Conflicted by religious beliefs, please help?!

[SADIEBABY5656]

I have been married for 29 years and the man I am married to is a doll. We are incredilbly compatible except in the sex area. We are from the Bible belt and have both grown up with very strong beliefs and faith. But as I approach 50, I find that as a woman I feel in a do or die mentality. And yes we have been to numerous counselors and I have been extremely honest about my needs and desires. He loves our sex life, just wants more, but it is like having vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce all the time. I want B & R 31 flavors or at least 5 or 6.

[fille]

Has he said he doesn't want to do anything different? Or is it that you feel you need different people, not just variety in your sex life with him? It's one thing to add variety between two people, and quite another to add more people.

[intuition897]

Ask him to have a look through this board and search for relevant topics such as religion, adultery, cheating, jealousy, guilt/guilty, etc. This a terrific place to hear from real swingers/lifestyle folks about their experiences and thoughts. You'll both get great advice and information here.

Welcome to the board!

[thebenny]

I am probably the last person to give advice on this, as i am really inexperienced when it comes to swinging, but as a sales person and someone who loves to observe people, i think you need to find a way to give him a reason. "whats in it for him?" ... that way you can also avoid being misunderstood like you dont want him anymore....

[SADIEBABY5656]

thanks for the great input. and perhaps somewhere down the road i will show him this website. as of now, i have suggested that we go to a safe naturalist resort like hidden beach in mexico, where folks just hang out nude, no swinging etc.. and he just very politely said that he didn't think that he could ever do that. i have a great friend and she and her hubbie have been there several times and absolutely love it. and they have met people there that share our faith-based beliefs. so.... as far as the flavor thing goes, it is definitely fun to experience other people, and j will try new things if i introduce them, but i am always the one. i am ready for a sex life immersed in romance where i am not the only one who comes up with the ideas. lol, sb

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by SADIEBABY5656

thanks for the great input. and perhaps somewhere down the road i will show him this website. as of now, i have suggested that we go to a safe naturalist resort like hidden beach in mexico, where folks just hang out nude, no swinging etc.. and he just very politely said that he didn't think that he could ever do that. i have a great friend and she and her hubbie have been there several times and absolutely love it. and they have met people there that share our faith-based beliefs. so.... as far as the flavor thing goes, it is definitely fun to experience other people, and j will try new things if i introduce them, but i am always the one. i am ready for a sex life immersed in romance where i am not the only one who comes up with the ideas. lol, sb

Sadie, have you asked him why he thinks he could "never do that"? Is it 'don't want to', or 'can't'? I wouldn't recommend trying swinging if your sex life is lagging, and I especially wouldn't recommend stepping out on your own to explore it.

"Why?" is a great question. It applies to everything. And when you think you've found the answer, if you ask it again, you'll find you can peel yet another layer off the onion skin. Why can't he do it? Why does he feel that way? Why does he think that (whatever it is that makes him feel that way)? In searching for the reasons that we feel, think and act the way we do, we zero in on those things that are blocking us from living life to its full potential. Will it ultimately lead to swinging? No, not for everyone. Some will find that they just can't reconcile themselves to the idea of it, or it just doesn't turn them on. Just isn't their thing. Everyone's different, and if you ask the question, you need to be prepared to respect your spouse's "final answer".

You'll need to start talking to one another. A lukewarm sex life definitely needs attention. Needs aren't being met in one way or another, and it's unhealthy to live that way long-term. So something's gotta give. It can either be your marriage, or your mutual discomfort at talking about the problems that exist. Check out the sub-forum from the New Swingers section. There are many topics there that offer advice on breaking the ice with your partner, and there's plenty of moral support here. If he realizes that you just want him to develop his sexuality to its full potential and fully enjoy it, because you love him, he may respond differently. This is supposed to be a gift, not something we are asking from them. Make sure he knows this and knows why you want to try swinging with him.