What if you become pregnant?

[Mulder]

I am surprised that no one would consider either keeping the child or putting it up for adoption (especially since there are private adoptions where your expenses can be paid up to 30K or so). Personally, for us abortion would not be an option even though we are in our mid thirties and have graduate school plans that definitely don't include another child (we believe it involves the taking of a life). I would worry about our jobs finding out, but as nurses we can get hired almost anywhere. As for my family and friends if they don't like it well they can.... IF we swing (to this point my wife has only given oral sex to one of my friends several years ago on two occasions) it will be something that we both are comfortable with and while I wouldn't quite use the word "proud", I certainly wouldn't use the word "ashamed either". As to how we would tell our current toddler, IF it was an issue I would be inclined to tell him the truth (my wife might vetoe me on this one). I truly believe that swinging can be a valid, healthy, life style decision.

[Alura]

Originally posted by fun_couple
Any good suggestions besides the pill? (remember I'm a smoker) I have 3 children & raising another just isn't in the cards for me...... No chance Noway, Nohow!

Other the obvious answer, "Quit smoking," (which would offer more health benefits than not taking the pill) it seems a tubal ligation would be the obvious answer for you since you're quite sure, and reasonably so, that you don't want more children.

Mr. Alura

[wildchld97]

This is an interesting subject. My husband and I have discussed this at length. Neither my husband or I are "fixed" and since I am also a smoker..I can't use chemical birth control. Our regular swing parnter is a single man and not V-safe either.

IF I would become pregnant we would keep the child and raise it as my husband's...but our swing partner would know the truth and help out with the child as much as possible...from the background. We usually bring these "what ifs" up in a lighthearted conversation with potential swing partners long before we jump into bed with them. We found that discussing issues such as condom use, what to do with a pregnancy, dealing with unexpected feelings for a parner, and other "hard hitters" are necessary before we decide on compatibility. The last thing we want is a partner that refuses to wear a condom at the critical moment, or a man that *insists* that a child will carry his name, or a partner who might fall in love with you.... It's all part of the swinging risks...if you play...somebody might have to pay.

We have never been with anyone of a different race or anyone that is sooo different in appearence that it would be hard to hide, so that's not really an issue for us right now. If it would crop up, I'm sure that our decision to raise the child ourselves and let the chips fall where they may would remain the same.

[meowkittyhascla]

My opinion would be to go thru any lengths not to get pregnant. I have quit smoking to go on the pill and there are so many different kinds of pills that almost every woman can go on them. Now if for some reason that I did get pregnant, I would go through the pregnacy and would consider adoption, but since we have already adopted one child, raising another man's child is no concern of ours or his. The only reason why I would consider putting the child up for adoption is because of my age and not wanting to raise one at this age. This will sound selfish, but chasing after a teen when in my 50's is something I wouldn't want.
Hugs and kisses from Missouri

[fredandwilma200]

wild child,


what if your swinging partner changed his mind right before the birth of the baby and said he wanted the child to have his last name and wanted visitation? What if he was willing to take you to court? Just what if's !

[wildchld97]

Originally posted by fredandwilma200
wild child,


what if your swinging partner changed his mind right before the birth of the baby and said he wanted the child to have his last name and wanted visitation? What if he was willing to take you to court? Just what if's !

And it's a great "what if" to think about.

1) We're very careful whom we choose to play with. This means that their views must be very similar to ours.
2) We discuss these things ahead of time at length.
3) We realize that there are some things that cannot be planned for..so we hope for the best and expect the worst.

With that said...I'll answer your question.

IF the biological father wanted to be a jerk about it, we would do what we had to do in the best interest of the child. Luckily he could not *force* me to give the child HIS last name...but he *could* go crowing around town that the child was his if he chose to. We would have to cross that bridge when we come to it though.

Visitation should not be a problem as I said before...he would be asked to take a background involvement. He would not be called "daddy" but be a very special friend who would be permitted to be there for the child anytime he wants to...unofficially. Now, if he wanted to take me to court, I would hope that he has a LOT of money...because it could get really nasty....

In reality though, I'm confident that the men that we play with would not go to such lengths. They just ain't the daddy type. Some are married and their wives would not be happy about THEIR name getting dragged into the mess. In fact, they would be more than happy to thrust upon us any child that MY hubby would produce with them... let alone allow their husband to demand visitation of a child I'd produce with their husband...

For our current regular partner, he's my brother-in-law (step brother in law actually) and he wouldn't DARE open up that can of worms. His mother would kill HIM before she killed me.

