Ever tempted to get pregnant on purpose when swinging?

[Spoomonkey]

Since me and Mrs Spoomonkey are on our second marriages, it just so happens that we are both fixed. (Don't let anyone lie to you boys - a vasectomy hurts and a shot in the nuts feels exactly like you think it would.)

So - obvioulsy, this isn't something we could be a party to.

I think - however - that we do have some extremes posted here. You have the "breeding black bulls" on one side and the couple who just wants to have a child. I'd certainly agree that swinging isn't the way to go about it - far too many "what ifs" involved. But, if that is the way they decide to go, it is different from the "kink" that others are describing. I mean, this isn't some "gang bang" situation where pregnancy is part of the game. That's just ill...

However, think of your child at 18. At some point it could very well become apparent that he/she is not really yours. I think it would be much better if you were able to tell him that he was conceived at a sperm bank and not by some cheap bar pickup.

You are also not being fair to the single guy.

I just have to go with the majority and say that - while people can have legitimate fertility reasons for wanting this - it is a dishonesty that just doesn't belong in the lifestyle.

Spoomonkey

[GirlieZ]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by meowkittyhascla
Besides having your wife get preggers by another man....there is always the choice of adoption! Have you considered that? [/QUOTE/]

Adoption is not easy. It is very expensive. An adoption can cost near 25,000 paying for physician bills, laywer fees etc etc. That is if you decide to go private. If you go public, adoption can be a tedious process--home visits, psych evals, physicals, on and on and on. There are soo many children out there that need a family this process takes tooo long!


Then there is the mourning of an adoption that doesn't go through.

Zgirl

[Alura]

I'm a bit confused on a couple of points, Neil!. While you refer to your wife wanting to conceive, your profile says you are single. Can you clarify that for us, please?

You say you do not produce enough sperm to make your wife pregnant... It only takes one and, I understand, it is possible to artificially inseminate with a husband's own sperm if the problem is only a low sperm count.

Mr. Alura

[neil1]

Neil again.....my profile says I'm single since my wife has stopped swinging for a few months to see if she could get pregnant by me........We are a very open couple and I have her permission to swing alone as a single guy......Though I have to admit I haven't yet.....not the same without her............We usually will swing with other partners seperatly in different houses sometimes....It works for us and not all I realize......
On the topic of having someone else get my wife pregnant the more messages I read in this forum the more I am convinced that this is the right thing to do. But I am torn about telling the man about it. On one hand I would love the man to give his consent and then impregnant my wife with me watching but on the other I don't want him interfering later on in any way. It's a touch call but I think we may go ahead and try it..........And on the subject on how many sperm it takes, yes it takes only one but doctors say you need millions to engulf the egg in order for just one to penetrate the shell..........

[2cute2care]

what happens once ur wife does get pregnant with someone elses baby? will the other guy then have any relationship with the baby, will the baby know u as his real dad or the other man? if the other man has contact what will u tell ur family, the baby already will resemble u in no way! could u really love that child, as it would be a constant 18 year reminder of your wife screwing someone else and having there child in her for 9months. if so, then what about the baby once its born, say u and the mrs have problems and end up splitting(I KNOW UR NOT PLANNING ON IT, BUT PREPERATION IS NEEDED HERE ) will you still raise the child as your own if u two split, or tell her its all hers as she couldnt draw child support or pass a dna test with it anyhow? then what about the child, it wasnt asked into this world to be raised by one parent..

if u wanna do this, great good luck i wish u both the best, but make sure u definetly think out all those long and hard before you even consider cuase once shes pregnant, then its too late.


theres my two cents, take it as you will
2Cute

[Alura]

Originally posted by neil1
.And on the subject on how many sperm it takes, yes it takes only one but doctors say you need millions to engulf the egg in order for just one to penetrate the shell..........

I'm not a medical practitioner but I would encourage you to talk to your doctor about (or do research on) artificial insemination.

Night Goddess... Where are you???

Mr. Alura

[dayhiker]

Thought I'd add a couple of points to stuff mentioned in this tread.

Last I heard reasearchers have found 4000 genitic defects in the human genome. So far I've only come across 4 that have any
benifical result. So picking a stranger to have a child with gives
you a high probability of getting one of those defects. However, I think your spouce gives you a pretty good chance of getting the same result. Most genetic defects I think are minor enough that we live very normal lives to not even being noticed. It looks like a genetic defect has been handed down thru my family to my kids. We live pretty normal lives, wouldn't trade for a differant defect.
Secondly, I was in a local chatroom once. Assuming the story is true, who knows? This lady comes in, starting telling her story, husband can't get her pregant. So she wants to meet a guy. She will pay for a night of dining, dancing and a 5 star hotel room for the night with the idea that the guy is to get her pregant and then not be a part of her or the child's life. She wasn't telling her husband what she was doing.
chatrooms are sooo interesting. Who will I meet tomorrow!

[Brit_Pair]

Didn't Heart sing about all this a decade or more ago?

