What's wrong with love?

[Alura]

Originally posted by muffinkm

It just appeared to me, from reading many postings that swingers are afraid to feel anything and it seems that without feeling sex is just mechanical

We surely haven't noticed any mechanicalism in our play, Muffinkm. I think the difference is that we laugh a lot while playing. Making Love is a lot more emotional and serious.

We'll continue to separate love from playing.

Mr. Alura

[alabamafuntonig]

as will I , love and sex is great for a spouse or patner but not a playmate . If I wanted to love more than one person I would not swing. If i wanted to fall in love with everone we playwith I think i would have a hard time living a normal life. just my 2 cents.

[Alura]

Yeah, Bama! Seems like it would change swinging from a whole lot of fun to a whole lot of headaches.

Mr. Alura

[Alura]

Has anybody ever read a book called The Harrad Experiment?

Mr. Alura

[alabamafuntonig]

mr alura
falling in love with someone while you love someone else is a headache weather or not you swing. swinging has its problems (jelousy , etc) now add love , you better find a new hobby if falling in love evertime you have sex is going to happen.

[Alura]

You're absolute right, Alabama. I couldn't have put it so well.

Mr. Alura

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by muffinkm
It just appeared to me, from reading many postings that swingers are afraid to feel anything and it seems that without feeling sex is just mechanical

I don't think a 'fear' to feel enters in the equation. I can 'care' about our swing partners, be there if they need a shoulder to lean on, I would race out to help them if they became stranded and they called, etc. But I wouldn't share the intimate love that I have with my husband. Our relationship is built on a lot more than sex. Making love is something that encompasses our entire relationship. Having sex with someone is sex with a friendship combined. Two entirely different loves for mankind.

[alabamafuntonig]

I speak from experiance. when i married my first wife i fell in "love" with her sister and her sister fell in love with me. nedless to say she is now my ex and i never seen her sister again. so now that i have grown up i relize love is not something you take for granted and not something you can share with more than one person( love for your spouse that is)

[Alura]

Good God, Alabama! I had the same experience many years ago. I wasn't married to either of them but it was one of the worst experiences of my life. It broke three hearts. I don't know if the two sisters ever patched it up and I still get guilt feelings when I remember it.

Mr. Alura

[M&B]

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig
I speak from experiance. when i married my first wife i fell in "love" with her sister and her sister fell in love with me.

Bama, so which one did you marry?

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig
...so now that i have grown up i relize love is not something you take for granted and not something you can share with more than one person( love for your spouse that is)

Some people will argue with that, Bama, but I fully agree with you. Which is exactly why I said my heart may not be big enough to be 'in love' with more than one person at a time. Being 'in love' means sharing every moment being concerned about the other, sharing in the good times as well as bad, working through problems, sharing triumphs, picking each other up when we fall. While you can do that to some extent with a loving friend, a friend cannot be there for you 24/7. However, your chosen mate can though and would be crushed if they weren't.

[alabamafuntonig]

Bama, so which one did you marry?

i married the older one. and was more in love with the second one. as i said i was young! If i could do it over again i would not do anything diffrent! I learned what love ment from that experiance! Love is not all roses it has a hell of a lot of thorns. Im man enough to say my hands were not thick enough to pick those thorns off and i did get hurt. But in the end i had a lot of experience to help make my marriage to mrs bama work.

[BradAndJanet]

Originally posted by Alura
Has anybody ever read a book called The Harrad Experiment?

Mr. Alura

Once, long ago. I might still have a copy around here somewhere. If I recall, it was about a group of young people involved in a polyamorous relationship, and a professor(?) who was studying them. And, I seem to recall that it did not have a happy ending. However, memory fades...

-B

[EternallySingle]

Some professor wanted to see if humans were naturally monogamous or if it was something learned. Then everything went in a totally different direction. I was only a kid when I read it and thought it was science fiction. hmmm Maybe that book opened my mind to the possibility of swinging enough for me not to be totally shocked when it finally happened to me.

"The wheel weaves as the wheel wills."

[EternallySingle]

I just learned that you can order a copy of the movie "The Harrad Experiment" from http://www.videoflics.com. It stars Don Johnson and is $10.38. Maybe I'll order a copy. Its from 1973, you know, when D.J. was young.