Child of Swingers

I am a daughter of a swingers as well as nudists. They dragged my brother and I to nudists camps all across the country. Now here I sit trying to do research in understanding what "makes them tick." You have stated that your 9 year old son will "understand" someday. Don't count on it. My brother's marriage is screwed up because he never learned to be faithful. Kids learn by example. I became depressed and anorxic. The thought of knowing my mom was with another man and vise/versa tore me up inside. I caught them. OUCH!!! They thought they were safe. Just think about that.

[anandjeff2]

I think the fact that you are angry at your parents says a lot. The main probelm here was perhaps the fact that as kids you werent comfortable with the nudism and the fact that you were forced to do something you werent comfortable with says a lot aboput your parents. I for one would never make my kids go nude if they did not want to. As for the sexual aspects of swinging, it is understanding your own sexuality that leads many people to feel comfortable enough to share with others.Our society on the whole does not try to understand the sexual side of people..it is very much a hidden part of society. As a child my parents never pushed their atiitudes on us we were given free rein to information and were allowed to make our own choices. I am not embarassed by my body and will walk aroud the house nude and my kids think nothing of it..my husband is not quite as open and the accpet that. Obviously when you walked in on your mother with another man it was very tramatic..how old were you? It is hard enough for kids to accept their parents as sexual beings with one another much less to find out there is a deeper realm to it..especially when our society pushes the monogamy aspect of marriage.Righ there that was a psychological trama for you. You need to get to the bottom of your feeling as I think you might be taking that anger out on your parents now especially as you have children now. It is a hard thing to examine yourself and see what makes you tick but I think it will help you understand the way you feel better.

AN

As we mention this a LOT here on the SwingersBoard, COMMUNICATION is the key in ANY relationship! Whether it be with your parents, spouse/partner(s), children, friends, co-workers, etc....It doesn't matter, COMMUNICATION is a vital part of ANY relationship.

Along with COMMUNICATION, we have CHOICES. Like ourselves, our parents are human too. We ALL make mistakes here and there in our lives, but we should also learn and grow from them. We may not approve of a lot of things our parents do/did, but that doesn't mean that we have to follow in their footsteps either! What works for one family/couple (in raising children, and the life we each live, eg. the "lifestyle") may not work for another, including ourselves.

Along with COMMUNICATION & CHOICES, raising our families with RESPECT & OPENNESS may steer away from a lot of confusion, hurt, and maybe guilt, amoung other emotional problems that we may encounter in our lives.

If after COMMUNICATING with your parents about the way you feel/felt about their CHOICES they've made in their involvement in the lifestyle, and there's still some confusion there, and nothing seems to get resolved, the only thing we could hope for is that everyone is matured enough to move on with their lives, except the CHOICES they've made with OPENNESS and move on with your lives. http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif


ENJOY LIFE TO THE FULLEST!
Wife of CyberMWCouple

1. Your parents raised you the best way they knew how and now you have the nerve to whine about it? Grow up and learn that the world is not here to slave to your beck and call.

2. The lifestyle is not for everyone, and everyone in the lifestyle knows that. You were given the free choice to make your own decision. So make your choice and live with it.

3. The only REAL reason something in our past still affects us is because we let it. Get over it already.

Husband of CyberMWCouple

[Stratecpl]

Just curious here.... where does stratecpl fit into this one?? I saw the title of the thread??

Ron

[anandjeff2]

Methinks because of a post in a different heading that she made before....

An

[LIZA]

It is inappropriate to take children to nudist events. Maybe 3 and 4 year olds, but not once they reach 7 or 8. I think it was popular in the 70's and parent honestly believed they were teaching their kids to be "free" and "unashamed"
BUT the onset of hormones, peer's who have completely different experiences, etc.....It makes children very uncomfortable and sexualizes that at way too early an age! While an adult couple who has a normal sex life can enjoy social nudity, for a child coming into puberty that IS a sexual experience and not something that should be shared with their parents!
For the original poster, your parents had every right to live what ever lifestyle they wanted. They are probably uncomfortable discussing it now because they realize they were not as discreet as they should have been! You can't force them to talk to you and if you did,you might not like the answers. If you feel you cannot lead a normal life I would seek counseling for this. If you are involved in swinging, be careful you don't repeat your parents mistakes! I dont think a parents sex life , what ever it is, should ever be shard with their children before the age of 21 or later

[Stratecpl]

Ahh.. ok.. Guess I should put my two cents in here too.. This is Stratecpl wife btw.

Ok... I can see where you may have a problem with your parents being involved with the lifestyle. Thats your parents and an example of how unique we all are in personalities. Ok... In our case I believe that children feed off their parents moods and attitude..Vibes if you will. What our kids had before my husband and I entered the swinging world was a set of bored, stressed, unhappy parents. Our mood bled over to them.. they were a pair of nervous, quiet kids, who were not as happy as they should have been.. a case of monkey see monkey do.. Mom and Dad are depressed so we are too. NOW that we are in the swinging world.. what they have now is a set of ALIVE, fullfilled, excited, unstressed and HAPPY parents. Our new found mood is bleeding over to them once again.. We have HAPPY, vibrant kids again. Hey..even their grades have improved!! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif We are discreet, very much so. They don't know WHY mom and dad are so much more alive and happy all they know is it's great! And they like it!

