When Feelings Develop?

[darmok]

What im wondering is what happens if your partner and someone else's partner start to have feelings for each other? Should they tell each other or just try to ignore it ? Has it happened to anyone here ?

[teknurse]

I would crush me and put a immediate end to our swinging.
It is not and never has been our intention to establish an emotional relationship with other couples.
We want to make friends and extend our physical relationship by including others.

[EternallySingle]

If I ever thought I was feeling more than lust for the female half of a couple I would stop seeing them and tell them that I didn't feel comfortable around them. The same if I felt one of them was spending too much time with me. I stopped seeing the only couple in my area that would see me because the husband and I started spending so much time doing guy things that his wife started complaining about feeling left out. Even when the three of us got together she said she felt like an outsider, or somebody we invited to entertain us.

So, it can go both ways. If you become too close to one member of a couple and start excluding the other, you run the risk of ruining their relationship and should back off.

[OhioCouple]

This is just my opinion.

I believe that people know when the fine line is crossed between lust and adoration, (not necessarily love). When that line is crossed between three or more people, someone (in that group) should be waking up and paying attention to it and putting an end to the entire swinging situation, whether it is for themselves or for the sake of the other parties.

[naughty A]

Originally posted by darmok
What im wondering is what happens if your partner and someone else's partner start to have feelings for each other? Should they tell each other or just try to ignore it ? Has it happened to anyone here ?

It's never happened to me but yes to friends...

I think it would be much better to be aware of it before it gets to that point and then you would, I hope, be able to keep the friendship.

I'd rather know, but can see how it would be difficult to tell one's partner... I wouldn't have any problem with my partner saying... I think things are getting more than friendly for me with ... blank... and I'd like to cool it for a bit. For myself, if I started to recognize that I had feelings for one of my swing partners...I'd probably call it quits with them before it progressed any farther.

[sky]

Am there and having problems. I was not looking for anything but sex, but more developed. What to do about it is a problem. It's easy to say break it off and forget it and I've tried that without sucess. Can you love two women at the same time? I did not think so but now I do. I love my wife deeply and we have a wonderful marriage but there is a different love that I feel for the other woman. She fills the voids that I was not aware I had before. We want no one to be hurt by this and both our partners think we are not communicating with each other any more. They both saw that we had feelings for each other and we tried to end the relationship. We have not accomplished that ending. My wife was soured on swinging by the feelings and says she will never do it again. I'm unsure that I want to honor that. I think that some times even when we don't set out to do so , feelings develope. After all, sex is highly emotional. As for what you should do, I think that if the feelings have not yet developed into love, break it off. If I knew what to do once the feelings developed into love, I would have the answer to my problem. Let me know what happens in your case. Good luck!

[darmok]

We dont have a situation yet as we are new and have never swapped before . I was just raising the questions to see if anyone had an answer. As ive said to my wife you cant help who u fall in love with. Maybe if one never starts the swapping they wont have to face the decision.

[naughty A]

Maybe if one never starts the swapping they wont have to face the decision.

the possibility is very very remote...

and if you don't get in your car, you'll never have an accident ... and if you don't go to work... you won't fall in love with a co-worker either ... but I'm really not saying this to pick on you ... or minimize your concern, I do understand ... I'm just trying to tell you how unlikely I believe it is. And I believe it is much much less than the other two possibilities I named.

... if you are aware of what is going on between your partner and yourself and have great communication between you...then how could you not be aware of feelings she might have for someone else? or vice versa...

I got to thinking about this afterwards ... and I take it back... you should only take the risks that you are willing to take... and if you don't want to accept THIS risk than you are right... you shouldn't start swinging in the first place... and I suppose no one thinks it will happen to them, right?.

[alabamafuntonig]

There was a case in New Hampshire a few years ago when this thing happened. It appeared the man of the other couple(x) fell in love with the women of the other couple. (Y) WELL THE HUBBY OF (Y) tried to talk to the man about the feelings that the hubby of(x) was feeling and it resulted in one of New Hampshire murders for the year. You see apparently the wife of (y) was also in love with (x) so this is a very sticky situation. My advice is that you severe the ties before they bind you.

[M&B]

Well, guess what. This happened to me.

First wife and I became very good friends with some neighbors. The 4 of us did not play. Three of us did, though. The other wife, mine and I.

The other's husband had already left the household and filed. He was basically out of the picture.

I should have questioned how easy it was to get into swinging.

Then, I started to hear about people in the neighborhood chipping their teeth about my wife and the other wife! Huh?

During this time, we were trying to conceive a child. She ended up having surgery. Concurrently, they planned a trip to Tahoe together. The surgery was successful, the trip was made, and they came back to announce that they were going to move to some little town by the coast with MY unborn child!

Well, after some yelling, tears, threats and real conversations, they did not move off, we got into counseling, the other tried suicide with a gun, and missed. We had one child and then another.

Today, they are a more or less happy couple. I went on to bigger and better things. And, my ex and I are best friends.

You know, just the run-of-the-mill, everyday, movie-of-the-week sort of stuff.

People have wondered why I am not more bitter in life. I tried it, it didn't suit me, so, I tried something else.

Now, I cook.

[JustAskJulie]

I would say that if feelings start developing with a play friend then that is too far down the road to trouble. They need to stop seeing each other, completely.

[M&B]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie
I would say that if feelings start developing with a play friend then that is too far down the road to trouble. They need to stop seeing each other, completely.

Sad thing is, they got so far down the road that she forgot her way back.

Bump in the road.

[jen]

I wouldn't want to be a person between two people who share love. How could I love myself if I were?

[M&B]

Originally posted by jen
I wouldn't want to be a person between two people who share love. How could I love myself if I were?

That's why I backed out of the picture.

[EternallySingle]

Originally posted by jen
I wouldn't want to be a person between two people who share love. How could I love myself if I were?

Same here. I asked a question on another site why more couples don't have close friendships (bbqs, camping, asking to watch the kids, etc) with the single males like they do with single females, then one couple did with me. After a while I noticed the husband hanging out with me a too much. I stopped seeing them altogether. Made life easier on everyone.