Attention We Receive Due To Our Race

[lovers]

I guess that we're a unique couple as I (the male half) am Black and my wife is Asian. That brings the associated stereotypes along with it (ie. hung black male, tight asian female, etc.)

Because of this, we find that we are often the center of attention at house parties, swingers dances, etc. Not that that's bad, but it detracts from getting to know people before we bump uglies.

We're wondering if any couples who have prior experience in this area have advice on how to deal with it so that people interact with us based on who we are and not what we're supposedly known for.

[DragonsLair]

Hi guys,

You might have to be patient for a while. Give people a chance to get to know you. If the stereo type gets them to talk to you, then you have the chance to show them who you are. Instead of being turned off by it, use it to your advantage. Sometimes you can go to a party and no one comes up to you to talk. I wouldn't be too worried about the stereo types. Once people get to know who you are, they won't even pay any attention to what you look like.

Relax and have fun.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

[MagicEnigma]

We have a few people of different races that are either regulars or semi-regulars to our group. Save for one couple, they weren't at the first couple of evenings I went to, and the first time they were there I admit it was the novelty and exotic part of them that drew me to them. But like everybody else, I got to know them before I got into bed with them. I'm still attracted to them in part because I think they are hot, but it isn't only reason I go to them. I guess what I'm trying to say is that sure, people might flock to you because you're a hot looking Asian woman, or a black guy, just as some do because you might be a good looking woman. But after awhile they'll either get to know you and you¡¯ll know that. Or they will just run up to you and want to shag, and you'll know that too. What you do with them from there is your choice. Nobody has to do anything with anybody they don¡¯t like if they don't want to.

[Flori_DAMAN]

Perhaps there is less stereotyping than you think. Maybe people just like you

John.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
Perhaps there is less stereotyping than you think. Maybe people just like you

I have to agree with John here. I have had the opportunity to work with people from all backgrounds in my life and have also experienced the club environments. In my overall opinion both swinging and non, if someone doesn't like you as a person then the stereotypical ideas will not over ride that.

Why not look at it positively that your are unique in the sense that you portray an ideal couple that someone would like to get to know better because of who your are and not your heritage?

I for one am not influenced by sterotypes and tend to be attracted to people that are secure as to who they are as individuals and share common interests with me, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

Lori

[Chicup]

Biologists call this the 'rare male' phenomina, though it applies to females as well (to a lessor extent). Its seen all the time in animals and even insects where a male with a unique trait has more matings even though there is no real advantage to the trait in terms of survival.

It so happens that most swingers tend to be white (at least in this country ) so a black/asian combo fits the 'rare' idea. If most swingers were black/asian couples, the white couple would most likely bet getting similar attention.

Isn't biology fun!

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by Chicup
Biologists call this the 'rare male' phenomina, though it applies to females as well (to a lessor extent). Its seen all the time in animals and even insects where a male with a unique trait has more matings even though there is no real advantage to the trait in terms of survival.

It so happens that most swingers tend to be white (at least in this country ) so a black/asian combo fits the 'rare' idea. If most swingers were black/asian couples, the white couple would most likely bet getting similar attention.

Isn't biology fun!

Without any massive federally subsidized studies to back your theory up CHic, all you got there is a bilogical theory in which your conclusion is based on the premise that animals and insects's mating habits pertaining to odd looking males pattern human ones when you have both genders with a unique outward appearance. This would seem to suggest that if the couple were a guy that had a huge nose were with a female that had man hands they would be the belle of the ball at swinging clubs.

We need some human statistics to back this one up with. I would happily volunteer to partake in the control group.

It is my understanding that in many species of animals the opposite is true. I can't remember what famous biologist came up with it but I think the study I am referring to is the "ugly duckling" theory.

I was so young when I heard it tho......

John. Biology in itself is definately fun when it includes a biology teacher named Mrs. Thomas like I did in the 5th grade. That teacher had the best legs in the school.

[Additude]

I'm a white guy with an asian wife and we receive the same type of attention. Probably more so for my wife then me as "Black" is in

Just take it for what it is. If your expecting something different at swingers parties your not going to find it for the most part.

People have sexual fantasies. Enjoy the attention.

