What kills a relationship? - Page 2

Sportsterguy · 07-19-2003, 02:24 AM

smart AND cute!!

Rabbyt · 07-19-2003, 04:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
Does swinging destroy relationships? Id bet that bringing up the idea has killed a few.

John

I guess it's this line that made me ask the things I did in the thread "The risk of even bringing it up" in the HELP section of the forum.

Additude · 07-19-2003, 06:09 AM

What kills a relationship?

That's like asking what causes a car to break down.

There is an answer to that question, but it's so individualistic that people only know the answer for themselves and most of the time they don't have the answer unless it's based on one, or a few common issues like Adultry, Alcohol, Gambling, Battery, etc. but most relationships are to complex to just say, "This caused us to break up".

bear_n_bunny · 07-19-2003, 09:40 AM

I have to agree with M&B that sometimes you just stop trying. Relationships are hard work. Their stories really begin after the usually fairy tale ending trip to the alter. You think Cinderalla and Sleeping Beauty are still happy with their Prince Charmings?

Both Bear and I had been married before, so we wrote a sort of contract up when we got together to assist us in our efforts to keep trying. The contract consists of lessons learned from our past relationships where we did stop trying. It was full of little things like saying something nice to each other every day, a kiss a day, not talking about the other badly outside the marriage, discussing resentments before they fester. Even though we haven't been at it that long, it is still hard work to just keep that list of promises going. We have to TRY every day.

As stated in almost every thread on this board, the lifestyle has intensified our communication efforts. I don't know that most relationship could handle the nitty gritty we go over in exhausting detail in order to be sure this is comfortable for us both. There just can't be any taboo topics. All this talk keeps us in the trying mode.

Yet, if there isn't honesty and communication; little touches of jealous become big resentments, I can see how swinging can destroy a relationship.

Like the car breaking down analogy, it could be anything that causes the ultimate breakdown, but with regular maintenance and oil changes, it should at least have a longer life.

-- Bunny

jen · 07-19-2003, 12:44 PM

I have surely killed a few without intention of doing so.

Another lesson learned the hard way...or something.

Go Dolphins!

P.S.

He said smart and cute, he forgot spoiled...:evil:

Elusive BiFem · 07-19-2003, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
This brings up an interesting thought. What is it that kills a relationship? Is it that they shouldnt have been together in the first place? Is it that one controls or one follows? Does swinging destroy relationships? Id bet that bringing up the idea has killed a few.

John

I think it would depend on the type of relationship in the first place. I also believe that we are often attracted to those with specific traits and characteristics that we find challenging or exciting or stimulating - initially. But after living with or being involved with those same traits and characteristics on a daily or frequent basis, we find that we don't like them. I can't seem to say this well...

It's tough to admit...but especially in my younger years, I would sometimes try to change a person from what initially attracted me to the very type of person I was NOT attracted to. I still don't think I'm making much sense. Maybe someone else can say it better. But I have asked myself why I would do that?

As for a few relationships being killed by "bringing up the idea of swinging," I would think they were not too strong or secure to begin with. Maybe just the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. -EBF

**TNT** · 07-21-2003, 01:22 PM

(A true story)...A family waiting in line at an amusement park to ride a roller coaster.

The parents are holding each other tightly, kissing, ignoring the heat and humidity and everything around them, lost in each other. The younger girl rolls her eyes and says, “God, they are worse than teenagers.” The older girl laughs lightly and says “ They have been married over 20 years, they have the right to kiss in public if they want to.” “Maybe”, the younger one says, “but it’s so embarrassing.” “ I don’t think they care”, the older one replies. The parents hear this conversation and smile at each other as the wife leans into the husband and feels him growing hard against her.

Marriage (relationships) is the hardest job you will ever have. It’s when the relationship is no longer the number one priority that things start to go bad. When you lose the feelings and wonder that you had at the beginning of a relationship things start to fizzle and die. You must feed and nurture a relationship (marriage) like a newborn baby…every couple of hours throughout the day. As you both grow and evolve you have to be able to compromise and respect the changes in each other, while still remembering and holding on to, what it was that brought you together in the first place. You have to remember to play and have fun, communicate honestly and openly always. You have to make each other the most important thing in your lives, regardless of what anyone else thinks, regardless of what is going on around you. You have to create your own world and when things are going good in that world, things will go good in the world around you.

