What's wrong with love?

[muffinkm]

Golly Gee, maybe I just don't get it, but what is wrong with love? After scanning thousands of messages, it appears that actually loving the person you are having sex with (unless I do's have been exchanged) is a real no no. Amazingly you can love your spouse, your child, your dress and even your job, but feel compelled to draw the line when it comes to someone you've spent a great deal of time in extremely intimate positions. Perhaps my wife and I are a bit different we actually allow each other to emotional bond with others. Believe me sex plus love is a whole lot better than sex without feelings.

just my opinion.

[TimeflyX2]

I was wondering if we were the only people that thought that. It seems that as soon as we make it clear we want to develope a relationship before any other activities most people disappear. Oh well. Their loss.

[JustAskJulie]

What you are referring to falls more into the category of Polyamory (loving many), rather than swinging where in general sex and love are separted. There are lots of sites out there dedicated to polyamory and perhaps reading through a couple of them will help you understand the distinctions. It might be that that lifestyle is more what you are looking for, and if you look in the right places you will probably find many other couples that share your thoughts.

Polyamory.org

Polyamory.com

The Polyamory Society

[ga_cpl_frknit]

polyamory.org is an excellent site, even if you're not considering a polyamorous relationship. I happened to find the site when I was torn between 3 different men I "loved" (okay, I didn't love all 3....there were certain aspects about all 3 that I was attracted to though)

I am quite happy in my marriage now and know that I love Stacey more than anything.

....okay, ICK....I'm getting all mushy now. Sorry.

~Tracy Stacey~

[DragonsLair]

Originally posted by ga_cpl_frknit
I am quite happy in my marriage now and know that I love Stacey more than anything.

....okay, ICK....I'm getting all mushy now. Sorry.

~Tracy Stacey~

And just what is wrong with getting a bit mushy over the one you love? My husband and I are celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary next week and I love getting mushy over him.

DragonsLair

He is T (Thanks for a great 2 years baby). I am A (getting mushy and proud of it).

[Tarnished Halo]

For myself, I don't want to love everyone that I am with sexually. Good Grief! My husband and I have put a great deal into our relationship,and while I would prefer to be "fond" of, and "like" who we were playing with, those emotions for us should be reserved for one another. When one of us crosses that line, we are going to have to do some serious talking, with swinging out of the picture until we stablize our relationship. I also would not want "someone" to have emotions for me or him that would comprimize our goals and intents of swinging! That isn't to say that "more" could be available, like friendship, which is wonderful, but more than that is spelling trouble for those simply swinging.

[bear_n_bunny]

Some time I get that icky feeling when I get all mushy about my bear. We're as silly as a couple of teenagers sometimes. It sure does make me smile.

More on topic, the first couple we met with our lifestyle adventure was looking for polyamory. Well, the husband was, I'm not sure what the wife was looking for but that's another thread. Mainly the boys spent the evening debating the difference between swinging and polyamory.

It's all about the approach. Neither Bear nor I are looking for lovers, rather playmates we can also be friends with and care about. However, there are so many degrees of love that I can say I love many of my friends and will possible love a playmate or two. Yet, to fall in love with someone else would most likely endanger my relationship with my Bear, and that I would never do.

Cheers Bunny

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by bear_n_bunny
However, there are so many degrees of love that I can say I love many of my friends and will possible love a playmate or two. Yet, to fall in love with someone else would most likely endanger my relationship with my Bear, and that I would never do.

You pretty much summed it up for me, Bunny. I do care about my friends and love them to a degree, but not to the point of being "in love". For me it is impossible to love someone in the same way that I love my husband. I guess my heart just isn't big enough for more than one at a time.....

[ga_cpl_frknit]

And just what is wrong with getting a bit mushy over the one you love?

Absolutely nothing!! I was merely apologizing for the mushiness. I know some people don't like reading mushy stuff. LOL

My husband and I are celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary next week

Happy Anniversary to you! May you have many more! (I know it's a week early)

I don't want to love everyone that I am with sexually.

Neither do we. However we feel there needs to be a certain "fondness" for the other people we are with. This isn't to say that we haven't had a few encounters that were "spur of the moment" , we just generally try to avoid those type encounters.

We're as silly as a couple of teenagers sometimes. It sure does make me smile.

Isn't it fun??

~Tracy~

[Vjklander]

We discovered early on - like when we first laid eyes on each other - that we are soul mates, so it frees us to have emotional bonds with others without affecting our relationship at all. We are usually fond of our playmates and can go up to love without being in love though.
J

[CanadianCouple]

Yeah, that's all I'd need, to fall in love with another man's wife.

Good grief, 'nuff said on THAT one.

Dan

[Elusive BiFem]

Are we talking about being "in love" with someone or "loving" someone? I've loved, and still love, many people - children, adults, married, single. But I've only been "in love" twice in my life.

For me, there is a difference. - EBF

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Originally posted by CanadianCouple
Yeah, that's all I'd need, to fall in love with another man's wife.

Good grief, 'nuff said on THAT one.

Dan

Aye, agreed 100% Or worse, her in love with some other woman's husband.

[LadyCleo]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
I do care about my friends and love them to a degree, but not to the point of being "in love". For me it is impossible to love someone in the same way that I love my husband. I guess my heart just isn't big enough for more than one at a time.....

Maybe it isn't that your heart isn't big enough, maybe it's that you cannot allow it to be. Maybe you are afraid of how those feelings would change you or your primary relationship. I am not singling you out OhioCouple. I am meaning "you" in the general. I know that there is room in my heart to love as many people as I would like to love. But, with that being said, I haven't given myself permission to go that far. And probably never will.

Good luck to those of you who can.

LC

[muffinkm]

Sorry didn't mean to kick up a firestorm. However I find myself capable of loving many people, none of whom could replace my spouse. Spousal relationships are dependant on a lot more than "romantic love". Liveability counts for a lot.
It just appeared to me, from reading many postings that swingers are afraid to feel anything and it seems that without feeling sex is just mechanical