Does it bother you if you can't see/touch your partner?

[fun4Ds]

i guess i have what input i know on this matter sorry if i get long winded

i have to agree with the spoomonkies feelings on this. we are same room people or furnature for that matter we dont have to hold each others hands to have sex with other people. but we dont do the you go in there, and we will go in here thing. why? honestly we just dont feel we need that.we haven't asked each other for such an event.

i dont know if that means we haven't evolved....

we did almost meet a couple that was honest about this though, the guy couldn't have sex with his wife in the same room, he just couldn't do it.. so they had their rules wanting things the way they wanted.they were honest about everything and we found respect in that. we just looked at each other and thaught we will cross that bridge when we get there for our satisfaction also.open minded

situation #2 mrs.fun stopped by some friends house to drop off some items that she had picked up for them at the store. well the mr. is in the shower and the mrs. has some questions, and they all three end up in the bathroom together. oh yes he had his hopes and personaly i dont blame him, their good friends and i would have been fine with any play that might have happend but mrs.fun decided no play without me and thats.... cool, but not a problem.

another time we were at a club and mrs.fun was putting away our stuff and a guy grabs her and kisses her and tries to lead to lets have some quality time on our own. now this guy knew our same room rules, oh yes he knew. now thats just being an asshole. but mrs.fun handled the situation and came to me promptly. no drama but why would someone try to test her/us?

so i guess where im going with this is. maby some day we might be into seperate rooms but that will be our bridge to cross together when we get there. and i can only hope its with someone that has the insight that we have seen in this post.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Here's where the issue gets a little personal. What does it mean to be "well adjusted"? A couple who is same room only is less adjusted? How so? I would think a couple who is intimately in touch with their interests, comfort zones and partners would be quite well adjusted.

Is a base jumper any better adjusted than the run of the mill skydiver?

Spoomonkey

If you couldn't swing unless you were in constant arm length of your partner, I'd call that a couple that maybe shouldn't be swinging and has potential issues. I have no problem with same room only couples, we are same room 95% of the time, but we arn't freaky about it either.

Hell there were many times we were in touching distance and that was fun , but if she shifted a few inches out of reach I wouldn't have felt it was a problem.

[prettylady]

Why does there have to be a problem with the marriage everytime someone states a preference that is not as swinger as the next. Can't find the right words for that comment.
I really don't think Spoo gets "freaked out" if Mrs. Spoo is a few inches beyond reach. this is making a bigger issue then what is there. They simply prefere to play in the same room. I am sorry for speaking for you Spoo's.
I want to play in the same room with Dog, not because we are having issues in our relationship, but because I love being around him, I am new to this, I am feeling out the waters. There are all kinds of reasons for it. But relationship issues is not one.
That would be like saying all non swingers are having issues in their relationship.
So us sameroomers are more vanilla then seperate roomers.
why does it always have to come back to assuming that people have marital issues.
What if I chose not to swing, that I am uncomfortable with it. Will Dog and I be told we have issues or told good luck and best wishes with our lifestyle choice?
Your confused friend,
Prettylady

[fun4Ds]

i guess in my post i was only trying to put reality in our experiances, we dont seem to have worried minds. with same room sex its just a together thing we enjoy.

the thing is, in reality we havent met any one like you likeminds, where the comunication is on the same page. we are just who we are where we are. not that we dissagree on seperate rooms at all. we just like being in the same bed, room, area.

[Pepper & Drew]

Nope, we don't get antsy if we're playing separately. Early on, we had an always together rule, but over time, and as we've gotten more comfortable with playmates, we've played separately: ranging from separate rooms to once Drew played with our most trusted play friends while he was in their town for business.

It's not something that we'd do all the time, but so far, it's worked fine on the occasions we've done it.

Pepper

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

How many of you "same-room swing" couples get antsy if, during play, your spouse heads off to the bathroom to take a shower with the other woman?

Or maybe your spouse is not in view during play because he's on the floor with the other woman while you're on the bed?

And I'm even curious about when they are in view, but not near enough to touch, does that bring on discomfort for one of the couple you're playing with?

Anybody see this happening with their playpartners, or find this happening with themselves while playing?