It’s when these things are forgotten and/or ignored that a relationship goes bad. If these things are tended to on a regular basis throughout a relationship, bringing up swinging should not harm it in anyway; it would (or should, whether or not you ever venture into the swinging lifestyle) only open a new chapter to the greatest adventure of your life.

Teresa

OhioCouple · 07-21-2003, 04:40 PM

Teresa,

I am way behind on the board and was really going to do nothing but read today, but I had to stop with this and respond.

What you wrote was just flat out AWESOME and so VERY true!

BradAndJanet · 07-21-2003, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Teresa,

I am way behind on the board and was really going to do nothing but read today, but I had to stop with this and respond.

What you wrote was just flat out AWESOME and so VERY true!

Yeah, what she said...

Thanks!

-B

NightGoddess · 07-21-2003, 10:33 PM

...That was very well said! It means you never give up or give in. That's pretty amazing!
Thanks for the great post. That made my day!

Couple_DFW · 07-21-2003, 11:17 PM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by TNT
[B](A true story
Marriage (relationships) is the hardest job you will ever have. ...... You must feed and nurture a relationship (marriage) like a newborn baby…every couple of hours throughout the day. ......
It’s when these things are forgotten and/or ignored that a relationship goes bad. If these things are tended to on a regular basis throughout a relationship, bringing up swinging should not harm it in anyway; it would (or should, whether or not you ever venture into the swinging lifestyle) only open a new chapter to the greatest adventure of your life.

I totally agree. Being married is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. There are givers and takers and even tho D & I both are givers....it's still hard as hell at times. AND never try to change someone.

The old saying goes something like this: Go into a relationship with both eyes open.....go into a marriage with one eye closed.

I still send D cards at work and I come home to flowers once a month (I think he joined the flower of the month club and I will get a huge bunch of roses in the 13th month!!!) But seriously, you have to keep courting one another....that can never stop.

When there are problems and you are facing the breakup, both parties have to want to fix the relationship. One cannot do it alone.

With regard to swinging.....well, I can only say that lack of communication if you are in the lifestyle can kill your relationship. Also, one party being in denial about things going on in the other relationships will also kill it for you.

You have to be tough to have a lasting relationship because it is hard and it does take a lot of work. It's not 50-50.....It's 200 - 200. Your 100% plus their 100% when they are tired and ready to give it up and vice versa. When it's the best is when both are at their 100%.

P

**TNT** · 07-22-2003, 11:13 AM

Thanks everyone

It's the way Ted and I have always tried to live our lives, and as we are constantly getting comments from friends and family about our relationship,(asking how we do it, lol) I thought I would share some of our secrets. It must be working because even after almost 24 years of being a couple everything still feels so new.

Teresa

azwildcat · 07-23-2003, 01:15 AM

Teresa,
that really sum's it up on how not to kill a relationship.

but i still say to kill one you need a gun and a shovel !!
or maybe just hit him with your car once or twice

:evil:

WildFlower · 07-23-2003, 03:12 AM

Alot of relationships die because people get into a rut. They stop communicating and sharing things with each other.

alabamafuntonig · 07-24-2003, 11:46 AM

well i must say! im a little miffed today and this topic is hitting all the right spots for me! i aggree on the comunication issue at the moment im lacking the very thing i thought i had under control! It seems what i percieved as good comunication and a strong marriage seemed to have hit a wall at full force. a bump in the road on a epic proportion so to speak! we have bben mariade for almost 7 years and it seems the problem i face today is the worst one in those 7 years.It seems on the outside no worse than others in the past but on a emotional level i am being drained!
maybe i should have made a sepperate post but i feel i retract my earlier comments , I truely cant say for confidece any more what makes them fail! all i know is I dont know why mine is failing at the moment!

