Pregnancy...

[Jem]

A post on one of the other boards got me curious...

I know many couples on here do not do full swap, but for those that do...

Do you have any agreements on pregnancy? I realize that many/most couples that full swap are either surgically sterile or use birth control religiously. However, birth control is not 100% effective. For that matter, neither is surgical sterilization. It's very rare, but it IS possible to become pregnant while using the pill, Norplant, Depo, etc. correctly. Even rarer, but still possible is becoming pregant after a tubal or impregnating someone after a vasectomy.

So for those full-swap couples, do you have any agreements on what would happen should the unthinkable happen and the woman get pregnant by another man? Or should the man impregnate another woman?

Our agreement is that if I am pregnant it is my honey's child. No questions. However, things get a little murkier when thinking about the possibility of him impregnating someone else. What if she didn't agree that it was her husband's child? What if she pressed for a paternity test, etc.?

It is something that makes us nervous to think of. YES, we practice safe sex, but what if? When there is still the possibility that a woman who's had a tubal could get pregant...I realize surgical sterilization is about 99.9% effective, but what if you hit that .01% it is not effective for?

Anyway, just something we think about. Was wondering if any other full-swap couples had thoughts on the subject, or plans of what to do if the unthinkable happened to them.

[Stratecpl]

What would I do??? Shoot myself!!! LOL well no not really...but with 4 kids (Ron has two adult kids from previous marriage) and we have two together still little guys..and at my age 47 (and no menopause in sight..I'm still as potent as I was at 30..damnnit)..it's a scary thought..haha... I just tell the guys I'm with that if it happens THEY get to keep it! haha....Haven't thought about Ron and the other women..he's had a vasectomy....damn...thats a tricky one....humm... Ron's just gonna have to wear two condoms..double layer now...haha... and pull-out too ..and maybe..geez why'd ya have to ask that question..now I'm worried...LOL


Connie

[CindyB]

We have agreed that should I become pregnant while playing we will NEVER check to see whose child it is. It could only be from one of two men but it WILL by my husbands! Still, I am counting on that pill BIG TIME!

[LIZA]

In most cases it would be impossible racially that my pregnancy was my husbands child "no matter what". Just one of a number of reasons we never have intercourse with others....Not worth the risk and potential disaster!

[Jem]

Originally posted by CindyB:
We have agreed that should I become pregnant while playing we will NEVER check to see whose child it is. It could only be from one of two men but it WILL by my husbands! Still, I am counting on that pill BIG TIME!

That is pretty much what we have agreed to CindyB, as far as the possibility of me getting pregnant is concerned.

Where we have not figured out what we would do is if my honey got another woman pregnant. That would be much trickier, I think...what if she tried to go after him and make him be a father to the child? Even if she had said beforehand that she wouldn't? This possibility is what scares us. It scares us so much, in fact, that he has not yet had intercourse with another woman when we swing (I have with another man though).

Since your agreement with your hubby about the possibility of you getting pregnant is so much like ours, we were just wondering what you have talked about in the case of him getting another woman pregnant.

[CindyB]

Originally posted by Jem:
Since your agreement with your hubby about the possibility of you getting pregnant is so much like ours, we were just wondering what you have talked about in the case of him getting another woman pregnant.

That cannot happen. We only have threesomes with my husbands brother. It was my husbands idea. He and i were virgins when we married and about 6 months ago I took my brother-in-law's virginity. No fear of disease! It's a win/win situation. He's about half a decade younger than my husband and I so I call him my "young stud."

[JustAskJulie]

Well despite the fact that I'm on the pill, I still always require guys to wear a condom.. safe sex is about more than just the possibility of getting pregnant in my book. And since my husband has had a vasc, if I were to get pregnant the possibility of it being his would be very slim. It's hard to say what we would do if despite it all I did get pregnant.. it's just a road we'd have to cross when we got there.

As far as what if he impregnated someone..well same story.. he always uses a condom as well, despite the fact that he is surgically safe. So, again, the chances are very slim. If it did happen, another road we'd have to cross when we got there.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[CindyB]

[quote]Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
It's hard to say what we would do if despite it all I did get pregnant.. it's just a road we'd have to cross when we got there.
QUOTE]

I guess that is pretty much always the bottom line. Obviously you should take all of the precautions that you can. You have to decide that the pleasure and fun is worth the risk. If it is, then have a ball... literally! If it is not worth the risk then it's best to burn that extra energy baking cookies! And if you lose when you roll the dice then you make the best of that situation. We have all of the children that we want but if we had another we would surely love him/her and treasure the new life!

[SJDUO]

We almost ran into this problem a many years ago. We had not been swinging for a while and my wife was not on the pill. I have had a vasectomy. We were at friends home and things got a little erotic. One thing led to another and we ended up swapping. Then of course my wife was late. So this was a possibility we had to discuss. We quickly decided that we would keep this to ourselves and handle it together. Abortion became the first possibility. It would be dificult telling people that my vasectomy had somehow reversed itself but that was an option also. Fortunately nature finally took it's course and we were relieved. Of course since then we are much more careful.

