho but so could anyone else we associate with in life. I'm the type that has to be convinced to be afraid of anything and I can be hard to convince. Also, watching my wife get pounded does nothing for me. Yea, I'm happy for her if she's having a good time but I'm generally a happy person to begin with. I don't have to watch my wife get laid to be happy. So that's me. I have no reason other than my wife's wishes and a willing couple not to try a seperate room swap.

[r_poseidon]

I'm not saying I have to see her get laid, what I am saying is that it is a major turn on for me. I hope that clears any mis understanding up!

[kush2112]

For us about 95% of swinging is watching the other with another person. This is a huge turn on for us and it helps enhance our own pleasure. We are not saying that we don't enjoy another partner, we do quite a lot. It is just that we think that the sights and sounds of the whole experience is what it is all about. If you go to separate rooms, that takes that whole element out of the experience and thus takes away a good portion of our enjoyment.

[r_poseidon]

Originally Posted by kush2112

For us about 95% of swinging is watching the other with another person. This is a huge turn on for us and it helps enhance our own pleasure. We are not saying that we don't enjoy another partner, we do quite a lot. It is just that we think that the sights and sounds of the whole experience is what it is all about. If you go to separate rooms, that takes that whole element out of the experience and thus takes away a good portion of our enjoyment.

So are you saying that you would never do separate room, for that reason only?

[flkeyscouple]

We only do same room. I'm not saying we won't, at some point, do separate rooms, but at this time we have no plans to go there. We like watching each other, we enjoy the chance to look up and see each other and smile, we like the sounds of the scene, and the whole same-room experience.

I can also understand your concern for safety, r_poseidon. I agree that we've NEVER had a problem with safety or someone pushing too much, but especially for the 'one night stand' type encounter - you just never know.

If we ever do go to separate rooms it will be with a couple that we've come to trust over many previous encounters. So far we don't have that other couple in our 'little black book'.

Sarah

[iapr]

We only do same room and see no reason for us to consider separate room at this time although we understand it is the preference of some people and don't think that it is wrong at all, just not for us.

Our rationale is that if we are together then it is our shared experience as a couple and that even if we are with other people it is still our experience. We also at times want to be with each other or to at least be able to pleasure and touch each other whenever we want. We also both enjoy seeing each other with others.

Safety is also a concern. The need for physical safety of the female half is obvious but there are also other forms of risk of a male half in separate room situations. Even though we like to think of all of our play partners as being sane and mature and emotionally healthy and in healthy happy relationships there is no way to be guarenteed of that. If a male is alone with another female it will just be his word vs her word if she has some emotional/mental issues and comes back with accusations of pushyness, unconsensual activity or rape or something like that.

The way we see it is if we are together then we are a couple making love together even if it involves other people. It is just another facet of our maritial sex life. If we play separate then we are just fucking other people.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by r_poseidon

I saw an older poll about this, and yes, I have used the search thingy. But this isn't a poll, I would like it to be a centralized discussion.
Which do you prefer? Same or separate room? And why? If you do same only, would you ever do separate? Why or why not?
I read in some random intro to swinging book, that if you are not comfortable with separate room, you should not even be involved in this.

First of all the person who wrote that book you read apparently doesn't know much about swinging. Just my opinion on that one but the only reason I would say someone shouldn't be swinging is if they are using it to "fix" their relationship. But that wasn't what you are posting about...just had to get my 2 cents in on it.

To answer your question...Spoo and I only do same room. We got into this together and enjoy seeing each other have a good time with our playmates. We like to reach and touch plus if the women want to touch each other that adds to the fun. We tried an exchange once with a couple we were comfortable with to give the husbands a FMF experience. The wife came over and played with us alone and then I went and played with them without Spoo. While I had fun with them sexually and it was erotic for Spoo to think about what was going on and hear about it after I don't want to do it again. Like I said the sex was fun, it was a couple we knew and were comfortable with but I was missing something...Spoo. I didn't like him not being there to see what we were doing or joining in the fun. A lot of our pleasure comes after play when we talk about it all week and recall what we "saw" each other doing. You can't have that if your not in the same room to see.

That experience was the closest we've ever gotten to separate rooms even though we weren't even in the same house and Spoo was working not playing with someone while I was away. No we'll never do separate rooms it just isn't fun for us.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by r_poseidon

I read in some random intro to swinging book, that if you are not comfortable with separate room, you should not even be involved in this. I personally find that very flawed.

I personally find that very flawed as well...

So flawed in fact that I would say that whoever wrote that book needs to have their head examined.

My definition? Swinging is what a couple makes it - period. What works for them and enriches their sex-life/fulfills their fantasies is what swinging ought to be. No one defines it for us - and we won't try to pack it in a little box for anyone else. Our only rule? That the couple be on the same page.

Same room turns us on. It works for us. Not playing in the same room is simply just having sex with someone else - which isn't the draw of the lifestyle for either of us. We like the group experience. Our experiment with it - as Mrs Spoo posted - just didn't work for us. It was lacking, for want of a better word.

Thank god swinging books don't define our experience :rollseyes

Spoomonkey

[do_lei_me]

Well, L and I do it all. We really enjoy same room, looking into each others eyes seeing that they are happy, touching on each other and all that great stuff. We also like seperate rooms for the fact that whether we are in the same room or different rooms, we talk about everything, and playing seperatly really turns the other one on well telling the story. Then we go off and WE play!

[kush2112]

Originally Posted by r_poseidon

So are you saying that you would never do separate room, for that reason only?

Is there a better reason?

[sexcupid]

Well, I guess I'll pipe in here as the odd one out. We prefer separate rooms. Why? Because that's my own personal comfort level.

I don't really care to watch him having sex with someone else, and I don't want to feel like I'm being scrutinized in my performance. I'm sure that Jeff would like to watch me having sex with some other guy...but that'll just have to wait until we have a gangbang. *rotflmao*

Does that make me any less of a swinger than others? I don't think so, but everyone is entitled to their opinion. If the right couple, right place, right time comes along....then the same room thing will happen.

Maria

[cubnamy1995]

We prefer to play in different states. While we have fun together, it is too excruciating to listen to her criticize my driving on the way home. It is also very irritating when I am in a groove pounding with a beautiful woman to have my wife take the other guy's dick out of her mouth long enough to say "Did you remember to set out the trash before we left?"

Hope this brought a smile

[JTcamp05]

We have done both....and feel seperate rooms are just more relaxed and enjoyable.

We have found some couple's who have lets say "control" issues and will only do same room....not saying that all couples who prefer this have this issue, just that we have come across this type. They can't let go of insecurities enough to let thier partners out of there sight!

I our opnion were not doing this to "perform" for a crowd, so why not enjoy sex with the person your making love too!

[r_poseidon]

Well thank you all for your input. It's nice to see totally different opinions on the same topic. :-)