Swingers Ads	Swinger Pics	Swinger Stories	Shopping	Search Swingers	Swingers Clubs	Swinger Articles	Dictionary	FAQs	Swinger Links
Forums	Register	Swinger Events	Search	Today's Posts	Mark Forums Read	Chat Room [3]

07-19-2003, 02:24 AM	#16 (permalink)
Sportsterguy Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 303 Location: Southern Michigan Status: single male	smart AND cute!!
	__________________ "Beer GOOD!!! Beer make BAD THING go away!!!"

07-19-2003, 06:09 AM	#18 (permalink)
Additude Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 623 Location: OBX-NC	What kills a relationship? That's like asking what causes a car to break down. There is an answer to that question, but it's so individualistic that people only know the answer for themselves and most of the time they don't have the answer unless it's based on one, or a few common issues like Adultry, Alcohol, Gambling, Battery, etc. but most relationships are to complex to just say, "This caused us to break up".
	__________________ If you want something you have never had before, you must do something you have never done before.

07-19-2003, 12:44 PM	#20 (permalink)
jen Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 1,118 Location: above a rainbow Status: un dolce uno	Me I have surely killed a few without intention of doing so. Another lesson learned the hard way...or something. Go Dolphins! P.S. He said smart and cute, he forgot spoiled...:evil:
	__________________ April in Tulsa - it's fun for everyone! Last edited by jen; 07-19-2003 at 12:50 PM.

07-21-2003, 01:22 PM	#22 (permalink)
TNT Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 5,003 Location: baker, fl, usa Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:tblonde312	(A true story)...A family waiting in line at an amusement park to ride a roller coaster. The parents are holding each other tightly, kissing, ignoring the heat and humidity and everything around them, lost in each other. The younger girl rolls her eyes and says, “God, they are worse than teenagers.” The older girl laughs lightly and says “ They have been married over 20 years, they have the right to kiss in public if they want to.” “Maybe”, the younger one says, “but it’s so embarrassing.” “ I don’t think they care”, the older one replies. The parents hear this conversation and smile at each other as the wife leans into the husband and feels him growing hard against her. Marriage (relationships) is the hardest job you will ever have. It’s when the relationship is no longer the number one priority that things start to go bad. When you lose the feelings and wonder that you had at the beginning of a relationship things start to fizzle and die. You must feed and nurture a relationship (marriage) like a newborn baby…every couple of hours throughout the day. As you both grow and evolve you have to be able to compromise and respect the changes in each other, while still remembering and holding on to, what it was that brought you together in the first place. You have to remember to play and have fun, communicate honestly and openly always. You have to make each other the most important thing in your lives, regardless of what anyone else thinks, regardless of what is going on around you. You have to create your own world and when things are going good in that world, things will go good in the world around you. It’s when these things are forgotten and/or ignored that a relationship goes bad. If these things are tended to on a regular basis throughout a relationship, bringing up swinging should not harm it in anyway; it would (or should, whether or not you ever venture into the swinging lifestyle) only open a new chapter to the greatest adventure of your life. Teresa
	__________________ Ted and Teresa No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

07-19-2003, 09:40 AM	#19 (permalink)
bear_n_bunny Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 465 Location: Houston, Texas Status: Happily Married Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:bear_n_bunny	I have to agree with M&B that sometimes you just stop trying. Relationships are hard work. Their stories really begin after the usually fairy tale ending trip to the alter. You think Cinderalla and Sleeping Beauty are still happy with their Prince Charmings? Both Bear and I had been married before, so we wrote a sort of contract up when we got together to assist us in our efforts to keep trying. The contract consists of lessons learned from our past relationships where we did stop trying. It was full of little things like saying something nice to each other every day, a kiss a day, not talking about the other badly outside the marriage, discussing resentments before they fester. Even though we haven't been at it that long, it is still hard work to just keep that list of promises going. We have to TRY every day. As stated in almost every thread on this board, the lifestyle has intensified our communication efforts. I don't know that most relationship could handle the nitty gritty we go over in exhausting detail in order to be sure this is comfortable for us both. There just can't be any taboo topics. All this talk keeps us in the trying mode. Yet, if there isn't honesty and communication; little touches of jealous become big resentments, I can see how swinging can destroy a relationship. Like the car breaking down analogy, it could be anything that causes the ultimate breakdown, but with regular maintenance and oil changes, it should at least have a longer life. -- Bunny

07-21-2003, 04:40 PM	#23 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	Teresa, I am way behind on the board and was really going to do nothing but read today, but I had to stop with this and respond. What you wrote was just flat out AWESOME and so VERY true!
	__________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

07-21-2003, 10:33 PM	#25 (permalink)
NightGoddess Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 223 Location: San Diego, California Status: Single Female	...Ted and Teresa... ...That was very well said! It means you never give up or give in. That's pretty amazing! Thanks for the great post. That made my day!

