Why same or separate room play?

[OnHArry]

[quote=good times]
1. For those that have played in both same room, and separate rooms, have you noticed that the sex is better in separate rooms when you are both able to give 100% to your partner?

Frankly I have had great sex both ways, this is the male talking by the way. However we tend to prefer seperate room for the reasons you mentioned, ie that the opposite male is so into watching his wife that he tends to do a superficial job with my wife. Also the who issue abouty performance is a problem to, and we find where performance is an issue seperate rooms definitly work much better. Also as the male I prefer it because I do not feel any guilt about lavishing attention on my partner of the moment. So by and large both work but seperate works better.

2. For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?

Knowing I love watching my wife with other guys, who doesn't, she will often do fairly intense foreplay like oral with him in the hottub and so on, prior to going elsewhere. Also when she is in the depths of passion with another, just hearing her moan in the next room is good enough, I have a vivid imagination, and that alone often works to stimulate me to bigger and better thigs lol. For example this one time in band camp, but seriously, I had finished with the lady I was with and was softly massaging and carressing her naughty bits, and I heard the moans and groans in the other room, well that got me up again, and as a result the lady and I went on to do more. They finished and heard us going and that got them going again it was a good night.

3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?[/QUOTE]

Oddly enough, or maybe not so oddly, with us that has only ever happened with the male of the other couple, maybe it is a womanly thing, or maybe women have a better attention span, but I have never had the lady more into what her hubby was doing, it is always the hubby for some reason. As to my wife she simply grinned and bore it, but if they did not want seperate rooms next time then it was goodbye.

Now there is something funny we experienced with one couple. They were great in that they can entertain at home, and they are both giving and very compatible with us outside the bed, BUT he has performance issues and has difficulty getting hard enough to penetrate, and yet they insist on doing same room, but of course my wife gets little out of it as aresult, what do you folks think of that?

[mrs good times]

Originally Posted by BBVixen23

We have been discussing this as well...he wants what's most comfortable for me and, well, I am not sure.

On one hand I find the idea of 4 or more in the same room completely erotic, however, I'm not sure that him being so ...ahem...into his partner would go over well...being that it's going to be our first time.

What do you more experienced folk think....particularly the women?

I will always recommend same room for newbies because their maybe issues that arise that you did not expect and you can handle them right away, like jealousy. Swinging is something that you do for and with each other and I think that we have just evolved into a place where we are more comfortable with seperate room. We didn't start out seperate room and never considered it until another couple suggested it to us because of performance issues. It worked out and we enjoyed reliving it in the telling to each other after the fact.

If you explain to the couple you are with that you are new they are most likely going to understand if something doesn't feel right for you and you want to stop. We have since played with newbies and had such issues arise but since we knew up front that it was a possibility we understood and even went so far as to take them out for pizza and discuss the issues they were having with them to try to help them resolve the problem. It turned out good and we made some nice friends.

[janaandjames]

we enjoy watching each other, so much so in fact, that we have stopped playing with couples. we only do 3-somes now ... and that sometimes is one on one with the spouse only watching ...
we never could figure out how we could watch with another couple ... and seperate rooms defeates the purpose for us ...

[Tybee Swing]

After reading through the whole thread, I see where there is a distinct difference. It seems that most who prefer separate room are describing the distinct M/F and M/F separate experience preference, even if in the same room, rather than more of a group experience.

For us, our preference of same-room, and preferably same-bed, isn't about being newbies or having insecurities. It's about our preference for more interaction and variety in the experience, as well as touching, eye contact and connection between each other while engaging with others. I know that many separate room couples view same-room people as insecure or "not ready" (i.e. immature in swinging), but often this is just not the case. It's a preference thing.

Originally Posted by good times

For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?

I don't need my play partner's undivided attention in order to have a great experience. Hubby doesn't need his play partner's undivided attention, either. Our play partners feel the same way.

I can alternate between giving attention to the swing partner with watching my partner with the other. Also, because we connect with couples who have the same interests we do, any of us can sit back and watch gladly, while two play, or the other three play. Since we all like to watch and interact, even when it's just straight M/F and M/F, we're positioned to all be able to see the others while swapping. The scenario is constantly changing as the spirit moves us. If my husband is mesmerized with watching and wants to sit back, the other couple and I have a 3some. Then, I might want to sit back and watch him have an MFM with the couple. The wife and I might play while the guys watch. Or, we women are playing and they're stroking us or giving oral. Maybe we're kissing deeply, caressing each other's breasts, and getting intercourse from the men at the same time. But best of all, we all four are engaged at the same time, everybody touching, kissing, giving or receiving oral, intercourse, all at the same time. Very erotic! The possibilities are endless. Often, one of the women is receiving pleasure from all three others at once (WOW). Since the men are straight, he may be receiving pleasure from both women. My husband LOVES to have 2 women give him head at the same time, for example. Also, we switch back to our own partners throughout, which really turns us on, too. We like to watch other couples together, and be watched also.

