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  1. #1
    Mod Squad Member good times's Avatar
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    Default Why same or separate room play?

    Mrs. GT and I were having a discussion last night about our swing experiences, and how our attitude about different things has changed since we started swinging. When we first started, we were adamant that we would only do same room swap. After a couple of years, we had met a few people that preferred separate rooms and after a while, we decided to try it and see if it would be ok with us. That was about a year and a half ago and now we both agree that we actually prefer separate rooms most of the time. The reason for this is that we couldn't help but notice that we had a much higher percentage of good to excellent swinging encounters with separate room play than we have had with same room.

    Since we started swinging, we have been involved in the lifestyle more than most people we know. We go to the club or spend time with swinging friends most weekends, about three weekends a month for the last four years on average, usually both Friday and Saturday nights. On average, we hook up with someone for play about once every three or four nights out. And in that time we have had about a half dozen couples we have played with in the same room were the experience was good, about three or four that were bad experiences, and the rest would best be described as mediocre experiences. On the other hand, when we have played in separate rooms the experience was good at least four out of five times.

    Our goal in last nights discussion was to try to figure out what the common denominator was in all of these mediocre encounters. The conclusion we came to was something we see posted here on the board all the time. People will often say that the main turn on for them is watching their partner with someone else. The problem with that is, sometimes the couple your with is so intent on what their spouse is doing that they just aren't any fun in bed. We had a same room swap last weekend that was typical of this problem. When we were done, we went away feeling like it was all about them, and we were just tools for the other couples enjoyment.

    My questions for all of you are,

    1. For those that have played in both same room, and separate rooms, have you noticed that the sex is better in separate rooms when you are both able to give 100% to your partner?

    2. For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?

    3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?
    R (He is R, she is P)

  2. #2
    Not a potential *** Chicup's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why same/seperate room play.

    1. For those that have played in both same room, and separate rooms, have you noticed that the sex is better in separate rooms when you are both able to give 100% to your partner?

    Its become something of an issue for me, as I always want to make sure the Mrs. is having a good time and that means I'll not be giving 100% to my partner. Also even seasoned swingers seem more relaxed in seperate rooms so I would say yes, the sex is better, but only if we are doing straight swap. If there is some interplay the sex is still better same room.

    2. For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?

    I'm multi-talented.

    3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?

    I think this depends. If it was a new couple, esp if it was a newbie couple, I'd just ignore it. If it was a couple we knew a while I'd suggest (and have suggested in the past) seperate rooms.

    Still I think seperate rooms should be advanced swinging 304 and that all those still enrolled in swinging 101 should stick to the same room.

  3. #3
    Chimpin' Ain't Easy Spoomonkey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why same/seperate room play.

    Quote Originally Posted by good times
    2. For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?
    We can only answer two questions. As you know - we are a "same room" couple, so I'll have to stick with those...



    To answer the first question, "I am not sure if we do." After all - lets be honest, we don't know if people really enjoy us except by what they tell us. So - it could very well be that a lot of folks have lied to us and didn't dig our groove at all. Unlikely, but possible

    I enjoy watching Mrs Spoomonkey. She is really incredible and as I have told her can really "put on a show". Sure - she doesn't see it as putting on a show as she is not faking anything, but in my opinion, she is very sexually expressive and watching her enjoy herself - whether it is with me or a playmate - can totally rock my world.

    However - that said - I am not dumb to the fact that I am playing with someone who, in most cases, is pretty incredible. I am really able to focus on my playmate without being distracted from what I am doing. The added "snippets" of watching Mrs Spoo just makes it that much better.

    I am really not sure how we balance it - but I think we do.

    Now - if Mrs Spoo is really struggling in a situation, or gets done quickly (that happens way too much) it can be hard to concentrate. But - at that point - watching her and "quickdraw" talk about their favorite parts of The Breakfast Club no longer is a turn on so I just ignore it...

    Quote Originally Posted by good times
    3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?
    Show her the pillow

    Honestly, this hasn't really ever happened to me. I have not always been fortunate enough to have great experiences (I'll say that we are batting 1000 this year, but we are having a good year) but I have been fortunate enough to have playmates whose attention I can keep.

