polyAmory

[polygamous]

After 18 years of fantasy my wife wants to realise it. She would like me to have a longterm relationship with another woman. How on earth do you find such a person who wants more than just a one night stand. I know such relationships exist in the US. However extensive searching in the UK on the net is proving fruitless. Any ideas?

[AtlantaCouple]

I am curious about your fantasy and your plan. How will this second woman interact with your wife (if at all)? Are you looking for someone to have just a sexual affair with "on the side" with your wife's knowledge? Or are you looking for (for lack of better term) a "second wife" who you would support and would she possible live with you? Would your wife be intimiate with the second woman? Would she watch you be intimate with the second woman?

Basically I ask so that we can realize what kind of relationship you are looking? Is this a long-term "f*ck friend" you will go visit just for sex or a live-in "second wife" or somewhere in between?

I think providing some of these details will help others give quality advice on your situation.

[danc694u]

Originally posted by AtlantaCouple:
<STRONG>Basically I ask so that we can realize what kind of relationship you are looking?</STRONG>

He's looking for a Poly relationship. I'm still amazed at the number of people (swingers & non-swingers) who just don't get this type of relationship.

Non-swingers..label them as swingers. And swingers like you, and us at the beginning,..scratch their heads. LOL

I'm not razzing you. Just making a point. Most swingers are looking for a poly relationship of sorts. Just not a full blown one.

The poly lifestyle has varying degrees/labels. Much like the "bi" lifestyle.

In response to the original poster. I think you've been reading too many of the US news groups. The CYBER PORN operators have taken most of those over. With very few POLY couples even bothering to post anymore.

Check out www.libchrist.com It may very well provide you with some links for your area.

[ 12-20-2001: Message edited by: danc694u ]

[polygamous]

I thought this might raise more questions than answers. I'll try and expand. Ideally this'friend'/'wife' would be of independant means and home. My wife really wants to watch and perhaps join in (she is quite bi-curious) but above that wants a friend and companion aswell. My wife isn't keen on sex with strangers and one night stands. Same for me.
We had some years ago, a male friend who visited from time to time and that was fun.
I have checked out the Libchrist site and others too like Polygamy.com. There are no links to the UK and nothing over here that I have found yet.
I suppose our problem is that we are somewhere in between swinging and 'Salt Lake City' if you catch my drift.

[AtlantaCouple]

While I understand a polygamous relationship, I believe that just like there are different types of swingers there are different flavors of polygamous relationships. I've heard of men with different wives in different cities (both with wives knowing and not knowing). There is the classic "Tom Green" (the guy in Utah not the guy on MTV) polygamous who has many wives who all live with him but they all have seperate bedrooms (and sometimes seperate houses). In the Tom Green case, he would sleep with a different wife every night but never multiple wives together and wives never interacted sexually with the other wives. There are also polygamous who act like swingers. They live together as a 3-sum that enjoys sex together.

My questioning was trying to figure out what flavor of polygamy he is looking for.

Would you consider a couple polygamous if they only swing with one other person and that other person is monogomous to the couple? What if this exclusive relationship went on for several years or decades? What if this relationship was emotional and/or financial as well as being sexual? Are they still just swingers or have they moved beyond that?

I know that technically it is not polygamy unless one person is actually married to two or more people but I do not believe that is what Polygamous plans to do. Additionally, I do not know of any non-Arabic countries where polygamty is legal. I do know that it is illegal here in the USA and in the UK where Polygamous lives.

Back to Polygamous's question/response, I think what you are technically looking for is a long-term swinging relationship and thus you should look for it through swinging websites and publications. I assume that it will be very difficult if not impossible to find a woman that will be exlusive to a couple unless she is being financially supported by that couple. As crass as it may sound, I believe that is what you will find.

[ 12-20-2001: Message edited by: AtlantaCouple ]

[ 12-20-2001: Message edited by: AtlantaCouple ]

[danc694u]

Sorry to hear you couldn't find anything on Libchrist. There's a group local to you, I just can't remember the name of it.

I can advise you to keep looking though. Because that one group had such an odd name, I almost did not look at their link when it was posted (not on this board). It was Children of the Rainbow...or something like that???

It's based in the US & UK. With annual meetings in both countries. I guess it's an annual meeting, because they last 7-14 days, and are outdoor based I.E. Campground setting typically.

If I remember/find it, I'll post it.