We tend to go for a long time. With likeminded couples, we have sex for 2-3 hours with small breaks and the switching around as described above. In swing situations, my husband usually comes 2-3 times in that time, and he's longlasting in between. If the other couple isn't going as long as we are, they like to lay back and caress each other when they're done, watching us as we keep going with each other. They seem to really enjoy this kind of finish with us.

Originally Posted by good times

If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?

I think my answer above already answered this question - for us, it's not a problem that needs to be fixed or improved if somebody wants to watch their spouse. Since we're not just M/F M/F, but "all of the above", there are many ways for the other partner to not be left out while the other watches their spouse. It's just not a problem in our case.

About men with ED who can't perform in same room, but must be separate to be able to maintain an erection: We don't feel obliged to take care of his problem for him. If he can't enjoy same room, then we're just not the couple for him. Or if a husband or wife is uncomfortable seeing their spouse in action, we're not the couple for them. It comes back to a matter of preference, and separate room will work for them - with somebody else who feels the same way they do.

It just occurred to me that in the same way separate-room couples sometimes view themselves as "advanced" while they think of same-room-only couples as newbies or think they have issues, maybe the reverse could be true sometimes. Maybe some of these separate-only couples aren't "ready" for more variety and for being turned-on seeing each other full-on with other people?

[BBVixen23]

Originally Posted by mrs good times

If you explain to the couple you are with that you are new they are most likely going to understand if something doesn't feel right for you and you want to stop. We have since played with newbies and had such issues arise but since we knew up front that it was a possibility we understood and even went so far as to take them out for pizza and discuss the issues they were having with them to try to help them resolve the problem. It turned out good and we made some nice friends.

This is why, to me, our first couple is so important, particularly for me. I want someone there who can reassure me if I have those uncomfortable moments. I don't want to have to stop....I want to be able to push through and want to have someone who can help me do so. I was able to fantasize about my husband and his potential female partner yesterday and have a very intense O.... Hopefully that's a good sign.

Side Note~ You vets have no idea how much you are helping me. Information and communication is the key for me and I just want to say Thanks.

[2jersey]

We have only experienced same room play, but we are open to the possibility of separate room play.

We perceive a few practical disadvantages to separate room play:

1) A need to rent more than one hotel room.
2) A reduced ability to accommodate female play.
3) No sure way of knowing that our spouse is being treated properly and is having an enjoyable experience.

We agree with those who believe it is distracting/disappointing to play with people who intently focused on watching their spouse. Neither of us goes out of our way to watch the other - preferring to focus on our play partner unless/until one couple finishes before the other.

In fact, Mrs 2jersey usually closes her eyes when she reaches a certain state of arousal (trancelike). As long as she is enjoying her partner, you can walk away with her husband, her wallet, the light bulbs, anything. Just return everything an hour later - she'll never even notice.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

For us, our preference of same-room, and preferably same-bed, isn't about being newbies or having insecurities. It's about our preference for more interaction and variety in the experience, as well as touching, eye contact and connection between each other while engaging with others. I know that many separate room couples view same-room people as insecure or "not ready" (i.e. immature in swinging), but often this is just not the case. It's a preference thing.

Thanks for posting this.

Mrs Spoo and I were talking about the same thing recently and this is EXACTLY how we feel.

Besides, "advanced" swinging isn't defined as the ability to do seperate rooms, it is defined as being very aware of what you want/enjoy and doing just that. It is when you really don't know what you want or what you are comfortable with that you are still swinging on a "101" level.

Spoomonkey

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

It just occurred to me that in the same way separate-room couples sometimes view themselves as "advanced" while they think of same-room-only couples as newbies or think they have issues, maybe the reverse could be true sometimes. Maybe some of these separate-only couples aren't "ready" for more variety and for being turned-on seeing each other full-on with other people?

I think this is very perceptive and join in the applause!

We have done both, and they both have their charms. When we're in the same room, I love the togetherness, the play in different combinations, all the sounds and tastes, and seeing Mr. Fuse with his playmate. When we're in different rooms, I enjoy focusing on my playmate without anything to distract me. In my opinion the question doesn't have to be complicated -- it's all good.

With a new couple we'll always at least start out in the same room, just to make sure everyone has the right attitude and nothing weird goes on.

I suppose if a couple insisted on separate rooms, we would have to ask why and be a little skeptical. Likewise, if someone went beyond a preference for same room into saying they'd never under any circumstances go into separate rooms, I'd also wonder about them and ask why.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by good times

My questions for all of you are,

1. For those that have played in both same room, and separate rooms, have you noticed that the sex is better in separate rooms when you are both able to give 100% to your partner?

