EX Swinger Here to discuss the negative aspects of swinging

[AlanCatherine]

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

As a Christian I love all human beings.

Hi Paramour2_99

I don't know that there is a connection between being Christian and loving all human beings as history has many examples that contradict this. However, I have no problem with the concept of loving all human beings no matter what your religious outlook is.

However, regarding the negative opinions of the lifestyle, everyone has sex that I know of bar a very very few. With sensible precautions, it is a healthy activity. Even without the precautions, it is no more hazardous than a thousand other recreational activities in which people participate.

I see the pleasure that my wife gets from having a number of guys having sex with her. That's pleasure for her, pleasure for me and certainly pleasure for any of the other guys concerned. We are 49 and although not spring chickens, we are not yet ready to lay down and die. We just want to lay down and have fun.

best regards
Alan & Catherine

[beaverz]

Posted By: Paramour2 99
We've seen and experienced many sides of swinging. I became a member here to discuss the more negative effects swinging can have on relationships and how it may alter one's perspective on healthy sex.

I have learned more about the negatives of swinging from this forum more than any other source and would listen to the negatives you and your wife have seen or endured. The experiences of others can only help those to decide if swinging is for them or help them not make the mistakes others have made.

Posted By: Paramour2 99
if you're bold enough to have sex with someone other than your mate (in front of them) then you're adult enough to hear how wrong it is,,,,pure and simple.

If I want to hear how wrong it is I will listen to the main stream media (the doctor Phils, which I don’t have any respect for) or I can hear how wrong swinging is from those that cheat on their spouses.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

if you're bold enough to have sex with someone other than your mate (in front of them) then you're adult enough to hear how wrong it is,,,,pure and simple.

So...

How wrong is it?

Enlighten us...

Spoomonkey

[Alura]

Paramour wrote:

So I'm here to enlighten...

...people that are envolved in swinging don't care to hear the truth...

...adult enough to hear how wrong it is...

In my opinion, many of those head-over-heels involved in organized religion turn away from Jesus' teachings in an important way. The lack of humility is apparent. They KNOW, and make no mistake about it, they are quite willing to share their infallible wisdom with those of us who not only don't KNOW, but think they're wrong. I don't get the impression, Paramour, that you are willing to consider that you may be wrong and others right. This absolute attitude immediately obviates any possible of sharing ideas.

...as far as she [Mrs. Paramour] goes this topic is better left alone.

I'm sorry to hear this. A marriage wherein there exist subjects about which the partners fear to communicate is less than most of us here hope for and work toward. There are many threads on this board about communication with tips on how to improve it. Please read some of them. It would be interesting to discuss that with you, rather than restrict our talks to whether swinging may be wrong.

Thanks for opening this subject, Paramour. It is a subject that has had little in-depth discussion on this board.

Mr. Alura

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by Alura

Paramour wrote:
...as far as she [Mrs. Paramour] goes this topic is better left alone.

I'm sorry to hear this. A marriage wherein there exist subjects about which the partners fear to communicate is less than most of us here hope for and work toward. There are many threads on this board about communication with tips on how to improve it. Please read some of them.

Mr. Alura

Dito

I'm sorry to hear it too. Communication is the key to a wonderful, trusting relationship. Perhaps that is why you and your wife didn't fair well in the Lifestyle?

I look forward to reading of your experiences, Paramour. I also agree with Alura that you might want to read the threads on communication. Perhaps being on the board will serve two purposes for you. You can share your views and perhaps learn how to build a stronger, more honest, relationship with Mrs. Paramour in the process.

Welcome to the board!

-Ves

[NaughtyKitten]

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

Hearing a difference of opinion is healthy. It gives balance so not all opinions are one sided. I know people that are envolved in swinging don't care to hear the truth behind such activity, but if you're bold enough to have sex with someone other than your mate (in front of them) then you're adult enough to hear how wrong it is,,,,pure and simple.

