The husband and my wife spend alot of time talking...should I be worried?

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by TLO7777

If my wife was uncomfortable with my communications with the female half of a couple we play with I would immediately cease this type of communication. My wife, her feelings, and the well being of our relationship comes first ALWAYS. After discussing things and trying to work it through, if she was still uncomfortable in ANY way, I would *never* put her in the position of having to ask me to stop. I would simply do that on my own out of my devotion and love for her.

This is the heart of the matter. I feel exactly the same way. Beautifully stated!

[JM153]

Mrs Van, I agree totally with TLO7777 and JnCC. If I were in Mr Van's situtation, I would be very uncomfortable asking you to quit. In addition to not wanting to repeat your prior history, I would feel it would be an admission that I didn't trust you and I would be concerned that you would resent my - in your mind, over reaction - to your innocent relationship with this other man. Therefore, if I was in this situation I would be very appreciative if Ms JM voluntarily ceased all communication except when the four of us were together. And if she couldn't do that - then we should stop playing with the couple because the question of emotional involment would be answered. Sometimes you just have to go "cold turkey." I, like all the others, wish you the best and am confident the four of you will work this out.
JM

[Edison Carter]

Edison here--Alright, men need to be men about this. The GUY knows what he's doing is inappropriate and he's getting a nice charge out of his infatuation. Regardless he knows what he's doing is inappropriate. He may be fantasizing about turning this into his fun little affair, which is not what the Lifestyle is about. So, either cut them off or you go to him and explain, nicely,"It's inappropriate to be text messaging, calling and emialing my wife and you need to stop it now." And not allow your self to be angry about matters or engage in a debate. If he's at all sensible, he will immediately say,"I understand," and stop.

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by Edison Carter

. So, either cut them off or you go to him and explain, nicely,"It's inappropriate to be text messaging, calling and emialing my wife and you need to stop it now." And not allow your self to be angry about matters or engage in a debate. If he's at all sensible, he will immediately say,"I understand," and stop.

I guess if he doesn't then you have your anwser. Decision time then.

[Merric]

Some guy was texting and or IMing my wife day and night then she asked me if she could have a private session with him hell yes I’d be worried. I mean it doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to see something is wrong with this picture. Also one of my major questions is how does this other fellow’s wife feel about all the attention he is showing your wife. Have you talked to her about it? Doesn’t she feel as left out as you do? It seems to me while this fellow and your wife are playing in the field his wife and yourself have pretty much been left standing at the sidelines. Again I don’t think it takes a Detective to see something’s wrong with that picture. To me it seems once the lifestyle parties over it’s over. Or at least should be. That is unless the men want to get together for a night of bowling and the women for a movie or something. But what your wife and this guy have going here just isn’t right at all.

[SweetTXCouple]

When we first approached this idea last winter of swinging and all it involves, we discussed in advance certain rules that we pretty much figured out we would follow to the T. Well that all got blown away pretty darn quick. I should have noticed quicker that my husband and the other woman seemed to be the ones doing all the talking, IM'ing several times a day, and some of this involved alot of flirting. Now don't get me wrong, I am open to the thrill of flirting and the chase and all that implies, but when the balance is definately weighing on one side of the four-some than the other than things aren't fair. I never really had a chance to talk to the other guy much, his schedule never allowed much time, and I am the shy and reserved type and don't flirt well on IM. We became friends with this couple and would even go to their house for the weekend (with the kids) as friends. In the beginning my husband and I had discussed one of our rules with this other couple, no activity alone, only with the four of us present. Everyone seemed to say that they agreed that if that was a rule, then rules should be respected. I tried to also imput the no kissing rule (I just didnt want to do it, I have my opinions and I wanted to be respected for that). Well getting back to the husband and the other woman hitting it off better than myself and the other guy.........well this happened big time. My husband and her were always finding time to be in another part of the house, or it so happened that they would desire a smoke outside at the same time (how convenient). Meanwhile I was stuck inside, not talking to the other guy because he was busy doing something else, and watching our 3 kids while come to find out (this would come to light a few months later) my husband and the other woman were outside and they were kissing basically behind my back. Of course he now says he is sorry and he regrets his feelings getting the best of him. And we have also stopped being friends with this couple. See.....my short leash I had on my husband was apparently getting in the way of the other womans desires and since she and her husband had a much more open and lenient swinging lifestyle than we did and she could tell I was getting pissed, she called the friendship off and told my husband that I was not the friend that she thought I was. So, in hindsight, we can see that the four-some was obviously NOT even and was not fair to all involved (ME!) and we have not had another swinging experience since, I am a bit trepid and nervous of jumping into this again considering the first experience. I feel like I definately got the raw end of the deal on this one and my answer would be yes I would be concerned. Unfortunately this first and only experience might just be enough to make me rethink my desire to do this.

[Merric]

Wow I can see your point SweetTXCouple and am sorry things turned out so badly. But I don't really think you can judge everyone in the lifestyle like that. Even despite their troubles with their current lifestyle couple the Vans agree they both really, really like the couple as friends and playmates. So certainly there’s a couple out there you and your husband can both get along with. But I do suggest you overcome the symbolism of kissing. Even being a man I know at first I felt the same way you did. But then came to realize that’s all it is, a symbol. While the real love for you it signifies actually remains in the heart of your husband and not on his lips. And then realistically when approaching the act of sex whether it’s with you or someone else, your husband has to start somewhere with them doesn’t he? And yes the only real way to go about it is beginning with a kiss. And with time like I did, as you become more accustomed and understand that it’s just sex and not love your engaging in with these other couples I’m sure you’ll come to find it erotic seeing your husband kissing another woman. Knowing all along as you watch that the love he holds for you is locked safely in his heart, and again not his lips. While from I’ve read from you so far he understands this, and so no doubt will find it equally exciting watching you kiss the man you’re with. In any case I wish you and yours the best of luck and well wishes.

[sexcupid]

Ok, not to beat an almost dead thread....but I am going to jump to both Mr and Mrs Van's defense here.

I, like Mrs Van, seem to have always had an easier time of making friends with the guys. All through school...and god knows the jobs I've had for the last few years...you have to be able to build that rapport with your co-workers. In our building there were 7 females....around 50 men that work out of that office...and most of them we were in contact with on a constant basis. I worked as a dispatcher, all of our techs are men. You joke, get a little flirty, goofy, whatever. Sometimes, it's just easier dealing with men than women. JMHO on that.

But, like Mr Van, if someone was in regular communication with my SO...it would probably make me uncomfortable too. I'll bless Jeff's little heart that he is ok with one of my playmates sending me text messages (it kind of happens in cycles...he'll be quiet for weeks on end before sending a few, usually suggestive, messages), but I don't really correspond with him any other way. I mean, I trust Jeff....but I may not be able to keep that green-eyed monster from rearing it's head when my comfort zone is bumped up against.

Just wondering how did this situation turn out?

Maria

[VanHlebar]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

Just wondering how did this situation turn out?

Maria

Well this actually turned out just fine. I think some of it could just be chalked upto both MrsVan and I being new to the LS. We are still in contact with this couple today, though we don't play with them anymore. They sort of got out of the LS for a time and are concentrating on their relationship.

-Van

[Merric]

Well Hell closure for us all at last, though I have to say for such a dire beginning it turned out rather anticlimactic. But I guess actually that's good since it didn't wind up with divorce or anything.