Racist Friends

[MoonLightKiss]

Well, I was reading in this thread and figured, what the hell? Why not use it? Maybe venting here will keep me from finding a hole and crawling in it to escape the crap I seem to be attracting lately.

Hubby and I argued last night. My husband is a country boy. But he is a decent man. Anyway, we have a few couples who we are friends with, and we normally get together once a weekend for a grill out, hang out, have a few drinks and laughs fun. This past weekend was our turn to host it. And talk about a BAD TIME had by all. I completely showed my ass. But I feel it was justified.

We have a couple that we are really close to, and they are an african american couple. Gonna call em John and Jane. We love em to death. I went to high school with the husband, I now go to college with the wife. We have been there for each other through thick and thin. For our anniversary, money was very tight at the time and they paid for a hotel room for us for the weekend. Made sure it was really special for us and everything. We took their kids for the week so they could go on their honeymoon. Stuff like that. We love them and they love us, in a purely vanilla way.

Problem...one of the couples that came to our house this weekend is evidently a complete racist. And we had our black friends there. We are all sitting there after having eaten, having a few drinks and laughs, when the next thing I hear is "I can't stand a F------ N-----" So I whip around to see who said it...my eyes meet John's, then Jane's, they are in utter shock. I look around and see "Janet" still running her mouth about N---- this and N---- that...Hubby is standing there oblivious to anything cause he is too busy talking about cars.

I never thought that Janet and her husband were this way. I truly hate hate hate racism. Its so small minded. So I walk right up to Janet, deciding to try and be polite, as I don't want to cause a scene and upset everyone. I tell her I think its time they went home, that if they needed a ride, I was willing to call them a cab or take them home myself, but they needed to leave. She actually asks why. DUH :rollseyes I told her to please leave, I would call her tommorrow, she insists, so I tell her what she said offended not only the other couple but me as well since they are my friends. I tell her I do not tolerate that kind of behavior in my home, and that if she cared to apologize she was welcome to but she was not welcome to stay. Hubby walks up, asks whats going one, Janet lights into him about how his wife is a "N--- loving Bitch, who would rather hang out with (various racist comments) than with real white people."

I hit her...oh god I did, I didn't mean to, I was just so mad. I kinda feel guilty about it because I hate fighting, but she had this one coming. I dragged her ass outta my house and told her to get lost...looked at her husband and asked him in the nicest voice if he needed assistance leaving as well. He just walked out.

So now, half of our friends are mad at us and the other half is mad at them, so our once close group has been split down the middle. All because of her comment. As far as Janet and her husband go, my opinion is good riddance. But my husband is upset at me for causing a scene. Janet's husband is evidently not a racist and hubby and him have been friends 10 years or more. My opinion is he married a racist, so he is either a racist, or he doesn't care which is just as bad. So question of the day...who is right?

On a side note, John and Jane both called me the next day to say that they appreciate my standing up for them. It was not the first time it had happened to them, and noone had ever stood up like that before. They said they really didn't expect me too, to which I replied "Why not, you are my friend, I love you. I would defend you anytime." I apologized profusely for even having those people over, told them I had no clue, but they can rest assured I don't hang out with people like that. Told them I loved them, they told me they loved me, tears were shared, and a few laughs at how we should start up a gym for boxers and have me give lessons.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

Well, I was reading in this thread and figured, what the hell? Why not use it? Maybe venting here will keep me from finding a hole and crawling in it to escape the crap I seem to be attracting lately.

This is a great place to vent. I vent often.

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

Hubby and I argued last night.
We have a couple that we are really close to, and they are an african american couple. Gonna call em John and Jane. We love em to death. Problem...one of the couples that came to our house this weekend is evidently a complete racist. And we had our black friends there. We are all sitting there after having eaten, having a few drinks and laughs, when the next thing I hear is "I can't stand a F------ N-----" So I whip around to see who said it...my eyes meet John's, then Jane's, they are in utter shock. I look around and see "Janet" still running her mouth about N---- this and N---- that...Hubby is standing there oblivious to anything cause he is too busy talking about cars.

I never thought that Janet and her husband were this way. I truly hate hate hate racism. Its so small minded. So I walk right up to Janet, deciding to try and be polite, as I don't want to cause a scene and upset everyone. I tell her I think its time they went home, that if they needed a ride, I was willing to call them a cab or take them home myself, but they needed to leave. She actually asks why. DUH :rollseyes I told her to please leave, I would call her tommorrow, she insists, so I tell her what she said offended not only the other couple but me as well since they are my friends. I tell her I do not tolerate that kind of behavior in my home, and that if she cared to apologize she was welcome to but she was not welcome to stay. Hubby walks up, asks whats going one, Janet lights into him about how his wife is a "N--- loving Bitch, who would rather hang out with (various racist comments) than with real white people."

I hit her...oh god I did, I didn't mean to, I was just so mad. I kinda feel guilty about it because I hate fighting, but she had this one coming. I dragged her ass outta my house and told her to get lost...looked at her husband and asked him in the nicest voice if he needed assistance leaving as well. He just walked out.