    Spoomonkey
    "Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities." - C. S. Lewis

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Why same/seperate room play.

    Having very little experience, and basing my answer on that, one of our reasons for beginning this is that we enjoy watching one another. So, in that context, we would not get to if we engaged in separate room play. In the little experience we have, I realized I felt somewhat bad for the woman I was with, as I was spending some time watching my woman.

    My point is that you make a useful point. I have been thinking about this lately. Something bothers me about us playing in different rooms, and I can't say just what. It is not that I don't trust her, I just feel cheated somehow that I did not get the erotic thrill of watching, at least a little bit.

    We feel this is an activity that we share, and proximity is part of the sharing. I am interested in seeing the responses to this thread; thanks for posting.

  5. #5
    Chimpin' Ain't Easy Spoomonkey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why same/seperate room play.

    Another point is that - frankly - if I want to have sex with a woman - I can do that with Mrs Spoo. While I have played with some incredible women, I have pretty much confirmed to myself that outside of the context of our type of swinging (and by that I mean same room and being involved together) I would be extremely monogamous.

    The draw for me is not "something different" - if that makes sense.

    Spoomonkey
    "Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities." - C. S. Lewis

  6. #6
    Swingers Board Addict VanHlebar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why same/seperate room play.

    1. For those that have played in both same room, and separate rooms, have you noticed that the sex is better in separate rooms when you are both able to give 100% to your partner?

    MrsVan and I just experienced our first seperate room experience this weekend, so this is based on just one experience. We were at a club with some friends of ours that we have been seeing now since we started swinging back in January. We feel very comfortable with them and it was just natural. In addition to this, the husband and MrsVan did not want to be in the very open area of the play room, and the wife and I did, so we went with it. MrsVan and I spoke at length about the situation over the next few days and one thing that we both agreed on, was that seperate room allowed us to be able to give complete attention to our playmate, which made the encounter seem that much more intense. Could it have been the fact that it was our first time? Sure...would we do it again, probably, but same room will almost always be our preferred option. Not to mention that we really would need to have a good comfort level with our friends before trying this again.

    2. For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?

    This one is very tricky...for me in particular, I don't just like to watch MrsVan, but I do like to be able to reach out and touch her during play when it is possible. For the most part though, I will try to watch MrsVan in bits and pieces and and only for short periods of time. The rest of the time I try to concentrate on my partner, which can be difficult if MrsVan is getting particularly vocal.

    3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?

    For us, since we ourselves are still "newbies" I think the first couple of times we would most likely just ignore it and see if it continued. If it did continue, then we would most likely talk with the couple. We have found in our brief stint so far, that when we have an issue, we just put it out there to the couple. If they can't handle talking about it, then we really don't want to continue a friendship with them anyways. If they can talk about it then we figure out what the problems are together and we all move forward.

    -Van

  7. #7
    Mod Squad Member good times's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why same/seperate room play.

    I also thought I should add that their is another reason we like seperate room, and that is when the male is having performance issues. We have found that if a guy was having performance issues changing to seperate rooms has fixed the problem 100% of the time.

    I would also like to say that I agree with Chicup in that I still don't think seperate rooms is a good idea for newbies. We have only done seperate rooms with newbies once and it was because of performance issues. As soon as we seperated to seperate rooms his performance anxiety went away. We have since played with that same couple in same room without any problem.
    R (He is R, she is P)

  8. #8
    South of disorder WesternSwing's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why same/seperate room play.

    Quote Originally Posted by good times
    My questions for all of you are,

    1. For those that have played in both same room, and separate rooms, have you noticed that the sex is better in separate rooms when you are both able to give 100% to your partner?
    I don't know if it's better for me, but I definitely feel I give better to my partner since I end-up watching Mrs. WS so often when we are in the same room. I become a total voyeur.

    3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?
    Being more dominant and taking more control. Being more aggressive has worked well for me.