[Nymph an' Satyr]

You're just an exotic couple dude. I don't even know you and your racial compostion sounds enticing. Has nothing to do with stereo types and everything to do with fleshtone and appearance. My wife is Latin. One of my early attractions to her was that she was "exotic." I'm white bread and didn't have much early exposure to dark women- which is my preference I agree with Attitude- enjoy the attention.

[Sweetdevil]

Lovers,

As an African-American male I can understand your concerns about people accepting you for yourself, rather than being popular because your ethincity. We had a similar problem. We learn that people who like you as a person will have some "ethinc sexual fantasies." And that is okay. As long as it is not disrepectful, enjoy and learn.

[Chicup]

There is a big difference between unique and deformed.

There is more then one subset of traits involved, and beauty is one of them. An 'ugly' black man won't get a lot of attention, despite the uniqueness, while a attractive black man would get more then an 'equally' attractive white man. We won't even add societal and social pressures to this.

I'd rather avoid the study, I left academics for many reasons, but I've seen nothing in human behavior to dissuade me from my theories. Cheating and swinging fit quite nicely into animal behavior as well

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by Chicup
There is a big difference between unique and deformed.

There is more then one subset of traits involved, and beauty is one of them. An 'ugly' black man won't get a lot of attention, despite the uniqueness, while a attractive black man would get more then an 'equally' attractive white man. We won't even add societal and social pressures to this.

I'd rather avoid the study, I left academics for many reasons, but I've seen nothing in human behavior to dissuade me from my theories. Cheating and swinging fit quite nicely into animal behavior as well

Maybe so, but I haven't noticed it in my 25 years of swinging. Some of the most popular swingers I know are grey haired pudgy guys that smoke cigars.....but you could be right, I just don't go for the animal comparisons and the evololutionary instincts that drive us. I think regularguy was a big proponent of that subject. Wasn't it him that suggested men have the "right" to ejaculate anywhere on a female or in her anywhere because of there primary urges stemming back to the stone ages?

While I find biology interesting I rarely use it to attempt to understand human interaction. Humans seem so much more intellectually complex. We have cultures, and within our population diversity even within groups that have similar interests. For example most swingers don't really equate swinging with cheating and find the latter deplorable. Not all, but most.

I'm sure there is substance to what you say and have studied and maybe it is in fact more relevant than I think.

That being said I would like to ask you if as swinging and cheating fit quite nicely into animal behavior what about making friends? I can't help but notice that "birds of a feather stick together". Of course this is good for the propagation of the species but they seem to like each other to me.

Any bird lover will tell you that they do have an emotional side and moods, just like dogs, cats, horses etc. I guess I just judge people by how they act, what they say and how they carry themselves. I'm like many people in as much as I tend to prefer that everyone thinks like I do..lol. I also would like to think others have just as many imperfections as I do.

Maybe the black male is in fact more popular and the asian female is also, but it just hasn't been anything I have ever noticed.
John.

[KajiKurai]

Lovers,

I think it's not even something you should worry about. Consider their curiosity as an icebreaker. Get to know people and go from there.

I'm also an African-American male. I've found that over the years though it's been me that's been more aware of stereotypes than those around me.

So just meet people and have a great time. If someone asks just smile at them. Makes them more curious.

KajiKurai

[anandjeff2]

Originally posted by KajiKurai
I've found that over the years though it's been me that's been more aware of stereotypes than those around me.

KajiKurai

This is very true in many cases...as a WASP raised in a very open minded family I have been asked during my many years online what kind of image I get about people I talk to..I can honestly say I never develop an idea of someone before I meet them..met one person who never mentioned their race when they waked in the door asked me if I was surprised they were black..I said I didnt even think about it til you mentioned it..LOL..same thing with a niece of mine who is a model..she is mixed race and people do a double take if I point out an ad she is in..it never occurs to me to say in advance she's mixed because it really desnt matter to me. I have never formed opinions on peole on first sight..it only kleads to embarassing incidents for the many who do..LOL

An

[4play]

and wondered if there are other asian couples?

Seems like this was more caucasians into this lifestyle since I know many asian to be more timid.

dave/Kelly