So now, half of our friends are mad at us and the other half is mad at them, so our once close group has been split down the middle. All because of her comment. As far as Janet and her husband go, my opinion is good riddance. But my husband is upset at me for causing a scene. Janet's husband is evidently not a racist and hubby and him have been friends 10 years or more. My opinion is he married a racist, so he is either a racist, or he doesn't care which is just as bad. So question of the day...who is right?

On a side note, John and Jane both called me the next day to say that they appreciate my standing up for them. It was not the first time it had happened to them, and noone had ever stood up like that before. They said they really didn't expect me too, to which I replied "Why not, you are my friend, I love you. I would defend you anytime." I apologized profusely for even having those people over, told them I had no clue, but they can rest assured I don't hang out with people like that. Told them I loved them, they told me they loved me, tears were shared, and a few laughs at how we should start up a gym for boxers and have me give lessons.

I don't think you have one thing to be sorry for. You have every reason under the sun to escort someone out of your own house if their behaviour insists you do so. I sure hope your husband can understand why you threw Janet and her husband out. Well, you threw Janet out and her husband followed. What I don't understand, like you, is the small mindedness that goes along with this backward thinking. I too, abhor racism.

I can understand your frustration and your anger! I don't know if I would have struck out at her, but I know I would have raised my voice and probably escorted her to the door. If she resisted, I'm sure I would have used a little more persuasion. Yeah, I probably would have smacked her. It was totally wrong of Janet to even open her mouth. She had the option to keep her mouth shut or leave, but she seriously has some problems, IMHO -- either total ignorance or a total lack of social skills in which she really had to ask you for a reason to leave. I'm not understanding why the other half of your friends are mad at you? Did they side with Janet and her husband? Did they decide they didn't mind the way that Janet treated John and Jane?

Also, why is YOUR husband mad that YOU caused a scene? Does he condone the actions of Janet and her husband? Seriously, be glad that Janet and her husband are gone. If your husband and Janet's husband are so close, let them do their own thing. I agree that Janet's husband is racist as well for not saying anything. IMO, Your husband has no right to be mad at you. If you would have "ignored" Janet's comments, doesn't that make you just as guilty as her?

BTW, What the hell are "real white people"?

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by LFM2

I don't think you have one thing to be sorry for. You have every reason under the sun to escort someone out of your own house if their behaviour insists you do so. I sure hope your husband can understand why you threw Janet and her husband out. Well, you threw Janet out and her husband followed. What I don't understand, like you, is the small mindedness that goes along with this backward thinking. I too, abhor racism.

I can understand your frustration and your anger! I don't know if I would have struck out at her, but I know I would have raised my voice and probably escorted her to the door. If she resisted, I'm sure I would have used a little more persuasion. Yeah, I probably would have smacked her. It was totally wrong of Janet to even open her mouth. She had the option to keep her mouth shut or leave, but she seriously has some problems, IMHO -- either total ignorance or a total lack of social skills in which she really had to ask you for a reason to leave. I'm not understanding why the other half of your friends are mad at you? Did they side with Janet and her husband? Did they decide they didn't mind the way that Janet treated John and Jane?

Also, why is YOUR husband mad that YOU caused a scene? Does he condone the actions of Janet and her husband? Seriously, be glad that Janet and her husband are gone. If your husband and Janet's husband are so close, let them do their own thing. I agree that Janet's husband is racist as well for not saying anything. IMO, Your husband has no right to be mad at you. If you would have "ignored" Janet's comments, doesn't that make you just as guilty as her?

BTW, What the hell are "real white people"?

Ditto to all of the above. You have nothing to be sorry for and YOUR husband should be standing beside you regardless of what happens or whether or not he really agrees with what you did. Should you have hit her? Maybe/maybe not but that's not the point, the point is that he should be standing WITH you even when he doesn't agree with you.

[prettylady]

Moonlightkisses,
Hows the hand?
Proud of you girl. I'm not a big fan of violence. (ya thats right, me prettylady is a lover first, fighter second). But that girl had it comin.
I wish I could have seen it.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

Problem...one of the couples that came to our house this weekend is evidently a complete racist. And we had our black friends there. We are all sitting there after having eaten, having a few drinks and laughs, when the next thing I hear is "I can't stand a F------ N-----" So I whip around to see who said it...my eyes meet John's, then Jane's, they are in utter shock. I look around and see "Janet" still running her mouth about N---- this and N---- that...
I hit her...oh god I did, I didn't mean to, I was just so mad. I kinda feel guilty about it because I hate fighting, but she had this one coming. I dragged her ass outta my house and told her to get lost...looked at her husband and asked him in the nicest voice if he needed assistance leaving as well. He just walked out.

