Trouble May be Brewing in Poly Triad

[WonderWhat]

Originally Posted by prometheius

ALilOEverything, thanks for getting this thread back to the point! What the YZF's & Quita have said may be true, maybe not, how would we ever know? The point is, many of us come to this forum to learn about what we don't know.

Nevertheless, there is a clear line between learning from thought experiments and learning from experience.

If you assume you're learning from someone's experience that turns out to be a fabrication, then the validity of your conclusions is in question.

Garbage In, Garbage Out

Originally Posted by ALilOEverything

I believe most of your story YZF, [...] Because of that I'm going to address the main issue. You're wife isn't feeling like your #1 anymore and that's a serious problem.

I think that the main issue is that the central part of the narrative is false: there is no wife and no poly girlfriend.

The backstory may be consistent, the description of the relationships is not. Do not assume that if A is true, then B is true just because they were written by the same person, especially if what that person says is riddled with inconsistencies.


YZF, you issued a challenge:

Originally Posted by YZF

I do wonder why you are pushing yourself off as a wunderkind as far as Spanish.

And I answered it. I notice you have not responded. It would be interesting to read your explanation regarding the poor Spanish writing skills of a purported Ecuadorean heiress.

[WildMiCouple]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Anything also turned out to be a great little Hispanic number named Chiquita. No thats not her real name either, but I like bananas.

That's pretty good. Only on a forum like this can you get away with that

YZF.......if Alilo is correct, which I ain't buyin', then you don't have to write fiction. Just write it like it happens, dude

Brett

[ALilOEverything]

Originally Posted by WonderWhat

I think that the main issue is that the central part of the narrative is false: there is no wife and no poly girlfriend.

The backstory may be consistent, the description of the relationships is not. Do not assume that if A is true, then B is true just because they were written by the same person, especially if what that person says is riddled with inconsistencies.

I have no doubt that some of it's false (for example I read on another forum that she does speak english) but I do feel that it's important to address the issue in case someone who is in a similiar situation is looking for advice.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by ALilOEverything

I have no doubt that some of it's false (for example I read on another forum that she does speak english) but I do feel that it's important to address the issue in case someone who is in a similiar situation is looking for advice.

There comes a point where a situation is so unbelievable that advice on that topic would be so specific that the chance of another needing said advice would be negligible.

[ANGEDKY(mr)]

Asked and answered........

Fair enough i guess, although I still am hesitant to completely buy into the whole situation for a couple of reasons.

1) My life's path has crossed with a few felons and I've yet to meet one that (in your shoes) wouldn't be full of anger at "The man" for those extra 14 months

II) The whole anal sex vibe just seems over-the-top

C)If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck........

Butt, I digress, the bottom line being to rectify this situation get rid of the 3rd wheel and figure out where you and your wife stand.

[YZF]

Originally Posted by ANGEDKY(mr)

Asked and answered........

Fair enough i guess, although I still am hesitant to completely buy into the whole situation for a couple of reasons.

1) My life's path has crossed with a few felons and I've yet to meet one that (in your shoes) wouldn't be full of anger at "The man" for those extra 14 months

Most felons I met in prison and out were all convinced of their own innocence. They all felt that it was "the man" who coerced them through percieved persecution into dealing drugs or commiting other crimes. I always accepted responsibility for what I did. I feel damned lucky to not be still behind bars.

I look at it this way, the same America that imprisoned me for crimes I admit I committed is the America that provided me the opportunity to make my own way and become somewhat of a success once I was released.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by YZF

. . . I look at it this way, the same America that imprisoned me for crimes I admit I committed is the America that provided me the opportunity to make my own way and become somewhat of a success once I was released.

Very well said. I'm glad you feel this way.

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by YZF

the bitch does not even speak english

This right here tells me there is much more going on than just this instance. You don't call someone that has been as important a part of your life as you claim "a bitch" unless you are treating her like a complete stranger after your man.

As others have said, communication is the only thing that's going to solve this. And not the confrontational kind that you seem in the frame of mind for. This needs to be approached from the angle of "this situation that happened makes me feel like..." or "recently I've been feeling like..." You need to own your emotions and not make yourself into the victim or martyr. Attacking your husband and Quinta and calling her a "bitch" will not only get you anywhere, you'll actually move backward.

Call a pow-wow with them and tell them how you've been feeling and give them a chance to respond. They may have stepped over some unspoken but "silently agreed-upon" rules that they don't even know they did, or they were evolving a bit in the relationship and didn't communicate this with you and get your consent. Sometimes it's easier to push the envelope than ask permission in advance, especially if someone is afraid of a response like the one quoted above.

One thing to remember in a polyamorous relationship is nothing ever remains the same forever. It is fluid and like a water it makes it follows some existing paths and carves some new ones. Relationships are easier to control with swinging. With polyamory each relationship kind of takes-on a life of it's own and thus the dynamics of all the relationships involved also change.