EX Swinger Here to discuss the negative aspects of swinging

[Paramour2_99]

Hello. This is my first post on this board. My wife & I "were" in the lifestyle for well over a decade. We've seen and experienced many sides of swinging. I became a member here to discuss the more negative effects swinging can have on relationships and how it may alter one's perspective on healthy sex.

At 46 years old I'm a born again Christian as of 2 1/2 years ago. So my views aren't exactly in favor of the lifestlye. But take note that I'm not here to necessarily preach or pass judgement on anyone But as open-minded as swingers are, and those considering it - I'm hoping that tolerance to alternate views might be welcome.

I look forward to discussing our experiences with you in a calm forum.

Sincerely "X" Swinger

[jennandjamesinm]

Hi "X" Swinger - and Welcome to the board. I think that your opinions would be interesting - but I might be in the minority. I think that everyone is entitled to their opinion, even if it isn't the same as mine. That's what makes the world go round.....I look forward to you joining in the discussions and getting to understand your position better. Why did you and your wife decide to leave the lifestyle?

Jenn and James

[Paramour2_99]

Thanks for the warm welcome Jenn & James - I'm actually excited about being a member on this board. As a Christian I love all human beings. So since I've been in the lifestyle abd have experienced my fare share of it - I'm then qualified to give opinions.

As for your question - why we left the lifestyle, I guess you could say that it just ran it course. We hit a brickwall in that we experienced practically everything we wanted to do and then for us it was an empty feeling when we discussed our memories in the lifestyle.

After loosing those whom we considered friends as long as we were having sex with them, and learning of couples who wanted to get with us and then finding out some of them had STD's and AIDS we just said enough is enough. We were lucky that we never caught STD's (nor AIDS) and we never suffered from jealousies and insecurities. Some aren't that lucky. But in the end we quit swinging because our priorities changed towards each. We had children and "we" coudn't see having and asking for Gods blessings while partaking in swinging. We couldn't have it both ways.

I hope to hear from the board members soon ,,,,Sincerely "X" Swinger

[two4youinswva]

Welcome to the board!

Guess you'll be playing "Devil's Advocate" huh?

Hey, most of us on here are willing to listen to all sides of a conversation. You'll probably find us more willing to give you a voice here than if we went to a board of folks that were, well, let's just say, "Anti-Swinging".

10 years is a long time to be in the lifestyle. I'm sure you have some interesting perspectives on it.

[VegasLee]

Welcome Paramour2_99,

Since you have left one lifestyle for another I thought you might be interested in some more information about both the Lifestyle and Christains.

You might want to check out http://www.libchrist.com/

Both Lifestyles have their benefits and neither is "one size fits all" when it comes to opinions. Just as both lifestyles are not for everyone.

Take care,

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

I'm a born again Christian as of 2 1/2 years ago. So my views aren't exactly in favor of the lifestlye.

Hmmm... I've got you on the born-again thing by well over a decade, and my views are very much in favor of the lifestyle. Alternate views are welcome as you no doubt know (having been in the lifestyle for a long time) that many people think it is one messed up life choice.

We've all seen views negative, positive and indifferent - so your's will certainly fit in there somewhere.

If your being here is going to be an opportunity to attempt to stir up religious debate, I certainly hope that your visit with us is brief and uneventful. If you intent is to simply share experiences and help people who have chosen this lifestyle, then I hope that your stay is long and productive.

I think it will also be very enlightening for you to realize that many of us find that faith and swinging fit together quite comfortably. I am glad you're here! What a much better world it would be if more of our faith would stop in and learn that a deep faith and the lifestyle are NOT mutually exclusive! After all, many of the folks in the pews have already reached that realization.

Spoomonkey

[intuition897]

Welcome paramour! Lots of dittos to the above posts. One of the great things about this board is that the advice that people find here is well-rounded. The more diverse the community the better!

But I'd like to especially dito Spoomonkey's post; hopefully we won't need fire extinguishers for any posts. I think as long as everyone agrees that opinions are just that: opinion, thing's'll be just hunky dory. And, of course, we must admit that none of our opinions - regardless of how strongly we believe in them - are fact only to ourselves, and might be considered fiction by others.

As far as Christianity goes, I think God's got bigger things to worry about than our bodily functions (ie: sex). I think He cares less about what we do than why we do it. I have no trouble sleeping nights. I figure God told us not to screw other people outside of marriage because of STD's. Well, that and the fact that humans are a jealous, petty, and covetous lot. So instead of listening to the kids squabble about "he stole my toy", "yeah, well HE took MY toy first!", "yeah but..." etc, the Big Guy just said, "Ok, ok, O K!! Just shut up already! NEITHER of you is allowed to touch each others' toys...OK?? Y'Happy now?" Honestly we're like a bunch of kids and I think we're driving Him nuts.