I agree that differences of opinion can be healthy but that is not why you are here. I was ready to welcome you to the board before I saw this comment. You originally seemed level headed and willing to participate in an open discussion but this is a red flag for me. If I wanted to be preached to, I would attend church. Obviously you came here to tell us all how wrong we are in choosing this lifestyle, not just to enlighten us to some of the negatives. After ready this, I hope you choose to move on and take your negatives with you. We are not here to judge each other but to discuss and to support.

[CB_n_Red]

Dito to that!

I smell a troll.....

CB

[jennandjamesinm]

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

I know people that are envolved in swinging don't care to hear the truth behind such activity, but if you're bold enough to have sex with someone other than your mate (in front of them) then you're adult enough to hear how wrong it is,,,,pure and simple.

soapbox

I have watched this thread with some interest, but I can no longer sit and keep quiet. Granted - everyone is entitled to their opinions, but when those opinions become JUDGEMENTS, then you sir are going against your own personal beliefs. To reference a book that I am sure you are familiar with -

"You judge by human standards; I pass judgment on no one. But if I do judge, My decisions are right, because I am not alone. I stand with The Father, who sent Me." (John 8:15-16)

"Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for The Lord is able to make him stand."
"One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to The Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to The Lord and gives thanks to God. For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to The Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord."
"For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that He might be The Lord of both the dead and the living. You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat. It is written: "'As surely as I live,' says The Lord, 'every knee will bow before Me; every tongue will confess to God.'"
"So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another." (Romans 14:1-13)

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:1-5)

All of these passages are Christ's own words......

I am a Christian and I am a swinger, and you know what - I am very comfortable with both. But I don't judge others who aren't swingers or Christians or aren't what I think they ought to be - that's a job that is very clearly for someone else - God.

Jenn (getting off the soapbox )

[WildMiCouple]

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

But take note that I'm not here to necessarily preach or pass judgement on anyone

First of all let's be honest here....and I'm going to make an assumption here that a Born Again Christian knows what honesty is.....this is exactly why you came to this board as exampled here:

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

I know people that are envolved in swinging don't care to hear the truth behind such activity, but if you're bold enough to have sex with someone other than your mate (in front of them) then you're adult enough to hear how wrong it is,,,,pure and simple.

Now on to your experiences, "X" Swinger

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

My wife won't be posting in this forum anytime soon. We haven't discussed swinging in any form in the five or six years we've been out of the lifestyle, and as far as she goes this topic is better left alone.

I'm going to disagree with Alura that you and your wife have communication problems. I'd be willing to bet that you pushed your wife into swinging against her wishes. Then, after either finally getting tired of it or experiencing a particularly bad time, she finally said enough is enough......hence she hasn't or won't talk about it since you quit. Not a communication problem, just a way for her to deal with whatever went wrong. Why don't you, "X" Swinger, instead of preaching to us how wrong or sinful swinging is, let us know what went wrong with your swinging....other than it ran its' course or you hit a brickwall. This is the kind of useful posts that people will actually take to heart and learn from......and besides, you may just deter a newbie or two per your agenda

Brett (and Tammy)

[Paramour2_99]

Originally Posted by intuition897

As WildMiCouple said, I think you're preachin' to the wrong crowd. Maybe swinging sucked for you and your wife, or you were both approaching it in such a way that it began to detract from your relationship, but I MUST insist that this is simply not the case for all swingers. You feel that you are enlightened? Surely no more enlightened than many of us do about the advantages of responsible non-monogamy. And surely our convictions are no less strong than yours are.

Perhaps you feel that none of us have weighed and considered our moral and ethical obligations to ourselves, to our spouses, to our families, and to mankind as a whole. If you feel in the depth of your heart and soul that sex beyond your own marriage is wrong, then it most assuredly is...for you. As I said, we must all live according to our individual consciences; it's all we can do, as God has made no two souls alike.

If you've read much of this board before, you will have found that while we are pro-swinging, our encouragement is well tempered with advice to NOT proceed with swinging activity if there is any doubt about the integrity of one's relationship, either partner's motives, or any sense of religious/spiritual conflict. Our goal is not to ensnare innocent bystanders, nor "corrupt" (although that term is used playfully, but never in seriousness), nor recruit new members. We are simply people who have found something that works for us, and we would like to share that experience with others if they feel it might suit them, too.

