Racism and Swinging

[BiloxiCouple]

This past week my dad was visiting and doing some volunteer work for the Katrina relief effort here. My father is old south and his father was older south. Which means some of their remarks I do not appreciate regarding other races and sometimes other "types" of people in general.

I believe in our family it takes a generation of time and understanding to change certain mindsets about certain things as one of the things discussed above. My grandfather's generation wasn't good concerning racism and other things, my father's wasn't as bad, I have improved and hopefully my children will be better than I was, hence generations of time for change.

Now to the point of where I may be going. I hope!

I try to respect people for who they are.

Would you go to to an event/party/club/website if there was blatant racism? I can respect people for what they want to do. But do I have to put up with it? Do I walk away or do something about it? Do I want to support it? NO!

This is the hard part for me. I have found a couple of sites that are white only groups as stated in their ads. I understand not possibly discriminating against these sites and letting people make their own judgements.

I have tried to be very open minded over the years and most of the time I do well at it and it bothers me to see some parts of the world and this country still so closed minded.

This is a very open minded site and the people who come here as a whole are also. But there are still some.....

If I didn't make sense here or need to make some clarification please let me know. I don't like pointing fingers in a negative manner, I think I just tried waving in the general direction and let you make up your minds and some food for thought.

Julie, Thanks for having such a great site to allow us to do all this on. I know it takes alot of your time and you also have alot of volunteers that put alot of time in also to help each one of us out. I have learned alot here and hopefully passed on a little information that I may have learned over the years also. Come down and visit when things settle down. The Mississippi coast needs some fun and cheering up.

Billy

[EvilMJ]

I personally have nothing to do with any club or group that has any sort of discriminatory policy.
Even through the club that I attend seems to have a predominatly white membership, that is not their choosing, there are a few black and asian members, we even have members wtih some disablities (one of the hottest guys there is in a wheelchair). My best swinger friend is black, but that's not why I chose to play with her, she just happens to be a very fun attractive person.

I did have a friend in the swinger crowd who I chose to distance myself from becuase she had very racsist close minded opinons. She says she only plays with people of her own race, and would never play with anyone in a wheelchair. Sure she is entitled to her own opinon and preferences, but I take no part of that.

It is all personal choice I suppose but I want nothing to do with any club or person who discriminates on the basis of race, colour, culture, disablities...etc..you know the list goes on. If I can't change it, I certainly do not want to support it.

[CB_n_Red]

We have declined to play with people who have been overtly racist. We just don't feel comfortable faced with such brainless bigotry and I (Red is more tactful) would find it hard not to indulge in some bigot-baiting in such a situation.

No club that I know of here in the UK discriminates at all. If we found ourselves in one that did we would leave and make it clear why they would get no more of our money.

The club we attend most has quite a mixed clientele (but mostly white and some Asian - that's Asian as in sub-continent - British English terminology) and that suits us just fine.

CB
(Proud of his Arab nieces)

[txduo2000]

I do not consider myself racist; but my husband is, to a degree. He doesn't "hate" people of different races and would never join a supremicist group or participate in any hatemongering, but he does prefer that we keep things within our own race group as far as swinging goes.

I understand, being in the south, and being from a town where the old KKK was headquartered in Texas, how the past generations can perpetuate racisim, and I understand how those who want to break free of those restraints can and do make a difference in generations to come. That sort of happened to me and my family. My parents, grandparents all used derogatory terms and have negative attitudes towards different races, particularly blacks. I raised my kids differently and they are much more tolerant of different races ... so much so that my daughter only dates black guys ... much to my husband's and my ex-husbands's dismay. And I will be honest ... I do wish she would branch out and not be so restrictive in what she finds attractive, because she has absolutely no interest whatsoever in white guys.

Part of the issue with my husband is that (and I have announced, publicly, that I have had an affair during my marriage) when I cheated on him, it was with a black guy, so that only worsened his negative feelings toward black people, and especially black men in the lifestyle. Honestly, it really makes no difference to me ... people are people. But because of my husband, and the things that have occurred in our past together, I respect his decision to keep play restricted to those within our own race. It is too sensitive an issue to try to change.

[Carol_Danny]

Since we live "way up North", we have experienced very little racism, and have never had to make the choice of attending a "racist" club or not. We were brought up differently up here, and I have never acted nor done anything that could be construed as racist. I can say that we would not visit a club that we knew to be racist as that is very counter to our liberal beliefs.

We do "swing" with people of different races and colours, and don't think much about it. But truthfully, there are very few Black swingers up this way, and I think we know them all!

We do have friends that aren't comfortable having sex with people of other races, but they aren't really racist. To them it is a matter of personal choice, no different than size discrimination. I can't really agree or disagree with that, as I don't have the same feelings about it. These swinging friends of ours are good friends with the same Black friends that we have, and have no problem with friendship and socializing. They just aren't into sex with them.

-- Danny

[Chicup]

This is a good question and I don't know the answer.

The clubs we attend are mixed race and we don't have a problem with that but if there was a great club that had a 'whites only' policy I can't say for sure we wouldn't attend. Most people who would have such a stance tend to be mouth breathers we wouldn't want to play with so the club wouldn't be 'great' and we wouldn't attend.

