Child of Swingers

[questionabledaughter]

I also thought I should add that this has been very helpful to me to be able to air my feelings with those who "are there." Thank you. I am slowly letting go.

[JustAskJulie]

Sometimes it does help just to be able to talk about how you feel with others who aren't directly involved.

It seems that you are in a role reversal with your parents.. you talk about how it hurts to let them go. They are your parents.. you really have no right to tell them how to live.. just as now that you are an adult they have no right to tell you have to live. Yes you can make suggestions and yes you can let them know that you don't approve.. and yes I think that if they refuse to honor your wishes about YOUR children that you should keep your children from them. They raised you as they saw fit.. not it is your turn to raise your children. Do the best job you can.

I just came through a similiar situation (only opposite) with my mother.. when she found out about my lifestyle choices. She was far from happy and begged and pleaded for me to change my ways. It's my life now tho and I make the choices, not her. Yes I know that the choices I make may hurt her, but if I lived my entire life only trying not to hurt my mom I would not be a very happy person. It's not up to your parents to live their life to make you happy either. It's up to you to live your life to make you happy. If they've done things you don't aggree with move on and don't do those same things. If they raised you in ways that you look back on and see as unfitting or wrong.. don't raise your children in the same ways.

The great thing about parenting is that you get to make the choices now.. and you don't have to follow in your parents footsteps.

I know that no parent wants to keep their children from the grandparents but if your parents refuse to honor your wishes in how you want your children raise.. you may have to take that step, or at the very least keep the contact to times when you can supervise it.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

Originally posted by questionabledaughter:
....Would you be able to let your parents go? It hurts to let them go. It hurts to let them stay.

Our parents have moved on with the Lord. So the answer to your question is "No", and that it was (and still is) hard to "let our parents go", but we had no choice. And you DO. Just be glad that you AND your children still have your parents around to enjoy for years to come! Don't waste time trying to analyze what others have done in their lives, or the choices they've made. If any wrong doings were done, forgive and move on and learn from them. Enjoy each other's company to the fullest!

Sometimes we have to enjoy things with "limitations" (eg. parents fully clothed while visiting with grandchildren). Love, patience, and understanding with LOTS of communication will make way for a much more fulfilling relationship between you, your children, and your parents. You are your children's "bridgeway" to your parents, it's up to you on what part of your parents lives you wanna share with your children....Set your ground rules, standby them, and live by them. If your parents can't come to an agreement with your "rules", then it's their loss!

I know if it was us, we'd do what it takes to keep seeing our grandchildren! Even if it means being fully clothed, but we'll live....*lol* http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/biggrin.gif


GOOD LUCK!
Wife of CyberMWCouple

[Anothercouple]

You seem very bitter and pissed off with your parents for THEIR life style. The only legitimate gripe you seem to have is that your parents prance around nude in front of your children (how old btw?). This is very easy to handle, you tell them you are not comfortable with it, ask them not to, if they do then they are not respecting your wishes with the children and you need to break it off. Its not about letting go its about respect and if they don't respect how you wish to raise your child you really have no choice.

Now while maybe seeing your parents swinging horrified you as a child, well you are not a child anymore, you have to realize that these things go on (look at the huge % of spouses who cheat on each other, would you have rather have had that?) and if your parents don't want to talk to you about them it is THEIR business. Did you tell them about the first time a boy touched your breasts, or the first time you masturbated? Its your turn to respect them and not probe into areas of their relationship they are not comfortable with you entering. If they said yes they did it, what do you gain? Vindication? You should be happy that they are happy with themselves and each other. My wife and I have had some limited swinging experience and it has made an already strong marriage much stronger, and while I have never cheated on my wife it has removed all desire in me to even think about 'cheating' which I would have from time to time before we started swinging. You don't have to like it, but its their life not yours. I don't know what answer you want to hear but often the answer you want to hear is not the answer you should hear.

[questionabledaughter]

Another couple, Apparently you didn't take the time to read my messages carefully. I am not pissed off with my parents. If I were, I wouldn't waste my time here trying to get advice on how to deal with them and their open nudity and hidden lifestyle that they refuse to talk to me about and refuse to quit (the nudity part) in front of my children. I was trying to find out if this is common in the "lifestyle" and how those in the "lifestyle" deal with it as I assumed it is the best place to get advice. If their lives were priviate as they should be I realize it would be none of my buisness, but thier lives are not. It directly affects me and my children. You seemed to have mada alot of assumtions at me. I am no longer bitter or angry with them. As far as the "lifestyle" keeping them together, that has hurt them as well. My mom did "cheat" on my Dad. When my dad found out he tossed out on the streets naked in front of my brother and I along with all of my neighbors. (I was 14) They did eventtually get back together. As far as the first time someone did touch my breasts you assumed I did not tell them but yes I did. The first time I was touched was on my 15th birtday. I was tied up, had the shit beat out of me and I was raped and thrown into the streets bleeding. Believe me if after all I have been through if I was bitter and angry, I would have told them off, riped them over the coals and CERTAINLY would not be asking any ones advice on how to do it. I simply wanted advice on how other people in the lifestyle handle situations like this and if my parents behaivor was typical in the lifestyle as I am learning it is not.

[JustAskJulie]

QuestionableDaughter, I think that you deserver kudos just for taking the time to research this lifestyle and ask questions rather than just making assumptions based on your experiences with your parents. Don't get upset at those who might be a little overzealous about defending this lifestyle. We get beat down a lot by those who don't understand what we are all about (because they haven't taken the time to find out), and because of that we might be a little skittish.

As for your situation, we all go through things in our lives that we wish never happened, some get a larger share than others. I'm glad to see that you are working through your past and doing your best to make sure that your children don't have to go through the same problems. I'm sure that if you've learned nothing else from what happened between yourself & your parents as well as research that you've done it's how important communication is.. not just between you and your spouse but between you and your children as well.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com