EX Swinger Here to discuss the negative aspects of swinging

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

I'm here primarily for the novice & newbies who are still seeking advice. YOU ALL owe it to them to fully discuss the negatives to swinging and not just the sugar coated

You are right...

So - let's get to it...

The negatives that a newbie might encounter in swinging:

1. Disease. The risk is real and it is something that you either take seriously or suffer the consequences. Safe sex and a selective approach to play partners is essential. (You will find that is the general concensus here, but I'll go ahead and restate it)

2. Vulnerability. If your communication and honesty with your spouse is not all that it can be, you do risk heartache. Motives, boundaries and hopes for the lifestyle have to be clearly discussed - not just beforehand, but every step of the way.

3. Bad people. There are some slimey folks in the lifestyle. It is almost a certainty that you will meet a few - and maybe even play with some. I wish they weren't there because we have played with them ourselves, but they are. Be prepared to have a few "wish we hadn't" experiences.

Is that good, X?

If anyone has read this board, they will have found those truths and many more. Swinging isn't easy and it isn't for everyone. Tread carefully - and not at all if there are any doubts.

However, if you do take the right steps, keep the communication open and grow through the experiences, both good and bad, then there are some incredible benefits!

1. Great sex! Yep - it happens! But, not just in the play rooms! It can super charge an already sexually healthy marriage! Mrs Spoomonkey and I have gone from 4-5 times per week to closer to 10 times per week. Our passion for each other is incredible!

2. Deeper communication! Think you talk deeply now? Wait until you open up on this level! Even your deepest, darkest secrets are on the table - and guess what! It is incredibly liberating to be that open to a person.

3. A stronger relationship! I spend lots of time here - and lots of time on Christian message boards. Trust me, the marriages I see here are the ones I would hope that my children would model - not the messed of versions that most Christians have (and I AM a Christian, so I say that with much sorrow). Just spend a day reading a Christian message board, reading about their marriages and you will be amazed at the mess they have gotten themselves into.

I could go on and point out that my faith has actually deepened through realizing that I am free of man made morals and victorian standards. I honor God by living the abundant life that He promised me. And there is NOTHING in the Bible, if read completely, that condemns swinging. If you would like to discuss that point with me, I would be glad to do so off the boards via PM or e-mail. And, yes, I am an ordained minister with the education and full time ministry experience to claim some sort of knowledge of the Bible

It may feel like a great crusade for you to "educate" swingers to the "truth" of their "sin", but I assure you - all you are bringing is bondage to people who have learned to live without it. YOU, my friend, are sinning in your attempt to yoke us to man's law and NOT the truth of God's Word.

A much greater thing for you to do would be to take some time alone and study what the Bible actually teaches you about freedom and the wonderful life that you are afraid of living.

Spoomonkey

PS - Sorry, guys... I couldn't resist...

[intuition897]

I just spent...like...half an hour doing up a response to Paramour and the site broke down and the whole thing was lost. It was a good one too! Maybe it was a sign from above to not encourage the trolls.

Paramour, of all the stuff in my lost-in-cyberspace post (and I'm sure you're feeling the loss ), one thing that bears repeating is "Test everything. Hold on to the good." (1 Thess. 5:21). Your opinion of my competency in testing the matter doesn't matter one bit, as it has nothing to do with you.

Don't you worry. God and I will settle up in the end, so unless you're volunteering to pay my tab for me, my account with God is none of your business.

[curiousagain]

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

What advice would you all give your children if they wanted to get into swinging????? SIncerely "X" Swinger

Being a single male and having a Son who is a single male, I have given him the same advice I would anyone concerning all kinds of sexual relations. One of the main 0nes being caution and partner selection and the risk and oh yeah, as long as he lived here, he had an unlimited supply of condoms purchased by me.


As far as preaching to the right crowd??

I ride a pretty fast motorcycle, I wear a helmet and protective clothing and I drive it like the wind. Some of my non motorcycle riding friends try to talk me into quitting it sometimes "because of the danger". A life without risk or danger isn't a life lived. Not that I seek those things. It is just that many of the activities I enjoy carry some risk and danger and those are acceptable to ME. To tell me any different merely tells me you have not lived life to it's fullest or if you have, you have now decided to curl up in a ball like an insect and await your demise.

Oh, I just don't realize the danger you say?? Well, I have "been down" three times on a bike on the street and no telling how many times off road. I have had friends killed on them and crippled for life. I have had patients who were crippled in motorcycle accidents. Yet, I ride. As I shall do until I die or am no longer physically able.

I intend to have sex of some kind until I die or am no longer able. It's my decision that some of it is swinging sex.

You live your life and I'll live mine, and we'll both be happy, but I bet my grin is bigger than yours. <EG>

[alicat69]

Okay Paramour,
I am as 'newbie' as anyone can get. However, I can tell you that I have no 'spiritual affiliation' and I don't want you preaching to me about your beliefs in God, morals, or anything else. I will not take anything that you have to say to heart at all because I feel it will be biased by your religious beliefs and NOT actual facts. I guarantee that I will disregard anything that you post, because I am not a Christian. I took theology in college. Who says that your version of God is right? As long as I am good, and kind I'll take my chances, and if I'm wrong I guess I will go were all the other fun people go

I imagine that you are just really bored to need to post to this forum or that you like drama. Or that you are trying to atone for your really freaky, nasty past by trying to 'save others'. No to be rude but, get a life.

J9

[Alura]

In my opinion, a motorcycle can be a safer vehicle than a car. In the hands of an experienced, mature and trained (Motorcyclists should take the Motorcycle Safety Foundation's Beginning Rider Course.) rider, a motorcycle will manuever better to avoid an accident, stop quicker and accelerate faster to get you out of trouble. It can also go places a car cannot. I once topped a hill and had to go between two cars that had crashed before my very eyes. If I'd been in a car, I would probably have been hurt.

If a rider is careless and has an accident, he will probably be hurt.

Swinging is similar. For a couple, dedicated to each other, determined to understand everything about each other and the lifestyle, and unwilling to cheat, a marriage's communication can be enhanced far beyond the possibilities of the average vanilla marriage. Being afraid to discuss any subject is simply not necessary.

Saul of Tarsus was the person most responsible for the anti-sex attitude held by some Christians. Constantine I's men decided to include Saul's writings when they assembled the Bible. Jesus never had negative things to say about sex. Paul had plenty. Jesus also had nothing to say about Paul. Paul did not teach what Jesus taught. For those reasons, I believe Paul/Saul was a false prophet.

Nobody else needs to believe that.

Mr. Alura

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Alura

Nobody else needs to believe that.

Because of my background, I include Paul in a lot of my thought/study... But I have to admit, he is a HUGE pain in the ass... Similar to Pat Robertson...



Spoomonkey

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

... Similar to Pat Robertson...

Hearing/reading/seeing that name evokes the feeling of nails being scraped on a chalkboard for me. :rollseyes

[WildMiCouple]

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

The veteran is so deep into swinging and vice versa that it's next to impossible for someone to see the light. That is until a negative experience awakens them.

Why don't you let us know what your negative experience was that made you see the light. There are some pretty insightful people around here.... you might just get some responces that could help strengthen what appears to be a deeply wounded relationship with your wife.

Brett (and Tammy)