[danc694u]

We just agreed...there would be no more !

Magg is fixed, and neither of us is ready for another child. Nor do we want another!

So if it did happen. It would most likely mean an abortion.

[wewantcpls]

well i am getting fixed this friday and hubby is getting fixed next month plus we are still useing protection... so nope more babys here

[Flori_DAMAN]

we have 5 teenage daughters, haved a vascectomy and Tam ha had a partial hystectomy so cannot reproduce. We are a combined family with two older boys and a 2 year old grandaughter also.
However to contribute my opinion, to take a risk of pregnancy swinging is a pretty serious situation in my mind. But once again I tend to minimize the risks because they are mostly overblown. Aids, genital herpes, falling in love with swingers, yeast infections, running into stalkers etc. is just a matter of avoiding by using commonly known techniques and caution. My sexually active teen use the depovera or whatever it i called implant and it is pretty darn effective. Of course one out of a thousand or so will experience negative side effects but people buy lottery tickets by the gross to win and hardly one in a million actually gets even anywhere near financially independant doing that.
Dont take me wrong. The conversatoin is worth talkng about thoroughly but remember that between the pill, DPV, rubbers, pulling out, oral sex, and soft swinging it just aint gonna happen most likely.
If it does then deal with it.
I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. I have never known swingers to impregnate each other.
Swinging is a simple release from the tensions of everyday life. To be all concerned about everything that can go wrong would seem to have the opposite effect.
If you are fertile then do what is necesary. You can still have tons of fun being safe.

[SnittyKitty]

Maybe it's me, but the "deal with it" philosophy doesn't cut it for me on this. There are ramifications small & large that cannot be taken lightly.

Unless there are some extraordinary circumstances like being unable to have a child and this is the way for a couple to have a child with the consent of the other couple is just plain short of stupidity.

An abortion? There's a solution! A guy's solution. I'm not going to debate the moral implications of the subject here. I have to believe an abortion isn't an option for many couples here on the boards.

I read this thread and I'm dumbfounded by the comments. What couple wouldn't weigh the possibility. My wife cannot have a child, but I am; my sperm are still viable. I'm not prepared to have a vascetomy...my choice, but with my choice, I have the responsibility to do everything possible to ensure an accident doesn't occur. If I don't, this is not the hobby I need to flirt with.

That's common sense! Now, unless you want to get pregnant, the choice is obvious.

What person would NOT air on the side of caution? As for Jem's original scenario; I have to also believe despite every effort to take precautions, sometimes accidents happen. They do!

But nobody here is going to sell me on the idea you have your plan in place as to what you're going to do if it does!

Whether it's the "mother" or the "father", both must be in on the decision. To deny one or the other, goes against the very ideas of which why all of us do what we do.

To deny is no different than cheating or adultery.

You deny choice!

[LIZA]

Snittykitty-

If you got another man's wife pregnant during a casual encounter, would you honestly want to have her consult you on the decision of abortion, adoption or keeping the child? Would you want her to raise that child and know it was yours??
The way I see it, a married woman who is pregnant needs to make that choice with her husband since he is the one who will live with it, not the sperm donor who mistakenly impregnanted her. I would hope most women who fully swap, especially those who do not use condoms, are prepared to have an abortion if they get pregnant. Or if they have the child, to have the good sense not to question its paternity. What good could come of that? Myself the risks and possible complications far outweigh the potential fun, so I don't fuck others

[SnittyKitty]

Liza:

What you ask are very difficult questions; but I would be lying if I told you I could turn a blinds eye to the other woman's right to exclude me from any decision she makes. No man who had a sense of ethics or responsibility could!

Personally, my answer to you would be yes, I would want to be included in the decision.

Personally, an abortion is not an option. That said, I would not deny my wife or another woman's the right to choose. If the "fetus" is not my child, I would never tread on a woman's right to choose; however, if it were my child. I have the right to make that decision too!

You cannot "Monday morning quarterback" this kind of decision! Nor can you totally exclude the other person in such a decision!

We can debate the moral implications until hell freezes over; we all can! To deny the other person; their right is ethically wrong.

None of us go out with the intent to do something stupid or to be intentionally invictive, but accidents do and will happen. And rules sometimes do and will get bent.

I have enough faith in "me" that I wouldn't ever have to be put in a position to make such a decision. I think many of us do, but there are those out there that don't give a rat's ass who they stick their dick into and women that don't care either.

We ALL have a responsibility in this lifestyle. Not just women, but men too! We don't live in a perfect world, nor is everybody in the lifestyle perfect.

Liza, in principle, I would agree with you. My mind tells me that you're absolutely right; my soul and my heart tell me, I would want to be involved in the decision. There is no right and no wrong. It is a human decision.