    Mr. WS
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud

  9. #9
    Pure Evil..In a cute suit EvilMJ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why same/seperate room play.

    We do both separate and same play and I have to agree that we seem to have a better time with separate room play.

    I think it is becuase I my attention gets taken away I am so aware of the other couple that I get distracted and I don't enjoy it as much.
    One big problem I find is that everyone has a different 'finsihing' times and if the other couple is done before us then there is that rush to finish, or the pressure for them to drag it out.

    I guess I can focus more on the partner I am with. So I think I am experiencing the same things you are in that sense.
    "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

  10. #10
    Mod Squad Member good times's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why same/seperate room play.

    Quote Originally Posted by EvilMJ
    One big problem I find is that everyone has a different 'finsihing' times and if the other couple is done before us then there is that rush to finish, or the pressure for them to drag it out.
    That is so true, nothing is more of a buzz-kill than two people discussing the weather next to you will you are trying to get it on.
    R (He is R, she is P)

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Why same/seperate room play.

    Personally, I enjoyed both. Same room allows me the pleasure of watching my wife, which I absolutely love to do. Separate room allows me to be more comfortable with my new partner.

    But I noticed that my wife really preferred separate room for just the opposite reasons. She really gets uneasy seeing me being passionate with someone else and she just doesn't relax and enjoy if I'm watching her.

    So, for us at least, same general venue but not in sight or hearing range.
    58 years old and married for 34 of 'em.
    "Caged contentedly, yet still looking out beyond the bars."

  12. #12
    Swingers Board Addict twobears's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why same/seperate room play.

    Hi well we are newbie's for sure with only 2yrs or so in the lifestyle. We are same room and have had some poor experience and some good ones. We both want same room,our getting into the lifestyle was for the FMF and we have gone on to have MFM and more to couples. We like best the couple that want to be close to there partner,where can touch or even kiss, it is very exciting for us,but not all couples have that level of desire to enjoy sharing intercourse with each other. We are able to enjoy the sex without taking anything away from our playmate I feel, if one of us finish before the other we would not be rude and talk, for we(playmate & I) would be still in erotic pleasure for our mate, facelick but either touch or hold the males balls or suck on the females breast what felt right at the time to make their finish a mind blowing experience. Couples who like to play together just don't watch,they feel the present of they mate and see sometimes too except when my mind is being blown too with feeling of erotic pleasure.

  13. #13
    Swingers Board Addict JP51's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why same/seperate room play.

    Well, this is the Mrs...reply....same room starting out, if performace issues happen, she will talk to the other lady, and suggest they depart the room so he can relax, which she says allows me to relax and not worry about her such a wonderful lady. As I noted in a seperate post, she can cum hard quickly and then is ready for a break and more action, while we the other pair are still working up to it...seperate rooms removes this distraction, so I think both worlds are nice, seperate rooms allows me to look after the task at hand and not have other issues to deal with...now the second time around that evening, having everyone in one big bed is just too much fun

    OK that was the wife view....my view, foreplay together, serious business, seperate rooms.

  14. #14
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    Default Re: Why same/seperate room play.

    Interesting topic!

    If we're in a 4-some, I prefer separate rooms and the Mrs. probably does as well. That allows us to become more involved with the other w/out any distractions. We've done both and been happy both ways. There have also been less than happy episodes as well.

    If it's a same room 4 some, it seems like at some point, someone may feel left out or ignored. Other than tactful suggestions or guidance, there really isn't much you can do to improve the matter. As always, COMMUNICATION is the key.

    I think that each episode takes on it's own personality. We've been in same room 4 somes that were great and some that weren't. The key is that everyone is tuned into everyone. Being overly focused on one person can invite another to feel left out.

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Why same/seperate room play.

    We have been discussing this as well...he wants what's most comfortable for me and, well, I am not sure.

    On one hand I find the idea of 4 or more in the same room completely erotic, however, I'm not sure that him being so ...ahem...into his partner would go over well...being that it's going to be our first time.

    What do you more experienced folk think....particularly the women?

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