I am confused with my emotions. I have Issues

[hotandwild]

Hot and I have not actually ever did any kind of swinging (except for a MFM a couple of years ago that was a disaster, but not because of us) and I want to swing..... but I dont..... but I do..... but I don't. Well you get the point.

My issues are that

A.) Its wrong from a religous standpoint
B.) I dont know how my feelings will be "under fire". I am having feelings of "He is mine, touch and I will take your head off!" Somtimes when I think about it I have no feelings of jealousy but then I have the above the next time.
C.) I am afraid that Hot will like swinging so much that he would rather swing than be with me.

I know that the last two are self-esteem issues more than anything. I know he loves me and there is nothing that he would not do to make me happy. Yet, there is still a little part of me going " ya, know, maybe he wants someone else."

I want to swing because the thought of it is exciting and I do think it will spice things up (even though its pretty dang spicy now, we have nothing left to try BUT swinging) but I am also afraid that it will wreck my marriage. We were on such UNSTABLE ground for so long and really its just been the last couple of years were we have really got rid of some of our baggage and started loving each other.


Help me sort these things out because I am not going to be able to even TRY swining until I know everything will be okay.

[jennandjamesinm]

First off - Hello and Welcome to the board!!!

Secondly - you sound alot like I did at first. Try this website Libchrist to help you with the religious issues. It is very well put together. Then do a search for Morals, perceptions, cheating and jealously (seprately of course ) and that will help you understand how swinging can be a wonderful thing in a marriage. Hope this helps.

Jenn and James

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by hotandwild

but I am also afraid that it will wreck my marriage. Help me sort these things out because I am not going to be able to even TRY swining until I know everything will be okay.

Until you can tell your self honestly that EVERYTHING will be okay and that you can also know for a fact that it WILL NOT wreck your marriage you need to stop where you are and work on your relationship without even thinking of swinging.

NO ONE can go into swinging thinking it might wreck their marriage or it will. You will find a reason for it to wreck it when you start adding others to your uncertain world.

[hotandwild]

Hot and I talked. BTW the link you gave helped me a lOT. Really it is not an issue of being jealous, its fear that Hot will over step the boundries we have set. Its an irrational thing cause I KNOW that I can trust him and have no reason not to.

Thank you all for your wisdom.

I really believe that if we take it slow and keep the communication open then this can be a lifestyle that adds to our marriage.

[jennandjamesinm]

I have found that just talking about swinging has brought James and I closer - in all area of our marriage. If we never swang again - this has been a learning experience for me in communication!! Good Luck to you on your journey!!!

Jenn

[Mike and Jan]

I think that you need to find a nice couple to 'show' you what it's like! After all, you're from the 'show-me' state!
Seriously, hot has a very special woman. One that a lot of us would kill to have. He's not going to want anybody else, except for just temporarily!

[HotMoCpl]

In the first place, try to put religion to the side and remember that it was a bunch of greedy men in Rome who wrote the Bible. Not that there isn't any truth to it...just they're truth. My wife feels the same way about another woman touch me so I am just living with it for the moment until she says "go". In the mean time......ENJOY.

[dayhiker]

Originally Posted by HotMoCpl

In the first place, try to put religion to the side and remember that it was a bunch of greedy men in Rome who wrote the Bible. Not that there isn't any truth to it...just they're truth. My wife feels the same way about another woman touch me so I am just living with it for the moment until she says "go". In the mean time......ENJOY.

HotMoCpl, interesting, I thought it was some men full of love from the mid east who wrote the Bible. It was the later Roman church leaders that didn't do away with the Stoic beliefs of sex is only for reproduction, virginity is highly valuable and marriage is one person for life that lead the church into hating sex. These leaders have even changed the meanings of words to make sex sinful. An example is fornication. When Jerome, who said sex with ones wife for pleasure was sinful, translated the Greek NT in Latin, fornication meant prositution. The church has since changed the word to mean premarital sex.
My study of the Bible finds it to be very sex freindly. Sex that doesn't harm anyone(like rape, cheating and emotional manipulation), is responcible (STDs and pregancy) and full of love is fine.

dayhiker