[danc694u]

Atlantacouple,

In effort to save space and time LOL. I recommend the Libchrist site.

Oh yes, there are LOTS of differant Poly labels. It would take me all day to type the differances here.

I have to say I admire these folks. It's tough enough just keeping up with what goes on in "our" world. Let alone adding 1 or more to it.

Jeeez..perish the thought. 2 adults with PMS !!! In the same house!

[polygamous]

Thanks dance I'd be keen to discover it. By the way Polygamy in the UK. is NOT illegal. Bigamy is. In the uk you can marry one but have any number live with you or you can marry one and have lots of other partners.
Remenber we have a large muslim population and although they may only have one licenced wif they have others living with them. There have been attempts by Muslims to have the bigamy law changed so that they can have several 'legal' marriages.

[polygamous]

Atlanta: at our age PMS is in the past (thank goodness) LOL

[Brian]

I agree with danc,,,,,,Although will put my own little spin on it.
If this was a woman asking for that additional male for a long term thing,,,none of us would of thought twice about it,,,right, but its not and we use the term poly (which I didnt get at 1st). So since its a guy it totally turns into something different.
So I guess the question we should be asking "Polygamous" is,,,,Is this just for sex or what????

Just an observation!!!!

Brian

[danc694u]

Originally posted by Brian:
<STRONG>So I guess the question we should be asking "Polygamous" is,,,,Is this just for sex or what???? </STRONG>

Well it would depend on who you ask. If it was law enforcement. It would be for sex...plus trying to overload the welfare system. In their own thinking.

I see nothing wrong with it myself. But, it's going to take a better/richer man than me! Hell, I do good to support what I have!

Many poly relationships provide a safety net for everyone involved. 3 or more paychecks coming into one household. Plus, additional people for childcare when neeeded.

Personally, I would rather a group live a poly lifestyle. Than watch a male impregnate endless numbers of women outside the relationship, without offering any type of support. Turn on Oprah, Springer, Montel, and others. You'll see what I'm talking about. The topic would be "Dead beat dads" and "Cheating BF & husbands"

Oh hell...I'm into an entirely new topic now

[AtlantaCouple]

By the way Polygamy in the UK. is NOT illegal. Bigamy is.
So I guess the question we should be asking "Polygamous" is,,,,Is this just for sex or what????

I apologize; I was confusing terminology by reading/writing Polgomy while thinking bigomy. Thanks for educating me.

But what I am still confused on is how a Polygamous relationship where the 3rd person neither lives with nor is supported by the couple (or other members of the polymous relationship) is different from a long-term swinging relationship? And is a polygmous relationship usually (or always) an exclusive relationship or does that not matter? (Sorry for venturing off topic but I am a curious one and apparently more ignorant on this topic than I originally thought).

[danc694u]

Atlantacouple,

You're cracking me up here Check the link LOL There are almost as many types of POLY as Baskin Robbins has ice cream.

These folks live a very diverse lifestyle. One based on love, more so than sex. And, IMO a very dangerous one. At least in this area it would be dangerous.

Many of our friends know that we swing. And they're really okay with it. But, I doubt they would be okay with a true poly lifestyle. Hell we already get it from family, about living together before we get married. Imagine how it would be with another couple living here as well.

[polygamous]

I think the difference between 'poly' and swinging is te degree of exclusivity. A long term swinging relationship surley lives the three (or more) involved to also seek sexual encounters elsewhere. However a poly relationship restricts the sexual initimacy to those involved. I comes in various forms with agreed restrictions. In the relationship we want the only restriction is that it be poly i.e. restricted to the three of us but with any combination allowed (by mutual agreement) eg mf1, mf2, mf1&f2 and f1&f2.
However I revert to the orginal question which is, put simply: where on earth in the uk can we find someone who wants this arrangement. I would have thought that within a population of 60m there has to be at least one if not an awful lot more. Perhaps we should start a poly contact website!

[JustAskJulie]

I think we are all confusing two similiar but different terms here.

Polygamy is the practice of having multiple spouses (ie. Utah Mormons).

Polyamory which I think the term that most of us are thinking of, means the "love of many" and at it's basist terms is a long term committed relationship of more than 2 people (all 3 people are involved and knowledgable of the situation- but that doesn't mean that all 3 interact sexually with each other). As has been said there are many flavors much like there are many flavors of swinging.