getting over past morality issues

[Stef&Steph]

Mrs. Steph here. I grew up in a Christian home and was taught that bi-sexuality was wrong. I recently expressed to my husband that I was interested in exploring bi-sexual relations. I have felt this way towards women for as long as I can remember, but have been keeping the feelings supressed. I have been having a hard time getting past the things I have been taught, even now that I am more open to exploring these feelings. In the past I have been taught to look down on people that have had these feelings, and now that I have these feelings, I have been looking down on myself. Has anyone else had to deal with these kind of issues? Please help.

[sexonthego]

I'm dealing with this issue currently. It is so hard to put aside what you were taught about sex, God and who you should be. Please explore gently. Remember that you have the control to go as far as you want. Pick your experiences carefully. Find people who are kind and not into just having sex. That way, if it doesn't work out, you won't feel like you've been used - and feel any/more guilt. It is okay to be you.

[Vantabulous]

Steph,

First of all, I think sexonthego has made some very good points, exploring gently being foremost, in my opinion.

I'm certainly not competent to comment on the "Christian morality" of matters like these. Personally, my own sense of morality lies in "acceptance" rather than "condemnation" in these instances.

You have bi-sexual feelings and you've shared these feelings with your husband. How does he feel about your desires?

As I've mentioned before, Mrs. Van's needs and desires come first. If she shared with me what you've shared with your husband, "Toodle-loo, vanilla world!".

Van

[curiousagain]

Good point, how does your husband feel about it? It is often hard for people to accept their own feelings or who they are. But, if the most important person in your life is accepting of it, that can't be anything but a help.

[dayhiker]

I'd let others deal with how to deal with the emotions of bisexuality.
I'll give you a few thoughts about the Bible and sex. These aren't
developed just starting points.

- The Bible actually has very few referance to same gender sex,
of those all are in referance to males. Lev. a man shall not lay
with a man as with a women.
- The Bible is written in a family or clan setting, while our society
is much more individualistic. How the property laws of Bible times
translate into our age takes quite a bit of thought. But generally
its to love God and to love your neighbor that is the test. Does a bisexual
experience hurt your nieghbor? Is this just a selfish experinace with no concern about the others (husband and woman) experiance?
- The whole world in Bible times looked down on homosexual experiances
but that doesn't mean they thought of them as sinful. Just as they
looked down on prositutes but not all prositution was considered sin.
- Much of the sex that is condemned in the Bible is sex that was
part of the worship of idols. Perhaps most temples mixed the mystery of
the gods with the mystery of sex to bring together two of the
most powerful human experiances into one experiance. Clearly,
with Elohim demanding that He have 1st place, going to these temples
was sin .. the sex was secondary even in these situations.

Hope that helps.
dayhiker

[BradAndJanet]

Stef, Liberated Christians might be of some help to you.

-B

[Maybe_Someday]

Stef,

One author that does a very good job of discussing human sexuality and the bible is Ret. Bishop John Shelby Spong. I do not know if he addresses swinging in his book but he definitely addresses homosexuality and bi-sexuality as well as other aspects of sexuality. The book is called Living in Sin. I would highly recommend this and other books by Spong. He looks at the dogmatic view of sex in the bible and then addresses that view with a more complete discssion of the literary and cultural norms at the time. He also discusses the disconnect between what is preached from the pulpit and what is being discovered by the researchers and academics.

Hope this helps.....

MS

[Alura]

Definitely take Brad's advice, Steph, and visit LiberatedChristians. Those folks have made studies of feelings just like your's.

In my opinion, the Bible offers good advice on living a happy life, but it also contains "rules" that facilitate leadership control over the masses.

When Constantine I ordered that Christianity become the official religion of The Holy Roman Empire, he assigned a group of scholars to assemble the Bible. This was more than three hundred years after Jesus died. Virtually any writings about Jesus, including several whose authors never met our man, were included.

One of those who never met Jesus was born Saul of Taursus but assumed the name "Paul." His attitude was the opposite of Jesus', and he was the one who launched into sex with hellfire and brimstone in his letters to Christian enclaves scattered throughout the Middle East, Turkey and, of course, Rome. I don't believe Jesus ever spoke about homosexuality; in fact, he had little to say about sex. He didn't say anything about Paul, either.

I think Jesus had a wholesome attitude about sex, as he did about life in general. He met Mary Magdelene one day and she stayed by his side for the rest of his life. Gotta love the guy (and the gal)! That sounds like Mrs. Alura and me. We're not gonna start a religion, though.

You can believe what the Pope tells you or you can believe what your heart tells you. I'd go with the heart every time.

Mr. Alura

[Stef&Steph]

Thank you everyone for your advice. My husband is 100% supportive of anything that I want to do. It will take some time, but hopefully I'll get to a place where I can feel comfortable about exploring my desires.

[robnbarb]

I think Dayhiker hit it the best, The bible is a work that is in its context, it was written very long ago, and most of the stuff paul said was in relation to what you had to do to get to the local whorehouse in greece (Temple of Aphrodite/venus) which is another whole big issue.

as far as I know FF is never brought up in the bible, I am the son of a minister which makes me believe I would have heard something by now.

[clit pro poet]

Thanks all - always lively issues in our household.
Mr. here often cites The Carpenter as Alura does - a Guy who asked to be remembered in sharing. Life's struggles are tough and brief, but the whole Creation is impressive: sexuality, art, science, languages, relationships, gardening... what's not to do creatively and with genuine feeling! Given the positive possibilities and opportunities in Creation, I can't imagine that God (whatever She may be) would want anything less of us but take it forward.

Mrs. here frequently expresses the like of the Dayhiker point of view (although she visits her anger on the overachieving Saul and worse on Augustine, who came sometime later.) She morns an earlier time of matriarchal society, before property rules, when sex was doubtless taught and practiced differently.

As a couple, we hold that trying to comply with all the prescriptive stuff is an unproductive diversion. No wonder vanilla is the predominant flavor, with everybody so busy with rule books. Who has time or inclination to think of anything else?

We hope that you go gently, prudently, and with thorough discovery and enjoyment!