2. For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?

3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?

Sorry, Good Times... I didn't answer your questions.

1. Now that I think about it, yeah... the sex has probably been better in separate rooms for me, on the whole. Hmm... I still like both, but this will make me think.

2. I love seeing Mr. Fuse with his playmate. But I only sneak glances every now and then, or watch a little (or join in) when my playmate is doing something else, for example getting a condom, a drink of water, or in the bathroom. If I watch more than a second or two at a time, it detracts from my own experience and makes me feel rude, which is not sexy . I'm way more interested in sex with the lady's husband, so it's not an issue.

3. Hasn't happened yet. When it does, I hope I will be diplomatic... just ask nicely whether he wants to watch or be with me. If that doesn't work, and I'm not pissed off by then, I'd ask for a separate room... if a few reasonable efforts like this fail, I might cut the encounter short (depending). We'd be unlikely to see the people again.

[DBL D]

When we are with a couple, I would think that the main thought of my partner would be to be with me and would want to get down to seeing what we each like. I don't have a problem with the ladies wanting to interact, but if there isn't anything going on, then I don't see why we shouldn't move to a place where we aren't distracted by what they might be doing?

I'm with Fuse, I would be reluctant to be with a couple who couldn't play in separate rooms or at least a few feet away.

Hope that made sense.

Male D

[OnHArry]

As I said above, or at least I think I did, we have done and enjoyed both, and as someone else mentioned the issue of seperate rooms is easier to decide if you are using a hotel/motel. We have done both but Mrs. Harry prefers her partner's undivided attention, and we have had a couple who frankly were much more interested in watchng their partner.

One such case was a couple who were from Honduras I believe, I first played with them at an onpremise party where Mrs. Harry was otherwise engaged, and I went to have a threesome with this couple. It started out not bad with him and I undressing this very attractive lady but eventually it became a voyeur experience for him, he kept a running commentary going through the whole thing. I was distracted by him as he lay there stroking himself.

Admittedly I had no problem maintaining my erection, and her and I played various games for over an hour and half so she was very happy, but when we met as a foursome a few weeks later, he could not even maintain a decent erection as he was so interested in what his mate and I were doing.

Never met them again unfortunatly but that was one thing that really soured Mrs. HArry on same room. We have since done same room and enjoyed it so I guess the real answer is so long as your head is where it should be it is all good.

[Amanda69]

1. For those that have played in both same room, and separate rooms, have you noticed that the sex is better in separate rooms when you are both able to give 100% to your partner?

Actually we prefer same room play, sex is always better when I know he is having a good time and he is so damned sexy to watch. Also if anything goes wrong we are both there to take care of it.

2. For those of you who are into watching your partner, how do you accomplish that and still give the attention to your swing partner that is needed in order for it to be a good experience for all?

No problem at all, it is like having your own personal porn movie on and having sex at the same time...It is all good and just enhances the experience.

3.If you were in a position where your swing partner is paying so much attention to their spouse that it is not working for you, what would you do to improve the situation?

Easy I would suggest we go over and join them. Another plus to same room play is that we can all play together.

[good times]

Originally Posted by Amanda69

No problem at all, it is like having your own personal porn movie on and having sex at the same time...It is all good and just enhances the experience.

I know this is probably not how you meant this, but this statement tells how we have felt in these situations almost perfectly. I have actually been having sex and the woman never even looked at me or her partner at my wife, they spent the whole time watching each other. This is exactly how it made us feel, as if we were just the actors in their own private porn movie. If I had some kind of porn star fantasy that might be a turn on, but I do not, so it is a major turn-off for me.

Maybe I am different from others, but for me, one of the essential ingredients for me to be turned on and have an enjoyable time having sex with someone is knowing that that person really wants to have sex with me. If it is obvious that all I am is a show for their spouse then that is a major turn off to me. Don't get me wrong, it is a turn on to me to know my wife is having great sex with someone and thoroughly enjoying herself. However, if the guy is not paying attention to her, she is not going to be having fun. To me the turn on is knowing or seeing her having a good time in bed, not watching her getting it on with someone else.

It is funny how many people we have met that tell us their main turn on is watching each other and if others aren't into that they just aren't compatible, yet we have met very few of them that can pull that off and still be any fun in bed for the other couple. Their was even one couple we met at the local club that we had experienced this with that later was complaining to us that no one seemed to ever play with them more than once. As you can probably guess, that was no surprise to us.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by good times

Their was even one couple we met at the local club that we had experienced this with that later was complaining to us that no one seemed to ever play with them more than once. As you can probably guess, that was no surprise to us.

I'm curious. Did you say anything to them about how you felt during play with them? If so, how did they react?

[Amanda69]

Good times that is why you take the time to find a compatible couple. There are just as many who enjoy watching each other as don't...