Okay, I'm not promoting violence..................but IMO she deserved to get her ass beat, and I would have slapped the living shit out of her myself had I heard her saying such crap. I cannot frickin stand a biggot and a racist. Dammit, you would think in this day we could get over this stuff! I absolutely REFUSE to teach this garbage to my children. As long as a man treats my daughter well and treats her like a lady, goes and works hard every day to take care of his family (and builds a house with a guest house for me), I don't care if his skin color is blue. I don't even know her and this pisses ME off! Okay, I'll stop ranting. You did RIGHT in my book, the B***** deserved even more if you ask me.

[prettylady]

Shelly,
Breath girl breath.
with me now in....out.....in....out.
Oh damn now I'm horney.
See ya all later
Your friend,
prettylady

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by prettylady

Shelly,
Breath girl breath.
with me now in....out.....in....out.
Oh damn now I'm horney.
See ya all later
Your friend,
prettylady

HA! I told you not to do that dirty talkin before, didn't I?

[MoonLightKiss]

To answer some questions, LMF2, I am not sure what that woman meant by the "real white people" comment. Unless she meant that the only real people are white, or it was another dig to the husband of the black couple who's mother was white. My husband and I discussed it again last night. I asked him why he was upset with me over making a scene. Janet's comments is what caused the scene, and that right or wrong I stand behind my decision to throw her out of the house. He said that it made alot of people there uncomfortable. I told him so did Janet's comments. He sat back and realized where I was coming from and apologized. I also reitterated how I felt about the husband, and that I wanted neither one of them around me, my house, or my children. He understood and saw my point about how doing nothing makes someone just as guilty as the person commiting the crime. So that relationship is over.

As far as the friends of ours that are being split down the middle on opinions over this, some feel that Janet has a right to her opinion no matter how distasteful. So I called them, spoke with them, and told them all, that yes she has a right to her opinion. This is the US and we are free to do that, what we are not allowed to do, is enter someone's home, offend them, and expect nothing to be said. If they felt I overreacted, oh well, I apologize if my hitting her offended them, but I would not apologize for putting her out of my home, and if they were incapable of being my friend even if they don't agree with me, then I wish them all the best, and good bye.

Prettylady, my hand is fine btw. She had a marshmallow jaw. LOL Like you I hate fighting, I am more a lover. I felt horrible about hitting her as soon as I calmed down. Do I regret it? In some ways. I should have been able to control my temper better and not sink to her level. But damn, it felt nice taking a chunk out of a racist asshole. So I don't feel too bad about it, if that makes any sense.

Julie, I showed my husband this thread when the responses were made. I explained to him, that agree with me or not, he is my husband which means in public at least, he should be standing beside me, as I do him. He agreed that you were right. Even if he doesn't agree with me he should stand with me, and once we are behind closed doors if he feels I screwed up then we can talk about it.

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

This is the US and we are free to do that, what we are not allowed to do, is enter someone's home, offend them, and expect nothing to be said.

Correct. Unfortunately, she was an invited guest and you may have used excessive force by hitting her. She can file criminal charges against you for battery. Surely it is best that your husband did not hit her in anger - he would probably be facing criminal charges for inflicting a traumatic injury without justifiable cause (a possible felony).

[lovinher]

You were much nicer than I would have been.

[WildMiCouple]

Moonlightkiss, I wouldn't have hit her(being a guy), but at the least I would have demanded an apology and shown her the door rather quickly. But I can understand why you smacked her Those are certainly "friends" you don't need. I still can't believe someone could be so utterly callous to make those comments while at your house as an invited guest

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

He understood and saw my point about how doing nothing makes someone just as guilty as the person commiting the crime. So that relationship is over.

I agree to a point. But didn't your husband not back you during the incident? That certainly doesn't mean he approves of her comments, does it? Although the girls husband didn't interject either, it doesn't necessarily make him a racist. Could be he just didn't want to make any bigger of a scene than it already was. Either way, I'm sure he'd be too embarrassed to continue his friendship with your husband anyway.

Brett

[ShellyM]

How are your friends doing, btw? I know everyone got so ticked off at that ladies big mouth, I forgot to ask how they are doing. I can imagine that they were completely humiliated, having been talked to that way in a group of people. Hopefully they understand that unfortunately, there are always idiots who are around. Hope they are okay.

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

Ok, I'm not a racist. To me a persons race provides only the beginning or a physical description and tells you nothing more about the person you're talking about. I also don't much care if a person harbors racist feelings. Their personal views are their own business. However, when a guest in MY home they will shut their noise hole about that crap or leave, one way or another. That goes double if they are insulting another guest with that bilge.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. Good job!

[Dooode]

MoonLightKiss:

I think you handled that well .. including how you handled your husband the following day! The ONLY thing that could've turned the night out differently, would've been talking to your husband FIRST before taking the trash out. The result would've been the same, but at least he could've seen how affected you were then taken action himself, perhaps with more of a cooler head.

But the object was getting the garbage gone and it was done, so good for you.

[2jersey]

Currently, there are thousands of angry people who want to kill the Pope as retribution for racially insensitive comments. To me, the attitude of these people is disgusting.

Frankly, it really surprises me that so many people on this board believe that violence is the most appropriate response to racially offensive language.

Sigh...