07-21-2003, 11:17 PM	#26 (permalink)
Couple_DFW Active Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 133 Location: DFW, TX Status: Married Fun Couple	[QUOTE]Originally posted by TNT [B](A true story Marriage (relationships) is the hardest job you will ever have. ...... You must feed and nurture a relationship (marriage) like a newborn baby…every couple of hours throughout the day. ...... It’s when these things are forgotten and/or ignored that a relationship goes bad. If these things are tended to on a regular basis throughout a relationship, bringing up swinging should not harm it in anyway; it would (or should, whether or not you ever venture into the swinging lifestyle) only open a new chapter to the greatest adventure of your life. I totally agree. Being married is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. There are givers and takers and even tho D & I both are givers....it's still hard as hell at times. AND never try to change someone. The old saying goes something like this: Go into a relationship with both eyes open.....go into a marriage with one eye closed. I still send D cards at work and I come home to flowers once a month (I think he joined the flower of the month club and I will get a huge bunch of roses in the 13th month!!!) But seriously, you have to keep courting one another....that can never stop. When there are problems and you are facing the breakup, both parties have to want to fix the relationship. One cannot do it alone. With regard to swinging.....well, I can only say that lack of communication if you are in the lifestyle can kill your relationship. Also, one party being in denial about things going on in the other relationships will also kill it for you. You have to be tough to have a lasting relationship because it is hard and it does take a lot of work. It's not 50-50.....It's 200 - 200. Your 100% plus their 100% when they are tired and ready to give it up and vice versa. When it's the best is when both are at their 100%. P
	__________________ If you're not living on the edge, then you are taking up too much space. P...is she D...is he

07-22-2003, 11:13 AM	#27 (permalink)
TNT Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 5,003 Location: baker, fl, usa Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:tblonde312	Thanks everyone It's the way Ted and I have always tried to live our lives, and as we are constantly getting comments from friends and family about our relationship,(asking how we do it, lol) I thought I would share some of our secrets. It must be working because even after almost 24 years of being a couple everything still feels so new. Teresa
	__________________ Ted and Teresa No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

07-23-2003, 01:15 AM	#28 (permalink)
azwildcat Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 363 Location: phx. az. Status: ~~feline~~	Teresa, that really sum's it up on how not to kill a relationship. but i still say to kill one you need a gun and a shovel !! or maybe just hit him with your car once or twice :evil:

07-23-2003, 03:12 AM	#29 (permalink)
WildFlower Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 106 Location: Indiana Status: Couple	Alot of relationships die because people get into a rut. They stop communicating and sharing things with each other.
	__________________ Living Life to the Fullest

07-24-2003, 11:46 AM	#30 (permalink)
alabamafuntonig Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 1,357 Location: alabama Status: couple	well i must say! im a little miffed today and this topic is hitting all the right spots for me! i aggree on the comunication issue at the moment im lacking the very thing i thought i had under control! It seems what i percieved as good comunication and a strong marriage seemed to have hit a wall at full force. a bump in the road on a epic proportion so to speak! we have bben mariade for almost 7 years and it seems the problem i face today is the worst one in those 7 years.It seems on the outside no worse than others in the past but on a emotional level i am being drained! maybe i should have made a sepperate post but i feel i retract my earlier comments , I truely cant say for confidece any more what makes them fail! all i know is I dont know why mine is failing at the moment!

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Changes in Relationship after swinging	AdamInEve	The Morning After	25	10-25-2007 10:37 AM
How to fix a relationship gone bad....	MrsVan	Vanilla Life	18	06-07-2007 05:53 PM