[NightGoddess]

Originally posted by neil1
This is Neil again....the one who started this.........I have read everyones opinion and they make some great points.......But here is our situation in detail........I am unable to produce enough sperm to get my wife pregnant.......If we go to a sperm bank and years later the child gets sick and needs a transplant or something we still couldt get the information. Our only hope right now is to find someone to get my wife pregant. We dont want the other person to know because of the custody issues later on. What if he wanted custody? All we want is for my wife to get pregnant with a stranger who will never see us again. It would be in a far away city from where we are over the course of 2 or 3 nights. I guess we are willing to make the sacrifice and hope everything turns out ok.

Hi Neil,
I thought I'd put a few facts out there, and forgive me if you know this already:
Have you and your wife considered in vitro fertilization? If your Mrs. is fertile...it wouldn't take many sperm to successfully conceive.
Also, have your sperm been examined for normalcy? If you are producing simply too few normal sperm, perhaps the products of several ejaculates could be combined?
I know this is not an infertility forum, and I apologize if you have gone this route without success.
From a medical standpoint, I'd tell you to exercise some caution and speak with a specialist for other resources.
Your child, or any child, is too important to be considered a roll of the dice, or a roll in the hay.

[Found The Way]

I agree this should not happen...... but.....
prior to my marriage to my sexy hubby he had a woman try this one on him! We all hung out at the local swing club for several years and were all friends both at the club and around town. My hubby is a firm believer in condoms and insisted even with close friends (for his own reasons). well, I think her biggest mistake in this was she came to me and asked what to do and the guy she chose to do this to.
To her amazement I sat her and her hubby down and the guy and we had a big ol' talk right there at the club...... the hubby was upset and even more so cause it was a sudden thing to come up ..... (they were having personal relationship issues). I knew too well what was going on and yes they were needing to step away from the lifestyle to get themselves straight ..... so thats why I had them sit down and talk....... the *accused* male that is now my hubby ..... can not produce those little squiggle things!! He was born like that and I had seen actual doctor records when he and his former wife had went to try to get pregnant years ago. thus giving his first wife a reason to leave him, she wanted kids.
from the last time we talked with them they told us they has put the lifestyle on hold and was talking with a marriage counslor and she is seeing her own counslor for her self image etc.
Sometimes in this lifestyle you make really close friends and the best you can do for them has nothing to do with pleasing them or yourself.

Well wishes to all !!!!!

[tazzie_n_truck]

Us personally we would never try to get pregnant with a swing partner. Mainly because of the legal ramifications, and also just how would you explain it to family.

We have heard of some couples who swing who have tried to get pregnant because the husband of one couple is unable to get his wife/girlfriend pregnant.

We personally don't condone people trying to get pregnant while swinging without consent.

If it comes from the other couple helping out another couple to have a baby, by swinging instead of artifical insemination we tend to look at it differently. But still, we know that some of you may not agree with that idea either.

soapbox

[neil1]

Well we did it. I thank everyone for their advise but over the weekend my wife and I went to another city about 400 miles away where we met a man who wanted to have bareback sex with my wife with me watching..It was no problem to set up and we met in a hotel. We told him that she was on the pill and they had unprotected sex 6 times over the course of the weekend. We just got back tonight and have no intention of seeing him again. We are hoping that she is pregnant. We timed it just right for her to be in her fertile time and we think we had success. We will know for sure in a few weeks. I read what everyone had to say and some made very good points but we are desperate and this is the way we have decided to go. I of course had sex with my wife evertime they did so I could "get my sperm into action" just in case it was me that got her pregnant. If this works we have agreed to quit swinging and just be a normal couple with a child. I realize that most people would be horrified if they found out but this is the way we have decided to go. If she isn't pregant then we try again, this time with a different man because we dont want to make friends with the person. We want him to think that he had a good time with another couple and forget about it.........

[Botcpl]

You know,You are playing with fire.

First: You are putting your wife and yourself at risk.

Second: You are lying to this guy. (and if he was lying to you,...?)

Third: You are stealing from this guy, it's a fine line, but you are stealing this guy's DNA.

Fourth: It may not be fair to the child you wish to conceive. If there is something wrong with this (maybe) child, will you stick with it through thick and thin? Are you prepared for a Doctor to turn to you and say "Well, we won't say retarded."?

I've heard so many stories of newly adopted babies that come into the hospital sick. Then the new parents learn that their baby will always be sick. A few days later, the baby's last name is changed.

I know you think you are different, but you are playing with fire.

P

[Karen12345]

@ T & T

> Us personally we would never try to get pregnant with a swing partner.
> Mainly because of the legal ramifications, and also just how would you
> explain it to family.

These are the reasons for you not to do it? So, the main reason not to take this option into account is the society you live in. What about yourself? What would you do in a world without DNA-Tests, without any control from outside of your relationship?

I find it interesting that you talk about legal ramifications and family. My main reason not to consider having another mans baby are in my feelings towards my husband and that he wants to be the father of our childs.

confusing topic isnt it?
Karen

[NightGoddess]

If it's a done deed, I suggest you have amnio-testing to make sure the baby is normal. Tell your Ob/Gyn you are unsure of the parentage. He may lecture you, but he may also be able to help you get some assurance of the child's health.

Hope the man was STD-free.

I recommend you not share this info with any family members.