LM

A while back, yeah, the shower thing would have bothered me, but none of the rest has ever been an issue. Since we've become comfortable enough for seperate play even the shower thing is not an issue. In fact, recently Mrs. WS told me to go take a shower with a playmate.

Our rule is that we just ask each other. If Mrs. WS wants to go to a seperate room or to play with someone alone when I'm not playing, all she has to do is ask me if I mind. Although neither of us has exercised this veto power yet, we both have it equally and without question.

Mr. WS

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by prettylady

Why does there have to be a problem with the marriage everytime someone states a preference that is not as swinger as the next. Can't find the right words for that comment.
I really don't think Spoo gets "freaked out" if Mrs. Spoo is a few inches beyond reach. this is making a bigger issue then what is there. They simply prefere to play in the same room. I am sorry for speaking for you Spoo's.

LM's question was touching distance, I answered that question. I don't think anyone said there was a problem in a marriage if you had to swing that way, but I do think it shows a level of insecurity in swinging I wouldn't want to be part of.

Try not to read to much into statements that should be taken at face value.

[prettylady]

Sorry I misunderstood you Chicup.

If you couldn't swing unless you were in constant arm length of your partner, I'd call that a couple that maybe shouldn't be swinging and has potential issues.

This is the statement that made me think you were questioning the strength of the marriage.
Again if I misread this statement I am sorry.
Still friends?

Your friend,
Prettylady

[EvilMJ]

Even though we are a couple who does play separately from time to time, it all comes down to the people we are playing with.

There are couples who I wouldn't bat an eye if hubby said he wanted to play alone with the wife, or decided they were going to shower together, but there are others that I wouldn't feel so comfortable with.

I know what spoo is talking about. That sick feeling in your stomach wondering what is going on while you are not there. Even though you trust your spouce, you just can't help it. It's happened to me before. It was becuase I didn't trust the wife. In fact we no longer play with them for that reason. Sometimes you can help feeling the way you are feeling. I don't think it makes anyone insecure or their relationships weak, I think it just makes us human.

I like to deal with things on a case by case bases. The way we play is taylored toward the people we play with, taking personalities, rules, comfort zones into consideration.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I don't think anyone said there was a problem in a marriage if you had to swing that way, but I do think it shows a level of insecurity in swinging I wouldn't want to be part of.

I did have to read your responses a few times to get the point, so I can see why Pretty Lady might have misunderstood.

Personally, I am not going to judge a couple's relationship - or the individual parts of that couple - because they have more or less restrictive play rules than we do. Everyone makes the lifestyle their own. The "secure" couples are the ones who are able to do that - without regard for what others might think of them.

Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

I know what spoo is talking about. That sick feeling in your stomach wondering what is going on while you are not there.

It really isn't even that. We have tried seperate play and the idea that Mrs Spoo was at home with a couple while I was at work was incredibly hot. But, for her, she was bored - missing me - just plain not having any fun.

I thought about that and realized I'd be the same way. I completely enjoy most of my playmates - and being with them is something that sticks in my head like a neon sticky note - inspiring vivid fantasies. They aren't just peripheral pieces in something Mrs Spoo and I are doing... But without her there, it just wouldn't be the same.

Spoomonkey

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

I'm comfortable with any arrangement with one rule. If Laurie says "No, I don't want to do that." and then has to repeat herself, I want to be in earshot so that a lesson on the meaning of the word "NO" can begin promptly.
If we know and trust the couple well I'm more comfortable with more distance. It's a safety thing. Nobodies going to force my sweetie to do anything she doesn't want to do.

[prettylady]

I am a newbie, Planning on becoming one of the elite.
I can say with all honesty that yes I think for the first time seperate room would freak me out.
I am still adjusting to the idea of Dog kissing another woman right there infront of me.
After a lifetime of thinking that is wrong I now have to adjust my way of thinking. As well as Oh my gosh Dog is watching me kiss another man. When does the fists start flying. Such a different way of looking at things.
I can't wait until we can take the next step. I am nervous but excited.
But like I said earlier, I think my mind would be scrambling if I was not near Dog the first time.
I hope I answered your question alright
Your friend,
Prettylady