Being treated as a conquest due to race

[Pepper & Drew]

We got an email from a couple a few days ago on Swing Lifestyle. They are HOT. Good looking guy, good looking girl, an interest in us, and certified by people we know....sounds like a plan. We write them back and give them some information for contacting us. We are stoked!

Yesterday, this thread talked about people that treat you like a conquest because of your race.

So, lo and behold, we receive an email this morning: (I've removed names to protect the guilty)

i have never been with a black woman before and have been wanting it for a while now...you are very beautiful ***** has but not since weve been together. She loves to make my fantasies cum true. She luvs the touch of a woman and taste too! Unfortunately she does not want intercourse with another man...she says she may do oral though...whatcha think? Let us know!

So, in addition to insulting me personally, they pretty much do this and this too. It's practically a "what not to write" guide. If they'd just read the board, who knows, we might be meeting them tomorrow night. Instead, they'll be reading this:

Although we appreciate you interest, I don't think we'd be a match with you guys for two reasons: we either both play or neither plays and because, frankly, your reference to "wanting it for a while now" is insulting. I am a person, not something to mark off your "TO DO" list like I was a Disney ride. Good luck with your search.

Have you encountered situations where you wish people read the advice here before they acted?

Pepper

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Pepper & Drew

Have you encountered situations where you wish people read the advice here before they acted?

Not nearly as desperately as they needed to read it before writing you...

Wow - how bone-headed can you be???

I have a list of "want to's" as long as my arm, but I wouldn't play with someone just to be able to check something as "done". That'd be bonus, not onus.

There are a lot of reasons we hope that people would this board. But, mostly, we have found that the people that tend to gravitate and stay here are incredibly level headed and fun. The people we have met from here have been the people that we have enjoyed the most (play or not).

But would reading this board have made that guy any brighter? I doubt it

Sorry that happened to you.

Spoomonkey

[SuAndBud]

Pepper and Drew,

Surely it can't be lost on you that it doesn't just happen here, on the web. You (and Su) share a uniqueness in that A) You're attractive women in your own right. B) You're...ermmm....how can I put this.....Oh, yeah, not white. C) You're with a white dude. You must be easy then, cuz you ain't hanging out with your "Bruvvers".

True case in point just yesterday. Bud was getting something from the car. Su had already left the car and was close to her place of business. Bud hears her voice talking to someone and noted the measure of surprise in her voice. Bud drops what he was collecting from the car (as we've had crap like this before) and heads towards Su. As he gets nearer he hears from the guy ".....No, I mean it. You are very beautiful. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. You are a very beautiful lady...." At which point Su saw Bud approaching and was able to say, "Hi darling" over the guy's shoulder. He turns around, spots Bud in his Stallone mode (tho' Sylvester never looked so good - LOL) and scurries back under his rock.

The thing is that Bud's ex-wife was almost equally as stunningly gorgeous as Su but such never happened. OK, guys hit on her, but not so blatantly and disrespectfully. But then she was a tall blonde caucasian.

Get used to it. On the Net it's even more prevalent because of the anonimity afforded.

Actually, it can be quite exciting and stimulating if you let it be. Su finds it hilarious. Bud's not so sure.

[ShellyM]

Thats great, I like your response alot...that was something else. They were very rude to say such a thing to you.

[havefuninsun]

Sorry to hear about this Pepper. People surprise me all the time. We had the pleasure of meeting a couple who sported more pigmentation in their skin than we -- what we liked about them was their intelligence, their sense of humor ... they are an attractive couple in a lot of ways. We talked AFTER the fact about who had played before with someone of like color, but that wasn't the attraction. We enjoy variety -- who here doesn't?? And variety can mean a lot of things, but I don't think it's a "to do" list.

[Chip_n_Muffy]

Interesting. I would rather sleep with someone I liked and had an attraction to. If those facets were there, would the rest of it matter?

Thinking of this, it begs the question, would a person sleep with someone less than their standard just to cross a criteria off the To Do list? It seems that would lead to a less than satifactory experience. Further, if listing experiences To Do becomes a focal point, I would think the availability of more and more exotic To Do's would diminish. Where do you go after you have crossed everything off the list? Triple breasted, six eyed, green Neptunian bi women are notoriously hard to come by, sort of the intergalactic Unicorn. And although that particular Unicorn might be in high demand, after a while I bet she would feel used.

I prefer to experience people for who they are, not for what they are .......

Chip

[Dooode]

Hmm .. tough call.

I am going to play Devil's Advocate on this one (because I can!).

On the issue of the other lady being soft-swap only (G/G play, oral only with the guy), that's not unheard of in the Lifestyle. As a matter of fact, it's fairly common. That part sounds to me like a clash of play preferences. No big deal. If Pepper and Drew are full-swap only, so be it.

On the second part: In a land where racial segregation still takes place, I only have admiration for people who can sexually fantasize about other races.

Now.

Whether they should communicate those fantasies, is where the lines get blurry. After all, as Pepper says, we're talking about people here not cars or boats.

But how many profiles do we see where people talk of their fantasies? "We've never done a DP but would love to try ... ", "my wife would love to be with a black guy with a big cock", 'Asian women are a big fantasy of mine" ...