[tisha]

One word :::: ABORTION ! If your swinging, and your a female ( LIKE ME ) you should either be on the pill or have your tubes stapled, thats an easy reversal, and if just as effective as the pill.
Just my opinion. T

[HotCoupleGnS]

about the IUD, after I had my second child, I was going to get one until I really talked to my dr. about it. She told me it isn't something to get if you have multple patners, increased chance for infections. Also, the nurses aid had one, & she told me how much she hated it. She said her boyfriend could feel it when he fingered her & had sex with her. Also, she said it constatly worried her, & she'd have to check it all the time to make sure it was in place. But really the thing that scared my the most was the dangers of having multiple sex partners!

[wildchld97]

Originally posted by tisha
One word :::: ABORTION ! If your swinging, and your a female ( LIKE ME ) you should either be on the pill or have your tubes stapled, thats an easy reversal, and if just as effective as the pill.
Just my opinion. T

If those methods work for you...that's cool. Not every female who swings would feel comfortable with those options though.

[BettyAnnMBSC]

What if you become pregnant?

Well, I'd have a baby. If the playmate was of a different race -- I'd have a bi-racial baby.

Explaining it to others -- why bother? They're going to make assumptions anyway. In this case, their assumptions would be correct.

Would I tell the bio-dad? Nope! Would hubby have a problem? He says "that's one of the risks we take swinging..."

Telling the family? It'd go like this... "We really like sex and we often invite others to enjoy it with us..."

But; I'm on the pill and will trust them for now.... Even though, I've seen some very pretty bi-racial babies. hmmmmmmmm I can't say that I've never thought about getting PG on purpose with a playmate...

[dave_susie2001]

Susie has had her tubes tied since before we ever met. When we started swinging, we were careful about who we played with because I could still father a child. One couple we played with, the male was V-safe, and the female was not safe. When a condom broke, it kind of made us realize the risks about unwanted pregnancies.

I decided to take the plunge and get the little snip. Explaining it to our doctor wasn't that hard. She knew Susie's medical history, and I was worried about her asking why I wanted to be fixed. The subject never came up. I scheduled an appointment, told her that I wanted a vasectomy consult, and that was that. 2 weeks later, I was shooting blanks.

(An interesting side note to this story is that a month after my vasectomy, Susie needed a Hysterectomy...so now not only am I shooting blanks...but I don't have a target anymore!)

And believe me...it has made swinging a much more pleasurable experience to know that both of us are fixed, and that there is NO way that either of us could be natural parents ever again.

[wrnakedru]

About a year after ex-hubby's vasectomy, we went back to his home town on vacation. One wild and crazy night at the beach with his best friend from high school resulted in us bringing home an unplanned souvenir.

I went to my OB-GYN and asked if he would 'take care' of the situation for me. He didn't perform the procedure, he said, but he would recommend a reputable clinic for me. I told him when the time allowed - I wanted a tubal done. [Actually, my preference would have been a hysterectomy, but Doc said I was "too young"??]

Two weeks later, I had a miscarriage - totally without provocation, I assure you. I was however probably the most gleeful dnc patient that hospital had seen.

In due time, I did get the tubal done. Only negative side effect I had was a susceptibility to urinary tract infections. (Doc said a common side effect after the surgery).

Years prior to that, I had an IUD right after the birth of my second child. Got pregnant with it too. Doc said ex-hubby knocked it into my uterus. I miscarried at just under 3 months - not really gleefully that time - but nevertheless grateful to not be faced with babies 12 months and 10 days apart.

We could not have made the decision to abort the child conceived despite the IUD - we had just had a baby and were definitely in "High Parental" mode.

But the vacation souvenir - well, we were relieved the outcome didn't hinge on our decision - but the decision had been made. And for us, we felt it was the right one.

[CuriousElders]

It amazes me how many swingers here are abortion adverse. It's another form of birth control - perhaps the ultimate method. We've know quite a few single women who have had a abortion for any one of a number of reasons - mainly that having a baby was incompatible with other life ojectives or the realization that parenting is a demanding job and single-parenting even moreso. Pregnancy is just one of the many possiblities of fucking. It would seem that people who do it with a number of other people had best have an answer for this contingency. Luckily abortion is an option. Women still have a choice. Best of all, if you don't believe abortion is an option, don't have one.

[CTNYGuy]

How much does cigarette smoking affect birth control pill effectivness? A partner of mine is a heavy marijuana/cigarette smoker on birth control, this thread has started to worry me a little.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by fredandwilma200

The main reason I have not went into talk to doctor yet is because for one I would have to explain why and two...I had to be gassed once to have surgery and they had a hard time waking me up...so there is that risk head bang

There is always an anesthesia risk with any type of surgery. That is a given. However, that can be minimized by careful discussion with the anesthesiologist. There may have been other factors that caused difficulties coming out of anesthesia.

As for discussing with your doctor...really, you don't have to discuss with your doctor the why's and wherefore's of wanting the procedure. You are paying him for medical advice - not moral advice. And yes...I know...that is a hard thing to do.

- EBF