So.. each to their own I guess... http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

[This message has been edited by Stratecpl (edited 04-14-2001).]

That's SO cool, Stratecpl! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/cool.gif


Wife of CyberMWCouple

[questionabledaughter]

The husband of the cyber couple told me to "get over it" Its hard to get over something that your parents are actively doing in front of your children. I have asked pleaded for them not to yet they still went nude in front of my kids. They still go to "swing camps" (which only I know about) They sun bathe nude and come home all taned and them my dad goes to the skin doctor and has chuncks of cancer pulled out of his skin. My kids know that. They also know he still goes out in the sun by his skin color. He has scares all over his body and the lifestyle is killing him. I love them deeply which is my reason for coming on this board and try to understand what motivates him and my mom to continue. Your response "to get over it" sounds just like my dad. The rest of you made sense and I was almost thinking that maybe you are very loving people that just are different then my parents, but I suppose not. You sounded just like the pround pompass person he is who doesn't care about others feelings, including his own daughter. It's really sad. People should be free to live however they want and do what they want, but if thats the case they should be far more considerate of their children and if they can't be, they shouldn't have any. I keep hearing how swingers feel that communication is the key. If that is so I was trying to figure out why they won't talk to me about it. They tell me I made it up and they never took me to camps ect. yet they have pictures in their closet and my brother and I both know they are lying. I have also talked with people who were there. I have finally moved with my husband and kids out of state. I was here hoping I could come up with a new way to learn how to approach them. Who better to teach me I thought then those who are involved. No DR. can teach me how people feel in a lifestyle they know nothing about. I can't just "get over it" because until it is resolved, I won't have much of a relashionship with my parents and I love them far too much to let it go. Ps. I think it was lisa who metioned the 70's free love thing and she was right on the money. It was the very early 70's. Thank you lisa

[Stratecpl]

Questionabledaughter,

It's quite obvious that you love and care about your parents, and wish they were more careful. It's very true that excessive exposure to the sun causes skin cancer, too. That's why I don't get much sun! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif Anyhow, not all people who are lifestylers are nudists. Many of us are too shy....

Matter of fact, most of them are folks that you'd NEVER GUESS were swingers. Really!!

Your parents obviously want to do things their way, and they won't be dissuaded from their choices by anyone, not even their own children. It's too bad that they don't talk or reason with you concerning this issue, since communication is extremely vital. That's the reason so many marriages these days go on the rocks, lack of communication.

Maybe your parents could be persuaded to "cover it up" when you and the kids come for a visit. I know that I certainly would in that situation. But then, everyone has his or her own set of beliefs. Naturally, mine have their own "slants!!" LOL http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

Good luck,
Ron

[JustAskJulie]

I have two thoughts on this subject.. first as someone mentioned.. not all swingers are nudists.. and in return not all nudists are swingers. Yes excessive exposure to the sun causes skin cancer.. just as smoking causes lung cancer.. but if someone knows this and still continues to be in the sun or smoke then that is their choice.

As far as your parents being nude in front of your children.. that is something you do have a right to say something about. You have the right to put your foot down to the point where you let them know that if they want to see your children they will either do so in YOUR home where you can watch over the interaction or they will keep their clothes on in their home.. or they will not see your children at all.

I think the only place where swinging really comes into play in this conversation at all is that you caught your parents and now they won't "fess up". That is a lack of communication on their part. Something I think all parents are guilty of. I personally think that if all parents were open with their children there would be a lot less problems. Children could actually see what makes their parents the way they are and make their own choices based on that.. rather than on what they THINK makes their parents the way they are.

As for children being taken to nudist events I don't think there is anything wrong with this... at least not from the child's point of view. In fact being open about our bodies and sexuality with our children can help them to grow up to be stronger people and make them less likely to go out and do things we don't want them to do. Why? because we have been open with them.. they won't be wondering about the things their friends are talking about and wanting to try things just because mom and dad say no. Because you (the parent) will have explained thigns to them and they will know what it's all about. THey'll know that a naked body is no big deal and that sex is something special. But as with everything it's up to the parents to teach the children.. and too often nowadays the parents leave that job to someone else.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
.....You have the right to put your foot down to the point where you let them know that if they want to see your children they will either do so in YOUR home where you can watch over the interaction or they will keep their clothes on in their home.. or they will not see your children at all.

I agree with Julie. http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/wink.gif


Wife of CyberMWCouple

Perhaps I sound like your dad. Maybe you should listen to them. Its quite simple. They have made it very clear to you that this is the life that they have chosen and they have no intention of ever changing. If this is not something that you want your children exposed to, that is your choice. If they do not want to adhere to your wishes, then do not let the children see them. Either way, complaining about your parents does no good for anyone, including yourself.

Husband of CyberMWCouple

[questionabledaughter]

They refuse to abide by my husbands and I wishes that clothes stay on in front of our kids. I just don't think they should know. Would you be able to let your parents go? It hurts to let them go. It hurts to let them stay.