So anyway, yeah, Mr. intuition and I are taking exception to that rule. I think I understand why the rule was in place, what the reason was behind it, and we've decided to not abide by it. Yes, we may burn in hell for all eternity for our decision, but we must all live by according to our consciences, and obeying this rule did not feel as true and honourable to our marriage as disobeying. We just hope that God understands our motives and intentions.

Anyhoo, glad to have you on board!

[DaveNSheila]

HEllo and Welcome to the board. Feel free to post any thoughts, concerns, comments, views, opinions, and ask any questions you may have. With your experience it will be a great bonus to the board by sharing. D

[starlinn]

Hello and Welcome to the board! I look forward to your opinions and thoughts here. I only hope that you are here for discussion, and not judgement.

[Alura]

Welcome from Oklahoma, Paramour! We're glad to have y'all join us and look forward to learning from both of you. Will your wife be posting as well?

Alura

[WildMiCouple]

Originally Posted by intuition897

....Yes, we may burn in hell for all eternity for our decision, but we must all live by according to our consciences, and obeying this rule did not feel as true and honourable to our marriage as disobeying. We just hope that God understands our motives and intentions.

Ms Intuition, then I guess all you have to do is......

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

......I pray he made a decision at some point, hopefully seconds before dieing that he would pray for God's forgiveness for his sins.

and all will be forgiven :rollseyes This is the kind of stuff that turned me off to religion many years ago. If enjoying your relationship with your wife with others is sinful.....then I don't wanna be a part of that group. I've always tended to walk my own path anyway.

"X" Swinger.....feel free to join the discussions on the board. But I'm sure you realize your preachin' to the wrong crowd.

Brett (and Tammy)

[Paramour2_99]

Hearing a difference of opinion is healthy. It gives balance so not all opinions are one sided. I know people that are envolved in swinging don't care to hear the truth behind such activity, but if you're bold enough to have sex with someone other than your mate (in front of them) then you're adult enough to hear how wrong it is,,,,pure and simple.

[Paramour2_99]

To Alura - thanks for the welcome. My wife won't be posting in this forum anytime soon. We haven't discussed swinging in any form in the five or six years we've been out of the lifestyle, and as far as she goes this topic is better left alone.

Take care ALura,,,,Sincerely "X" Swinger

[Paramour2_99]

To Starlinn - I'm trying not to be judgemental although it may seap out in some of my comments. I've been there in swinging so I can still reflect upon recreation that we had at that time. I'm no better than anyone - but I'm just trying to walk a different path. When I was in the thick of it I may not have wanted to hear the negatives about swinging either. But then again - I never had that option as no one attempted to talk me/us out of it. So I'm here to enlighten, particullary the newbies, then darker side of the lifestyle, after all we're dealing with marriages, health issues, and the morality of this behavior.

Whewwww, it's been a long day,,,,good night to all,,,,Sincerely "X" Swinger

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

To Starlinn - I'm trying not to be judgemental although it may seap out in some of my comments. I've been there in swinging so I can still reflect upon recreation that we had at that time. I'm no better than anyone - but I'm just trying to walk a different path. When I was in the thick of it I may not have wanted to hear the negatives about swinging either. But then again - I never had that option as no one attempted to talk me/us out of it. So I'm here to enlighten, particullary the newbies, then darker side of the lifestyle, after all we're dealing with marriages, health issues, and the morality of this behavior.

As WildMiCouple said, I think you're preachin' to the wrong crowd. Maybe swinging sucked for you and your wife, or you were both approaching it in such a way that it began to detract from your relationship, but I MUST insist that this is simply not the case for all swingers. You feel that you are enlightened? Surely no more enlightened than many of us do about the advantages of responsible non-monogamy. And surely our convictions are no less strong than yours are.

Perhaps you feel that none of us have weighed and considered our moral and ethical obligations to ourselves, to our spouses, to our families, and to mankind as a whole. If you feel in the depth of your heart and soul that sex beyond your own marriage is wrong, then it most assuredly is...for you. As I said, we must all live according to our individual consciences; it's all we can do, as God has made no two souls alike.

If you've read much of this board before, you will have found that while we are pro-swinging, our encouragement is well tempered with advice to NOT proceed with swinging activity if there is any doubt about the integrity of one's relationship, either partner's motives, or any sense of religious/spiritual conflict. Our goal is not to ensnare innocent bystanders, nor "corrupt" (although that term is used playfully, but never in seriousness), nor recruit new members. We are simply people who have found something that works for us, and we would like to share that experience with others if they feel it might suit them, too.

"Swinging is not for everyone." I wonder if there's actually any way to call up exactly how many times that phrase has been posted.