Where Do You Draw The Line?

[incommunicado]

Maybe this will change with time, but WE are really more interested in couples that are good friends that fuck, much like ones the ones you meet in college.

We exchange double entendre's, knowing winks, fanny pats, you name it, with our close friends. Why would we not want this closeness with people we swing with? Especially, since we want ALL our swinging to be with new or old friends. Keeping that kind of distance with someone who has seen us "naked and happy" seems odd to us. Kind of like the "no kissing" rule.

This one is definitely a "different strokes for different folks" issue. I'm sure there is no right or wrong answer.

[JustAskJulie]

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Originally posted by incommunicado:
Maybe this will change with time, but WE are really more interested in couples that are good friends that fuck, much like ones the ones you meet in college.

We exchange double entendre's, knowing winks, fanny pats, you name it, with our close friends. Why would we not want this closeness with people we swing with? Especially, since we want ALL our swinging to be with new or old friends. Keeping that kind of distance with someone who has seen us "naked and happy" seems odd to us. Kind of like the "no kissing" rule.

This one is definitely a "different strokes for different folks" issue. I'm sure there is no right or wrong answer.

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There's a big difference between

quote:

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double entendre's, knowing winks, fanny pats,

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and soft loving strokes following sex. A difference between being "friends that fuck" and being friends where emotions may get in the way. I think it's just a matter of knowing where the lines are for you and what you feel comfortable with.

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by incommunicado:
Kind of like the "no kissing" rule.

This one is definitely a "different strokes for different folks" issue. I'm sure there is no right or wrong answer.

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I for one am all for the kissing... (thanks again Julie) but how is it JUST understood where that emotional line is? Did you discuss it beforehand with the couples that you were with? I agree with Julie, the kick back caress and stroke sorta thingie( yes I still love that word ) seems to scream "yellow" between the "walk and don't walk" signs.

We as a couple certainly do not want to have a sexual relationship with someone we know nothing about, as we have "been there, seen it done it" and discovered that it wasn't for us. Again to each his own.

Just how in the heck though do you approach this subject with another couple?

Lori

[incommunicado]

Again, I get that this is a "different strokes thing," but help me understand. You can share the closest physical intimacy that is possible between humans, but simple touches and caresses that show that you are more than just a piece of meat, and that they are glad it was you they were just intimate with...THAT's off limits?

So... what do you do?

Couch it in simple terms I can understand:

Scenario A: You just had sex with some strange guy at a club. Your play session is over you (INSERT WORDS OR ACTIONS HERE).

Scenario B: Same as above, but it was a long time swinging friend.

[JustAskJulie]

For me, when we get to a point whre it feels like we are done with the sex and whatever goes along with it (granted sex sometimes goes into multiple sessions) then I get up and get dressed and leave.

I've rarely ever had a problem with it. There have been a few guys that want us to lie there and hold each other or fall asleep together, but most understand the lines between sex and emotion and are no more interested in the "extras" than I am.

When it comes to situations where me and hubby are playing together with another couple (when it comes to couple swapping we are pretty much always same room... just find it to be more fun to be able to watch each other), then assuming we swap for sex once the sex is over then we are all 4 lying there together and most likely next to our partners (if not multiple people) and that post-sex stuff is going on between mates.

I think it really does come down to how you seperate sex and emotion. Something that even a lot of swingers have a problem doing.

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by incommunicado:
Again, I get that this is a "different strokes thing," but help me understand. You can share the closest physical intimacy that is possible between humans, but simple touches and caresses that show that you are more than just a piece of meat, and that they are glad it was you they were just intimate with...THAT's off limits?

So... what do you do?

Couch it in simple terms I can understand:

Scenario A: You just had sex with some strange guy at a club. Your play session is over you (INSERT WORDS OR ACTIONS HERE).

Scenario B: Same as above, but it was a long time swinging friend.

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This is how it would work for me.

Scenario A: ~ We would put our clothes back on and perhaps share a thankfull kiss and rejoin the people outside of the room and mingle. Since you do not "know" them "know" them chances are you will go your separate ways.

Scenario B: ~ Certainly the sex would be different as knowing them, we would both be keenly aware of each others desires. BUT...we would put our clothes back on and perhaps share a more intimate kiss and then rejoin our spouses and friends and enjoy great conversation again.

I have no problem with the display of affection or such in a "public" environment from another person. That is foreplay and afterplay, but as for the kick back cuddle, snuggle lets talk about life in general "thingie" in a room where you have just had sex privately, it crosses the emotional boundries for me.

Let's face it, you go to a private area/room to have sex, not to discuss how your day was or resolve world matters. This sort of conversation can be had in the midst of everyone that we are friends with and our spouses. And then of course afterplay...and maybe a little more foreplay can resume...

Lori

[incommunicado]

That does explain quite a bit. Not sure that is going to be the direction we go, as swingers.

The thing is, even though I grew up with steady girlfriends and my wife grew up with open relationships and a lot of fun sex, neither of us has ever had sex with someone we weren't at least, close friends with. Even our swinging, thus far, has only been with a few of our closest friends. So, beyond the animal attraction, there has always been that emotional connection that you make with a close lover. Thought I don't really believe in polyamory, think of it as "hierarchical polyamory". We love (or at least really like and care about) all our lovers, but retain each other as the primary focus of our emotions.

For the time being, that's the only type of swinging sex we want to continue to have. When we exhaust our supply of friends (just kidding) we want to connect with swinging couples as friends, as well as lovers. We'd like nothing more than to be one of those couples 20 years down the road that is still friends with, and swinging with, people we meet now. So, in that respect, many of the afterplay and talking that comes from sex with a lover, is perfectly welcome in sex with our friends.

[incommunicado]

p.s. Thank you both for taking the time to answer my questions.