"Swinging is not for everyone." I wonder if there's actually any way to call up exactly how many times that phrase has been posted.

NO I'm definitely "preachin" to the right crowd. Who else would I discuss anti swinging to "the Farmers Association of America"????.

And once again Intuition - you're wrong, my wife and I had a very full and enjoyable time while we were morally lost and abandoned at that time. Luckily enough, we got out of it before anything health wise could corrupt our bodies. The people we met seemed freindly until you mentioned non-swinging activities like, "hey - let's do something different like go out to dinner, bowling, take a trip, or go dancing". But it was always about the bedroom. But I'm sure it may not be that way with everyone.

And being a Christian isn' about "living with my own consciences". That's what leads you into trouble because mans nature is sinful. So following your carnal & worldy conscience leads you from Christ and into trouble.

What advice would you all give your children if they wanted to get into swinging????? SIncerely "X" Swinger

[Paramour2_99]

Naugty Kitten - I know my rhetoric falls on deaf ears to the veteran swinger. The veteran is so deep into swinging and vice versa that it's next to impossible for someone to see the light. That is until a negative experience awakens them.

I'm here primarily for the novice & newbies who are still seeking advice. YOU ALL owe it to them to fully discuss the negatives to swinging and not just the sugar coated and mild "discuss it fully with eachother", "repect eachother", and "talk about all the do's and don't before you go to a party crap". That's nothing more that directions on how to make swinging work.

[Sweet_Candy]

What bridge do you live under? I will wager that it was you and not your wife who wanted to stop swinging. Your attitude reaffirms my disgust for those who would impose their views upon others. Surrender

[Sunswept]

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

.... That's nothing more that directions on how to make swinging work.

So, one of the the presuppositions of this statement is that you think swinging can work. Interesting.

What is your real outcome for being here? Can you honestly explain that to us?

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

At 46 years old I'm a born again Christian as of 2 1/2 years ago. So my views aren't exactly in favor of the lifestlye. But take note that I'm not here to necessarily preach or pass judgement on anyone But as open-minded as swingers are, and those considering it - I'm hoping that tolerance to alternate views might be welcome.

Perhaps you should not have refered to swingers as 'freaks' then in another thread

[warkman]

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

NO I'm definitely "preachin" to the right crowd. Who else would I discuss anti swinging to "the Farmers Association of America"????.

I think people here are interested in hearing and discussing negative aspects of swinging. It's just that if your primary argument is that it's "morally wrong", there's not much further one can go. We just have a difference of opinion.

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

And once again Intuition - you're wrong, my wife and I had a very full and enjoyable time while we were morally lost and abandoned at that time. Luckily enough, we got out of it before anything health wise could corrupt our bodies.

So you're concerned about health risks as well. It's a justifiable concern and one that most folks here take seriously. There are many threads here dealing with just that.

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

The people we met seemed freindly until you mentioned non-swinging activities like, "hey - let's do something different like go out to dinner, bowling, take a trip, or go dancing". But it was always about the bedroom. But I'm sure it may not be that way with everyone.

Part of the reason people focus on the sexual side of being swingers (I think) is that they can do all those other things you mentioned with family and "vanilla" friends already. If the people you were swinging with had been receptive to non sexual activity as well, would you feel different? Maybe you didn't find the right people in the first place. Seems like several here have that kind of relationship to one degree or another. How do you feel about polymory?

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

And being a Christian isn't about "living with my own consciences". That's what leads you into trouble because mans nature is sinful. So following your carnal & worldy conscience leads you from Christ and into trouble.

I'm not particularly religious, but I know there are many differing opinions on how to lead a "moral" life - from relgious and non religious people alike. And your "interpretation" of your religious teachings suggests that swinging is wrong. So be it. Just don't make the mistake of telling others what they should believe.

Originally Posted by Paramour2_99

What advice would you all give your children if they wanted to get into swinging????? SIncerely "X" Swinger

If they were adults I'd probably say, "Be true to yourself and others, use your best judgment, and be safe."