Whoring around in virtual Babylon

[tracy1878]

count me in, that sounds like fun! It's amazing how hubby and I's communication has improved since we started in the lifestlye. There were so many things I was either embarrassed about or ashamed about to talk with him, but now those feelings are gone. Thankfully forever!!

[ALilOEverything]

On the pregnancy and parenting forums I frequent (no, I'm not board monogamous either ) a lot of the girls freak out because they found a naughty picture on the comuter or they saw their husband's watching a pretty girl from across the street. They seek advice and most of the woman support them and think the offending husband should be reprimanded in some way. They look for advice on how make their marriage better and again and again I'll ask "well have you talked to him about this" and they'll respond..."I don't feel comfortable bringing it up". It's not like they are wanting to talk about sex with other people, they are talking about sex just between them. I just can't imagine not being comfortable communicating about the basic things in a relationship.

I totally agree about how exhilerating it feels to have a successful swinging marriage. I can't imagine feeling so out of touch in my marriage.

[TNT]

Beautifully put Spoo...

If I had a dime for everytime someone has complimented Ted and I on our relationship, we could all retired to an island somewhere The vanilla people we know can't figure us out, they just know something is different about our marriage.

One of the best compliments I ever received was when a friend who had separated from her husband was contemplating getting back together with him and she told him that she wanted to model their relationship after Ted and mine's. Then she asked me...What do you two do that makes you always so happy ? There was no quick answer so her and I talked for quite a while, they did get back together and are doing much better than they were before.

This past summer I had my 20 year class reunion and classmates we had not seen in over 20 years were amazed by us...they kept saying you two are just as much into each other now as you were back in high school...how do you do it?

Friends of my parents will compliment us on our relationship constantly, amazed that we always seem to be having fun with each other. Even family members are stumped by us. After Ted's parents divorced and his dad met the woman he is now married to, he even made a comment to me one day that he finally found his 'love story'...he said...You and Ted were always a love story and I always envied you two.

I don't know where I was going with this other than to say that it was not swinging that made us this way (as others have said) but that being this way is what made us swingers.

We are each other's best friend, the air we each breath and the other half of each other's heart and soul. We don't take it for granted and do recognize how special it is and we tell each other each and every day exactly what the other means to us.

Teresa
(who is now going to find a tissue to wipe the tears from her eyes because she is married to the love of her life)

[EvilMJ]

Something happened today that put me in mind of this thread.

Hubby and I have been through a very busy and stressful week which included a pretty heated fight. (yes we do have the occassional arguement, it comes from having to live and work together).

So today we were both off of work, Son was at daycare, and we decided that we needed some adult time. We had a nice lunch, watched a movie, talked and joked and rounded it off with a really aweome round of afternoon sex.

It was probably the best sex we had in a long time, and one of the most relaxed enjoyable days I have spend with him. It made me remember how much we truly love each other and appreciate each other.

(OMG do I sound sappy or what).... ......

Beautifuly put Spoo!! Surrender

We watch our Vanilla friends get into spats all the time over the most trivial things.

"Why did you dance with him", "Why were you talking to her", "Where have you been, it doesn't take 15 minutes to go to the bathroom"...etc

It reminds me of Jr High sometimes.

I wish everyone could experience how wonderful a relationship can be if you remove jealousy from it.
It brings a closeness between two people that few experience.

I don't think I go more than 15 minutes with out giving mrs naughty a kiss and telling her how much I love her. I thank God everyday to have such a beautiful woman in my life.

[Nymph an' Satyr]

I think that the key is communication- really. If you want to make swinging work you HAVE to communicate.

Well guess what, if you want to make your marriage work, you HAVE to communicate.

Me and the missus are nominally Roman Catholic. The Church has a spousal retreat program that they hype heavily as a good program for married couples to go through. It's for an entire weekend. We decided that it might be fun to get away for a weekend and just be in a retreat- we though quiet/reflective environment.

Well it was God awful. It was a clearly designed for couples who DO NOT talk to each other. It was one communication exercise after the other. The sad part was that so many of the couples found it very useful- which means that they were NOT communicating with one another. Me and the wife bailed out after 2/3 of the first day. We stayed in the hotel room and fucked our brains out. Now that part was fun

The moral of the story is- most couples DO NOT communicate.

At work I'm an HR guy- most problems at work are because people DO NOT communicate.

There seems to be a common thread here.....

Could it be that most/many of all problems are caused because people DO NOT communicate?

[DBL D]

I have always thought that the vanilla world missed the point...even before we swang! facelick

Male D

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Nymph an' Satyr

If you want to make swinging work you HAVE to communicate.

Well guess what, if you want to make your marriage work, you HAVE to communicate.

I think this really is the bottom line - the intangible, if you will. And, as many people pointed out, it isn't because we swing that we have this... Rather, we swing because we had this first. It's who we are now - and likely we were before - and who we would have been if we hadn't decided to try some sexual adventures.

Let's face it - without communication (being able to talk about some deep and honest fantasies) how many of us would have been able to get here?

Spoomonkey

[Fred&Wilma]

Spoo, whatever you do for living I sincerely hope you utilize your ability to present all your thoughts in a clear and concise manner such as this and get paid for it.

Great post, it actually would apply to any succesfull relationship.

A succesfull partnership is not what your S/O can do for you, but what you can do for your S/O. What goes around, comes around, If it is a two way street, then you have two people who are bonded, you may not always agree on everything (heaven forbid, that would be boring) but at least you discuss it.

Take care.

Fred

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

I am no longer surprised by the troubled marriages that get into swinging trying to "fix" something - or the desperate married men looking for something that they can't get at home and WILL NOT find here.

From the start of my investigation into swinging, I felt there would be many people in the Lifestyle who fit this description; couples unhappy in their marriage and seeking to remedy their problems through a sexual outlet. This "Band-Aid attitude" concerned me most, and is probably the main reason it took so long to find a couple to swing with that is as committed to each other as Mr LM and me.

If I had first come upon the other forum you described, I would probably have abandoned the idea of swinging. Thank goodness I found the Swingers Board!

Originally Posted by ALilOEverything

They look for advice on how make their marriage better and again and again I'll ask "well have you talked to him about this" and they'll respond..."I don't feel comfortable bringing it up".

It is sad that sexual discussions are so difficult for most couples. Most women will talk about sex with a girlfriend before they will approach their husband.

Sex is so feared by our culture, it has unfortunately been associated with a bond between a husband and wife that represents the ultimate communion between them, yet it can be what separates them most.

Communication, and appreciating each other's sexual appetite as being natural and healthy, has to come first before the sex becomes most meaningful.

LM

[JustAskJulie]

We see many of the people you spoke about find their way here, wondering how to spice up their love life, wondering if swinging will fix what is broken. A lot of swingers have the same problems you have spoken up and many have chosen this (the wrong road for them) as the avenue to fix their problems. I think the major problem is that to too many people sex has become the main thing in relationships, when the relationship should have been built on honesty, communication and friendship. At least when you have all those things in line and you aren't getting what you want sexually you can openly discuss it and work towards fixing it rather than just wondering why you are so dissapointed with your lot in life.