... you follow? That's not so uncommon neither.

Personally, I've been with blacks (or "African-Americans" ... am I supposed to be PC here?!??), both men and women. I find the colour contrast extremely erotic and the initial thrill of being with a different race has dwindled, but it's still very exciting to me. The fantasy of wanting the experience is gone. It's become experience.

Lastly (and this goes to Pepper): I find it difficult reconcilling the fact that you're allowed to look at this couple as pieces of meat "They are HOT. Good looking guy, good looking girl" but when the guy returns the sentiments and tells you his fantasy of being with a NEW type of meat, he is beat down.

Sorry, Pepper. I think you're a very level-headed lady (and I know I haven't had to live a life dealing with racial prejudisms and innuendos), but I think you were being a little over-sensitive on this issue.

[Chicup]

I would have bonged them for spelling come 'cum'

Pet Peeve of mine, its not sexy and makes you look stupid to me.

Also it looks like they wanted to do a 3/4ths swap which would be bad in our book.

Now for the race thing, I don't think I'd be offended if a woman wrote me she had never been with a white man and wanted to try it but I don't mind being a sex toy

[LikeMinds321]

I have to agree with Doode and Chicup.

This couple was expressing one of their fantasies, like any other fantasy many swingers hope to fulfill. As swingers we can either find those people - who are upfront with stating them - offensive because of the nature of their attraction to you, and drop them cold because of it, or decide we know such fantasies exist and accept it as part of what comes with the Lifestyle.

I'm in my 50s and have men in their early 30s write to us expressing their desire to be with an "older woman." I could be offended by that, but I'm not. But some women are, and it's their prerogative to handle those situations as they see fit. I think you have your preference not to be sought after because of your color, and that's okay.

LM

[VanHlebar]

Well I am going to take a stab at this too

First it is not very suprising to me that this group as a whole would give answers along the lines of a beautiful woman is a beautiful not for the color our her skin, but just because she is beautiful...and I would have to agree with that. This group would tend to be a bit more liberial in thinking, lets face it, we already are way outside of the main stream and well, despite how far we have come, main stream still doesn't really care for mixed relationships.

That being said I have to agree somewhat with Doodle, Chicup and Likeminds. This person was sharing a fantasy of theirs that they were hoping that you could help with. Now, could they have done this in a much better way? Sure, they could have made you feel like the extremely sexy and attractive woman that you are, without acting like a fool because they were going to finally get to be with someone of a different race. I agree with Doodle that I really find the contrast of skin colors to be extremely erotic, but I would never ever under any circumstances make a potential playmate, friend or even a person feel uncomfortable because of the color of their skin, hair, eyes or whatever.

I think Likeminds hit it on the head, that everyone is in the lifestyle for different reasons and we all have the right to react to those in whatever fashion we choose. If this person offended you, then move on...if however you think that you could get past that and still wanted to meet them, I would explain that their comments made you feel uneasy and explain why. The person very well might have meant well but just came off the wrong way.

But, as to the name of the thread.....I think everyone should read the forums. Lots of great people here and this forum has been a huge resource for MrsVan and I as we stumble along our path and attempt to figure things out. We have received so much support from this board a number of months ago when we had our first few experiences.

-Van

[Funcpl647]

I empathize with both sides on this.

We had the opportunity two weeks ago to play with what seemed to be an educated, intelligent, sexy man. He said his mother was Jamaican, I think. He was stuck on the fact that I should want to have sex with him just because he was black. "It's a fantasy of a lot of people. You're lucky to have this opportunity." When I fianlly told him that I don't see in color and had a wonderful black boyfriend years ago, he quicly moved to another sales pitch. Needless to say, the more he opened his mouth, the worse the evening became. We left without so much as a hug.

I do agree that quirks are quirks and visual cures are a big part of what turns us on. I'm a sucker for great teeth and white straw cowboy hats. Go figure.

Just out of curosity, is Pepper your given name or does it represent something? Green peppers? Chile peppers? Black pepper?

funcpl

[Tia Vampire]

It is true what you have said here, but at the same time i have done it myself. I may have not mentioned it to the person, but have done it. I once slept with this very overweight guy just to see how it was, but after getting to know him better, i did start liking him for him. The problem was he did not like himself and after about 6 month he committed suicide. We were no longer together, but i still feel like i lost a good friend.

[2jersey]

Let's assume Pepper interviewed for employment with a respected company for a position for which she feels well qualified. Pepper excels during the interview and, despite stiff competition, she is offered employment.

On her first day of work her new boss informs Pepper that he is pleased to have her as an employee. He proceeds to inform her that the company has been working very hard to find a black woman to fill the position.

OFFENSIVE! Pepper should be evaluated based on her individuality rather than her race.

[ohcpl43952]

Isn't part of sexuality our vision? Some like blondes. Some like women with small breasts. Some like women who are BBW. No sense in being prejudiced toward someone who wants a specific type. We all do it in one way or another.

[Amanda69]

Pepper sorry to hear about your recent incident. Some people have no couth.