So what I am saying is that we don't have a problem with racism in swinging (sexual attraction doesn't have to be color blind) but most people who are racist are people who's company we do not enjoy.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Carol_Danny

Since we live "way up North", we have experienced very little racism, and have never had to make the choice of attending a "racist" club or not. We were brought up differently up here, and I have never acted nor done anything that could be construed as racist. I can say that we would not visit a club that we knew to be racist as that is very counter to our liberal beliefs.
-- Danny

I grew up in an all white very small town. I knew black people existed, but didn't see one until I was in high school! I was very insulated as a kid. One would think the result of this would be intolerance, but in fact it was just the opposite. There was no opportunity for anyone to impress any negativity towards other races on me. It just never came up. So now, I just find different ethnicities very interesting. I prefer the appearance of some over others, but it is pure preference, not tainted by the opinions of others.

The other result is a kind of naiivite towards racism. I am continually shocked at the occurrences of bigotry in this day and age. The stupidity of it is nothing short of mind-boggling. Even a good friend of mine surprised me with her racist ideas. We were talking about sex and the topic of sex with black people came up. She said she would NEVER do that! I asked her why, and she didn't really have an answer, just that she would never do it. I think she might have even shivered a little. :rollseyes I just have no time for small-mindedness like that.

[Zoe&Wash]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

This is the hard part for me. I have found a couple of sites that are white only groups as stated in their ads. I understand not possibly discriminating against these sites and letting people make their own judgements.

I'm not clear on this - how is it bad to "discriminate" against a discriminatory group?

I sincerely believe, with every libertarian fiber of my being, that the deicision to participate in any act or activity, or the choice to associate with any person or group, is one that is best left to the individual.

The good news is, you know about them before hand. Would be a bitch if mid-orgy you asked, "Gee, this group seems a little melanin deprived, don't you think?"

If you choose not to associate with them, it ain't discrimination - it's decision.

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

I have tried to be very open minded over the years and most of the time I do well at it and it bothers me to see some parts of the world and this country still so closed minded.

So . . . To hell with them? This isn't your problem, it's theirs?

Don't try to open your mind up so much that your brain falls out.

W

[Dolphins524]

Living in the south & growing up in a family w/ some strong racist views, I could see that happening around here.

For me, it would depend on why they were only wanting white people to attend. It could be that the hosts or organizers of the party & the people in their circle of friends just aren't attracted to people outside of their race. In a case like that, I wouldn't see a problem attending. Now if it's some white supremesist group of swingers, I'm thinkin' we'd not be attending . I can't really speak for Mrs. Dolphins on this one because I've never asked her, but myself, I've seen plenty of women from different races that I've thought were very attractive (as a matter of fact, a certain member of this board whos name starts w/ a P has quite an attractive avatar ) . We're trying to be as open minded as possible going into this. Not what I grew up w/, so it's kind of different in a cool way.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

This is the hard part for me. I have found a couple of sites that are white only groups as stated in their ads. I understand not possibly discriminating against these sites and letting people make their own judgements. Billy

This is easy for me..... NO!! I would not post, or place an ad on a site that in their advertisements stated "whites only". Nor would I go to a club that did. To me that screams "White Supremacy" group and quite frankly those people scare me

Our club is a mix and depending on any given weekend you could have more of one ethnic group than the other. It's no big deal to us. I have never played with a black male or couple, have been attracted to a few but the timing and circumstances didn't work out. So it's just a matter of attraction for me and I don't want any part of excluding people for their race.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[HappyPeople]

Would you go to to an event/party/club/website if there was blatant racism?

No, because one half of us is a mixed race person.

[JustAskJulie]

I know the clubs of which you speak, and for the record they are listed in our club listings here. I've had a few question me for doing so, saying that I should remove the club OR remove the statement of racism from their listing.

My policy on listing clubs here, is pretty hands off, if it's a club it can be listed. I can't pick and choose. A club that states that they only allow one race, to me is no different than a club that only allows "pretty people" or "people of size". That said, there are clubs that are racist from the other extent (black only). Private membership clubs ALL have the right to pick and choose who they allow in.

That said, I personally am glad that they state it up front, and I wish more of them did (I know there are some that don't). Doing so, does allow people to make the choice for themselves ahead of time, rather than going to club only to discover that the club ideology completely conflicts with their own (perhaps not even realizing it does until after several visits and a good chunk of change).

Would I visit one of these clubs, definately not.

Another question for you, are you bothered by clubs that for other reasons discriminate? Does it piss you off to see a black only club and realize you can't go? Or some other club whose policies prohibit you from attending?

[HappyPeople]

Another question for you, are you bothered by clubs that for other reasons discriminate? Does it piss you off to see a black only club and realize you can't go? Or some other club whose policies prohibit you from attending?

No, I feel equally as sorry for other discrimators as I do race discriminators.

[De and Ci]

Wow, 2 clubs in Mississippi-whites only, I'm so shocked-of all states-Mississippi! Who would have thought! Me espousa is from Mexico City, she gets pretty dark in the sun. Does that mean we can't get in? hmm

[Dolphins524]

Originally Posted by De and Ci

Wow, 2 clubs in Mississippi-whites only, I'm so shocked-of all states-Mississippi! Who would have thought! Me espousa is from Mexico City, she gets pretty dark in the sun. Does that mean we can't get in? hmm

Mine's part Cherokee Indian & she gets pretty dark, also. Guess that kinda would rule us out too if you 2 were. All I can say is they wouldn't know what they were missing . Come to think of it, I think I might be just a little bit Indian also . Oh well, piss on 'em if they don't want us.